How Do Trans People Cope With Straight Guys Wanting To Try Out

[openfall]

Hey, I've heard trans people complain about straight guys wanting to try out sex with a trans person like it was a sexual position. I get that sex can be fun just as sex but I guess trans people can get frustrated by the 'try out' mentality. But what it you're you were straight and now realise that binaries (straight/gay) don't necessarily work. You are attracted to some trans people, or people of other gender types, but haven't dated a trans and don't want to appear like you're a tick-list fucker. What do you do? Do trans people get turned on taking a pan-virgin?

 

[cherryboom66]

1. It’s not just straight guys. There’s a plethora of sexualities where someone who identifies as male has yet to date a trans person.
2. It’s probably the worst thing you can say to a trans woman or man sexually. We are not fetishes or a new style to try on this season. We are just men and women living out our lives.
3. “Trans women” refers to so many people, each with their own ideas and voices so no one can answer whether “trans women” like the idea of having a “pan virgin”. For me, there’s nothing worse. It’s always a red flag when a man says “you’re the first trans woman I’ve wanted” for example. Because again, it boxes me in and sees me as a fetish. I’m not the first woman he’s been with, period.

 

[openfall]

Thanks CherryBomb for taking the time to respond.

I appreciate this. Although your response highlights the problem faced by straight guys discovering they're pan/bi. It's easy to offend by wrong choice of words and honestly about being new to some experiences can appear a 'red flag'. So, where do these people begin?

I'll share what happened to me. I newly discovered my body and sexuality. Wanting to have fun with it, I went online and explored a live video chat site. Being a passive observer didn't excite me - I'm very much into the idea of mutual pleasure. Consequently, I decided to put my own cam on. Soon I had guys, trans people and women chatting to me. Most of the women were there to make money on their own channels. I didn't consider myself gay so paid no mind to the guys. The trans people who chatted with me were mainly there to do their own stuff too but sometimes they'd offer to go private with me just for fun. I found many so attractive and all I could think of was how great it would be suck their cocks, kiss them all over, enjoy sex together.

As time has gone on, I've learnt that really although I have my own preferences for looks and character, whether someone is male/female/trans etc. doesn't really matter to me. Now there are some great looking guys who's cocks I'd happily suck! But my best times, best by what I can sense is mutually satisfying, has been with trans people.

But this pleasure and enjoyment has only been virtual.

 

[cherryboom66]

Thanks CherryBomb for taking the time to respond.

I appreciate this. Although your response highlights the problem faced by straight guys discovering they're pan/bi. It's easy to offend by wrong choice of words and honestly about being new to some experiences can appear a 'red flag'. So, where do these people begin?

I'll share what happened to me. I newly discovered my body and sexuality. Wanting to have fun with it, I went online and explored a live video chat site. Being a passive observer didn't excite me - I'm very much into the idea of mutual pleasure. Consequently, I decided to put my own cam on. Soon I had guys, trans people and women chatting to me. Most of the women were there to make money on their own channels. I didn't consider myself gay so paid no mind to the guys. The trans people who chatted with me were mainly there to do their own stuff too but sometimes they'd offer to go private with me just for fun. I found many so attractive and all I could think of was how great it would be suck their cocks, kiss them all over, enjoy sex together.

As time has gone on, I've learnt that really although I have my own preferences for looks and character, whether someone is male/female/trans etc. doesn't really matter to me. Now there are some great looking guys who's cocks I'd happily suck! But my best times, best by what I can sense is mutually satisfying, has been with trans people.

But this pleasure and enjoyment has only been virtual.

Trans women are women.

 

[openfall]

S

Trans women are women.

So, why is there a forum called Trans. Why not just women? I'm sorry, I understand that some men who have fully transitioned may like to consider themselves simply women. But I've spoken to people who proudly describe themselves as trans, not men, not women, trans. Gender for them isn't binary. They don't need to be either man/woman.

 

[cherryboom66]

S

So, why is there a forum called Trans. Why not just women? I'm sorry, I understand that some men who have fully transitioned may like to consider themselves simply women. But I've spoken to people who proudly describe themselves as trans, not men, not women, trans. Gender for them isn't binary. They don't need to be either man/woman.

“Some men that have transitioned...” no. I have never been a man and this wording is the problem. This is now turning into “but I have black friends” when someone says something racially offensive. It doesn’t matter if you know “a couple of trans” who like to distinguish themselves any way they please. Please just note - trans women are women.

 

[Wowowidk]

S

So, why is there a forum called Trans. Why not just women? I'm sorry, I understand that some men who have fully transitioned may like to consider themselves simply women. But I've spoken to people who proudly describe themselves as trans, not men, not women, trans. Gender for them isn't binary. They don't need to be either man/woman.

