How do I bring THIS up in a conversation?

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by kinggalaxia, Jul 20, 2005.

  1. kinggalaxia

    kinggalaxia Member

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    Hey guys...

    I guess this involves a healthy cock....does it help that the guy I'm seeing is 9"? lol

    Well, I've come to suspect that he may be HIV+....so I have to ask him. I just dunno exactly how to bring something like THAT into a conversation. Also, that particular stat of + or - is missing from his gay.com profile, meaning he's probably scared/ashamed to tell anyone.

    Even if he says yes OR no, should we go get tested together? Even if he is positive, I don't plan on leaving him in the dust. I'm a wonderful person and I'll work around it.

    Please help.
     
  2. Alley Blue

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    If your sexually active, getting tested on a regular basis, to me, is automatic.
    Same goes for him being HIV+. If he cares for you at all, he should of told you this from the very beginning......... it should of been automatic.
     
  3. BlastOff123

    BlastOff123 New Member

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    This isn't anything to be bashful about: you ask him, "Have you been tested for HIV?" If he says "yes", then you ask what the results were. One of two answers:
    POSITIVE. You don't have to leave him. But I wouldn't have any contact with any body fluids at anytime under any circumstances. Losing your life isn't worth it, 9" dick or otherwise. Some people think oral sex is ok -- it's not! Condoms? Are you crazy?
    NEGATIVE. You still use condoms, never trade body fluids, and really question if anal activity of any kind is worth your life.

    I had a brother-in-law die of AIDS, and the entire family was extremely careful. Gloves, thorough hand washing, etc. This is nothing to fool around with. Yes, some drugs now seem to stave off the worst of it, and prolong life (Greg Louganis, Magic Johnson), but in time, they too, will succumb. Don't risk it! And why haven't you been tested???
     
  4. FrankTO

    FrankTO Member

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    That's quite a sensitive subject. I had the same problem with an ex-partner. We always practiced safe sex so I wasn't afraid of becoming positive; I was just not sure that I wanted to get deeply involved with someone who might not be around for very long (that was before life-extending treatments were available). However, disclosure is a very personal issue; it would be easier for you if you knew, but it's his choice. If he's indeed HIV+, he might be more willing to open up if he believes that it won't end his relationship with you.

    As far as I'm concerned, safe sex is mandatory, regardless of the stability or length of the relationship, or the level of trust between the partners. If you're safe, the issue is how comfortable you really are with the prospect of a relationship with someone who is positive.

    Take care,

    Frank
     
  5. dig

    dig New Member

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    Hey there. You definitely have to ask, and I think the only way to go about it is just to put it out there. It really won't every come up in conversation, so you have to ruin potentially fun time and just nip it in the bud. If you suspect he is positive, you can ask very gently (but still bluntly), as in: "Hey, I know this is horrible that I have to ask this question, but we're getting to spend a lot of time together and I just have to, so here goes: Have you been tested for HIV?" This should open up the conversation. And if it doesn't, I would worry, as you have to start a relationship out being honest with these kinds of things, right?

    And then: Yes, you should be tested too, natch.

    Good luck!
     
  6. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    I don't think there is a need to apologize for asking. I have started many conversations with "Are you Neg? And have you been tested?" OR "I just back my HIV test results today. I am negative, and have you been tested? When?"

    I grew up in a 'burb of NYC in the 1990's. The memories of the many deaths from AIDS lingered on....Sex ed classes and social pressures caused us to get monthly tests since one test is not enough. I probably have a decade of HIV test results on file. This is despite being in a monogamous realtionship for over a year. I am not sure which would be worse to be HIV+ or to pass it on.

    jay
     
  7. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Ask yourself:

    Do I:

    A: Have one, awkward, forward conversation that will possibly damege trust for a while.

    or

    B: Risk my own, premature, unpleasent death.

    Then you ahve your answer.
     
  8. ericbear

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    You should ask the question, but do not count on the answer resolving anything about his HIV status. My experience has taught me the following:

    "I'm positive" You know he's positive.

    "I'm negative" You assume he's positive, and some of the time he actually is.

    However, exactly how he reacts to the question often tells you a lot about his personality. For the record, I'm still actually negative, but had a positve boyfriend for several years. In his case, however, he volunteered this information very soon after we met. I think a lot of what he found appealing in me is how I reacted.

    It isn't too hard to bring up. You can just say "Not that it makes any difference, but I'm negative." and see how he reacts.

    People have various reasons for falsely saying they are negative. Sometimes it is just that they are mistaken about their status. I had a fuckbuddy like that. He was sure he was negative, because of the nature of his sexual practices since his last test, about two years back. He was being honest, as he was truly devastated to discover he was positive. His doctor believed he had been infected a year or so.

    Other people just lie, because they feel they have nothing further to loose, or because they seek some twisted retribution. I have two friends who became positive from such a liar. However, I don't really blame the liar, as this would not have happened had they followed the precaution of assuming everyone is positive.

    If, someday, you are fortunate enough to enter into a relationship that you know is totally and absolutely monogamous, and both test negative for 6 months or so, then you can let down your caution.
     
  9. jonb

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    The biggest HIV problem isn't that they won't tell you. It's that they don't know. They don't get regularly tested.

    Unfortunately, of all the loaded questions, "What's your HIV?" is the only one I recommend asking.
     
  10. kinggalaxia

    kinggalaxia Member

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    hey guys

    thank you SO much for the info. Really, I was never confronted with the AIDS issue and this was very enlightening.

    Alas.... he left me real fast. Went to live somewhere else w/ someone else. *sigh*

    and the list of failed relationship attempts grows...

    In any case, thank you all. :)
     
  11. faceking

    faceking Well-Known Member

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    the question is ludicrous... it's this sort of lack of responsibility that is cause for spread.
     
  12. Alley Blue

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    I'm glad you said that........
     
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