How do I make him confident in the bedroom?

[185248]

Have you kissed? Have you looked directly into each others eyes? If you be somewhere loud dancing or whatever. Gonna reveal a little secret here. Take his wrist, place your hand in his and ask him to squeeze yours firmly. Then ask him to release his grip slightly allowing your hand to escape. Tell him to maintain the grip, if you know what I mean. Lightly carress his wrist and forearm for a minute or so, then ask him to slowly open his hand.

It will be difficult for him to do, muscles are placed in a sleepy zone when carresed lightly.

Moral of the story, if he lets you do this.ie: lets you capture his arm, he is a submissive. Not foolproof, but 80% cert.

Ps...also, sex will be fucking great. Sounds like there is a connection already.

Confidence comes from knowing and understanding the other. This is a subliminal way to reach a soul. Practice it on yourself, providing you have two arms, and or hands.

 

[Gecko4lif]

I like the fact that he is respectful of me and is not pressuring me into sex

Good to know stuff like that is still appreciated

 

[Drifterwood]

I would lean towards Dolfie's advice, RTG. Nothing like arousal to ease those inhibitions.

I don't want to destroy my reputation, but I can actually remember being nervous before sleeping with this one lady. Maybe she picked up on it, I don't know, but she certainly put me at ease by stripping off completely naturally and wandering around, going for a shower etc etc and then coming to bed. Effectively this gave me time to get used to everything going on and to have my mind firmly fixed on desiring her. She then proceeded to shag my brains out. Ha. Very happy memory.

Good luck.

 

[185248]

I would lean towards Dolfie's advice, RTG. Nothing like arousal to ease those inhibitions.

I don't want to destroy my reputation, but I can actually remember being nervous before sleeping with this one lady. Maybe she picked up on it, I don't know, but she certainly put me at ease by stripping off completely naturally and wandering around, going for a shower etc etc and then coming to bed. Effectively this gave me time to get used to everything going on and to have my mind firmly fixed on desiring her. She then proceeded to shag my brains out. Ha. Very happy memory.

Good luck.

Yep, your reputation is in shreds. But you can always build it up again.

 

[D_Tam_Ponds]

Ok, so alot of this advice so far is really good. I really screwed up once, it's almost too painful to admit. There was a guy I was REALLY interested in - and we flirted heavily for months - months! Most of our flirting was the cocky sort - like "I'm so awesome in bed you won't even be able to handle it" type stuff. And we had a lot of fun with it - we were totally rolling with it and falling for each other big time. I just couldn't understand what was taking him so long to take the bait - we came so close so many times. Then it all becomes clear as he basically finally admits to me that he believes he is small and has PE problems. Then I had to flip around and play confidence booster. He wasn't small - he was average and his ex had done serious damage to his self-image and confidence. We finally got up to the point of pants off and I gave him a bj and sure enough, he came really fast and was embarrassed. So I had to reassure him more and the next time, I was really careful with the bj and used every trick I know to help him and I managed to stretch it out to a full 45 minutes. He was so pleased with himself that he lasted 45 minutes and I knew it was entirely the techniques I used on him. Well, here is where I totally messed up. I reverted to the cocky flirting at that point and basically let him know I had controlled the situation. Why I did that, I will never know. I'm a real dope sometimes. I could instantly see that I had crushed his confidence and that pretty much resulted in the end of what I really thought was going to be a really spectacular relationship. It was truly accidental and in the spirit in which we had for months and months joked and teased, but it was badly timed and came across as really insensitive.

So the moral of the story: This is what NOT to do.

 

[Drifterwood]

Yep, your reputation is in shreds. But you can always build it up again.

That's OK. She gave me her number and one of the nicest compliments I have ever had :tongue:.

 

[rtg]

This is all such awesome advice, thanks so much everyone! I love LPSG hehe I think I'm gonna go with your advice too dolfette...leaving him wanting more til he can't handle it...i loooooove to tease! Thing is though..he doesn't like to be teased, prob cos he's shy haha. If I get on top of him and just start grinding him he is always like 'don't tease me cos then it just makes me wanna have sex' but he doesn't take it any further. Guess I've gotta make him take it further lol. Apparently he is giving me a full body massage tonight so we will see where that goes haha.

