How do I get out of this?

[KTF40]

I don't think you're immature just because you're lying. I think you're immature based on the whole way you're viewing and treating the situation. For one, you're treating her like a child and a victim. It's like you're saying "Oh, this poor ugly girl. I have to protect her." She's 40. She's a grown up. Show her some respect and don't coddle her.

You did get the part where I said she has a low self-esteem of herself, right? Also the part about having depression issues, right? I guess I also forgot to mention the part that after I canceled the first date, she was telling me how "frazzled and discontent" she has been over the past couple weeks since I canceled on her. Yeah, I do feel like I have to protect her somewhat.

I'm just calling it as I see it. Didn't mean to disrespect you. I agree: I wasn't there, and I don't know all that did or did not happen. Neither do I know how accurately you remember it, or how much your own ego may or may not have coloured your perception of what happened.

See there you go again. Your continued attempts to imply that my memory is fuzzy or I have ego issues is making you come across like a complete douche bag. You've done this three times in this thread now in attempt to put me down and insult me. It's getting old and making you look pathetic.

 

[Mule]

See there you go again. Your continued attempts to imply that my memory is fuzzy or I have ego issues is making you come across like a complete douche bag. You've done this three times in this thread now in attempt to put me down and insult me. It's getting old and making you look pathetic.

I haven't insulted you or put you down at all. I merely raised the possibility that your ego may be altering the way you saw her attempts to get out of having sex with you. Whether we'd like to admit it or not, we all have egos, and our perceptions are often affected by them, especially when dealing with the potential of sexual rejection. It takes a mature and secure person to engage successfully in NSA sex (as some the cougars here have mentioned).

I think you're reading too much into my words and being a little oversensitive. However, I won't be drawn to your level of name-calling. I'm secure enough to know I'm neither a douchebag nor pathetic.

 

[CockinPussyLover]

You did get the part where I said she has a low self-esteem of herself, right? Also the part about having depression issues, right? I guess I also forgot to mention the part that after I canceled the first date, she was telling me how "frazzled and discontent" she has been over the past couple weeks since I canceled on her. Yeah, I do feel like I have to protect her somewhat.

*rolls eyes* I knew you were going to say that. Yes, I remember that she has depression. She's not the first person in the world to be depressed. You should actually read up on some information on how to deal with a depressed person before you start making assumptions about how to protect someone. The fact that you actually think you are protecting her is conceit on your part. You aren't protecting her. You're just protecting yourself because you don't want to feel bad about hurting her feelings. She doesn't need someone to lie to her and pretend to like her in a way that's not true.

And what I'm trying to tell you is that you're making the situation worse. By lying to her, and especially in the piss poor way that you did, you're stringing her along for an ultimate bigger let down. Had you made a clean break of it, she could have moved on to someone better who actually wants to have sex with her.

 

[greatdickismydrug]

Interestingly (or not depending on your point of view) I have learned something from this thread, apparently the term "Cougar" doesn't just mean an older women who actively seeks out sex with younger men, its also discriptive of a woman who is charmless, condescending and brusque. Though I admit that it may just be some of the examples provided which give this impression. Highly educational all in all.

Happy to contribute to your knowledge base, Mr. Hilaire.

We don't have to be "charming" nor do we desire to be so. Been there and done that. Spent all my charm years ago. Can't even muster an ounce for LPSG forums.

Young men want to fuck us and we want to fuck them. It's pretty simple really. They don't need to charm us and they appreciate that part. It works both ways. Which is why I suggested to OP to be honest. It's one of the benefits of these type of involvements.

We are blunt and to the point because most of us are busy professionals with no time for bullshit. Although some of the cougars on LPSG may disagree, most cougars (including me) are bitter, jaded, bitches. I wear it like a combat patch, proudly.

If we wanted to play "nice" and be bothered with politeness we would date like we did when we were younger. Been there done that, too. No thanks, and the great thing is I don't have to in order to get sex!

I prefer the brutal yet, time-saving, honesty and expedited sexual procurement that being a Cougar affords me.

Sorry to hijack your thread KTF40, and hope that it all works out for you. Really I do. (See I can be nice sometimes and I haven't even gone one round with you in bed.)

 

[KTF40]

*rolls eyes* I knew you were going to say that. Yes, I remember that she has depression. She's not the first person in the world to be depressed. You should actually read up on some information on how to deal with a depressed person before you start making assumptions about how to protect someone. The fact that you actually think you are protecting her is conceit on your part. You aren't protecting her. You're just protecting yourself because you don't want to feel bad about hurting her feelings. She doesn't need someone to lie to her and pretend to like her in a way that's not true.

And what I'm trying to tell you is that you're making the situation worse. By lying to her, and especially in the piss poor way that you did, you're stringing her along for an ultimate bigger let down. Had you made a clean break of it, she could have moved on to someone better who actually wants to have sex with her.

