How do I get out of this?

[SpoiledPrincess]

Be honest, we all know if you meet a guy and he fancies you all the issues in the world won't stop him from fucking you. Never arrange to meet someone with the intention of having sex, always make it plain that a meet is just on friendly terms to see how you feel about each other, whether you want to be friends, fuck buddies, or can't stand each other.
Tell her you find her physically attractive, that you like her but that the spark you hoped was there just isn't.

 

[deleted213967]

So what do I do? How do I get out of this? I don't want to just ignore her, cause that seems kind of rude. I'm thinking of telling her a lie, like I got family issues or something. Anybody have any good ideas? Maybe stuff that has worked for them? Any help would be appreciated.

How about "I have genital herpes"?

 

[greatdickismydrug]

And also keep in mind, this woman was on cloud 9 by the end of the night (even without the sex). She was really into me and I acted really into her. To come back and say the chemistry wasn't right would sound extremely fishy to her.

How do know that she wasn't acting as well? You seem to think that you are the only one capable of pretending to like her.

Ok, I admit I am biased by my own experiences but, IMO any 40 year old woman out with a 22 year old guy would've been fucking his brains out by the end of the night if she was "really into you."

Perhaps she didn't know how to tell you that the chemistry wasn't there for fear of hurting you? (Since you performed such a great acting job) Once again, not typical for a seasoned cougar (most are blunt) but the possibility is just as likely as the one you have conjured up in your head.

Even if she did believe that you were "really into her" she probably won't be as upset as you have imagined. Trust me on this. You are making way too much out of it. You are 22. She is 40. Unless she is also an immature moron with low self-esteem she will be ok.

Ball up, be a man and, be honest. It will serve you well in any future experiences you may have with older women.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Does the age of the people involved really matter that much ? Surely a polite fiction invented with the intention of being sensitive to the feelings of the women in question is infinitely preferable to the harsh truth, knowledge of which might not be all that welcome ?

We all lie to one another all the time, we never tell our fat friends they look fat, our old friends they look old, e.t.c.

Would you tell a person you weren't sexually attracted to them instead of saying that you weren't at liberty to feel attracted to them even if you knew or suspected that they might be hurt by knowing the truth ? Who would benefit from disclosure of the truth in this situation ?

How do know that she wasn't acting as well? You seem to think that you are the only one capable of pretending to like her.

Ok, I admit I am biased by my own experiences but, IMO any 40 year old woman out with a 22 year old guy would've been fucking his brains out by the end of the night if she was "really into you."

Perhaps she didn't know how to tell you that the chemistry wasn't there for fear of hurting you? (Since you performed such a great acting job) Once again, not typical for a seasoned cougar (most are blunt) but the possibility is just as likely as the one you have conjured up in your head.

Even if she did believe that you were "really into her" she probably won't be as upset as you have imagined. Trust me on this. You are making way too much out of it. You are 22. She is 40. Unless she is also an immature moron with low self-esteem she will be ok.

Ball up, be a man and, be honest. It will serve you well in any future experiences you may have with older women.

 

[D_Rawkesbye Deadheade]

Be honest but don't be harsh. There's nicer way of putting things. Not necessarily sugar-coated but not deadly bitter either. It's a balance hard to strike but it's this or the blunt harsh truth.

Go sleep on it, mate. Whatever you decide to do don't do something you'll regret.

 

[onanedger]

Don't lie man !! That's a gold rule !!

:smile:

 

[greatdickismydrug]

Does the age of the people involved really matter that much ? Of course it does. A 40 yr old woman is not some teenage school girl who will be so easily crushed. Also, what do you think a 40 yr old woman was looking for in this 22 yr old guy? The love of a lifetime? She was looking for sex. Maybe she got cold feet? Perhaps she wasn't as turned on by him as he thinks she was?

Surely a polite fiction invented with the intention of being sensitive to the feelings of the women in question is infinitely preferable to the harsh truth, knowledge of which might not be all that welcome ?
There is nothing "polite" about fiction regardless of it's intent. What is so "harsh" about telling someone you met for the purpose of a NSA sexual encounter that the chemistry isn't there?

