How did you come to terms with yourself?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Femme, Nov 7, 2006.

  1. Femme

    Femme New Member

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    It was always something. When boys started noticing me at the age of 12, I had breasts. Real breasts that bounced, and made my bathing suit (not a bikini) really uncomfortable, because as I would dive into the water, the sides would meet in the middle.
    Everybody talked about my breasts behind my back, and I hated it.

    Come the age of 14, I started gaining weight. Hips, more fat on legs, and of course more on my breasts. Oh joy.

    I started seeing myself as fat, and it was really embarassing. Mind you, I still had boys interested in me, I even had a serious boyfriend that used to tell me he loves my body. It was great to hear, but I don't think I ever fully believed him.

    Now, at the age of 20...I look at myself and I really, really dislike myself. I hate the fat on my legs, the weight around my stomach and my (aforementioned in another thread) lopsided breasts.

    I want to cry, because with clothes on I look ok. I mean, I don't look fat or too thin, I have a sort of hour glass shape. My butt is firm.
    But I'm not proud of any of my features, and I really think for a WOMAN it is important to be. A woman has to love herself!

    Now I am starting to have serious feelings for somebody, and I want to be intimate with him. However at night as I lay in bed, all I can imagine is him holding me while I'm wearing a nightie, because I just can't imagine showing him my body.

    Aaaand, to add on to all that, I know that insecurity is a big turn off.
     
  2. stud_hunter

    stud_hunter New Member

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    Well I'm sure everyone has their own process of coming to terms with themselves. But I think all really well-adjusted people have accepted their mortality. We're all going to die eventually, and when that happens we take nothing with us. Some people find this scary or depressing but I think it's liberating. Everything that happens in life is pretty insignificant really and will eventually fade into nothingness. Worrying seems pointless, having fun while you're here seems much more appropriate. I had to go through my own little mid-life crisis to realize this.

     
  3. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    Sounds like you have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure he'd love to see your body. You could hit the gym if it would help, but no need to obsess.
     
  4. Love-it

    Gold Member

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    You will be amazed by how your SO views you, as a SO. Where you may not be comfortable with your body he may find great delight. After 32 years of being together I am still blown away by how much I love my wife and her body. I remember wondering how I would feel about her body as she aged and if she gained weight and guess what, she has aged and put on some weight and it doesn't matter. And if you think that is only because we have aged together I can tell you that we each gained 30 pounds the first month we were together. Better food, but in my case I was eating less than half of my normal intake, I always attributed this to my metabolism slowing down due to being in love.

    So take a chance on life, relax as much as possible and remember that he also has issues he is trying to deal with, be happy.
     
  5. Mr. Snakey

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    I think for most people it takes time to become comfortable in ones own skin. For me it took me till i got older to become comfortable. Im content now at what i see in the mirror. I think this is a topic of interest for men and women......:cool:
     
  6. Gain on 10

    Gain on 10 New Member

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    What's happening is you've hypnotized yourself or brainwashed yourself into seeing a reality colored by your emotions and in fact as you admit, it's a delusion.

    You are afraid to be "good enough" because of some experiences probably. Guess what? We are ALL "good enough".

    I can tell you from a guy you have to remind yourself on this site (Hey, I don't have a 10 in cock, but I'm good enough, dammit!) quite a bit <laughs>

    You're unhappy about things in your life perhaps, maybe young and scared about the future (that never goes away...lol) and it's turning into a body image issue.

    Instead of thinking that you're not good enough for your new lover, why don't you think about what an amazing gift your body is to him and what a lucky SOB he is to even share one night with you.

    'Cause that's what he'll be thinking.

    I always lay in bed looking at her and thinking how sad it is that she can't for one minute, go inside me and feel how deeply attractive I find her.

    I think most women, if they experienced for one minute whem a man feels when he looks at a woman he likes, -they'd probably take over the world!...LMAO....maybe this is natures way of limiting women's power over men?

    Femme, you're fucking fine, babe. You're boyfriend who loved your boody was honest. You just chose not to believe him. Make a better choice and give yourself some love.
     
  7. Gisella

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    Hi Femme...

    For sure you are not alone feeling this way...seems that this situation of ideal image equalls skiny (pressures from what they see in midia and models) is hitting hard in young women..so much so that the US Department of Health created a web page to incentivate girls, and base in the study by Gayle Bassenoff professor of Psycology this situation can be feel worse by more insecure women. Comparisions with model women they see may affect their selfstem and they are not satysfied when see their own image in the mirror and may become even depress and have eating disorders...plus here in the US obesity is everywhere...excess even in young kids because of poor diet and lack of physical ativities etc...

    Well...I do think that many times women have a distorted view in the mirror..we are much better looking than we 'imagine' :tongue: and as we age we become more and more accepting of ourselves, more secure more free of crap..liberated by 'dictactions' from outside...

    Than if you are having a balanced diet, physical activities etc is all very good but you do have to invest in your interior : goals, interestest, etc the total you!

    And there are a lot of jokes about aesthetic perfect dumb women and men...beauty sure is very good to look at but it gets boring fast if there only thing that shines...:rolleyes: embrace your total femme inside out...because you are not just what peoples see body wise...:smile:

    Kisses

    G.

