how did you get over straight crush/love?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by asianvirginboy, Oct 11, 2011.

  1. asianvirginboy

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    So I keep having this problem where I tend to fall in love or have a crush on straight guy friends. I can't help myself but is there a way to get over this because I know in the end, I will be the one who ends up getting hurt unless a miracle happens and they feel the same way but I highly doubt that will happen to me. For instance, I have this friend of mines that I know for almost 2 years and he's someone that's very close to me in my heart. Whenever I see him I act all weird and now he's all I can think about wherever I am. I've ever had huge wet dreams about him where I am having sex with him and when I jo, he's all that I think about. Anyone out there with advice on how to deal with unrequited love/straight crush/straight love? Any stories or similar experiences? At this point, I don't know what to do anymore. One last thing, a bunch of us, including him, are planning to get together for dinner and drinks soon and I'm afraid that when I'm drunk, I'll blurt it out to him the truth and it'll be all over. Help please? :frown1:
     
  2. ColonialBoy

    ColonialBoy Member

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    Same here. The more they guy is bf/husband material, and has no gay tendencies, the more I like.

    Check my other posts to see how much trouble this causes!
     
  3. _meowmeow_

    _meowmeow_ New Member

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    I been there, best advice is if you know you can't get over him, keep away from him. Sometimes you will always have a place in your heart for them but being near them will only make your feelings for them worse, love is something that doesn't away, it can be there for years. Another thing you have to accept is you can't have everyone you love, you will have to learn to suppress ( all tho u can never fully) your emotions and treat them like anyone else.
     
  4. oacliffbuddy

    oacliffbuddy New Member

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    As humans we tend to migrate towards situations that we are most familiar with. If you find yourself repeating behaviors that you yourself find frustrating and painful, then you might seek out what it is you are truly and unknowingly seeking to fulfill. My advice, and I don't at all mean this in any negative context, is to seek therapy to get to the root cause.

    In my case (and your situation will be different), after three one sided attractions (several years apart) and feeling pretty frustrated about it, I decided to seek out answers briefly through informal avenues and then through more structured therapy. It was one of the best and most enlightening experiences of my life. I highly recommend it to anyone seeking to know their truth.

    Something about those three separate and wholly different individuals, their mannerism and behavior (not referring to anything negative) was triggering a deep seated need in me. At the time I was not aware of what the need was. I just know I was always disappointed and frustrated when they could not or would not deliver what I needed from them.

    One day, I was sitting on the proverbial park bench thinking about things when I suddenly had an epiphany moment, one of those lightening bolt moments when I was suddenly and completely aware of the root cause of my behavior. I suddenly knew what I was seeking. It floored me. When I recognized it, the effect was immediate and dramatic and my behavior altered with that knowledge.

    There in the persona of those three individuals was that which I had always but unknowingly been seeking...., a relationship with my father. You might scoff at that, thinking it corny or whatever, but for me, it was my truth. I am not talking about a sexual relationship (it was never that) but, rather an emotional one.

    My father was former Navy man. In my early years he was away a great deal of the time. Around age 8-9, he was around moreso than before and yet, while he was "there" in my life he was not "there" for me....if that makes sense. He was emotionally unavailable to me. When he passed in '82, I was left with an unarticulated void in my psyche.

    Some 4-5 years later, after I moved from home for the last time and on my own starting to explore my feelings for others, it was the persona's of those three guys, their "closeness" to me, yet their emotional unavailability to me that was triggering that familiar deep seated yearning from my younger years.

    Like I said we all tend to migrate towards those things or situations that evoke familiar feelings in us, good or bad. Dysfunctional people tend to do that. When I recognized my behavior for what it was, it was like being freed. I was able to alter my behavior for the better. Now, that being said, I wasn't cured over night (or perhaps ever). I also know now it wasn't always "just me" getting something out of the one-sided relationships. In hindsight, I also now know that it takes two to tango, those guys were benefiting too, likely unknowingly, in some unknown to me way.

    My point in sharing this....seek out your truth. There's something there that is causing your behavior, a repeating behavior. If you choose to seek it out, when you find it, embrace it, work with it! It will free you up to move on to other healthier things in life.

    Good luck with your journey, however you choose to move forward!
     
    #4 oacliffbuddy, Oct 12, 2011
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2011
  5. beercanndick

    beercanndick New Member

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    Im bi, but all of my male freinds are str, they know it, except it,and we move on, time and maturity will help you, also a husband or wife will settle matters
     
  6. asianvirginboy

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    i want to share this with you all here since i have no one to talk to and i just want to get this out really badly. so here's another incident. last night a bunch of us got together for dinner/game night and i had much more to drink that i expect. to some of you it might have been less but for me, it was a lot. had 8 glasses of wine, 2 alcoholic cider drinks and 1 beer. was quite tipsy & drunk that night. went back to my friends apt to stay the night and he was kind enough to lend me pillow and sheet & said if i needed to shower, i can go ahead and use his shower stuff. so i passed out & fell asleep. then i had this dream. maybe it's because i had a crush on him before and from my previous posts, i appeared to be quite jealous when he was with a girl, whatever. so in this dream, we were just chatting and he asked me something. next thing i know, i'm kissing him and when i pulled back, he flipped out and then apparently we were at a party and everyone was flipping out on me. he's a really close friend of mines & there's a part of me that wish we could try things out but that would just screw up our friendship. plus there's 2 other guys that i'm close with (also in this group of friends) that i have a crush on but i know it'll never work because....they're straight as well (figures). just thought I share this with you all on here since i have no one to really go and talk to about any of my personal issues/problems. thanks for listening!
     
  7. Candidate

    Candidate New Member

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    Been there done that when I was in university, it was hard and painful, try to stay away from him. As you get older and get out of school you will surround yourself with more gay guys and mature guys, at least you don't have to figure out he's gay or not even if you are not his type.
     
  8. BigDallasDick8x6

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    And stop drinking so much.
     
  9. D_Harry_Crax

    D_Harry_Crax Account Disabled

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    I had the same experience: fell hard for a straight guy, made an ass out of myself with a straight woman he was (only) friends with, just kind of freaked out inside my own head, and immediately stopped almost all contact with him. That was more than 25 years ago, and I wonder if he ever knew, let alone cared, about exactly what happened.
     
  10. Sindbadzeerover

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    It's even worse when the straight guy in question is also still going through puberty and still has to sort out his own feelings and sexuality. Which happened to me quite often. If I'd get a crush on a straight friend, somehow he'd always turned out to be doubting his own sexuality, probably because he would be confused by finding another guy being in love with him.
    So this one time, I had a major crush on a very good friend of mine, and this crush really lasted for months. I don't think he was wise to it at first, but later on I guess my crush became a bit more obvious and I'm sure that eventually he knew about it. On the other hand, he always avoided the subject. Even when I was pushing the issue with my behaviour, he never touched the topic or even made clear that he wasn't interested. Till one night, after being a bit drunk, I blurted out my feelings in quite a dramatic episode, and he responded that he knew but simply didn't feel anything for me. And that was that. Somehow, our friendship didn't suffer from it, although we had a short period of not seeing each other. We picked up again and we're still friends, which I am very grateful for.
    So a few months ago, somehow we discussed the whole situation again. Now my friend finally confessed that he indeed knew all along, but he never mentioned it because he was confused himself. He didn't really know whether he really liked me, was bisexual or gay, or whether his response to my crush were just puberty hormones running wild. And so he'd decided never to mention it to me, as to not to hurt my feelings, but also because he liked the attention, and tought it a good experiment to see how he responed to a mancrush so he could sort out his own feelings.
    Now, in retrospect, I fully understand him. He was confused as well and didn't really know how to handle the situation. But at the time I was really hurt because I knew he could just finish off the situation by telling me he didn't liked me in the way I liked him. On the other hand, of course, I've been a terrible fool as well by clinging on to crushes and dreams and I really now see how I've put our friendship into jeopardy by letting my crush interfere with anything else we had going on.
    Now, I'm just glad that everything worked out fine in the end and that we're still good friends. And I think that the clue of this all is that you should try to overcome your crush and try to invest more in your guy friendship-wise. I think that in the end, you'd only regret the fact that you've brought this friendship in danger by (unwittingly) forcing this crush upon him, because, to be honest, when you've got a crush on someone, everyting you do is liable to be influenced by this crush and in the end your behaviour will become suspicious.
     
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