How do I bring this up to my wife

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BKBLL08, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. BKBLL08

    BKBLL08 Member

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    Both of us have only been with each other and I want to watch her (maybe Join) have sex with another guy. I think it would turn me on big time. What is the best way to bring it up? Any suggestions? Thanks
     
  2. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Oooo, that third rail looks so pretty! I think I'll touch it.
     
  3. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Sorry to be so cavalier with that first response, but what you're thinking sounds quite dangerous. Fantasy usually loses a lot of flavor when it's brought to life. And the results, or consequences, usually aren't considered in the original fantastic state.

    Be careful.
     
  4. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    i agree. your going into uncharted waters. Talk to your wife about sexual fantasies first and how she feels about them and don't be too specific. If she is open to sexual exploration, then i think you might be able to aks.
     
  5. BKBLL08

    BKBLL08 Member

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    She did tell me a few weeks back that she dreamed of having sex with another guy....i thought that might be a sign.

     
  6. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    i saw go for it then.
     
  7. rtg

    rtg
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    Just casually bring it up...see if she was serious about it.
     
  8. B_Nia88

    B_Nia88 New Member

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    ask her
     
  9. BKBLL08

    BKBLL08 Member

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    That is what i am going to do, just wondering if anybody had any good ways to bring it up, if they have before with their wives.

     
  10. MickeyLee

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    *blink* she's going to kill you.
    don't ask.

    your interest is based on a fantasy of yours, not because you think your wife might enjoy it... not to broaden ya sexual experience... ya just think it might be hot to see her get fucked.

    for most dudes, it's ain't what they think it's going to be. they get jealous. and stay jealous.
    this is ya wife, man. ya don't gamble with something you can't afford to lose.. for not a shit pay off.

    leave it in the spank bank unless SHE brings it up. ya will be a happier person.

    if seeing her with stranger dick is something ya interested in.. or want that porn eye view of her.. try toys. a dildo can be a wonderful stand in.. you get to see her stretched/filled/fucked. you can use the dildo on her, she can use it on herself. is not the same, but it is a safe first step.
     
    #10 MickeyLee, Mar 6, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2012
  11. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    and how are you gonna feel if this goes thru and you wind up with nothing/nobody?

    fortunately, I never had to bring this up to my wife, we had a few offers to swing or swap with other partners, and she said "no way". so that was that. she also turned down 3-somes with the third party being a woman.
     
  12. Willifred

    Willifred New Member

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    Bring it up by talking about what you fantasise about when alone.

    Don't bring it up by talking about what you want your wife to do.

    Either way most fantasies are best left unacted upon.
     
  13. eddie7039

    eddie7039 New Member

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    Perhaps a week-end at a nudist resort would satisfy your fantasy. A resort that is an AANR member could be a nice compromise without subjecting her to invitations to "swing". All you have to do is call them and make the arrangements and ask questions. Some are even clothing optional, which would allow her to choose when to remove her clothing. Just say that it is one of the items on your "bucket list".
     
  14. flgirl

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    Don't listen to these vanilla peeps most are prob from a background of failed relationships and insecurities. Look at the divorce rates in this country before taking any vanilla advice... Tell her about your fantasies then get on lifestyle lounge or sdc and find some cool people or a classy club to go to and explore. Chances are she will be willing to at least try it out just dont be pushy and let her take the rains. You will find that after meeting people in more open relationships that very rarely do things turn out bad etc. many closed minded people on this site believe it or not.
     
  15. ManlyBanisters

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    *dies laughing at ML being called 'vanilla'*

    'Chances are she will be willing to at least try it out'?? Are you for real?

    Look - I'm all for the guy talking about his fantasies with his wife, getting an idea of what she meant when she said she'd like to fuck someone else, doing some role play, watching porn with that theme together, seeing where it goes - but to go from a once mentioned fantasy to 'hey babe, get your coat, I found a swingers club, you're getting fucked tonight and not by me!!' is just ridiculous.

    Nothing against open relationships, they clearly work well for plenty of people - but the vast majority of people cannot go from nought to sixty in minutes on this kind of thing. It makes sense to take the softly, softly approach.
     
  16. BKBLL08

    BKBLL08 Member

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    I like this idea, i dont think she woulb be upset if i just say that i had the fantasy

     
  17. Guy-jin

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    "Honey, I think we should start seeing other people."

    "WHAT?"

    "No, I mean, together. We should start seeing other people together. At the same time. I want to watch you get nailed by other men while I masturbate to it."

    "<fill in the blank>"

    Do you see a positive or negative response going in there?
     
  18. wulf31

    wulf31 New Member

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    i'll admit that i have had this fantasy myself. in fact we even tried it. it didn't go so well. seeing it wasn't the problem for me, in fact it was everyhing i thought it would be. the part that got me was that they became friends and got very close, she ended up actually falling in love with him. now, there's a lot more to that story than just the sex and fantasy fulfilling part, but the bottom line is this ... bring it up discreetly and don't push the idea, let her be the litmus test and gauge your reaction based on her comments about your fantasy. p.s. me and my wife are doing just fine, but that short time when she admitted to being emotionaly attatched to another man was heartbreaking, tread carefully my friend.
     
  19. littledickboy111

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    You should probably just find a guy on the internet, have him come over and introduce him as "your buddy Timmy from college," then leave her alone in the room with him and tell him ahead of time to whip it out. See how she reacts.

    If it's screaming and hitting him, then kick Timmy out and tell him you never want to see him again.

    If you return to the room and she's sucking it, then you're on your way to excellence.
     
  20. Sirramm

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    Being in the wide-open world of swinging has obvious advantages but also some HUGE pitfalls and disadvantages. My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for many years and I like you loved sharing her and watching her, actually more so than her sharing me with another woman. What worked for me was simply one day while she and I were in bed 'going at it' I slipped a finger in her ass while fucking her and that started the talk of her having another dick in her at the same time. Followed by while getting a blowjob from her commenting on how totally hot she looked while sucking a dick and how I would love to sit and watch her which also got the camera involved which was just another element of kink we both got off on.

    With all that said it does sound easy and fun however I was lucky to have a willing active partner to the idea(s). My suggestion, and keep in mind suggestions are like assholes...everyone has one and generally they stink...if you really want to test the waters of involving others be VERY SURE of your wish(es) and then move forward slowly and allow her to come up to speed with you. Keep in mind she may not want to do ALL of what you want but might have her own ideas she might be keeping to herself.

    Best of luck!
     
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