How do I tell her?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dickbeater27, Jan 24, 2010.

  1. dickbeater27

    dickbeater27 Member

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    The other night me and my girlfriend were fooling around in my room. I was fingering her while we were making out. As we kept going I realized that I wasn't getting hard. For a long time I thought that I was bi but now I am thinking that I am gay, and that I just wanted so badly to be straight that I was lying to myself. Now I don't know what to do. How do I tell my girlfriend that I am gay, and that we can't go out anymore.

    I don't want to hurt her because she is one of my best friends, and I still want to be around her. I just can't be in a romantic relationship with her.
     
  2. sxjTheFirst

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    Well if you are having doubts you do have to tell her. Hopefully she understands. Have you ever done stuff with a guy and got hard? Sometimes just agonizing/stressing over the fact can result in lack of arousal. Also gay guys do get erections, get married, have kids in many parts of the world. Think over it and ... good luck :)
     
  3. ges

    ges Member

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    I hope you are not making this decision based on one incidence. I know you said that you had been having suspicions, BUT, I have learned that it's VERY important to be sure about these things before telling anyone. In my experience, it is very hard to express, accurately, one's degree of uncertainty - people tend to latch on to what you say as a definitive statement that then defines you and they cannot alter their perceptions regardless of how you may change or what you may say and discover in the future.
    I'm all for being honest, but I've found it very difficult to be 100% sure of my sexuality at any time. Take care.
     
  4. daveboi

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    You are still probably bi, you just need more physical stimulation to get hard. If I am eating a hole or a pussy out, I am concentrating on that person and not on my dick at the time, so my hardness wanes, totally natural. Then if I or that person concentrates on my junk, ie, manual, oral or it finding a nice, warm pussy/ass, i get hard and its ready to feel great and make the other person very happy.
     
  5. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Hey mate, I understand the issue, although I never went that far yet with a girl... It's good you face the truth for yourself. There is never an easy way to tell. You don't want her to think she isn't attractive enough for you or that she "makes" you gay or so.
    But realising that being romantic is difficult/impossible with her is a bigger fact then not getting hard.
    The best is honesty and telling her. Start with saying you have this thoughts for years without anyone knowing and you denying. Say that you love her, but that it is impossible to see more in her then a best friend like you are with her. And that you start to have feelings for guys.
    Good luck
     
  6. chrisj428

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    As much as I'd like to offer myself up to see how you felt about being gay, it may just be her and not women in general. It could be finances. Or that kegger the night before. Be open to exploring your options, but don't jump to conclusions.

    Best of luck to you, man. :)
     
  7. Charles Finn

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    think it out be honest
    my first 2 girl friends were very understanding and very supportive
    I am bi but prefer guys always have always will
     
  8. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    I wouldn't tell her anything about my sexual leanings. If I felt I couldn't go on with the relationship, I would simply try to find a way of breaking up, pleading that I have no more romantic feelings for her. This is true, isn't it? although it may not be the whole truth. She may feel hurt in the beginning, but eventually she will understand. Whether you will remain friends or not, only time will tell. Maybe later, years later, if you are still in contact with each other, she may get the news that you were bi or gay, but let it first sink into you.
     
  9. killerb

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    Be honest with yourself and with your girlfriend...
    she deserves to know the truth...
    and you deserve to be yourself and not be forced to live a lie...

    here's how to tell her: invite her over and tell her face to face...you might want to warn her that you need to discuss something that's important, so she won't be totally blindsided...sit her down & just tell her how you feel...it won't be easy, but it will be for the best...
     
    #9 killerb, Jan 24, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2010
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