how do you approach approach friends about gay sex?

somedude13

Just Browsing
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Posts
6
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
86
Location
OC, CA
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
So here's the deal. I live with my gf. She knows I am bi, but expects me not to act on it. She's hot about the idea of seeing two men (myself included), but can't get past her hangups about a bi threesome (or any threesome for that matter). There are a couple of friends that I can see as being bi themselves who are very attractive and I could see myself satisfying my bi desires with them. How would you even approach the subject? Is it possible to talk without a hugely negative impact on the friendship? I'm probably better off not saying anything, right? Damn. Why does this f'ing society have such a problem with open sexuality?
 

Principessa

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2006
Posts
18,660
Media
0
Likes
146
Points
193
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
So here's the deal. I live with my gf. She knows I am bi, but expects me not to act on it.
Dump her! :redface: Clearly you are unable to live without cock. Find a woman that is okay with you basically cheating with another man and date her.


She's hot about the idea of seeing two men (myself included), but can't get past her hangups about a bi threesome (or any threesome for that matter).
Dude, she may like watching MMF or MFM porn; but when it's your bf getting fucked by another guy or doing the fucking & sucking it is TOTALLY different. Do not force this with her, if you do, it will end badly and you will lose her.


There are a couple of friends that I can see as being bi themselves who are very attractive and I could see myself satisfying my bi desires with them. How would you even approach the subject? Is it possible to talk without a hugely negative impact on the friendship? I'm probably better off not saying anything, right? Damn. Why does this f'ing society have such a problem with open sexuality?[/QUOTE] Cause it's just the way it is. :rolleyes: The bulk of society sees things in terms of black and white, right and wrong, straight and gay. Bisexuality is too ambiguous for the mind of the common man or woman. The attitude of some is 'pick one damn it, men or women.'
Most people have not read the Kinsey Report, so the concept of sexuality being on a continuum and being fluid is not just foreign; but incomprehensible.:frown1:

FWIW: Doesn't sound to me like you are 70% straight.
 

B_Nick8

Cherished Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2007
Posts
11,402
Media
0
Likes
307
Points
208
Location
New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
Honestly, she "expects" you not to act on this because you are a couple. And perhaps she can't get past her hangups over the idea of a MMF threesome because, more than likely, she doesn't want to let the cat out of the proverbial bag.

I may be wrong here, but it sounds like you're the one who wants to explore this because you've got frustrated needs. If she genuinely gets behind you on this, I would make sure that the friend you approach with the idea really is going to be cool with it because if not, it could lead to all sorts of unwanted emotional complications. And even then, you may have to stress the F in the MMF more than the "you" part unless you know him well enough to be totally honest and can expect some sort of discretion. She may very well be completely freaked out if the two of you start going to town together, feeling left out and threatened.

You can also consider a more relative stranger to take the friendship aspect out of it. But bottom line, I think you and your girlfriend need to get really clear between yourselves what the rules are and how you want it to go. That, of course, starts with being really honest with yourself.

Good luck.
 
Last edited:

somedude13

Just Browsing
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Posts
6
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
86
Location
OC, CA
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
I say 30% gay because it is about the sex. I enjoy the strange yet familiar feelings of another cock (I've only had one). A relationship with another man just doesn't appeal to me. My gf knows about my desires as we regularly talk dirty about it while we are having sex. She's the only person in the world (aside from the one man I've been with) that has any idea I've been with a man. I can definitely live without it and have been for the last two years. There are places online (craigslist, etc) that I can find people to randomly hookup with, but the idea of being with a stranger doesn't appeal to me. As for a MMF threesome, I've got no problem making her the focus as it is an experience I want to share with her. This is just confusing. As much as I want to explore, I should probably keep it a fantasy, huh?
 

B_Nick8

Cherished Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2007
Posts
11,402
Media
0
Likes
307
Points
208
Location
New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
I say 30% gay because it is about the sex. I enjoy the strange yet familiar feelings of another cock (I've only had one).
I'm not trying to be heavy here, but 30% seems like a high percentage to place on a one time experience so I'm thinking this was a longer term thing. If it weighs that heavily (and I mean that in a non-judgmental way) on your sexuality, it's significant. I think what I also mean to say is that I'd be happier seeing you not having to think about it at all, I mean not wondering about it, except as far as it concerns your partner.

This is just confusing. As much as I want to explore, I should probably keep it a fantasy, huh?

Not necessarily. You're entitled to a fully explored, engaged sex life. However, within the confines of the rules you've established in the relationship with the woman you're with, you'll make it or break it on how you communicate and renegeotiate them if there are other or new things you want. You owe it to yourself first of all to be honest with yourself because if you're not making yourself happy you can't possibly hope to make anyone else happy.

If you can share those things with her, well, that would be the best of all possible worlds.
 

somedude13

Just Browsing
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Posts
6
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
86
Location
OC, CA
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
It was definitely a long term thing. Overall, I am very happy, but I still want to experience another man once in a while. My gf's fear is that of abandonment. She is divorced and afraid I would leave her for the guy. She doesn't understand it is sexually driven and that emotion (at a relationship level) doesn't exist between me and men.
 

B_Nick8

Cherished Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2007
Posts
11,402
Media
0
Likes
307
Points
208
Location
New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
I tend to believe you. But I had a 5 year relationship (and I'll spare you the details except to say that everyone, all our friends, me and his entire family thought we were perfect for each other and incredibly happy) suddenly decided one day that what he wanted was a woman and a heterosexual family. So let me tell you, I would never consider dating a guy with your stats again.

It very well may be that it's solely limited to sex with you and men although this is difficult for me to understand because I can't understand separating sex and emotional involvement so clinically. But in the case of this particular woman, you may either have to discuss this pretty honestly and delicately and with the understanding that it may be out of the question or leave her if your need to have sex with men in your life is that important and find a woman who will allow you to incorporate that into your relationship. I'm not sure. You'll have to play this out.

Either way, and I go back to this, be honest--and I mean really honest--with yourself first. And then be honest with her.

May I ask how old you are, by the way?
 
Last edited:

Principessa

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2006
Posts
18,660
Media
0
Likes
146
Points
193
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
It was definitely a long term thing. Overall, I am very happy, but I still want to experience another man once in a while. My gf's fear is that of abandonment. She is divorced and afraid I would leave her for the guy. She doesn't understand it is sexually driven and that emotion (at a relationship level) doesn't exist between me and men.

You girlfriends fears are normal, and given your past justified. I would fear the same thing. :yup: How do you have a long term sex thing and not have any emotional ties or feelings? :confused: I'm sorry if I seem stupid, but I just don't get that. :no: If you had said it only happend once or twice and it was just sex. I could possibly wrap my brain around that.

I hate to sound like an ignorant prude; but I am not getting from your posts that you could live happily without being sexually intimate with a man. Your girlfriend cannot handle you being with a man. So why are we still discussing this? Either you dump her and lead the life you want to lead. Or you stay with her and forsake men forever.
 

Explorer

Experimental Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2005
Posts
73
Media
0
Likes
10
Points
153
Location
NY
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
Being 50/50 I understand that desire your feeling. I'm in my first relationship with a guy who is gay and I was honest with him in the beginning that I am bi and have been in relationships with just women. I've been with guys before but it was just mutual oral, jo but never anal sex until him. His biggest fear is that I'm gonna cheat on him with a woman, so I've made my feelings clear that I've never cheated when in a relationship with my girlfriends and am not about to cheat while in a relationship with him.

We've tried the 3some thing, the first time was ok, the second time didn't go so well. I agree with Nick8 when he said, " You're entitled to a fully explored, engaged sex life. However, within the confines of the rules you've established in the relationship with the woman you're with, you'll make it or break it on how you communicate and renegeotiate them if there are other or new things you want."



 

OCMuscleJock

Superior Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2008
Posts
3,187
Media
88
Likes
3,119
Points
198
Location
San Luis Obispo, CA
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Actually, I agree with NJQT466....you're not going to stop having these feelings so you are probably better off with someone that understands where you're coming from. I know thats probably not the answer you wanna hear since you have feelings for her as well...but I don't think anyone can deny their true feelings and desires and feel complete in a relationship. That will just end being someting you will hold against her and yourself...and it will be come a bigger problem as the relationship progresses.
Also, I live here in the OC as well ...I know outwardly lots of people down here seem prudish..but MANY are freaks on the DL. :) Shouldn't be too hard to keep yourself occupied with either side of the fence...