Hmm, that's nice. My Mother and sister have both faced depression (one of them actually tried to kill themselves because of it) so feel free not to lecture me on how to talk to someone who has depression issues.

As for the stringing along part, I got an email from her saying she has a date set up for this weekend (that was quick lol). She said she kind of assumed something might be going on when I didn't contact her over the weekend.

I think you're reading too much into my words and being a little oversensitive. However, I won't be drawn to your level of name-calling. I'm secure enough to know I'm neither a douchebag nor pathetic.

Good for you. Too bad you're so "secure" in yourself to come in here and make assumptions about my ego issues and claim them as fact. What you may think makes you "secure" I call blatant douchebaggery.

Sorry to hijack your thread KTF40, and hope that it all works out for you. Really I do. (See I can be nice sometimes and I haven't even gone one round with you in bed.)

No trust me it's cool. Good or bad, I really appreciate all the input. And if it means sleeping with you before you can play nice, that's not a problem at all!

 

[Mule]

Good for you. Too bad you're so "secure" in yourself to come in here and make assumptions about my ego issues and claim them as fact. What you may think makes you "secure" I call blatant douchebaggery.

Once you've grown up a bit (something that several other people here have noted), you'll have more success at no-strings sex and won't need to ask advice here. You might also no longer resort to lashing out with name-calling when your pride has been bruised by the advice or opinions you receive. Best of luck.

 

[KTF40]

Once you've grown up a bit (something that several other people here have noted), you'll have more success at no-strings sex and won't need to ask advice here. You might also no longer resort to lashing out with name-calling when your pride has been bruised by the advice or opinions you receive. Best of luck.

Lashing out? You realize you're the ONLY person in this thread I've lashed out against. You realize it's because you're the ONLY person who posted in this thread that can't express your "opinions" (which you state as facts) without being disrespectful, condescending, and insulting. So please stop crying about the name-calling when you're the one who insulted me first.

EDIT: And also, I have problems at success in no-strings sex? That's news to me. You realize my problem is turning down no strings sex, right? lol There's Mule making more of his assumptions.

 

[Mule]

Lashing out? You realize you're the ONLY person in this thread I've lashed out against.

Right, you've resorted to name-calling when your pride was dented by someone giving you honest advice that you misunderstood and took offense to. Like I, and others, have said: You have some growing up to do.

EDIT: And also, I have problems at success in no-strings sex? That's news to me. You realize my problem is turning down no strings sex, right?

And there's the part, again, where you feel the need to bolster your own ego.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Happy to contribute to your knowledge base, Mr. Hilaire.

We don't have to be "charming" nor do we desire to be so. Been there and done that. Spent all my charm years ago. Can't even muster an ounce for LPSG forums.

You don't have to be charming certainly, especially if your only aim is to live the life of a "bitter, jaded, bitch" as you so eloquently put it.

Young men want to fuck us and we want to fuck them. It's pretty simple really. They don't need to charm us and they appreciate that part. It works both ways. Which is why I suggested to OP to be honest. It's one of the benefits of these type of involvements.

In this context "benefit" is an extremely relative term, but I suppose it's serendipitous that you find it a benefit. There's a difference between honesty and spite though, perhaps for all your life experience you haven't learnt that yet, or perhaps you have and simply choose to be unnecessarily and hurtfully frank instead.

We are blunt and to the point because most of us are busy professionals with no time for bullshit. Although some of the cougars on LPSG may disagree, most cougars (including me) are bitter, jaded, bitches. I wear it like a combat patch, proudly.

Being a busy professional does not mean that you should divest yourself of manners and empathy. Life needn't be a battle if your prepared to be pleasant to other people and not coarse, combative and selfish.

If we wanted to play "nice" and be bothered with politeness we would date like we did when we were younger. Been there done that, too. No thanks, and the great thing is I don't have to in order to get sex!

It's interesting that you see sex as needing no pleasantries whatsoever, even as a gay man who has had plenty of casual (and not so casual for that matter) sex over the years I've never felt the need to regress to some lowest possible common denominator of behaviour towards the guys I have sex with. Perhaps that's because I like to be able to respect myself, I realise that may not be so important to others.

I prefer the brutal yet, time-saving, honesty and expedited sexual procurement that being a Cougar affords me.

For this I applaud you ( not that you care, I'm sure ), the very least a person should be able to expect from their life choices, is that they prefer the outcomes of having made them.

 

[Pitbull]

John 8:32
...and the truth will set you free

 

[KTF40]

Right, you've resorted to name-calling when your pride was dented by someone giving you honest advice that you misunderstood and took offense to. Like I, and others, have said: You have some growing up to do.

