How do I know if he likes me/I let him know I like him?

[asianvirginboy]

I do apologize for the long thread but I just really want to get this off my mind and on here and see/hear from all of you guys. I have no one to talk to about all this so I'm turning to you guys here and hopefully get some results. So I basically have 2 questions-1) How do I let a guy know that I'm interested in him? & 2) How do I know that a guy is interested in me?

I don't call myself 100% gay nor 100% straight but I just have a thing for guys, especially Caucasian guys. I know I'm not one of those amazingly hot guys but I don't think I'm that bad looking. I always see & meet guys at school or out in public that I just really like, some that I really really have feelings for but in the end, I just bottle it all up because I know we're just friends and nothing more. But it seems like I cannot end up or even find someone to be in a relationship with. It's like no one is interested in me at all and just thinking about that really lowers my self-esteem & confidence. Plus, I think because I'm still a virgin at the age of 21, I think that might have something to do with all of this. I guess I want to experiment but what I really want is a relationship with the guy that I'll be happy with and want to be with for the rest of my life.

I mean I've chatted with several guys over the years but when it comes to meeting up, I tend to freak out and bail. Other times, all they want it just straight up sex and nothing more. There are times when guys find out that I'm Asian and that is a deal breaker for them. It just seems impossible to find a guy that has even the slightest interest in me or it just might be me, not being able to pick up his signals. So what signals should I be giving off to him? What signals from him should I be picking up that indicates that he's interested in me or want my attention?

If any of you guys out there have any tips or advice, it would be appreciated. Stories or experiences would definitely help. This has been bothering me for years already and definitely would like to find closure or even small results would do for me. Thanks you guys!

 

[Yellow LedBetter]

My opinion on your first question would to just continue being yourself. There is no magical equation that will result in a definitive answer to this question, and you're not the only one to have ever asked it. Things will happen as they happen, because feelings can't be forced.

However, if you feel you must change something within yourself, I'd recommend you try to not be so reserved with your feelings. Project your inner self outward, and do it often. The more you like yourself, the more others will like you. The things you may consider your weaknesses, may be seen as your strengths in another individuals eyes. Don’t be afraid to get out there and live!

To your second question, I can’t say for certain. If the rules of courtship apply the same in both circumstances, than you will just have a striking feeling of knowing. Body language and general conversation playing factors as well.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Dating = sales. Sales = rejection. Therefore, Dating = rejection.

If you want to gain something, there will be risks. You are going to have to be willing to risk rejection. If you feel safe, if you feel certain that your "target" is open to same sex experiences, then just go for it. Ask to hang out. See what happens. Sometimes you'll be turned away, other times you'll be able to spend time together and see where it goes.

 

[Yellow LedBetter]

Nothing to see here, look below!

 

[Yellow LedBetter]

Dating = sales. Sales = rejection. Therefore, Dating = rejection.

If you want to gain something, there will be risks. You are going to have to be willing to risk rejection. If you feel safe, if you feel certain that your "target" is open to same sex experiences, then just go for it. Ask to hang out. See what happens. Sometimes you'll be turned away, other times you'll be able to spend time together and see where it goes.

I disagree with this mindset. It's a much more fluid situation, not so cut and dry. One can't be so technical and over think the process of getting to know another individual.

 

[AlteredEgo]

How am I over-thinking it? If you want someone who doesn't know you to like you, you are basically selling yourself to them in a brief interaction. They either like what you're selling, or they don't. You take a chance by introducing yourself and asking them for their time that they will reject you. Some will, some won't. None will if the chance is not taken. It is extremely simple.

 

[Yellow LedBetter]

I don't see it as that black and white. There are subtle intricacy's that can not be generalized to the point that we're all just pushing a product.

 

[SuckmeNOW]

Sorry if i repeat something someones all ready said but i cant be bothered to read every post.

The easiest, most honest thing to do is to tell him. Im kind of going through the same thing feelings at the moment and when i told him it was such a weight of my mind. If he really is a true friend he wont let it worry him whether he's not interested. If he's interested then... well happy days.

As for knowing if he likes you - either a) leave the possibility of him telling you before you tell him or b) (the easiest thing) and tell him and see if he reciprocates

 

[aqua-illusion]

I do apologize for the long thread but I just really want to get this off my mind and on here and see/hear from all of you guys. I have no one to talk to about all this so I'm turning to you guys here and hopefully get some results. So I basically have 2 questions-1) How do I let a guy know that I'm interested in him? & 2) How do I know that a guy is interested in me?

I don't call myself 100% gay nor 100% straight but I just have a thing for guys, especially Caucasian guys. I know I'm not one of those amazingly hot guys but I don't think I'm that bad looking. I always see & meet guys at school or out in public that I just really like, some that I really really have feelings for but in the end, I just bottle it all up because I know we're just friends and nothing more. But it seems like I cannot end up or even find someone to be in a relationship with. It's like no one is interested in me at all and just thinking about that really lowers my self-esteem & confidence. Plus, I think because I'm still a virgin at the age of 21, I think that might have something to do with all of this. I guess I want to experiment but what I really want is a relationship with the guy that I'll be happy with and want to be with for the rest of my life.

I mean I've chatted with several guys over the years but when it comes to meeting up, I tend to freak out and bail. Other times, all they want it just straight up sex and nothing more. There are times when guys find out that I'm Asian and that is a deal breaker for them. It just seems impossible to find a guy that has even the slightest interest in me or it just might be me, not being able to pick up his signals. So what signals should I be giving off to him? What signals from him should I be picking up that indicates that he's interested in me or want my attention?

If any of you guys out there have any tips or advice, it would be appreciated. Stories or experiences would definitely help. This has been bothering me for years already and definitely would like to find closure or even small results would do for me. Thanks you guys!

Wow, it's like deja vu reading your story...this is me like 90%, I can sympathize with your situation as well...I am in the same situation, and being Asian, it's like you're me but 6 years later kind of thing...well all I can say is, take a risk and don't be afraid, I have yet to take my own advice but I just think...one day, mine will come I guess. Good luck and be yourself, someone or someones is out there for you, just be positive. :biggrin1:

 

[asianvirginboy]

Wow, it's like deja vu reading your story...this is me like 90%, I can sympathize with your situation as well...I am in the same situation, and being Asian, it's like you're me but 6 years later kind of thing...well all I can say is, take a risk and don't be afraid, I have yet to take my own advice but I just think...one day, mine will come I guess. Good luck and be yourself, someone or someones is out there for you, just be positive. :biggrin1:

thanks for the advice! good luck to you too! i'm sure someone out there is for you as well :wink: :biggrin1:

 

[AlteredEgo]

I don't see it as that black and white. There are subtle intricacy's that can not be generalized to the point that we're all just pushing a product.

No there aren't. In every case it eventually comes down to will they want to spend time with you, or will they reject your advances. Every. Single. Time. Some will, and some won't, but none will if none are asked. It is always that simple. The only caveat is some men reject gay men violently, and so gay and queer men should try to be relatively certain they are safe to approach. And you don't even bother to explain yourself, so why would anyone agree with you?

 

[sykray]

Quote: "I guess I want to experiment but what I really want is a relationship with the guy that I'll be happy with and want to be with for the rest of my life."

It seems to me that you want to find the man who will be your life-long lover and partner. I don't want to be too cynical or skeptical but very very few people move from "virgin" to finding Mr Perfect who also thinks you are his Mr Perfect.

At this stage settle for the "experimenting". I guess that most gay men use sex as their "testing ground' and the way in which they learn how to evaluate their feelings, preferences and relationships and how they build up experience in sexual relationships with other men.

Other than these comments, try out the suggestions that you have received already.