How do I approach her about it?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Discobear, Jun 22, 2008.

  1. Discobear

    Discobear New Member

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    So, my girl and I have been together for a little over two years now. Though we love each other very much, she's still shy sometimes, and always when it comes to the subject of sex. I know she's a virgin, so I give her that much, but I still wonder why she won't delve into the subject.

    Whenever I approach her with it, she either curls up in a ball beside me giggling or briskly tries to change the subject. It's cute the first couple of times, but now it just makes me worry. I'm fairly sure that she's just waiting for the right moment to let me pop the ol' cherry, and if so, I'll let her wait as long as she needs, but what if...what if it's something different that she's hiding from me? Believe me, I trust her with all of my secrets and I hope that she returns the favor, but I just can't help but worry on occasion.

    So I ask you, LPSG, how should I approach my girl about sex without being to forward and how should I ask her if she's hiding something from me?
     
  2. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    Two...years...? Buddy, you deserve a medal. You've approached her with it but she recoils. What about talking to her friends? Maybe she had a bad past relationship that she hasn't shared with you. Maybe some deeply disturbing family thing. Who knows. Lots of possibilities. From what you've described, she's not sharing the details with you. Only thing you can do is seek alternative sources for the information.

    Or press her hard to stop giggling about the shit and have an adult conversation. After 2 years of loyalty, she owes you a bit of honesty. Sex is an important part of relationships. It's the closest you can physically get to someone. There's a reason she's fighting you on it.
     
  3. D_Landrocke DeLonguepiece III

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    How old are both of you?
     
  4. Rubenesque

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    Definitely don't talk to her friends. The first thing they will do is call her and tell her you're asking questions.

    How old are you both?
     
  5. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    It'd be good if they called her! It might stress the seriousness of our friend's dilemma because she apparently doesn't get it.

    But how old are you both? My assumption is atleast 18 because that's how old you supposedly have to be to have a membership here.

     
  6. unabear09

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    good foryou for not putting so much pressure on her. A lot of guys out there would have dumped her for not putting out. I don't really know what to tell you man. Have you sat down and tried to have a serious discussion about sex with her? Like.....if she's afraid or wants to wait till marriage or whatever? That could be the case with her, or she might not be mature enough mentally. Or, God forbid, something could have happened to her growing up that has made her scared of sex. Or she might have been raised uber religious, and talking about sex or having sex premaritally is a huge no no....that she would have great guilt about.

    Once again I commend you for being a stand up guy. If you truly do love her, then be even more patient with her, and the first time you two make love together will be well worth the wait. If you don't love her, then move on, but please don't move on solely because she won't have sex with you yet.


    Best of luck to you man!
     
  7. Rubenesque

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    She would feel pressured and betrayed if he went to her friends with such personal matters.

    Seriously - do NOT ask her friends why she's not fucking you!
     
  8. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    Obviously don't ask like that! And don't even ask about sex, specifically. Start slowly, asking if she's doing alright. Say something like she's been acting quiet and distant lately. Feel them out and see how much information they're comfortable giving. If it's little, then you're out of luck. If you show genuine concern, or fake it well, then they might help you out. If they're her friends, they'd want her to be happy, right? If something is amiss between the two of you, they would logically want to help. The trick is to make the whole thing about her. You're not probing them for info because you're not having sex. You truly feel something is wrong with her and as a concerned, loving boyfriend you're doing everything you can to fix things. It's all in the wording.

    Asking why she's not fucking you... Insanity!

     
  9. Discobear

    Discobear New Member

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    I'm actually recently 20 and she's 19.

    And I haven't pressured her excessively on the subject of us "going all the way" because I believe that sex and the enjoyment thereof should come in it's own time. A relationship, in my opinion, should first be built on the love you share personally, then physically. (my opinion. flamers, GTFO)
     
  10. Rubenesque

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    My advice would just be to try and have a conversation with her about it, and when she starts giggling just tell her that you're being serious, you'd like to know where you stand.

    Just be open, honest and tread carefully.
     
  11. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    Then it could be an age thing, by which I mean she could feel as though she's too young. Not mature enough, emotionally. If you're her first serious b/f, that'd also influence things. The fear of "how will this change things?".
     
  12. Discobear

    Discobear New Member

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    I can understand that and from what I know, I'm actually her second "serious" boyfriend. She had one several years before we met, but it was back when they were younger and it barely lasted a year.

    I can see how she would think like that, Hugo and I've often had the same suspicion.

    And Denise, I will try again and again. I love her a ton, so I know where and where not to poke my nose. If at first you don't succeed...
     
  13. Rubenesque

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    ... suck and suck til you do suck seed
     
  14. Discobear

    Discobear New Member

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    XD Well put.

    Something that seems kind of off-balance that I've failed to mention methinks that, even though she isn't into talking about sex with me, I've found a bit - an EXTREMELY tiny bit at that - of pr0n on her laptop. So...I know what she's into, should we get that far soon. Heh. Odd, to me, that she'd look at it and yet not want to discuss it.
     
    #14 Discobear, Jun 22, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2008
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