How do you approach intimate acts/sex?

[legacy84]

Hey everyone, I've been thinking recently about my relationship and wanted to know how other people in relationships currently or in the past deal with a particular situation.

For me, I really really enjoy when my g/f performs oral sex on me. She knows it and she also knows that she's really good at it. But, the situation is that she's told me that she doesn't like for me to "ask" for oral sex but rather I should just take things as they come and that by "asking" for oral sex it turns her off and she won't even consider it. I really don't know what I should do, it's not like I expect a blowjob every day or even every month or even every 6 months just once in a while I get to feeling like it would be really awesome to have her do her thing.

So, my question is, how should I approach the situation? To any ladies (or men) out there is it a turn-off when your b/f asks for a blowjob? Do they ask? Etc. Etc.

Thank you in advance.

- Legacy84

 

[MsThang]

I know exactly how your gf feels because I am the same way. I really need to be in the mood and hate when a guy asks then pleads when I say I don't feel like it because it does turn me off. I feel like I am doing a job. My suggestion would be to compliment her on her bj skillz. When you are in the mood for oral sex tell her what you love about her bj's, how she is the best and you are powerless when she has your cock in her mouth. You have to turn her on to it. Hope that helps. Can't say it will work because every women is different but it would work on me.

 

[LaFemme]

Yeah, I kind of get it too. I love doing it, but I don't want to feel coerced. And during sex, please don't grab my head and force it to your crotch. But..... text me during the day and tell me how hard you get just thinking about your cock slipping in and out of my mouth and how it's all you can think about.... well, you might just find me on my knees the moment you walk in through the door.

A blowjob is something that I give... so if I feel pressured, it starts to feel like a duty instead of something I do because I want you to feel so good.

 

[HungThickProf]

It's funny- it's like you have to develop a strategy. And I can think of 3 situations where strategy is key: battle, business, and games. Personally, when I'm in a relationship with someone, I ask- I'm either going to get a yes or no answer, period. I state that I'm horny(true), I want to go down on them(also true), and I want them to suck the life out of me(again, more truth). If you're in a relationship with someone, you should be able to be honest with that person about your concerns and your wants. As long as there's a "pay-off" (reciprocation), and it's understood, then it should be an intimate, dirty moment between two people, and not a chore to be dreaded.

I don't see the big deal in asking, but everyone's different.

 

[legacy84]

Thanks everyone for your response. I can understand why she may feel like asking for it is a turn-off. I guess I just wanted to know how to better approach the situation. Your comments and ideas are definitely helpful.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I think you should find a g/f who really gets off on oral sex rather than "finding it a chore". I mean, seriously, who needs a relationship with someone who's so moody and fickle? If you can't find a girl who's into it, then try guys. I can tell you that there are many very attractive guys who'd jump at the chance to give you good head. The truth is women can be seriously complicated and difficult sometimes.

 

[HungThickProf]

I think you should find a g/f who really gets off on oral sex rather than "finding it a chore". I mean, seriously, who needs a relationship with someone who's so moody and fickle? If you can't find a girl who's into it, then try guys. I can tell you that there are many very attractive guys who'd jump at the chance to give you good head. The truth is women can be seriously complicated and difficult sometimes.

So can men.But I'm so not disagreeing with you.

 

[SeeDickRun]

But you guys are looking at going down on the boyfriend is the only instance of its being difficult with a woman.
Women almost always make sex a mind fuck for me. That's why I gave it up years ago! Men are much more predictable.

 

[LaFemme]

It's funny- it's like you have to develop a strategy. And I can think of 3 situations where strategy is key: battle, business, and games. Personally, when I'm in a relationship with someone, I ask- I'm either going to get a yes or no answer, period. I state that I'm horny(true), I want to go down on them(also true), and I want them to suck the life out of me(again, more truth). If you're in a relationship with someone, you should be able to be honest with that person about your concerns and your wants. As long as there's a "pay-off" (reciprocation), and it's understood, then it should be an intimate, dirty moment between two people, and not a chore to be dreaded.

I don't see the big deal in asking, but everyone's different.

That's kind of a hot way of asking.....the key is that I want to know I'm making my guy hot, and if he asked the way you describe - he's going to get it and good.

But I since I love doing it and do it with almost every sexual encounter - no one really has to ask. I just don't like being treated like something to cum in. If that makes me complicated and difficult - so be it.

 

[HungThickProf]

That's kind of a hot way of asking.....the key is that I want to know I'm making my guy hot, and if he asked the way you describe - he's going to get it and good.

But I since I love doing it and do it with almost every sexual encounter - no one really has to ask. I just don't like being treated like something to cum in. If that makes me complicated and difficult - so be it.

Actually, knowing that- that doesn't make you complicated or difficult at all.

 

[NEWREBA]

That's kind of a hot way of asking.....the key is that I want to know I'm making my guy hot, and if he asked the way you describe - he's going to get it and good.

But I since I love doing it and do it with almost every sexual encounter - no one really has to ask. I just don't like being treated like something to cum in. If that makes me complicated and difficult - so be it.

I've been reading about a theory where objectification for men is a very erotic desire in them. Of course the problem is that when a woman feels that a guy is treating her like a thing, she loses interest very fast. It's a sort of conundrum to me. I wonder if gay or bisexual guys feel strange about being objectified or if it's no big thing to them?

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I've been with my husband for 15 years and blow jobs are no chore to me. The only time I remember sex feeling like a chore was when my son was born. I didn't see 8 hours straight of sleep for the first 3 months. Between the lack of sleep, taking care of a baby and running the house I barely had time for anything. My free moments were spent napping or showering, that's it. My husband wanted to have sex with me but I was so physically and mentally exhausted that I just couldn't. He understood and we eventually got back to having sex, but during that time period any type of sex felt like a chore to me. I have no problem with him approaching me for head, but I must admit that an offer of mutual satisfaction sweetens the deal.

 

[LaFemme]

I've been reading about a theory where objectification for men is a very erotic desire in them. Of course the problem is that when a woman feels that a guy is treating her like a thing, she loses interest very fast. It's a sort of conundrum to me. I wonder if gay or bisexual guys feel strange about being objectified or if it's no big thing to them?

In my experience, that theory has proven to be true. My last guy friend would love it when I would treat him like something to be used for my pleasure; however, he also knew I hated to be treated like a thing and would make sure that I knew that he desired me. It works out great as long as both parties know what arouses the other person. I was comfortable shoving him to the bed and ripping into him; he was comfortable whispering my name and telling me how much he loved fucking me.