And there's the part, again, where you feel the need to bolster your own ego.

You think you dented my pride? Wow dude, you're more full of yourself than I originally thought.

And just to clarify, when you say

Oh, and a news flash to the OP: That thing about picking up her kids in the morning? That was totally her doing the same thing to you - trying to protect YOUR ego. She didn't feel the chemistry with you either.

And after I debunk that statement, you follow it up with no evidence and say

If that's what you want to believe, that's your option.

That's not honest advice. That's you claiming your opinions as fact. That's you being a prick. You weren't there. You don't know more about that night than I do. Stop bitching and get over it.

And now I guess we'll have to wait for you to get the last word in again. Hmm let me guess, it'll be something like "grow up, you have ego problems, blah blah blah, WAH WAH WAH"...

 

[Pitbull]

Sorry I am late to this party.

Someone asked me to explain the Biblical quote.

The original post was from someone who basically lied to a woman because he was afraid of hurting her feelings.
One can tell the truth and still be polite.
But one lie will have many offspring.

"O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!"
- Sir Walter Scott

The truth will sting but a lie will burn.
This woman knows she is not the most attractive.
You then insult her by acting like she is not mature enough (at almost twice your age) to handle reality and the truth.

And speaking of insults - got a little nasty here.
Doesn't help the poster with his problem.
And he doesn't help by joining in and taking offense where I'm sure none was meant.

If I might add a little tough meat for the cougars to chew on.
You are a rare breed.
Not every woman, in fact very few want what you want.
Having been a "boy toy" (that term so doesn't suit me but I can't think of another one that fits) more than once, older women go with younger men for a variety of reasons.
Sex is one of them.
But there are other reasons that have nothing to do with sex.
Maybe "Cougar" is different than "older woman".

But especially with a 40 year old woman who is a 4/10.
She needs to validate her attractiveness as a woman.
What better way than with a 22 year old?
(Yeah I know - 2 22 year olds)

And how is a 40 y.o. 4/10 going to get a 22 year old?
Sex.
22 year old men are not interested in charm and witty conversation.
And he is going to get good, maybe great sex.
Why?
Because if you are 40 4/10 and competing against 18-24 yr old 8's and 9's then you better provide better sex and more of it and the kind those girls don't provide.

Then what?
Well being dumped after being screwed doesn't validate your attractiveness.
So the woman holds on as long as she can.
She knows it isn't going to last.
But its a fun ride.
She didn't get guys like this when she was 22.
So she will hang on.
She is not interested in the guy as a person.
She is not interested in the sex (but does enjoy it)
She has a trophy.

Tell the truth.
Candy Coat it.
Get out now.

If the Avitar is you, then find a 40 year old that is at least a 7.
You can do it
One that just wants the sex.
Is attractive enough that there are 3 or 4 other guys for her when you are not available.
Then - when you want out
She even know you have gone.

 

[Pitbull]

And a little note for GreatD

You cannot understand the difficulty that women who have neither your good looks or your mindset have when it comes to men.

Walk a mile in their shoes?
Hell no!
Those "come fuck me" heels fit you perfectly.

 

[helgaleena]

Listen to Pitbull too!

sez the mature female who thinks you are much too sensitive to criticism that really wasn't very heavy duty.

If depression runs in your family I am sure that you are comfortable with those who are prone to it, but that does not necessarily mean you know the best remedies for it. In fact, it might make you good at prolonging it at the subconscious level!

You did lie to her, and she did let you keep in contact with her. That means both of you are desperate enough for companionship that you are willing to have each other as a fallback option, that's all. It doesn't mean you two should ever do it though. Just stay friends, imo. Deep down she knows you were lying.

 

[KTF40]

sez the mature female who thinks you are much too sensitive to criticism that really wasn't very heavy duty.

You do realize mulitple people have criticized me in this thread? Mule isn't the only one. Please tell me you are aware of that, right? The only reason why I may appear to be sensitive to Mule's criticism is because he was the only one who was a jerk about it. And if you're going to act like a jerk, I'm going to call you out.

Anyways, Pitbull's advice is pretty good in a general sense, but not really applicable to this situation. Yeah, she picked me partly due to my looks, but more so based on the fact that I was genuine, sincere, and can hold a conversation (her words). Something most people on cl were unable to do she says. Trust me, she didn't choose me completely based off my looks.

And as for this line

You did lie to her, and she did let you keep in contact with her. That means both of you are desperate enough for companionship that you are willing to have each other as a fallback option, that's all.

Believe it or not, I do like this lady on a personal level. We did it hit off that night and have had a lot of online convos before the night. I can talk to her about things besides sex. Just because I want to stay in contact with her doesn't mean I'm desperate. It means I like talking to her. You think I post on this board because I'm desperate? No, I post here because I like it. Not everything I like to do is out of desperation.

