How do you attract the nice guys and repel the jerks/a-holes?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Jovial, Jan 18, 2009.

  1. Jovial

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    Do you scare away the nice guys when you try to scare away just the jerks?

    I see women here and other places on the Internet complaining about the jerks/losers/a-holes that contact them. Some women put things in their signature or profile saying "don't contact me to webcam" or whatever. I guess this is designed to get the jerks to stop bothering them. Does this really work? I mean when I see women complaining about guys contacting them I just figure they don't want to be bothered by anyone. It scares me away, but I'm a (self-proclaimed) nice guy. And most of the jerks probably won't read the "don't contact me" warning and contact a woman anyway.

    I guess the same thing happens in the real world. If you dress too sexy, maybe you get attention from the wrong type of guys. If you dress more conservatively, you may get less attention from bad guys and from nice guys. Or maybe you aren't outgoing because you figure you don't want to give some guys the wrong idea, but at the same time you don't seem approachable to the nice guys either.

    Does any of this make sense? What are your thoughts?
    How do you attempt to attract just the guys you want to attract?
     
  2. Principessa

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    Speaking as one who has attracted her share of jerks and a-holes both online and in IRL. The problem is the men, they overestimate their worth on the dating market. Some guys really have no clue when a woman is out of their league.
     
  3. goodwood

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    good point jovial.
    i look forward to hearing the views from the fairer sex on this one.
     
  4. goodwood

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    wow. njqt raises a valid point about men, which i must counter.
    b/c women apparently never overestimate their value on the dating
    market. hmm.
     
  5. Principessa

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    Probably, it would be hard not to do so. Kinda like chemotherapy kills off the cancer cells and the good cells because it can't distinguish between the two.

    I see women here and other places on the Internet complaining about the jerks/losers/a-holes that contact them.

    I just added the no camming thing to my signature last week as we seem to have a lot of newbies that don't know I don't like to view cams, nor will I be performing for them.

    No! That couldn't be further from the truth. :rolleyes: Women who post personal ads on dating sites want to meet and go out with nice men; but not gross losers.

    As for the women who say 'interested in camming' on this site. They may be like me and have no desire to watch a guy edge for 2-3 hours.

     
  6. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

    D_Hyacinth Harrytwat Account Disabled

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    As far as the "Dressing too sexy" thing goes, I think that if you're looking to attract attention, you should be ready (braced?) to receive all kinds of attention.

    Also, people are usually all nice on the outside (men and women alike) but it's not until you get to know them a little better that you figure out what they really are. That's speaking of IRL terms. I don't think the same holds true online, especially not on a website where one has to specify that they don't do cams etc. How do other websites work with women saying they don't want to cam? It's a generilaztion on this website that if a woman is here, then she wants to look at a big cock - so, a guy looks at his cock, deems it big, and contacts the woman. If he's polite about it then, in my mind, he's not being a jerk.

    If someone says "don't contact me - period", then they're missing out! Shouldn't be afraid to meet new people.

    To the OP: do you encounter a lot of women who are stand-off-ish and therefore don't want to approach?
     
  7. Jovial

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    You could say that, but it's probably my own perception. I put more weight on the "stay away" comments and gestures than I do on the "please approach me" ones.
     
  8. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

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    Probably good to play it safe.

    I've heard of some females that can spit venom into the eyes of an approaching and otherwise innocent male!
     
  9. Guy-jin

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    I haven't had many problems like that.

    Then again, I don't send PMs like, "Hay wut do u think of my cawk?" or "damb gurl lets cammm." Maybe that's why.

    I do send random friend invites to girls I've seen make interesting or intelligent commentary on the forums, though. Too bad you've ignored mine! :tongue:
     
  10. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

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    :eek: You've been reading the PMs I get! Same typos quoted and everything :tongue:

    Well sorry for ignoring your friend request but I guess I'm not clear with what's random and what's not. Drop me a PM lol.
     
  11. Nala

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    I don't spit venom, but admit I would like to show my nails when guy "damb gurl lets cammm"-number-double/triple-digits approaches me out of the blue.

    There's nothing wrong with nice guys, normal PM's or just showing interest in my opinion; I don't ignore people. The thing is: even when you don't invite or have a "please approach me" sign, the jerks will be there in large amounts while there will only be a few nice guys.
     
  12. EL_Duderino

    EL_Duderino New Member

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    this thread has shot my self esteem as i was already having a bad day. =( i don't even think meaningless sex will fix this. hope im not out of my league.
     
  13. Neziegh

    Neziegh New Member

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    You change the place where you hang out.
     