We all lie to one another all the time, we never tell our fat friends they look fat, our old friends they look old, e.t.c. Well, some friendships are based on honesty...guess yours are not. Regardless, this is not his friend. This was a NSA hook-up.

Would you tell a person you weren't sexually attracted to them instead of saying that you weren't at liberty to feel attracted to them even if you knew or suspected that they might be hurt by knowing the truth ? Yes, because most people can see through a sorry-assed lie. Not very creative to use the old "I can't because of me ex" excuse. Not many people are gonna fall for that one. Who would benefit from disclosure of the truth in this situation ?

Everyone benefits from the truth in this situation and the case is closed.

Geez, this was a hook-up for NSA sex... folks. I don't get all the angst over honestly saying there was no chemistry.

 

[widenine]

So I'm 22 and I went out with a woman last night who is 40. We met online with the intention of starting a strictly sexual relationship. Our "date" last night was kind of a meet and greet to see if we were compatible. Well, everything went perfectly. We saw a movie and then we talked for about 2 1/2 hours. During that time we made out and groped each other a little. Basically, things were going so well that I could have had sex with this woman, but she had to pick up her kids early the next morning so we both agreed it would be best to do it another time.

With that said, here is the problem. I'm not attracted to her at all. On a personal level I like her a lot, but on a physical level there is barely any spark on my side. I told her I'm attracted to her, I told her I want to have sex with her, but I really don't and only said it not to hurt her feelings. What makes things worse, I don't get the feeling she has a super high self-esteem in regards to her looks so I don't want to be honest and say the physical chemistry isn't there. She isn't ugly, but maybe a 4/10. I dunno.

So what do I do? How do I get out of this? I don't want to just ignore her, cause that seems kind of rude. I'm thinking of telling her a lie, like I got family issues or something. Anybody have any good ideas? Maybe stuff that has worked for them? Any help would be appreciated.

I really like Krispdx's approach. But use her first name instead of "Hey".

"Hey, I really enjoyed meeting you, and respect you enough to let you know that I guess I'm just not feeling it as much as I had hoped. Sorry that I feel that way."

And because you do like each other and really do not have an emotional attachment to each other that can cause emotional damage, I wonder why not try to keep her as a platonic friend.

Regardless of your reason for passing on the romance, offering to keep the friendship in tact is a win-win.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Of course it does. A 40 yr old woman is not some teenage school girl who will be so easily crushed. Also, what do you think a 40 yr old woman was looking for in this 22 yr old guy? The love of a lifetime? She was looking for sex. Maybe she got cold feet? Perhaps she wasn't as turned on by him as he thinks she was?


There is nothing "polite" about fiction regardless of it's intent. What is so "harsh" about telling someone you met for the purpose of a NSA sexual encounter that the chemistry isn't there?

Well, some friendships are based on honesty...guess yours are not. Regardless, this is not his friend. This was a NSA hook-up.

Yes, because most people can see through a sorry-assed lie. Not very creative to use the old "I can't because of me ex" excuse. Not many people are gonna fall for that one.


Everyone benefits from the truth in this situation and the case is closed.

Geez, this was a hook-up for NSA sex... folks. I don't get all the angst over honestly saying there was no chemistry. Everyone benefits from the truth in this situation and the case is closed.

Geez, this was a hook-up for NSA sex... folks. I don't get all the angst over honestly saying there was no chemistry.

"Geez" hostile much ?

I'm mystified why you felt so defensive about my comments, and why your response to them was to suggest that none of my friendships are based on honesty.

I'm still amazed that you think it's always better just to baldly say what you think and not temper the truth with some polite niceties. Even if you don't think outright dishonesty is appropriate.

I agree in this case the woman might be just as uninterested in the guy as he is in her, but considering he does happen to suspect that being completely honest might be unpleasant for her isn't it better to be cautious and presume he might be right and recommend he be diplomatic and if need be even not completely honest to avoid making him the possible author of someone else's pain ?

Certainly in almost all situations being honest is a necessity but surely part of being a mature adult is being aware that the feelings of others are as important as your own and doing what it takes not to upset other people unnecessarily isn't it ?

Your right this is an NSA hook up, but maybe this woman isn't an habituee of such things, maybe this her first time doing this, maybe she does have self esteem issues, we don't know. Maybe none of these things is true, but isn't it better to be cautious and careful of someone else's feelings in case they are?

Case not closed.

 

[KTF40]

How do know that she wasn't acting as well? You seem to think that you are the only one capable of pretending to like her.

Ok, I admit I am biased by my own experiences but, IMO any 40 year old woman out with a 22 year old guy would've been fucking his brains out by the end of the night if she was "really into you."

Perhaps she didn't know how to tell you that the chemistry wasn't there for fear of hurting you? (Since you performed such a great acting job) Once again, not typical for a seasoned cougar (most are blunt) but the possibility is just as likely as the one you have conjured up in your head.

Even if she did believe that you were "really into her" she probably won't be as upset as you have imagined. Trust me on this. You are making way too much out of it. You are 22. She is 40. Unless she is also an immature moron with low self-esteem she will be ok.

Ball up, be a man and, be honest. It will serve you well in any future experiences you may have with older women.

I really appreciate your input on this, but I agree that you're a little biased here. Judging by your pics (if that is you) and what you've said so far, I'm not exactly dealing with someone who is on your "level". She isn't a seasoned cougar. She does have self-esteem issues. And she does have a past that includes mental issues such as depression. (Which all are reasons why I want to get out of this along with the lack of physical spark)

And yes she was really into me. We agreed before the date not to have sex that night. She had to pick up her kids 7am next morning. And of course, there was no way I was going to pressure her into fucking me because I didn't want that to happen. Also, this wasn't just an nsa hook-up. This is supposed to be an nsa relationship which I think changes the dynamics a little bit.

 

[greatdickismydrug]

I really appreciate your input on this, but I agree that you're a little biased here. Judging by your pics (if that is you) LMAO! and what you've said so far, I'm not exactly dealing with someone who is on your "level". Thanks...I think. She isn't a seasoned cougar. And you aren't seasoned prey. She does have self-esteem issues. And she does have a past that includes mental issues such as depression. (Which all are reasons why I want to get out of this along with the lack of physical spark) Sounds like a CL Hook-up to me.

And yes she was really into me. We agreed before the date not to have sex that night. She had to pick up her kids 7am next morning. And of course, there was no way I was going to pressure her into fucking me because I didn't want that to happen. Also, this wasn't just an nsa hook-up. This is supposed to be an nsa relationship which I think changes the dynamics a little bit.

Just curious.....So, what do you fear will happen if you tell her the truth? She will slit her wrists? Become terribly despondent over the fact that a 22 yr old guy she met over the Internet for NSA "whatever", then had a single in-person "date" with, tells her that there is no chemistry between them? Afraid she will turn psycho-bitch on you?

With the lying approach you are in for weeks if not months of trouble. Good luck with that.

 

[KTF40]

What I find unneccessary is to tell someone I am not physically attracted to them. I don't get the feeling you've ever had to deal with this, but to others it can definitely hurt them and even more so for people who don't have much confidence in their looks to begin with. Even though that's the main reason I'm ending this, I'm trying to figure out if there is another way I can tell her I'm not interested without being so truthful (and hurtful).

 

[petetown]

"Hey, I really enjoyed meeting you, and respect you enough to let you know that I guess I'm just not feeling it as much as I had hoped. Sorry that I feel that way."

Why is this thread still going on when you had your answer in the first response?

 

[cougarblue]

WAIT ONE FUCKING MINUTE.....

"THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL THAT I COULD HAVE HAD SEX WITH THIS WOMAN...."


and NOW you say "I'm not attracted to her at all"


WTF

Grow up. Learn to speak your truth. If 'things were really going so well', then SAY SO. Speak your truth and move on. Believe me, WE CAN HANDLE IT. If all you want is to get OFF, SAY SO.

PLEASE, don't do her any favors.

SPEAK YOUR TRUTH.

Bold OFF.

Now, ASK YOURSELF....WTF did you just say "things were going so well I could have had sex with this woman".

FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT.

QUIT PROJECTING Mixed Signals.

