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How did you do it?
- Thread starter Catharsis
- Start date
SyddyKitty
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- D_22,
Hmm. Just being their friends, hanging on, mostly in a group setting or the like. Although it can be hard because majority of the time it seems one will get some type of feelings for the other, but Ive a few queerest friends where we can hang out and shoot the whit and have nothing further happen.
rbkwp
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lol... How to successfully have sex with guys is another topic.
Nice to know, though.D - I know how you became friends with other gay guys, but I've tried something like that (hanging out at a social event hosted by my school's LGBT center, a couple times) and it was just a failure. Also, trying to chat to guys on local apps and stuff centered around hooking up like Grindr (yeah, yeah - but it seems to be a reasonable resource for finding local gay guys) - but when I find someone who looks familiar, I try to say hi and end up getting blocked or just ignored, if I'm lucky. LOL I hate gay guys at my school.
I've befriended other gay guys lots of ways. Sometimes it's happened through the cliche of dating, fucking, and then staying friends. (I have no problem with that, but it's just really played out in the gay community around here, you know? Happens all the time.) I've met some guys through school, volunteering, and work. There was never an attraction to begin with, but we got along like friends from the start. I've also met guys on dating sites, and while we weren't really lusting after each other, we both thought the other was interesting and engaging. No sense in letting that go, right?
Rarely, it's happened that I've befriended a guy and only much later found out that they were queer.
When you say "successfully befriend", I'm assuming you're wondering how it happens without there being romance, jealousy, etc? Because I've never found that to be much of a problem. There was one guy I couldn't be friends with because he was jealous of my foreskin (I shit you not - it's a long, ridiculous story) and the fact that I wouldn't give him access to it as a friend, and another who "wasn't jealous" and "didn't have any feelings for me" but went from being sweet when I was single to loathsome when I was coupled. Two guys out of dozens of queer dudes I've counted as friends, and a few who've become really good friends. I'd call those pretty good odds, realistically speaking.
Rarely, it's happened that I've befriended a guy and only much later found out that they were queer.
When you say "successfully befriend", I'm assuming you're wondering how it happens without there being romance, jealousy, etc? Because I've never found that to be much of a problem. There was one guy I couldn't be friends with because he was jealous of my foreskin (I shit you not - it's a long, ridiculous story) and the fact that I wouldn't give him access to it as a friend, and another who "wasn't jealous" and "didn't have any feelings for me" but went from being sweet when I was single to loathsome when I was coupled. Two guys out of dozens of queer dudes I've counted as friends, and a few who've become really good friends. I'd call those pretty good odds, realistically speaking.
D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele
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notN2pussy
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I have a few, but sex has not happened with us. One I really would like it to, but we are a few days into hanging out and fear it may wreck it.So buddies may be all it is.
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When it comes to gay versus straight there is no real difference. Friendships do not always originate from an act of sex. If one listens to the "religious right" one would tend to think that the only thing gay people ever do is have sex. In fact, I once heard a supposed authority from "their side" describe "us" and I was amazed at all of the absolute fabrications and creations.
According to them:
We all die of AIDS and we have so much political power that we successfully cover it all up.
We are supposedly all interested in having sex with underaged individuals.
We base everything on sex
Our relationships are all based on sex and we have no relationships with anyone with whom we don't have sex.
We never have successful relationships of any kind and our relationships NEVER last.
If you think that was great you should have heard the descriptions of what the leather community was all about.
Many years ago, Johnny Carson, on his late night television show held up a number of tabloids talking of one of his many horrifically expensive Divorce settlements with one of his ex-wives.
He stated that the Johnny Carson they were talking about was definitely having a great deal more fun than he was.
- - -
Both my life-partner and I have a great number of friends with whom we hang out. Most of our friends are straight. All of them know us as a gay couple. We have gone whitewater rafting and done numerous other things with our friends.
We met these people because of common interests. We have another gay couple that are friends and with this gay couple I share with one half a formal education in music and as a classical organist. With the other half I share an interest in equestrian pursuits and have been involved in that.
One of our Lesbian friends plays golf quite often and I share that with her.
The idea is to share common interests and these are not necessarily sexual in nature.
The greatest percentage of gay people do not make friendships based on sexual intercourse. There are those who do, but these are not in the majority for the most part. There is a real mis-perception on this one. Once gay men pair up they tend to get out of the "meet/meat market" and move in a different direction. We do not go to bars or places that are sexually oriented.