  14. nay-nay

    nay-nay New Member

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    at the moment, i'm not interested in guys, BUT...i know that in my situation...i attract the guys that i attract because of what i've been through. i was sexually abused as a child, and grew up with no self esteem. i've always looked at myself and thought "i'm fat and ugly" or "i'm disgusting." my entire life, i've felt like the most disgusting person in the entire world. i've let people walk all over me. i've let guys treat me like shit b/c i didn't think i was worthy of anything better. "this is what i get for being so ugly and gross."

    i noticed that guys tend to really like me in the beginning until they get to know me and then somehow, i always get put in the "Just friends" category - and then its usually followed by "but i'd fuck you though." AS IF THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING COMPLIMENT! :mad:

    and i also think part of that is my fault. i am a sexual person. i was never taught loving touch. instead, i was shown how to be a sex object to men at a very young age, and since then, i don't allow people to touch me at all.

    and these type of people can spot the weak ones. the ones who've been damaged. the ones who walk with their heads down, the ones who cannot make eye contact with others. the ones who seem nervous and cautious. once they have their eye on you...they work their charm and make you feel like you're important for once in your life. and once they've got their grip...they take what they want. "he must love me if he does this." they take take take until they can take no more and then they disappear.

    all i've ever been is a piece of meat, and an ego boost.

    i do not trust anyone anymore. never know what people's intentions are.

    for the first time in my life, i truly believe that i deserve better than that. i know that i need to sort out my issues. i have to make things better in my life so i can walk tall (and attract nicer guys who will actually respect me). i think its all about one's attitude and how a person carries his or her self.
     
  15. Jovial

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    It's like I just said in another thread, people pretend to like people more then they really do when they first meet them. It's just to keep them around until they get to know them better. If a guy didn't appear to like you too much when he first met you, then you'd probably not give him anymore time. So guys are forced to show more interest than is really there just to get the chance to get to know you more to determine just how much they like you.
     
  16. B_mylipswet

    B_mylipswet New Member

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    In your mind until you meet me eye to eye if you d
    Most men come on strong to me. I really don't have to try attracting them, in fact I take total responsibilty, I know how to say "no".
     
  17. D_Hyacinth Harrytwat

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    I hope you mean that. Some of what you said earlier in your post echoed exactly what I've said to myself and it's a very difficult cycle to break. A broken woman is easily manipulated by jerks (I don't think they go looking for these types on purpose) and she has to find within herself some self worth and establish who brings out the worst in her and who brings out the best. She has to remove the bad apples from her life, like sucking venom from a snakebite.

    Oh and it's not just you - the really good, respectable guys are plentiful as friends and pretty much non-existent as "more than friends" :tongue: I find it better this way. I can be surrounded by people I trust and don't depend on only one to respect me.
     
  18. Not_Punny

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    Interesting thread.

    I don't have much insight to offer, Jovial.

    I've been lucky at LPSG because most everyone here is nice to me. And most of the pm's I receive are respectful. Therefore, I haven't felt the need to post dire warnings or put up barbed wire fences.

    And the few messages/invites that are dumb/gross -- they don't offend me. On the contrary, they make me laugh, and I love a good laugh.

    - - - - - -

    Remember the song by the Supremes --

    But Mama said
    You cant hurry love
    No, you just have to wait
    She said love dont come easy
    Its a game of give and take

    You cant hurry love
    No, you just have to wait
    You got to trust, give it time
    No matter how long it takes

    - - - - - -

    I also heard an interesting comment on the radio today that went something like this: Life isn't about how LONG you live, but how special you make your time here.

    So, until you meet your special someone, my advice is to focus on doing stuff that makes you special to other people -- family, friends, sports teams, charities, etc., etc.

    AND -- call me corny if you will -- I also believe that you meet love when you're doing what you love.

    So don't TRY to meet the right girl. Live your life as fully as you can, and she will find you.

    Oh, somebody shoot me before I reveal any more of my stupid sentimentaility.
     
  19. B_biggish

    B_biggish New Member

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    ecellent stuff nay nay baby
     
  20. nay-nay

    nay-nay New Member

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    yeah i'm just starting to figure that out now. guys seem to be so "perfect" at first, but their true colors eventually come out. and by then, i like them for what i thought they were. :rolleyes:

    it is a difficult cycle to break. i agree.

    i've gained quite a bit of awareness on sexual abuse/incest from the book "secret survivors" by e. sue blume. there's a passage in there where she talks about how the broken are easily spotted by those who look for us b/c they know "survivors" (a term used for those who've been sexually abused) are insecure, looking for acceptance/approval, and will do all they can to get it. they know we're out to please, and i do not mean this as sexual only. they know that they can take whatever the hell they want.

    i know that not all guys out there are like that, but they exist. its a scary thing knowing that i have an even higher risk of being sexually abused again in my life, that when i have children, they've got a higher risk as well. its a cycle that needs to be stopped, and this means that i have to confront it and deal with it so the generations after me won't have to go through the same thing. there's research that goes into this, and i believe it because there's sexual abuse in the last 3 generations in my family (and who knows how many others before that).

    lol. i haven't lost all hope. i think there's a nice guy (or girl) out there for me.
     
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