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Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by DV8, Jun 27, 2011.
I'm just wondering?
I fall into the tough love category. Go to rehab and get help and I will love and support you when you take that step. Otherwise don't call me or ask for money until you do.
Communicate, you guys are family. you need to let them know how you feel.
2 things or places a.a. and al-anon/al-a-teen.
Send them to a.a. (alcoholics anonymous), they're in most phone books or located easily on line) and if you or a loved one is in a close relationship with them there's al-anon for all and al-ateeen for those under legal drinking age trying to cope with mom, dad or other family member that is an alky. Al-anon/al-a-teen can also be located on line.
An alcoholic needs discipline more.than he needs compassion..... One foot in front of the other, first you make the decision to get help, then we talk
Its very difficult to cope with an alcoholic and even more difficult trying to stop them from drinking. We have a member of the family who is full blown alcoholic and refuses to go to rehab, making everybody in the family suffer for a long time but only recently things started to change after a lot of pressure and compassion but we don't know how long it will last.
For the most part these are adult people who have to take care of themselves, you can't do it for someone, you can be supportive but not enabling.
I grew up with an alcoholic father. It was tough to say the least. We lost everything through those years but mom stayed with him. Everyone needs to understand that if the person doesn't want help there is no hope. They need to be the one to ask for help because that is an indication that they are facing the truth and what they are. My dad finally reached that point and was a recovering alcoholic the last 25 years of his life. The term recovering alcoholic is correct because it is a process that never stops. AA was his avenue but that's not to say that is the only way to recovery. He used his experiences to help others as a local AA support member and had what we called the hot line. A phone with a dedicated number that could ring at anytime of the day or night and he would respond. Anywhere from talking to the person on the phone, meeting them in person, going to pick someone up for treatment....He did all of this on his own time / dime and never asked for anything in return just to help people.
Anyway I have rambled on enough. Just be there when they fall hard enough that it wakes them up to situation.
A friend of mine in college was an alcoholic and i did tough love and wouldnt let him get away with anything. i was constantly there for him but made him own up to the things he said and did. eventually he went to aa. he's clean and sober 7 years now and we're still friends
My best friend's father was an alcoholic. So was her mother. Her mother quit drinking cold turkey and never looked back. He father was on and off the wagon. His drinking made me avoidant with him, even though he was my first father figure. He's still the man I turn to when I need a father to guide me. When he's sober, he's a great dad. When he's drunk he flirts with me, and now that his wife has died he makes a lot of really inappropriate jokes. I just keep my distance and try to call during the times of day I know I can catch him sober.
I have a friend who is an alcoholic. He must really hate himself. He can't be sober ever. Not for a second. He always has to chain smoke, smoke weed, and drink alcohol. It makes him argumentative and pushy. It makes him obnoxious. His critical thinking skills and judgement have both suffered. I don't want him in my house. His house is filthy so I do not go there,I just keep my distance. I don't want him to get me or my husband into any trouble with his behavior, and there is nothing I can do to help him.
My oldest brother is an alcoholic. Made my growing-up years hell. He's still off and on the wagon.
A favorite cousin is a recovering alcoholic. His uncles and grandfather were all alcoholics, and he started early (middle school). He's been sober for several years now.
I can't enable people. I can only support them as they (and when they) take that first step (and the later ones) toward recovery.
NCbear (who wishes you the best, Dante, in handling this :hugs: ats on the back
Thank you all very much! I'm looking for any ideas or ways to present the reality of the situation to this person and make them understand. It's so stressful that it's starting to affect my mood. I can't take much more.
Thank you very much =) You're a sweet soul =)
Dante, honestly, the best you can do is not make the situation worse by enabling. Let this person hit rock bottom. Don't buy liquor, don't be around if they are drinking, don't clean up puke. First take care of yourself. You can't make an alcoholic drink, you can't stop them either, but yoy can control yourself.
Don't feed the addiction by being a sap and making their life bearable by tolerating it. Once you put your foot down and clear out you are taking away an incentive for this person to remain in his state. Sadly it takes many such instances until they really confront their sittuation. But you are your own master, so take care of yourself!
The reality, as you are hearing from many here, is to take a stance that you care and will be there when they truely want help. Until then there is no support or help that will make a difference. There is no sure fix and some never make it sorry to say. Take care of yourself.
You both, well, everyone really have pretty much reiterated what I already knew. It's just hard to watch when it's a parent, ya know? But I thank you =)
Grew up with alchoholic dad. I empathize. Sadly until they want the help all you can do is not enable, go to support meetings, and distance yourself for your own emotional well being. Will write more later. From what i know, about your sit and in relation to mine growing up, it will be a lang hard road, one hat the parent may never fully journey down. You need to be prepared for that possible eventuallity. My dad never did. He got close but never there, and died alone from cirrhosis. But some do make it :smile:
Hang in there baby, you'll do fine, and hey, we are all here is you need us :hug:
i am an alcoholic. i quit drinking when i got sick and tired of being sick and tired. i knew deep down that people cared about me, but they were tired of my bullshit too.
it wasn't easy getting sober, but it was worth it. Today i am grateful that my friends deserted me,because without that i might have never gotten sober.
when i got out of treatment ,they were there to support me.
i have been sober many years now. tell your friend or family member(when they are sober) how you feel, what it is doing to you, and give them an option( one option) get help or they will lose you as it is tearing you up. also call al-anon for yourself, as they will know what to do.
May God bless
Life is filled with many things that are hard to watch. Finding a good support group can help you get through it. Alanon might be be a good place to start.
Be positive. I've found that a lot of great movies revolve around alcoholic main characters (Leaving Las Vegas, Crazy Heart), and a lot of the most interesting people were alcoholics at one point in their life (Craig Ferguson, George W. Bush).
I'll keep that in mind...Thanks for the depression. =)