How do I get out of this?

[helgaleena]

Just because I want to stay in contact with her doesn't mean I'm desperate. It means I like talking to her.

Like a friend, hmmm? Really, it's ok if you agree with something I say.

 

[KTF40]

Like a friend, hmmm? Really, it's ok if you agree with something I say.

Haha no I realize that's what you reccomended, but the way you phrased it in your post kind of confused me. You first said, "That means both of you are desperate enough for companionship" and then you also said "Just stay friends, imo". I was just trying to make it clear that I don't need to be friends with this woman because I'm desperate. Perhaps I misunderstood which you originally wrote, in which case my bad.

If anyone wants another update, while we had been emailing each other like once a day (about a half page long emails) her last email was surprisingly short at 3 lines long and included things such as, "So keep in touch sweetie!" and "Be good". She also ignored one of the questions I asked her in my own email. I kind of interpret that as don't email so often. Maybe this thing has really ended for good.

 

[iluvbigheads]

You dragged this on for 6 pages...and you think you're slick because you try to gently let someone down you lied to...she's in her 40's and depressed or not, has been around more then you. You're the one to be easily manipulated. And even if you did feel no attraction, you probably filled her mind with the opposite. So, you just wait cause the same BS you put someone through will be done to you and you won't even know...maybe not now, not 5 years from now, maybe when you're 40 and your age sets in and you start looking old...you will be the one writing emails or texts or calls saying your frazzled and discontent and here's another thought...You have to work to get laid...that 40 yr old can walk into a bar and I'm sure she can walk back out with a willing guy to fuck her...so stop thinking your hot shit and covering a lie with a lie and don't mislead people your out to fuck.

 

[KTF40]

You dragged this on for 6 pages...and you think you're slick because you try to gently let someone down you lied to...she's in her 40's and depressed or not, has been around more then you. You're the one to be easily manipulated. And even if you did feel no attraction, you probably filled her mind with the opposite. So, you just wait cause the same BS you put someone through will be done to you and you won't even know...maybe not now, not 5 years from now, maybe when you're 40 and your age sets in and you start looking old...you will be the one writing emails or texts or calls saying your frazzled and discontent and here's another thought...You have to work to get laid...that 40 yr old can walk into a bar and I'm sure she can walk back out with a willing guy to fuck her...so stop thinking your hot shit and covering a lie with a lie and don't mislead people your out to fuck.

First off, I don’t think I am hot shit nor do I think I’m slick. I’m trying not to hurt this person. Clearly, you disagree with my approach as do others in this thread, but please realize my intentions are good.

Secondly, I do have to work to get laid! I was a virgin for 21 years and not by choice. So trust me, I’m fully aware of the frazzled and discontent feeling lol.

Third, I don’t mislead people that I’m out to fuck. (As evident by the fact I wasn’t out to fuck this woman)

 

[curiousvirgin]

This threads pretty informative... is there any posts stating how to turn down gently a guy thats attracted to you. So far what i've been doing is just losing contact and hope they get the message >.< but it seems really rude to me and i feel really bad after but its that or leading him on which i feel is worse.

 

[curiouslady]

Is it too late to contribute? I had a "thanks but no thanks" email after meeting a gentleman. It was something like this:

Dear x,
Thanks so much for meeting with me today. Although I find you smart and attractive, that "little SPARK" that I was looking for just was not there (for me.) Please understand that, for me, I need that, in order to proceed.
Good luck to you and I hope you find all that you desire.

Your friend,

Y

It was the nicest 'thanks but no-thanks' I've read, and left me with a nice feeling for this guy - thankfully, I felt the same!

 

[voidout]

First off, I don’t think I am hot shit

objection!

 

[minimag]

Duuuude, never ever lie to a woman to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

Back when I was 19 and slightly attractive, I had a frumpy 35 year-old co-worker with the hots for me. I had absolutely no physical or intellectual attraction towards the woman, so I never treated her as anything but a co-worker. She wanted much more than that, but I was too passive-aggressive to tell her the truth...Instead, I tried the "vanishing act."

Did it work? No. 15 years later I STILL have to hide from her, because she has some sort of radar that alerts her to my presence.

How pathetic am I?

Oh yeah, almost forgot: I could have screwed her any time I wanted. *groan*

 

[SR_Blarney_Frank]

Duuuude, never ever lie to a woman to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

Disagree strongly. I have had more shit hit the fan over the truth than I ever have over a lie.

No. 15 years later I STILL have to hide from her, because she has some sort of radar that alerts her to my presence.

I would presume she's more than over it by now. You should be too....

 

[minimag]

I would presume she's more than over it by now. You should be too....

Unfortunately, that presumption is incorrect. I used to attract the "psycho-chick" types. There was one that would call me 5-6 times a day 7 days a week after ONE DATE that wasn't even all that good. Had to change my phone number after that.

Fortunately now I am quite repulsive to most people, so I can enjoy some well earned peace and quiet.

 

[KTF40]

objection!

No for real, I'm like the most insecure guy on this board.

This threads pretty informative... is there any posts stating how to turn down gently a guy thats attracted to you. So far what i've been doing is just losing contact and hope they get the message >.< but it seems really rude to me and i feel really bad after but its that or leading him on which i feel is worse.

I know this, don't lead a guy on. It will only make him dislike you more when you ultimately turn him down. You could always be direct and telling him you're not interested or you only see him as a friend. He might think you're a bitch at first, but he will get over it. Or just take the non-direct route and don't appear to be interested in him. For example, if he offers to take you out to lunch just tell him you already have other plans and what not. I dunno, I'm sure other people could offer you better advice on here than I can. Either way it can be a tough situation at times.



If anyone wants more updates on my situation, we started emailing again. She might even hook me up with a job at where she works!

 

[curiousvirgin]

Is it too late to contribute? I had a "thanks but no thanks" email after meeting a gentleman. It was something like this:

Dear x,
Thanks so much for meeting with me today. Although I find you smart and attractive, that "little SPARK" that I was looking for just was not there (for me.) Please understand that, for me, I need that, in order to proceed.
Good luck to you and I hope you find all that you desire.

Your friend,

Y

It was the nicest 'thanks but no-thanks' I've read, and left me with a nice feeling for this guy - thankfully, I felt the same!

Thanks Im using this cos it sounds like something i would say :redface: