How do I get out of this?

[SilverTrain]

Because that's the way the conversation went. Things get touchy-feely, you know what I mean? We were supposed to engage in a sexul relationship. If we didn't have any physical contact, it would have been awkward.


@Cougarblue- I'm a little surprised by your reaction to this. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be of the opinion that as soon as I saw and realized I wasn't attracted to her, I should have let that be known and ended the night in a respectful way (which is a skill I have yet to learn). I know what I want, I don't want to see this woman again in an initimate way. Telling her that face-to-face is something I don't have the balls to do. I don't think I was being an asshole. I didn't try to take advantage of her sexually. I don't claim to have any super power. I'm just a guy who finds it difficult to tell someone I'm not attracted to them physcially. Maybe that's easy for you, but not me.



I agree with this part completely. Some of the woman on this board calling for honesty I think are a bit out of touch. I get the feeling some of them are extremely attractive and have never had to deal with a guy telling them they aren't physically attractred to them.

Maybe you should've called Dr. Drew, instead, KT.

:wink:

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

Just tell her, "Sorry, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't think the chemistry is there between us. You are a nice person and I don't want to led you on, so I think it's best if we stop this now before our feelings get hurt"

Perfect wording, vince.

 

[Countryguy63]

Quote:
Originally Posted by vince

Just tell her, "Sorry, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't think the chemistry is there between us. You are a nice person and I don't want to led you on, so I think it's best if we stop this now before our feelings get hurt"

Perfect wording, vince.

Exactly what I was trying to expess. You don't have to bluntly say "You're not attractive". I agree that, that would be mean and unnecessary. But, that above is the truth, right?

 

[_avg_]

Telling her that [I'm not attracted to her] face-to-face is something I don't have the balls to do.

"Advice is what we seek when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." (Erica Jong)


Your solution is simple: grow a pair. Real men tell the truth.

A painful truth is always better then a pleasant delusion. As an ugly person with low self-esteem, I can tell you that I am always happier to hear that I wasn't good looking enough for someone's liking if that is the truth. It will hurt, but I can console myself with the knowledge that not everyone likes the same looks and, if nothing else, I have a place to start to try and improve myself.

 

[CockinPussyLover]

Because that's the way the conversation went. Things get touchy-feely, you know what I mean? We were supposed to engage in a sexul relationship. If we didn't have any physical contact, it would have been awkward.


@Cougarblue- I'm a little surprised by your reaction to this. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seem to be of the opinion that as soon as I saw and realized I wasn't attracted to her, I should have let that be known and ended the night in a respectful way (which is a skill I have yet to learn). I know what I want, I don't want to see this woman again in an initimate way. Telling her that face-to-face is something I don't have the balls to do. I don't think I was being an asshole. I didn't try to take advantage of her sexually. I don't claim to have any super power. I'm just a guy who finds it difficult to tell someone I'm not attracted to them physcially. Maybe that's easy for you, but not me.



I agree with this part completely. Some of the woman on this board calling for honesty I think are a bit out of touch. I get the feeling some of them are extremely attractive and have never had to deal with a guy telling them they aren't physically attractred to them.

Wow, dude, it's so obvious that you are an immature young male, because you have no idea what you're talking about. You have the completely self-centered sophomoric perspective of someone who thinks they know everything, but really knows very little.

Getting rejected hurts no matter what the reason. Just because a person who is generally considered attractive doesn't mean they haven't been rejected before. You no nothing about their pasts or even who they are, so you can't make assumptions about that. And besides that and even more so, anybody who has ever been in a relationship with someone or who has liked someone or has had somebody like them has had to deal with rejection. It's not easy turning someone down either. If you're a decent person you are gonna be at least a little concerned about that person's feelings and let them down gently. And lying is the cowards way out. And telling someone that the chemistry isn't there isn't the same as telling someone they are unattractive. It's just saying that you don't find them attractive. It happens all the time. Everyone isn't going to be attracted to everyone else.

Trust me, you're doing this woman a favor by breaking things off with her, because you really aren't mature enough for her.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

You could always introduce her to LPSG and let some of the guys on here have a no strings relationship with her. Share! We need more females in the fan club.

 

[D_Mansworthy Meatwrench III]

See? Hippie gave you the best "fix"!

And who said this here teh interwebs was hard!

 

[Mule]

The cougars in this thread have identified the principal problems with the situation. A NSA hookup shouldn't involve dating stuff. And both people have to be honest. Not about everything, but honest about the hookup itself. The OP wasn't honest about his feelings in an attempt to protect her ego.

Oh, and a news flash to the OP: That thing about picking up her kids in the morning? That was totally her doing the same thing to you - trying to protect YOUR ego. She didn't feel the chemistry with you either.

 

[helgaleena]

Listen to Mule. And make your mind up, as Cougarblue said. You two tried and neither one of your should go further. Man up, grow balls enough to level with her. She couldn't detect sufficient balls during the grope, obviously. But communication does take a certain amount of backbone, and I trust that you will develop it.