 

[KTF40]

If the Avitar is you, then find a 40 year old that is at least a 7.
You can do it
One that just wants the sex.
Is attractive enough that there are 3 or 4 other guys for her when you are not available.
Then - when you want out
She even know you have gone.

Haha I'd pay money for a situation like that. Believe me, it's a lot harder to find then what you may think. I get the feeling most cougars want a guy who is at least 25 and a young professional. I'm still just 22 and in college.

 

[greatdickismydrug]

You do realize mulitple people have criticized me in this thread? Mule isn't the only one. Please tell me you are aware of that, right? You are correct on this point but, sweetie, I've been criticized on this thread almost as much as you have and I wasn't event the OP! It comes with the territory. I think you have handled the criticism quite well with one notable exception.

You gotta have more than a big dick to hang out here. Thick skin and a sense of humor help. Also, respect for the Alpha males would be prudent on your part.

Anyways, Pitbull's advice is pretty good in a general sense, but not really applicable to this situation. See Alpha male comment above. Applies in this case as well.

Yeah, she picked me partly due to my looks, but more so based on the fact that I was genuine, sincere, and can hold a conversation (her words). Something most people on cl were unable to do she says. Trust me, she didn't choose me completely based off my looks. I knew it was a CL hook-up. (Hmm, maybe I am right sometimes?) You can find some great sex there but it comes with some Major League-pyscho-shit price to pay. You didn't even get the great sex part. Wow.

Haha I'd pay money for a situation like that.

You don't need to pay money. Just work a little harder than sitting at the computer. Cougars and/or "older women" (Pitbull's term) are out and about. We are the ones wearing the "come fuck me shoes" to the grocery store, Best Buy, the car wash place, etc...you get it. Pay attention. We are out there. We might just ask you what type of jump drive you recommend. Pay attention even if we are not wearing fishnets and stilettos.

Believe me, it's a lot harder to find then what you may think. I get the feeling most cougars want a guy who is at least 25 and a young professional. I'm still just 22 and in college.

WRONG. TRUST ME.

 

[greatdickismydrug]

And a little note for GreatD

You cannot understand the difficulty that women who have neither your good looks or your mindset have when it comes to men.

Thank you for the compliment.

BUT....

Getting rejected hurts no matter what the reason. Just because a person who is generally considered attractive doesn't mean they haven't been rejected before. You no nothing about their pasts or even who they are, so you can't make assumptions about that.

My "difficulties" with men may be different than women without "my good looks or mindset" but are real and painful all the same.

 

[KTF40]

You gotta have more than a big dick to hang out here. Thick skin and a sense of humor help. Also, respect for the Alpha males would be prudent on your part.


I knew it was a CL hook-up. (Hmm, maybe I am right sometimes?) You can find some great sex there but it comes with some Major League-pyscho-shit price to pay. You didn't even get the great sex part. Wow.

You don't need to pay money. Just work a little harder than sitting at the computer. Cougars and/or "older women" (Pitbull's term) are out and about. We are the ones wearing the "come fuck me shoes" to the grocery store, Best Buy, the car wash place, etc...you get it. Pay attention. We are out there. We might just ask you what type of jump drive you recommend. Pay attention even if we are not wearing fishnets and stilettos.

WRONG. TRUST ME.

I'll try and take heed to your advice, but you can't expect me to respect someone who doesn't deserve it in the first place.

Also, pretty impressive you were able to spot a cl hookup so early on so kudos to you. Luckily, I’ve been able to avoid the "Major League-pyscho-shit" so far. To be honest, I think cl has really spoiled me. In the past year alone I’ve hooked up with 3 girls off of there (including an 8 month relationship). And that obviously doesn’t even include women like the 40 year old who I’ve basically turned down. And I’m not saying this to brag, I’m just like what’s the point of finding girls in the real world when they’re a couple clicks away on cl? Plus, I just started this gig where this gay guy I met off cl is paying me $160/2hr one day a week to cuddle and watch him jack off. I’m not going to lie, I think it’s the greatest site in the world lol. I guess this reliance on the internet to get pussy is probably a problem for another thread. But I will attempt to be more aware of potential cougars out and about at best buy or something. Although if I picked up any chick at Best Buy I'd be ecstatic. Even you got to admit that would take some pretty impressive interpersonal skills haha.

 

[Pitbull]

If the Avitar is you, then find a 40 year old that is at least a 7.
You can do it
One that just wants the sex.

it's a lot harder to find then what you may think.

No it isn't.
Once you get past the first one or two
You set your mind free
And you will look at older women in a different way
And you will notice they are looking at you....

And it is much easier for a 22 year old guy to hook up with a 40 year old woman
Then it is for a 40 year old guy to hook up with a 22 year old woman :tongue: