How Do You Ask Someone Out? Part II

[HyperHulk]

Thank you so much for writing your response. I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness and candor. It really did make me think.

You're welcome. I understand you reaching out for advice. We do that all the time with our friends. I just want to share with you that it's not just about you. You are worried about dating etiquette and I don't think it matters. First, everyone has a different opinion, there is no right way. But also, if a guy rejects you because you called too soon or whatever, it's really not about that, it's more about the fact that that guy isn't ready for a relationship or you two aren't a match. And you can never really know or predict those things that people like or don't like. Of course this all assumes that you use common sense when dating and you don't come across as psychotic. You really just have to be yourself. Because eventually the real you will come out. So just be careful of trying to present yourself in a way that follows the script of someone from lpsg instead of your authentic self.

I think you have everything you need. You have a brain, you can communicate, your life experience gives you confidence and some self knowledge and you can read people to some degree. I think the biggest problem men have in relationships is emotional immaturity, whether they are gay/straight/bi or in homo or hetero relationships. That's the thing you have to look out for when dating guys. Find a guy you can relate to, who is honest and emotionally mature and you have a shot--anything else will most likely be filled with drama.

Good luck.

 

[2322]

So a week has passed and still no word from Calvin. I've been disappointed, saddened, and filled with all kinds of self-doubt about why I never heard from him.

I've had it with that bullshit. I'm taking the ball back to my court as I think I've been reading too much into (literally) nothing.

I'm going to call him tomorrow and see if he wants to get together again next weekend. He can say yes or no or maybe. Whatever the answer is, I'm going to be clear in my intention and then we'll go from there. I think we had a great time and I'd like to see him again as I enjoy his company. If he says no, well then I gave it a shot and I'll know how things stand and I continue wasting my time or wondering what I did to fuck it up. The fact is I'm a pretty damn good catch and if he's not into me then he isn't. I'm tired of sleeping under a ceiling full of swords.

Sometimes I have to remind myself I've got two decent sized hairy balls hanging between my legs and I need to listen to them a little more often.

 

[nudeyorker]

OK Jason...sounds good, just remember we are in the height of the Holiday's and peoples schedules are a bit hectic right now. I would advise maybe prefacing your conversation with an nod to the fact that it is a busy time of year and maybe when all the hoop-la settles down then you could get together again with him.

 

[2322]

OK Jason...sounds good, just remember we are in the height of the Holiday's and peoples schedules are a bit hectic right now. I would advise maybe prefacing your conversation with an nod to the fact that it is a busy time of year and maybe when all the hoop-la settles down then you could get together again with him.

On indeed, quite right. I'm willing to be flexible here. I'd like to see him before Christmas. I'll see how he reacts to the idea. That may be more informative than actually getting together at all.

 

[2322]

Welp, so much for that!

Called him on Saturday to ask him out for dinner that night or, because it was such short notice, for this coming Friday as I would be in the city again then. He hasn't called back or emailed.

I'm calling it over. :frown1::dunno:

 

[Jovial]

Well, if it's over, it's over. But at least you did it. The next time will be easier.

 

[Principessa]

Welp, so much for that!

Called him on Saturday to ask him out for dinner that night or, because it was such short notice, for this coming Friday as I would be in the city again then. He hasn't called back or emailed.

I'm calling it over. :frown1::dunno:

Not so fast. Do gay guys do that wait 3 days to return a call thing or is that only straight guys? Cause technically he has until Tuesday night to call you back.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Welp, so much for that!

Called him on Saturday to ask him out for dinner that night or, because it was such short notice, for this coming Friday as I would be in the city again then. He hasn't called back or emailed.

I'm calling it over. :frown1::dunno:

I think you are right, Jason - that's a shame. It seems mean not to at least return one call or email to say 'thanks, but no thanks'. I'll never understand that - even when I'm not interested in someone I still feel I owe them the same politeness I'd give to anyone else who mailed or called me, i.e. a response.

Not so fast. Do gay guys do that wait 3 days to return a call thing or is that only straight guys? Cause technically he has until Tuesday night to call you back.

Technically smchenically - not returning a call for 3 days is rude. If I leave it more than 24 hours to call back a platonic friend I feel shitty!

 

[2322]

Well, if it's over, it's over. But at least you did it. The next time will be easier.

I hope so. I'm considering just sport dating guys for the hell of it to get a feel of how this all works. That way I'll know what to do for the next one I really like.