 

[KTF40]

Oh, and a news flash to the OP: That thing about picking up her kids in the morning? That was totally her doing the same thing to you - trying to protect YOUR ego. She didn't feel the chemistry with you either.

Actually, news flash: I could have fucked her if I wanted to. I didn't press further on purpose. She told in me days in advance that she had to pick up her kids, so sex wasn't an option. Thing is, when we're both feeling each other up and she is basically implying that she wants me to come over to her place that night, I don't think she is protecting my ego buddy. And this isn't me trying to brag, this is just the truth.

Wow, dude, it's so obvious that you are an immature young male, because you have no idea what you're talking about. You have the completely self-centered sophomoric perspective of someone who thinks they know everything, but really knows very little.

Getting rejected hurts no matter what the reason. Just because a person who is generally considered attractive doesn't mean they haven't been rejected before. You no nothing about their pasts or even who they are, so you can't make assumptions about that. And besides that and even more so, anybody who has ever been in a relationship with someone or who has liked someone or has had somebody like them has had to deal with rejection. It's not easy turning someone down either. If you're a decent person you are gonna be at least a little concerned about that person's feelings and let them down gently. And lying is the cowards way out. And telling someone that the chemistry isn't there isn't the same as telling someone they are unattractive. It's just saying that you don't find them attractive. It happens all the time. Everyone isn't going to be attracted to everyone else.

Trust me, you're doing this woman a favor by breaking things off with her, because you really aren't mature enough for her.

I think this post is basically in regards to my comments about Greatdickismydrug and Cougar Blue, both of which are saying I should be honest. Either of them can come in here and correct me if I'm wrong, but judging by their pics, I'd be shocked if a guy told them on the first date he wasn't attracted to them physically. That's why while I appreciate their input, I think it's just a wee bit out of touch. No girl wants to be told they are found to be unnatractive, so being perfectly honest seems unnecessary to me. If you think my view on that is immature, I'm sorry, but I think it's pretty reasonable.




Anyways, I went with this

"I really really enjoyed my time with you on Friday night. I feel like I'm attracted to you on both a personal and a physical level. Unfortunately, there are some various issues going on right now that have kind of become even more prevalent over the weekend that have led me to conclude that I'm not ready to engage into this kind of relationship at this time. I'm sorry -------- and I wish you the best in the future."

She responded and seemed ok with it and said that she wants to remain friends. Unfortunately, she is a little worried about me now and wants to do some "nsa talking, lol". Actually, I think this worked out well.

I thank everyone for their input. A lot of great ideas. Some that I liked, but weren't exactly practical for this situation. So thanks!

 

[Mule]

Actually, news flash: I could have fucked her if I wanted to. I didn't press further on purpose. She told in me days in advance that she had to pick up her kids, so sex wasn't an option.

You could have fucked her if you wanted to, but sex wasn't an option? That's confusing.

I was simply going off the information you provided in your post and giving you my best opinion. You know more about the situation than I do. If that's what you want to believe, that's your option.

 

[greatdickismydrug]

She responded and seemed ok with it and said that she wants to remain friends. Unfortunately, she is a little worried about me now and wants to do some "nsa talking, lol". Actually, I think this worked out well.

Thanks for the update.

Uh huh. Like I posted previously, Good luck with that. You have weeks if not months of involvement with her to look forward to. Glad you think it worked out. I'm starting to doubt whether you REALLY want to end it with her.

BTW, I may not get "rejected" for physical or chemistry reasons but I have endured my fair share of lame-ass excuses/lies for other reasons. When playing with young men it comes with the territory.
Depending on my mood and how good the offender is in the sack they are either given the following warning, " I know you are lying so, knock the shit off" Or they are dismissed permanently.

 

[68306]

Although it's not everyone's cup of tea, Honesty is something I would strive for.

 

[KTF40]

You could have fucked her if you wanted to, but sex wasn't an option? That's confusing.

I was simply going off the information you provided in your post and giving you my best opinion. You know more about the situation than I do. If that's what you want to believe, that's your option.

Gahh, I guess not being clear enough.

-Days in advance she tells me she can't fuck that night, but still wants to go out. (Weeks ago, there was not supposed to be any meet and greet and just a fuck session, but I canceled on her)
-During the "date", things are going so well that if I said I want to fuck you tonight, it would have happend. Regardless of any excuses she made before hand.
-But, I used the whole pick up your kids in the morning excuse as a reason why I don't think tonight would be good and she agreed.


This isn't "hey I really want to believe this" or she is "protecting my ego", this is what happend. You weren't there. You didn't see me with my hands between her legs. You didn't see her holding my cock. You didn't see me fondling her breasts. You weren't there. To continue to say, "If that's what you want to believe, that's your option" as if I'm trying to make this shit up sounds pretty snobby and disrespectful on your part.

 

[Symphonic]

Disappear.