So I'm 22 and I went out with a woman last night who is 40. We met online with the intention of starting a strictly sexual relationship. Our "date" last night was kind of a meet and greet to see if we were compatible. Well, everything went perfectly. We saw a movie and then we talked for about 2 1/2 hours. During that time we made out and groped each other a little. Basically, things were going so well that I could have had sex with this woman, but she had to pick up her kids early the next morning so we both agreed it would be best to do it another time.

With that said, here is the problem. I'm not attracted to her at all. On a personal level I like her a lot, but on a physical level there is barely any spark on my side. I told her I'm attracted to her, I told her I want to have sex with her, but I really don't and only said it not to hurt her feelings. What makes things worse, I don't get the feeling she has a super high self-esteem in regards to her looks so I don't want to be honest and say the physical chemistry isn't there. She isn't ugly, but maybe a 4/10. I dunno.

So what do I do? How do I get out of this? I don't want to just ignore her, cause that seems kind of rude. I'm thinking of telling her a lie, like I got family issues or something. Anybody have any good ideas? Maybe stuff that has worked for them? Any help would be appreciated.

 

[cougarblue]

Just curious.....So, what do you fear will happen if you tell her the truth? She will slit her wrists? Become terribly despondent over the fact that a 22 yr old guy she met over the Internet for NSA "whatever", then had a single in-person "date" with, tells her that there is no chemistry between them? Afraid she will turn psycho-bitch on you?

With the lying approach you are in for weeks if not months of trouble. Good luck with that.

Exactly.


Whether it comes with Age, or EVOLUTION, or HURT....

Someday, I truly honestly hope he will learn to

BE KIND. and BE HONEST.

YES, you CAN be both.



We are women. We GIVE BIRTH. AND MAKE MILK. We can handle a little TRUTH.


What is YOUR superpower??????

 

[porter111]

KTF,

I think there is def a double standard with this. For instance if one meets a woman offline and the woman is not into them, alot of times they will ignore you or just quit talking to you slowly, if you do the same to a woman they get upset and say shit like "oh so you dont like" or "oh your to good for me" Its a lose lose situation that these women on this thread aren't admitting, i know very few women who can "handle the truth" as cougarblue says. If you tell a woman the truth, they cry or freak out on you, at the least the women I know. Its like when they ask you "is my ass big?" of course you cant tell them it is, if it really is, they call you an asshole. This is def a double standard...

 

[Ethyl]

If you weren't attracted to her why did you allow the groping?

 

[vince]

Just tell her, "Sorry, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't think the chemistry is there between us. You are a nice person and I don't want to led you on, so I think it's best if we stop this now before our feelings get hurt"

Tell the truth and she will get over it and you won't feel like weasely heel.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

Just tell her that you have something else going on and that whatever the two of you had planned isn't going to work out. You don't have to go in to details. It was just no strings booty call. I am sure she can find another young 22 year old guy to help her out with her situation whether they are attracted to her or not.

 

[KTF40]

If you weren't attracted to her why did you allow the groping?

Because that's the way the conversation went. Things get touchy-feely, you know what I mean? We were supposed to engage in a sexul relationship. If we didn't have any physical contact, it would have been awkward.


@Cougarblue- I'm a little surprised by your reaction to this. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be of the opinion that as soon as I saw and realized I wasn't attracted to her, I should have let that be known and ended the night in a respectful way (which is a skill I have yet to learn). I know what I want, I don't want to see this woman again in an initimate way. Telling her that face-to-face is something I don't have the balls to do. I don't think I was being an asshole. I didn't try to take advantage of her sexually. I don't claim to have any super power. I'm just a guy who finds it difficult to tell someone I'm not attracted to them physcially. Maybe that's easy for you, but not me.

Its a lose lose situation that these women on this thread aren't admitting, i know very few women who can "handle the truth" as cougarblue says. If you tell a woman the truth, they cry or freak out on you, at the least the women I know. Its like when they ask you "is my ass big?" of course you cant tell them it is, if it really is, they call you an asshole.

I agree with this part completely. Some of the woman on this board calling for honesty I think are a bit out of touch. I get the feeling some of them are extremely attractive and have never had to deal with a guy telling them they aren't physically attractred to them.