There are gay dinner groups, gay athletic groups, gay rodeo groups, gay car clubs, gay movie clubs, gay cycling clubs, and this list is virtually endless based on interests.
All but a very pre-occupied and somewhat myopic few build friendships based on interests and not on intercourse.
According to them:
We all die of AIDS and we have so much political power that we successfully cover it all up.
We are supposedly all interested in having sex with underaged individuals.
We base everything on sex
Our relationships are all based on sex and we have no relationships with anyone with whom we don't have sex.
We never have successful relationships of any kind and our relationships NEVER last.
If you think that was great you should have heard the descriptions of what the leather community was all about.
Many years ago, Johnny Carson, on his late night television show held up a number of tabloids talking of one of his many horrifically expensive Divorce settlements with one of his ex-wives.
He stated that the Johnny Carson they were talking about was definitely having a great deal more fun than he was.
- - -
Both my life-partner and I have a great number of friends with whom we hang out. Most of our friends are straight. All of them know us as a gay couple. We have gone whitewater rafting and done numerous other things with our friends.
We met these people because of common interests. We have another gay couple that are friends and with this gay couple I share with one half a formal education in music and as a classical organist. With the other half I share an interest in equestrian pursuits and have been involved in that.
One of our Lesbian friends plays golf quite often and I share that with her.
The idea is to share common interests and these are not necessarily sexual in nature.
The greatest percentage of gay people do not make friendships based on sexual intercourse. There are those who do, but these are not in the majority for the most part. There is a real mis-perception on this one. Once gay men pair up they tend to get out of the "meet/meat market" and move in a different direction. We do not go to bars or places that are sexually oriented.
There are gay dinner groups, gay athletic groups, gay rodeo groups, gay car clubs, gay movie clubs, gay cycling clubs, and this list is virtually endless based on interests.
All but a very pre-occupied and somewhat myopic few build friendships based on interests and not on intercourse.
SyddyKitty
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Outside of middle and highschool, making semi decent friends is rather hard. Harder to find things in common with the pool of choices being so drastically expanded. Co-workers tend to only be 'friends' while you're still co-workers. I've lost too many 'friends' once I moved from job to job.
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We haven't really found any, but that I know of, there's not really a big GLBT community around here.
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Well, my reason for making gay friends is to make gay connections and explore my sexuality, which I can't really do with all my straight friends lol. I love them and they support me, but we don't really connect on that type of level and it's a bit frustrating. Having these connections may allow me to meet new people and that's the best way I've been told to find worthwhile people haha but really, I don't have any expectations, other than making new friends and hanging out with gay guys in a non-sexual manner.
Here's my problem: I'm having trouble finding other gay guys. Well, not really, I know where they are and I've tried to participate and get to know them, but I was felt completely unwelcomed and was treated coldly in general. Sitting around uninvited or else by myself in the corner was too awkward for me! So I stick with my straight friends lol... I'd like to make gay friends but that's just much more of a burden than it should have been.
I'd try out the interest groups but I would just need to establish a hobby I'm actually interested in, haha. I try to do community service and participate in a bunch of events but that has gotten me no more than acquainted with some people, none of whom are even gay so... Yeah!
I guess I'm not looking in the right places? I'm sure it'll come with time but I figured college is the best time to figure myself out and really get involved in the gay community.
haha but really, I don't have any expectations, other than making new friends and hanging out with gay guys in a non-sexual manner.Here's my problem: I'm having trouble finding other gay guys. Well, not really, I know where they are and I've tried to participate and get to know them, but I was felt completely unwelcomed and was treated coldly in general. Sitting around uninvited or else by myself in the corner was too awkward for me! So I stick with my straight friends lol... I'd like to make gay friends but that's just much more of a burden than it should have been.
I'd try out the interest groups but I would just need to establish a hobby I'm actually interested in, haha. I try to do community service and participate in a bunch of events but that has gotten me no more than acquainted with some people, none of whom are even gay so... Yeah!
I guess I'm not looking in the right places? I'm sure it'll come with time but I figured college is the best time to figure myself out and really get involved in the gay community.
A lot of my gay friends were acquired through coincidence instead of me trying to seek them out. Actually, when I went to my local LGBT center, I felt similar as you had: a little bit of the cold shoulder and not very welcomed. Now whether that was actually the case or if that was how I portrayed it because I was a little nervous at the time, I'm not sure.