Not so fast. Do gay guys do that wait 3 days to return a call thing or is that only straight guys? Cause technically he has until Tuesday night to call you back.

Three day rule??? How the hell do I know? :dunno: I have no idea how any of this works. I'm winging it and relying on what people tell me I should do. I didn't even know there's a 3 day rule! Ugh. What a pity you don't live up here any longer. You could be my dating coach.

 

[B_Nick8]

Oh, Jason, I'm sorry. Unfortunately the elusive 'momentum factor' always comes into play. It's that timing thing.

Is there a chance you'll see him again at one of the events you met him at and might have a chance to reestablish the connection/chemistry? Sometimes these things happen.

In the meantime, it's a learning curve and that's always a good thing. You'll be that much better equipped the next go-round and will handle it that much better. Success is built on these experiences.

 

[2322]

Thanks Nick8.

What's the, "momentum thing?" Does that mean I should have called earlier? Is there a time limit on these things?

Yeah, there's actually a good chance I'll see him at one of these things in the not too distant future. It will certainly be awkward as I harbor some resentment that he couldn't be bothered to respond to either my follow-up email or my phone calls. I just have to keep telling myself that it's good I discovered what he's really like before things went any further.

 

[Principessa]

I think you are right, Jason - that's a shame. It seems mean not to at least return one call or email to say 'thanks, but no thanks'. I'll never understand that - even when I'm not interested in someone I still feel I owe them the same politeness I'd give to anyone else who mailed or called me, i.e. a response.

Technically smchenically - not returning a call for 3 days is rude. If I leave it more than 24 hours to call back a platonic friend I feel shitty!

I agree with you Manly Banisters. I'm just regurgitating stuff I've seen in tv movies and womens magazines. I foolishly bought that Rules book about 7 years ago. Let me tell you it was a load of crap! I have a shitty memory and I don't like playing games with people. So there was no way I was gonna be able to do any of that mess they recommended. Plus what if the guy falls for the girl you pretend to be? Then you are stuck pretending forever. I can't maintain
a fake persona. I tried that crap in my teens. A man has to love me as I am or not at all.

I hope so. I'm considering just sport dating guys for the hell of it to get a feel of how this all works. That way I'll know what to do for the next one I really like.

Three day rule??? How the hell do I know? :dunno: I have no idea how any of this works. I'm winging it and relying on what people tell me I should do. I didn't even know there's a 3 day rule! Ugh. What a pity you don't live up here any longer. You could be my dating coach.

If I was there I would be your A list fag hag and help you through all this. :smile: I thought everyone knew the 3 day rule? It's in all those silly romantic comedys with Matthew McConaughey. But I've only seen it apply to hetero people not gays. I was hoping y'all had more sense than us. :tongue:

 

[earllogjam]

Oh well Jason, you win some and you lose some. Sounded like you had a fun date though and really enjoyed yourself.

 

[B_Nick8]

Thanks Nick8.

What's the, "momentum thing?" Does that mean I should have called earlier? Is there a time limit on these things?

Yeah, there's actually a good chance I'll see him at one of these things in the not too distant future. It will certainly be awkward as I harbor some resentment that he couldn't be bothered to respond to either my follow-up email or my phone calls. I just have to keep telling myself that it's good I discovered what he's really like before things went any further.

Time limit? No, not per se, but as we discussed, the e-mail follow-up was a little 'cold'...I might have done it that night to say I'd enjoyed myself but then called within two or three days to make another date, but after four or five days...certainly a week later, people start drifting and creating different versions of the date themselves. Just as you're doing now, when in fact you had enjoyed yourself and had had a good time.

We've all had those times with people, even those of us who think we read others very well, where we just know it all went well and yet...we'll never know why it just didn't happen.

Honestly, Hon, it's all good. Live and learn. That's what it's all about.

 

[2322]

Thank you guys and girl. Your support is most heartfelt and ameliorative.

 

[Penis Aficionado]

I finally saw the movie NAPOLEON DYNAMITE tonight, and I just have to throw in my opinion that you should always, always ask someone out by saying, "Hey, I caught you a delicious bass."

 

[2322]

I finally saw the movie NAPOLEON DYNAMITE tonight, and I just have to throw in my opinion that you should always, always ask someone out by saying, "Hey, I caught you a delicious bass."

Just the thing for the new and improved Super Bass-O-Matic 76! Definitely an appropriate gift for your loved ones.