    GirlsPower!!! We are all good in different things..so whatever you do give your best shot!!

    :laola:

    Reseach, Studies, and Statistics About Girls
     
  8. WessexEN

    WessexEN New Member

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    If you look out of the window of a passing train,

    I'm 20, soon to be 21, and its not unusual to dislike yourself. I mean, I dislike a lot of things about myself, mainly through, stress, lack of luck lack of people to talk to (so I feel), lack of support from previous experiecnes, etc.
    But then again, I don't consider insecuirty a turn off (in my personal opinion) you can be insecure and help other people in a simliar situation.

    Sadly, at this age, there is a lot of pressure, mainly through what people (older generations expect) and everyone telling you that you must perform better. This only works with the right support.
    If you have questions, that I maybe able to answer, then you can always send a PM.

    If you don't like yourself, then it might be an idea to talk to someone. I know, I know, negative people don't accept positive critisms very well. Really, its about who you hang around with, if you are that pressured that you aer with a group of firends pressing you to do this that and the other, I think it'd be time to phase them out.

    I mean, I always play myself down. Are you in the stage where the only person who would make you feel better is the guy by the way?



    (Notice I didn't tell you what I was told? "Get over yourself", "Stop dwelling on the past.", "move on.", etc? Theres a reason for that, if you are locked into that, it is VERY hard to get out of, but very easy to rejoin that loop. I am still finding a way to move on, but god, things aren't easy. I was soo interested in one girl a few years ago, I then thought the best way to go, is remove myself from the sitation and 2 years later, it worked).

    Also, doing something you really love has been said by people, it helps a lot, if I have that sort of thought, I just fire up BVE, select a Sprinter DMU (train - my favourite type atm, as I just love how the creators have created the engine sound, it really does match the real thing... I mean, a 350hp Cummins diesel engine is enough for me to drool! Never mind HSTs, which are the ultimate :), sorry, where was I?) and drive it, watching the signals, speed restrictions, resetting the safety devices and focusing my attention on that, rather than my problems. All stops trains for me are soo interesting, as you have to think about applying the power right then applying the brakes at the appropiate time. Expresses are the least interesting, as you just have a wave after wave of clear signals for about 10 miles, and..... itts... just sends...... you..... to..... zzzZZZZzzzzz!

    you may want to try something arty, perhaps draw your favourite person, in a variety of positions, places, etc or draw something to your fancy.

    Model something or just mess around with your PC, something to keep you occupied. These do work.. most times

    Just don't resort to drink, the benefits are often worse than the problem itself.


    Has this helped? Or do I need the red waffle card?
     
  9. ClaireTalon

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    I can relate to where you're coming from. It wasn't at the age of 12, but 13-14 when my breasts did a real growth spurt, and I left the usual bra sizes behind me really fast. On top of that, until my graduation I had the biggest set of my class. I guess I don't have to tell you what that meant in regards to guys, and other girls' competitive thinking.

    How I came to terms with that was that I became increasedly aggressive. I didn't have weight problems, I've always been pretty athletic, and became really aggressive towards guys who tried to get a feeling, or were harrassing me. I didn't even stop at girls who were probably jealous and made their nasty comments.

    It took me some time, really until my mid 20s, to really come to terms with my bust size. I don't consider it much of a problem nowadays, I don't try to hide them overly or mask their size. Could say, the three of us have become great friends ;-)
     
  10. WildHoney

    Gold Member

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    Honey I feel for you beacuse my answer is going to be simplistic yet painful . I think most women can relate to your post, you are not alone.
    my answer is :

    Age

    :smile:

    That was the only thing that has made me completely at ease with who I am and my body.

    I wish i had more insightful wisdom for you on this matter, but I don't. We as women struggle with our bodies and I wish it wasn't so.

    Give up trying to be perfect, and try to place more importance on the inner you.

    :smile:

    Honey
     
  11. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    The women who are posting here seem to have great bodies. How do the women feel who really are unattractive?
     
  12. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    You know, it is funny you mention that.

    This issue with breasts, is identical to the issues guys have with their dicks. Feeling insecure, uncomfortable, etc.

    I personally understand your feelings as I have shared them before. The best thing to understand, is that you are not alone. Alot of people feel very insecure about their weight, their busts, their dick size, their ass size, their faces.

    If you become confident with yourself, you may find that any insecurity you have will fade away. Easier said than done, but this new person in your life may help you out on your journey.
     
  13. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    Well, guys can get denied sex because theyre dicks are too big. I don't think a woman has been turned down cuz she has too big of tits
     
  14. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I think i fit into this catagory..really. I know im not an attractive woman, and with all i can do i still will never be a stunner. And in this world where looks are everything it is a bitch..especially when these drop dead women tell you things like looks arent everything.. "Well girls they may not be everything but they are a fucking huge part of it".

    On that note i know i will always struggle with my weight and looks, and it will always be an issue for me. However i have accepted thats me and if nobody (male) ever accepts me or my insecurities and faults fine..I'll just live this life and do it alone the best i can alone.



    But femme, if he honestly does like you he will accept you and any faults..just give him a chance and the choice
     
  15. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    well, i like ur pic

    that's a good attitude. However i don't expect u'll be in that position
     
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