Trans is an adjective that can be used to describe a subset of women. A trans woman is a woman in the same way that a tall woman is a woman. That's how adjectives work.

 

[cherryboom66]

Trans is an adjective that can be used to describe a subset of women. A trans woman is a woman in the same way that a tall woman is a woman. That's how adjectives work.

I like this.

 

[openfall]

I'm also interested in the thoughts of trans men.

You know, as an aside, that anarchist groups often fall apart because everyone argues about what is and isn't 'true' anarchism.The whole point though is to reject categorisation and impositions of power. No 'one' idea can be wholly correct.

We are all simply human trying to find and express our humanity through love, sex and friendship. What matters is kindness, respect and empathy. Prejudice is wrong, not defining things exactly like someone else is just a mistake at worse and probably no more than than a slightly different perspective.

 

[deleted6505551]

I get that sex can be fun just as sex but I guess trans people can get frustrated by the 'try out' mentality.

I can only speak for myself, but I am not as offended as others trans when approached by a man wanting to try sex with a person like me. Is it being fetishized? Certainly it is. Is that necessarily a bad thing? Not for me. And to be fair we are a logical step in the process of abandoning the traditional m/f binary for the curious types. They are curious about intimacy with boy parts and here we are with many of the feminine characteristics they already know and the junk they are so curious about. Does that make me a gateway drug? lol

In order for two people to form a relationship there has to be some attraction and if it's that I have boy parts and boobs so be it. It's what happens after the initial attraction that counts to me.

Do trans people get turned on taking a pan-virgin?

Again, I speak only for myself but yes I absolutely do. Previously in my life as a gay man I took special pleasure in introducing homosexuality to "first timers". Sure, occasionally it crashed and burned, but more often I got to see this sexual being spread it's wings for the first time and it was wonderful. The vast majority of these guys have remained lifelong friends as well where gay/bi men with experience tend to enter and exit my life rather quickly. The same applies now, it's just a different flavor.

While I can certainly see a trans woman taking offense to these things, I am simply not one that does. I recently had a man I know refer to me as exotic. Now I've been many things in my life but never exotic. Does that feed some need of mine to be desired? Sure does. Is that somehow a bad thing? I don't think so.

I support any trans woman in her desire to simply live her female life. I may reach a point where I want the same. But at the same time there are those of us who enjoy being something a little different.

Hope that helped answer your question.

Aly

 

[deleted6505551]

S

So, why is there a forum called Trans. Why not just women? I'm sorry, I understand that some men who have fully transitioned may like to consider themselves simply women. But I've spoken to people who proudly describe themselves as trans, not men, not women, trans. Gender for them isn't binary. They don't need to be either man/woman.

Well said openfall. I relish the trans prefix for a number of reasons but you hit on the primary, I do not need (or want) to be a man or a woman. I am frustrated by the vocal part of the trans community that wants to insist I am now a woman. While many of my physical attributes are increasingly more feminine, my rapidly shrinking boy parts and XY chromosomes say otherwise. And beyond the physical, I grew up male. My life experience is predominantly those of a boy becoming a man. Some days I'd love to shed that masculine history but it is what it is. So emotionally I am neither male or female or perhaps it's more accurate to say I am a bit of each. In the end I am trans and it's a great thing to be.

 

[woodyq]

From my experience the key is communication and being honest regardless of how the person identifies.

If a straight woman tells me she wants a serious relationship and i lie to her until i get laid then leave her she won't be happy.
if i played along like i was gay or bi for a BJ from a gay man then ghosted him he won't be happy.
if you lead a transgender on to try it they won't be happy either.
seems like it has very little to do with transgender and more about what the other person thinks they are getting vs. what they are actually getting.

 

[deleted6505551]

From my experience the key is communication and being honest regardless of how the person identifies.

If a straight woman tells me she wants a serious relationship and i lie to her until i get laid then leave her she won't be happy.
if i played along like i was gay or bi for a BJ from a gay man then ghosted him he won't be happy.
if you lead a transgender on to try it they won't be happy either.
seems like it has very little to do with transgender and more about what the other person thinks they are getting vs. what they are actually getting.

Well said. It's difficult to be offended when someone is honest about what they seek. And too many times that is not the case for us as well as everyone else. Some trans fems really don't like being fetishized and I completely understand that. That's compounded when a guy isn't forthright about those motivations and tells us what he thinks we want to hear.

This is the biggest reason I've slowed down the process between meeting and getting in bed with him. I want to know what he really wants. Sometimes it takes a while to determine that.