 

[SilverTrain]

Gahh, I guess not being clear enough.

-Days in advance she tells me she can't fuck that night, but still wants to go out. (Weeks ago, there was not supposed to be any meet and greet and just a fuck session, but I canceled on her)
-During the "date", things are going so well that if I said I want to fuck you tonight, it would have happend. Regardless of any excuses she made before hand.
-But, I used the whole pick up your kids in the morning excuse as a reason why I don't think tonight would be good and she agreed.


This isn't "hey I really want to believe this" or she is "protecting my ego", this is what happend. You weren't there. You didn't see me with my hands between her legs. You didn't see her holding my cock. You didn't see me fondling her breasts. You weren't there. To continue to say, "If that's what you want to believe, that's your option" as if I'm trying to make this shit up sounds pretty snobby and disrespectful on your part.

Dude, you posted openly and honestly on the board. You revealed inner feelings, doubts, and vulnerability.

And for that you must pay. You are to be delivered of the judgment and condemnation, in some instances caustically delivered, of those who know better than you.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Dude, you posted openly and honestly on the board. You revealed inner feelings, doubts, and vulnerability.

And for that you must pay. You are to be delivered of the judgment and condemnation, in some instances caustically delivered, of those who know better than you.

Interestingly (or not depending on your point of view) I have learned something from this thread, apparently the term "Cougar" doesn't just mean an older women who actively seeks out sex with younger men, its also discriptive of a woman who is charmless, condescending and brusque. Though I admit that it may just be some of the examples provided which give this impression. Highly educational all in all.

 

[CockinPussyLover]

I think this post is basically in regards to my comments about Greatdickismydrug and Cougar Blue, both of which are saying I should be honest. Either of them can come in here and correct me if I'm wrong, but judging by their pics, I'd be shocked if a guy told them on the first date he wasn't attracted to them physically. That's why while I appreciate their input, I think it's just a wee bit out of touch. No girl wants to be told they are found to be unnatractive, so being perfectly honest seems unnecessary to me. If you think my view on that is immature, I'm sorry, but I think it's pretty reasonable.




Anyways, I went with this

"I really really enjoyed my time with you on Friday night. I feel like I'm attracted to you on both a personal and a physical level. Unfortunately, there are some various issues going on right now that have kind of become even more prevalent over the weekend that have led me to conclude that I'm not ready to engage into this kind of relationship at this time. I'm sorry -------- and I wish you the best in the future."

She responded and seemed ok with it and said that she wants to remain friends. Unfortunately, she is a little worried about me now and wants to do some "nsa talking, lol". Actually, I think this worked out well.

I thank everyone for their input. A lot of great ideas. Some that I liked, but weren't exactly practical for this situation. So thanks!

I don't think you're immature just because you're lying. I think you're immature based on the whole way you're viewing and treating the situation. For one, you're treating her like a child and a victim. It's like you're saying "Oh, this poor ugly girl. I have to protect her." She's 40. She's a grown up. Show her some respect and don't coddle her.

Another thing is if you're gonna lie, tell a good lie. Saying that you're attracted to her on a "personal and physical level" sounds like bullshit. And why? Because it is bullshit. Typically, a guy that likes a woman in both those ways is gonna fuck a woman no matter what. And even if there is a guy out there that fits the description of your lie and is actually telling the truth, most women are gonna think he's lying anyway.
Plus, you just dug yourself in deeper with your lie, so that now you have to tell even more lies. And it sounds like she still wants to have sex with you and is still going to try, which you say isn't what you want. So yeah, your lie was a fail as well.

 

[Mule]

You weren't there. You didn't see me with my hands between her legs. You didn't see her holding my cock. You didn't see me fondling her breasts. You weren't there. To continue to say, "If that's what you want to believe, that's your option" as if I'm trying to make this shit up sounds pretty snobby and disrespectful on your part.

I'm just calling it as I see it. Didn't mean to disrespect you. I agree: I wasn't there, and I don't know all that did or did not happen. Neither do I know how accurately you remember it, or how much your own ego may or may not have coloured your perception of what happened.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Another thing is if you're gonna lie, tell a good lie. Saying that you're attracted to her on a "personal and physical level" sounds like bullshit. And why? Because it is bullshit. Typically, a guy that likes a woman in both those ways is gonna fuck a woman no matter what. And even if there is a guy out there that fits the description of your lie and is actually telling the truth, most women are gonna think he's lying anyway.
Plus, you just dug yourself in deeper with your lie, so that now you have to tell even more lies. And it sounds like she still wants to have sex with you and is still going to try, which you say isn't what you want. So yeah, your lie was a fail as well.

I agree with you that the lie is a crappy one, saying your attracted to someone if your not is always going to sound insincere.


The lie should have been unequivocal. He should have told the woman she's great and he's sorry to have lead her on but that he's sure nothing will happen between them. He didn't need to explain, or elaborate. She's great but he's just not feeling it e.t.c.

If you lie keep it simple and polite.