how do you approach approach friends about gay sex?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by somedude13, Aug 14, 2009.

  1. somedude13

    somedude13 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    OC, CA
    So here's the deal. I live with my gf. She knows I am bi, but expects me not to act on it. She's hot about the idea of seeing two men (myself included), but can't get past her hangups about a bi threesome (or any threesome for that matter). There are a couple of friends that I can see as being bi themselves who are very attractive and I could see myself satisfying my bi desires with them. How would you even approach the subject? Is it possible to talk without a hugely negative impact on the friendship? I'm probably better off not saying anything, right? Damn. Why does this f'ing society have such a problem with open sexuality?
     
  2. D_Doewell Dadong

    D_Doewell Dadong New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2008
    Messages:
    650
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hi guy, are you bi? My my, lets fly and get high then land on a bed and fuck like dogs on heat.


    (Sorry, very bored at work.)
     
  3. youngdumbfullofcum

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    2,024
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    153
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Vancouver BC
    Verified:
    Photo
    hmmmm good question...

    good luck and have fun if and when the time cums:rolleyes:

    that is if your g/f wants to do the 3some mmf :smile:
     
  4. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Dump her! :redface: Clearly you are unable to live without cock. Find a woman that is okay with you basically cheating with another man and date her.


    Dude, she may like watching MMF or MFM porn; but when it's your bf getting fucked by another guy or doing the fucking & sucking it is TOTALLY different. Do not force this with her, if you do, it will end badly and you will lose her.


     
  5. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    11,912
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
    Honestly, she "expects" you not to act on this because you are a couple. And perhaps she can't get past her hangups over the idea of a MMF threesome because, more than likely, she doesn't want to let the cat out of the proverbial bag.

    I may be wrong here, but it sounds like you're the one who wants to explore this because you've got frustrated needs. If she genuinely gets behind you on this, I would make sure that the friend you approach with the idea really is going to be cool with it because if not, it could lead to all sorts of unwanted emotional complications. And even then, you may have to stress the F in the MMF more than the "you" part unless you know him well enough to be totally honest and can expect some sort of discretion. She may very well be completely freaked out if the two of you start going to town together, feeling left out and threatened.

    You can also consider a more relative stranger to take the friendship aspect out of it. But bottom line, I think you and your girlfriend need to get really clear between yourselves what the rules are and how you want it to go. That, of course, starts with being really honest with yourself.

    Good luck.
     
    #5 B_Nick8, Aug 14, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2009
  6. somedude13

    somedude13 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    OC, CA
    I say 30% gay because it is about the sex. I enjoy the strange yet familiar feelings of another cock (I've only had one). A relationship with another man just doesn't appeal to me. My gf knows about my desires as we regularly talk dirty about it while we are having sex. She's the only person in the world (aside from the one man I've been with) that has any idea I've been with a man. I can definitely live without it and have been for the last two years. There are places online (craigslist, etc) that I can find people to randomly hookup with, but the idea of being with a stranger doesn't appeal to me. As for a MMF threesome, I've got no problem making her the focus as it is an experience I want to share with her. This is just confusing. As much as I want to explore, I should probably keep it a fantasy, huh?
     
  7. youngdumbfullofcum

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    2,024
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    153
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Vancouver BC
    Verified:
    Photo
    Sharing is caring:rolleyes:
     
  8. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    11,912
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
    Not necessarily. You're entitled to a fully explored, engaged sex life. However, within the confines of the rules you've established in the relationship with the woman you're with, you'll make it or break it on how you communicate and renegeotiate them if there are other or new things you want. You owe it to yourself first of all to be honest with yourself because if you're not making yourself happy you can't possibly hope to make anyone else happy.

    If you can share those things with her, well, that would be the best of all possible worlds.
     
  9. somedude13

    somedude13 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    OC, CA
    It was definitely a long term thing. Overall, I am very happy, but I still want to experience another man once in a while. My gf's fear is that of abandonment. She is divorced and afraid I would leave her for the guy. She doesn't understand it is sexually driven and that emotion (at a relationship level) doesn't exist between me and men.
     
  10. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    11,912
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
    I tend to believe you. But I had a 5 year relationship (and I'll spare you the details except to say that everyone, all our friends, me and his entire family thought we were perfect for each other and incredibly happy) suddenly decided one day that what he wanted was a woman and a heterosexual family. So let me tell you, I would never consider dating a guy with your stats again.

    It very well may be that it's solely limited to sex with you and men although this is difficult for me to understand because I can't understand separating sex and emotional involvement so clinically. But in the case of this particular woman, you may either have to discuss this pretty honestly and delicately and with the understanding that it may be out of the question or leave her if your need to have sex with men in your life is that important and find a woman who will allow you to incorporate that into your relationship. I'm not sure. You'll have to play this out.

    Either way, and I go back to this, be honest--and I mean really honest--with yourself first. And then be honest with her.

    May I ask how old you are, by the way?
     
    #10 B_Nick8, Aug 14, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2009
  11. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female


    You girlfriends fears are normal, and given your past justified. I would fear the same thing. :yup: How do you have a long term sex thing and not have any emotional ties or feelings? :confused: I'm sorry if I seem stupid, but I just don't get that. :no: If you had said it only happend once or twice and it was just sex. I could possibly wrap my brain around that.

    I hate to sound like an ignorant prude; but I am not getting from your posts that you could live happily without being sexually intimate with a man. Your girlfriend cannot handle you being with a man. So why are we still discussing this? Either you dump her and lead the life you want to lead. Or you stay with her and forsake men forever.
     
  12. somedude13

    somedude13 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2008
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    OC, CA
    Thanks everyone. You gave me a lot to think about. I'm glad I finally posted on here. :)
     
  13. D_Mylor Mentallydaft

    D_Mylor Mentallydaft Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2008
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    0

    every one knows anal isn't cheating
     
  14. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    :261: BULL SHIT! :lmao:
     
  15. Explorer

    Explorer New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2005
    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NY
    Being 50/50 I understand that desire your feeling. I'm in my first relationship with a guy who is gay and I was honest with him in the beginning that I am bi and have been in relationships with just women. I've been with guys before but it was just mutual oral, jo but never anal sex until him. His biggest fear is that I'm gonna cheat on him with a woman, so I've made my feelings clear that I've never cheated when in a relationship with my girlfriends and am not about to cheat while in a relationship with him.

    We've tried the 3some thing, the first time was ok, the second time didn't go so well. I agree with Nick8 when he said, " You're entitled to a fully explored, engaged sex life. However, within the confines of the rules you've established in the relationship with the woman you're with, you'll make it or break it on how you communicate and renegeotiate them if there are other or new things you want."



     
  16. OCMuscleJock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    3,292
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    908
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Luis Obispo, CA
    Actually, I agree with NJQT466....you're not going to stop having these feelings so you are probably better off with someone that understands where you're coming from. I know thats probably not the answer you wanna hear since you have feelings for her as well...but I don't think anyone can deny their true feelings and desires and feel complete in a relationship. That will just end being someting you will hold against her and yourself...and it will be come a bigger problem as the relationship progresses.
    Also, I live here in the OC as well ...I know outwardly lots of people down here seem prudish..but MANY are freaks on the DL. :) Shouldn't be too hard to keep yourself occupied with either side of the fence...
     
Draft saved Draft deleted