How do I make him confident in the bedroom?

[rtg]

Expecting someone else to change because you don't like the way they are = good communication? Okay.

Haha I already said numerous times that I like him and that shyness isn't a problem. Being shy is not who you are...it's just how you act when you are unsure of things and nervous and don't know a person all that well yet.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

- If he asks you how it was afterwards, even if it sucked, tell him it was awesome and make him believe it. Practice makes perfect, so even if it was horrible, there's always hope for improvement. But if you let on that you weren't satisfied or have had better, it will do nothing for confidence.

I agree about no references to 'I've had better' - but if you tell him it was great when it sucked ass (and not in a good way :wink how is he going to get better? Surely he'll just do the same again because 'she enjoyed it so much'. I'm not saying she should tell him he's crap, but saying someone pushed all your buttons when he/she didn't is counterproductive, for both people. It'd be better to concentrate on praising the stuff that was good and not mentioning what you didn't enjoy. He'll get the idea.

 

[BRM]

I agree about no references to 'I've had better' - but if you tell him it was great when it sucked ass (and not in a good way :wink how is he going to get better? Surely he'll just do the same again because 'she enjoyed it so much'. I'm not saying she should tell him he's crap, but saying someone pushed all your buttons when he/she didn't is counterproductive, for both people. It'd be better to concentrate on praising the stuff that was good and not mentioning what you didn't enjoy. He'll get the idea.

I reckon this is pretty much spot on. If you tell him everything's good, he'll keep on doing exactly what he's doing, even if you may not like some of it so much. For sure it'll build his confidence, but it could make you grow to resent him because you can't tell him what you need to be fully satisfied for fear of hurting his feelings. So don't feel like you have to be happy with the way things are if you're not, just make suggestions for what you want in a nice way.

 

[rtg]

yeah true, thanks for that! I think it's pretty obvious if it's the best or not too...I'm not gonna fake an orgasm cos that won't get me anywhere haha.

 

[ashman87]

I thought the main idea was to first make him more confident and improving him can come later. Once he has the confidence, it will be much easier to help him develop and grow as a lover, though I agree that maybe the word "awesome" is too strong, just say something like I really enjoy it, it's really good, etc.

If my woman has no confidence in the kitchen and cooks me a dish that is decent, but I want her to improve her "confidence", as bad as this sounds, I'm going to tell her that it was very good, great, etc. and once she realizes that there's nothing to really stress over, I can subtly start telling her what I like and don't like. Concentrate on the partner first before yourself.

 

[B_curiousme01]

I think honesty is the best policy. Teasing is part of creating a positive intimate experience but I wouldn't go too far with it myself.

Tell him the things you like about him...he has great hands, eyes, body...whatever. When a shared kiss is awesome, tell him how lovely it felt.

Be willing to share things about yourself that you might be a bit self concious about. He'll respect you for it and more willing to reciprocate.

Explain to him that you like him very much and wish to explore with him. Whisper sexy things, dress sexy, light touches.

I admire you for sticking with him and not just moving on to someone else just because there hasn't been instant gratification. They do say "Good things come to those who wait!" I hope you're both richly rewarded.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Haha I already said numerous times that I like him and that shyness isn't a problem. Being shy is not who you are...it's just how you act when you are unsure of things and nervous and don't know a person all that well yet.

That comment wasn't specifically aimed at you :smile:.

I do disagree with you though. Lack of confidence and shyness are very different things.

Lack of confidence IS something that is changeable, and is often something the person themselves would be glad to change. If your guy is lacking in confidence and wants to change it, then I'm behind you all the way.

Shyness on the other hand, is more of a lasting personality trait. If he is shy, no matter how much confidence boosting stuff you do, there are unlikely to be any dramatic changes. If this is the case and if you don't work very well with shy people, then you might not be right for each other. It's not about liking or disliking - it's about finding a good fit.

 

[whatsinthebox]

That comment wasn't specifically aimed at you :smile:.

I do disagree with you though. Lack of confidence and shyness are very different things.

Lack of confidence IS something that is changeable, and is often something the person themselves would be glad to change. If your guy is lacking in confidence and wants to change it, then I'm behind you all the way.

Shyness on the other hand, is more of a lasting personality trait. If he is shy, no matter how much confidence boosting stuff you do, there are unlikely to be any dramatic changes. If this is the case and if you don't work very well with shy people, then you might not be right for each other. It's not about liking or disliking - it's about finding a good fit.

While I mostly agree with this, I do believe that shyness is a characteristic which can show itself more or less evidently depending upon the comfort, time spent, and situations between people. Sometimes there are reasons for an individuals shyness that don't unerringly carry through to all situations.

Of course, if he is overall very shy... perhaps it isn't a proper fit?

 

[rtg]

That comment wasn't specifically aimed at you :smile:.

I do disagree with you though. Lack of confidence and shyness are very different things.

Lack of confidence IS something that is changeable, and is often something the person themselves would be glad to change. If your guy is lacking in confidence and wants to change it, then I'm behind you all the way.

Shyness on the other hand, is more of a lasting personality trait. If he is shy, no matter how much confidence boosting stuff you do, there are unlikely to be any dramatic changes. If this is the case and if you don't work very well with shy people, then you might not be right for each other. It's not about liking or disliking - it's about finding a good fit.

While I mostly agree with this, I do believe that shyness is a characteristic which can show itself more or less evidently depending upon the comfort, time spent, and situations between people. Sometimes there are reasons for an individuals shyness that don't unerringly carry through to all situations.

Of course, if he is overall very shy... perhaps it isn't a proper fit?

Okay..well I am a very shy person too haha. And I know for both of us the shyness was just because we were getting to know eachother and vice versa.

When I was talking about his confidence in the bedroom...I knew that his confidence was essentially due to his shyness, but didn't know how to make him come out of his shell.

And I don't believe that shyness is a lasting personality trait...I'm incredibly shy, but not once I am comfortable around someone and know them well and what their intentions are. I believe this is the case for a lot of people. I don't think there would be too many people who were permanently shy around everyone all the time..If someone was like that, this would moreso be due to being too self-conscious and not comfortable with who you are I think.

Anyways, it turns out that we do have pretty good sexual chemistry ;p

 

[D_Tam_Ponds]

Aww, I'm happy for you hun! I'm glad you finally wore him down :approve:

 

[B_subgirrl]

Okay..well I am a very shy person too haha. And I know for both of us the shyness was just because we were getting to know eachother and vice versa.

When I was talking about his confidence in the bedroom...I knew that his confidence was essentially due to his shyness, but didn't know how to make him come out of his shell.

And I don't believe that shyness is a lasting personality trait...I'm incredibly shy, but not once I am comfortable around someone and know them well and what their intentions are. I believe this is the case for a lot of people. I don't think there would be too many people who were permanently shy around everyone all the time..If someone was like that, this would moreso be due to being too self-conscious and not comfortable with who you are I think.

Anyways, it turns out that we do have pretty good sexual chemistry ;p

I think we actually see a lot of this the same, we're just coming at it from different angles and using vocab in different ways.

Yay to the sexual chemistry being good :biggrin1:.

 

[ninelikeisaid]

All good advice. A few first-time-with-someone tricks are in order.
1) as a female, be agressive! 2) Remember though, He will remember the evening by the words that were spoken. Compliment him...inventively. 3) use vocalizations to tell him when he is doing the right thing for you. 3) show off. His best measurement of you as a couple is how well you fuck.
Compliments work wonders.

 

[Skull Mason]

tell him he has a big cock