However, I'm involved with a lot of organizations at my college campus and started making friends with people in those organizations because we shared a common interest. Eventually I ended up with a handful of gay friends... including some people who I would have never guessed were gay when I first met them.
And of course it depends on your surroundings as well. I do think that sometimes you'll find what you're looking for after you've stopped trying to look for it, though
However, I'm involved with a lot of organizations at my college campus and started making friends with people in those organizations because we shared a common interest. Eventually I ended up with a handful of gay friends... including some people who I would have never guessed were gay when I first met them.
And of course it depends on your surroundings as well. I do think that sometimes you'll find what you're looking for after you've stopped trying to look for it, though
MisterSlave
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Join a gay social organization, Such as: The Leathermen, or the Bears. These kinds of men into BDSM, or big hairy and beefy have social organizations all over the USA, and internationally. Many major cities Worldwide, have these gay social groups or clubs. Most (gay bars) world-wide, are used to host gay social events. (ask a gay bartender, they can usually tell you about what kinds of social groups, use their bar, and perhaps give you contact information).
Lacking a gay community resource center in your city, you could probably go to a gay bar, and ask the bartender if they know of any gay social organizations that might be worth joining based on common interest.
Some gay men get politically active too, by joining political action groups such as PFLAG (parents for lesbians and gays), or the Equal rights campaign, or perhaps HIV or AIDS Charities. The social concerns that face the LGBTQ community can be a way to meet new people.
Lastly, and this is one that some gays despise. . is Church. . yes Church. . Some gay men can come from a very (traditional) and or conservative background. Some of these kinds of gay men can find comfort in others who share the same religious view. There is a Church in the USA called the MCC church, or (metro church of christ). this church, came out of universalism and Unitarian faith. In its inception, the MCC church was meant to serve (ALL) types of people and does not turn them away. An MCC church service might have a lesbian couple in attendance, alongside 2 men in leather, who are alongside a transgender couple, or a drag queen. The MCC church accepts everyone, no matter what orientation, or the way you look. It is faith that brought these people together. . and some men can meet others and befriend them through church.
These are just a few ideas I came up with, as I sat down and read your post.
Syl'
Lacking a gay community resource center in your city, you could probably go to a gay bar, and ask the bartender if they know of any gay social organizations that might be worth joining based on common interest.
Some gay men get politically active too, by joining political action groups such as PFLAG (parents for lesbians and gays), or the Equal rights campaign, or perhaps HIV or AIDS Charities. The social concerns that face the LGBTQ community can be a way to meet new people.
Lastly, and this is one that some gays despise. . is Church. . yes Church. . Some gay men can come from a very (traditional) and or conservative background. Some of these kinds of gay men can find comfort in others who share the same religious view. There is a Church in the USA called the MCC church, or (metro church of christ). this church, came out of universalism and Unitarian faith. In its inception, the MCC church was meant to serve (ALL) types of people and does not turn them away. An MCC church service might have a lesbian couple in attendance, alongside 2 men in leather, who are alongside a transgender couple, or a drag queen. The MCC church accepts everyone, no matter what orientation, or the way you look. It is faith that brought these people together. . and some men can meet others and befriend them through church.
These are just a few ideas I came up with, as I sat down and read your post.
Syl'
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Green200, that last line is something I keep hearing, but in my experience nothing gets done unless I take the initiative to see that it's done lol, so I just have a hard time thinking that the gays will come to me when I stop trying to look for them. I don't know, it's just that I'm not going to be young forever and nothing has been happening for the past year or so. I just figured its time to try to change that and it seems to come to no avail.
Sylphboi, I know you brought up some great ideas, except there are no local gay bars in CT unless you go to New Haven, and even if there were, I'm not 21 yet. As far as gay organizations and interest clubs, I don't think there are any local ones. A PFLAG center about an hour away from me, which isn't too bad but not exactly local. Trust me, I've been all over this before haha. I appreciate the ideas, though!
Sylphboi, I know you brought up some great ideas, except there are no local gay bars in CT unless you go to New Haven, and even if there were, I'm not 21 yet. As far as gay organizations and interest clubs, I don't think there are any local ones. A PFLAG center about an hour away from me, which isn't too bad but not exactly local. Trust me, I've been all over this before haha. I appreciate the ideas, though!