 

[someperson]

So I've been dating this guy on and off for a few months now...we've never slept together, we've just stuff with our hands a few times lol. He's very shy and not confident at all about sex...I like the fact that he is respectful of me and is not pressuring me into sex...but we will prob have sex for the first time soon (I haven't seen him in a few weeks cos he's been away) and want to know of any tips or tricks that I could use to try and make him more confident and less shy in the bedroom?

I'm pretty confident in the bedroom and like to be dominant, but I don't wanna do all the work...and you know, confidence goes a long way... Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience and how did you get your guy/girl out of their shell?

If you want to take it from a "shy guys perspective" bedroom wise.

You could start by making out while gently rubbing his forearm (under side is more sensitive)
Maybe you could ask him to masturbate to see how he does it.


You can't be rough with a penis, even if it appears that we are being rough with it while masturbating.



I remember while getting physical at the doctors office they were always way to rough while pulling back the foreskin. hurt like a motherfucker.

 

[B_ILIW]

So I've been dating this guy on and off for a few months now...we've never slept together, we've just stuff with our hands a few times lol. He's very shy and not confident at all about sex...I like the fact that he is respectful of me and is not pressuring me into sex...but we will prob have sex for the first time soon (I haven't seen him in a few weeks cos he's been away) and want to know of any tips or tricks that I could use to try and make him more confident and less shy in the bedroom?

I'm pretty confident in the bedroom and like to be dominant, but I don't wanna do all the work...and you know, confidence goes a long way... Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience and how did you get your guy/girl out of their shell?

he needs to develop experience, or overcome any insecurities he has. I don't anybody has sexual confidence without some kind of experience to back it up.

 

[paneros]

...but i have no idea what pushes your boy's buttons. we don't know him, so all of our suggestions could either drive him wild or drive him away.

i suggest you play it by ear, watch his reactions and adjust accordingly.

I agree with dolfette.

The thing is, obviously he likes you and respects you, but there's some shyness issues there, and maybe more.
I know myself I was very shy, and would have felt nervous, wanting to satisfy my date but not necessarily knowing how... and on reflection now, there are several things that made me nervous.

1. Just a basic fear of moving outside a comfort zone, even though I'd want to. I'd know where I stand at the current stage you're at, but the fear of the unknown of going beyond that can be an emotional challenge to overcome.
2. Not knowing what the woman wants.. does she want to go further... how much further... can I read her signals appropriately, or is she the type that expects me to know without signalling or saying what she likes. When you lack confidence in yourself, you tend to magnify fears that your partner is not enjoying things.

So don't assume anything... but hopefully, you know each other well enough now to have an honest conversation about it. Not a full-blown detailed sexual scenario that you'd like to unfold type of conversation.... that would probably freak him out.
But a more gentle and casual conversation, scattering titbits over time so he knows where he stands with you, letting him know you like being with him, you like how he touches and kisses you, that you like touching him - and especially saying these when they are happening so establishing comfortable intimacy through encouragement, as long as it's real. Asking what he likes, making suggestions for his pleasure (and yours) that are just a little beyond where he is at etc and over time (several dates maybe, depends on how it progresses) it'll be easier to be more sexually explicit in conversation, for both of you, but especially for him, if he's not used to that. It takes time to get comfortable at that - it did for me anyway, being shy.

This way it can relax any fears he may have about it, and he'll feel more free to talk about specific fears he may have as you gain his trust... people are wildly different and can have all sorts of illogical fears, but talking about them and having them heard relieves them and the vulnerability it takes to admit them, when they are listened to, creates a lovely emotional closeness between you, which leads not just to sex, but love-making.

And you say he doesn't like being teased... ask him to explain that more, so you can discover what the issue is there... ask him to be more specific about what kind of teasing he does likes and what he doesn't, and why.... and as he's giving you a massage, give him one.. that should help loads!

Wishing you both all the best. :wink:

 

[rob_just_rob]

He's 26, did you say?

Wait 10 years.

 

[kinda_hung]

Way to diss all the men with genuinely average cocks.

Average is between a 5 and 6, lengthwise - average girth I'm not so certain on 4.25 to 4.75 I think - I'm open to correction there.

One thing I do know that 7.5 by 5.5 is a big cock, in anyone's books.

Now, maybe you do have an average cock and you are just embellishing your stats, I have no way of knowing - not to mention that it's not my place to say and I don't really care anyway. What I do care about is the 97% of men reading this whose cocks are less then 7 inches thinking 'shit, if 7.5 is average I must be small!' - Many men have enough damn anxiety about their cock size without reading inaccurate shit about what is average.

Lol. I'm 7x5 and feel average. I know what average is though. I tell my wife I have a small lil weenie. She hates when I say that and she says its big. Oh well. She should know. She's been with plenty of men. Only one being bigger than me.

But after being on lpsg. 7" feels teeny.

 

[rob_just_rob]

Lol. I'm 7x5 and feel average. I know what average is though. I tell my wife I have a small lil weenie. She hates when I say that and she says its big. Oh well. She should know. She's been with plenty of men. Only one being bigger than me.

But after being on lpsg. 7" feels teeny.

I periodically tell people I'm small, too. This will be my excuse if anyone ever calls me out on it.

 

[baaman]

As a relatively shy guy myself, I don't think teasing him is the right way to go about improving his confidence, esspecially if he doesn't like being teased. It may only make him more uncomfortable than he already is. I think you need to let him take it at his own speed. Pushing things before he's comfortable with them could do more harm than good.

Make sure that you let him know when he does something you really like, but don't go over the top with it or he may think you're lying. If you make a point of pointing out the good things he does it will boost his confidence. But don't lie to him and tell him he's doing everything right, because lying never helps a relationship.

If he's not doing something quite how you like it, try to help him without making it obvious. Tell him "I'd like to try it like this" and explain to him what you'd like him to do. Give him some direction, but don't force anything. Don't feel like you have to live with something that isn't pleasurable for you beacuse you don't want to upset him, but just make sure you try to let him know without blaming him.

It may take a bit of time for him to build his confidence, but if you really like the guy and his shyness isn't a huge problem (like you said) you shouldn't have a problem with taking it slowly for the long term benefit of your relationship.

 

[B_subgirrl]

How come I'm the only one agreeing with Hick? Does agreeing with Hick (and being the only one doing so) make me totally weird? :tongue:

 

[Ed69]

How come I'm the only one agreeing with Hick? Does agreeing with Hick (and being the only one doing so) make me totally weird? :tongue:

Nope your not weird,just another self absorbed robot that does not understand.Good sex means comunication!

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Hey, that was uncalled for.

And why can't the shy guy have good sex and yet remain shy? Just cos you and your wife like you beating your chest and her ass doesn't mean everyone else will.

 

[EllieP]

I married what I thought was a shy guy. Yes, he was shy in the bedroom. At first. Then the dam burst, or as he says "things snowballed." He was more concerned with my feelings and didn't want to come across as a playboy, which he was anyway.

He may be shy right now, but just give him time and room. You will come to know each other better, and the shyness will be a fun story you can share with each other later.

Good luck!

 

[B_subgirrl]

Nope your not weird,just another self absorbed robot that does not understand.Good sex means comunication!

Expecting someone else to change because you don't like the way they are = good communication? Okay.

Hey, that was uncalled for.

Thank you :smile:.

And why can't the shy guy have good sex and yet remain shy?

Yep, the two are not mutually exclusive. Nor are shyness and good communication.

 

[ashman87]

I possess less than average confidence in bed and here are some tips I would like to share:
- Use sounds to express your satisfaction and to confirm he's doing a great job - moan, squirm, etc. I would stay away from actual talking, if he's like me, he won't hear half of what you say.
- Handle his dick - whether you want to stroke it or give him a blowjob either is fine, but if he's strung up he may blow his load early and that will set you multiple steps back. Really show him that you want his cock and that there's nothing more in the world you want at that time!
- If he asks you how it was afterwards, even if it sucked, tell him it was awesome and make him believe it. Practice makes perfect, so even if it was horrible, there's always hope for improvement. But if you let on that you weren't satisfied or have had better, it will do nothing for confidence.