How Do You Deal With Someone Who's Bad In Bed?

turbofan

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So I've always been kinda curious how people handle it when they're with someone who's not very experienced or skilled. I personally have never had the heart to tell someone when they're not very pleasurable. For instance one of my exes, bless his heart; best bottom ever, with an ass like a vice grip, but the poor guy sucked dick like a timid virgin. I never knew how he would take it if I told him, though, so I just tried to live with it.

How do you handle it when someone is not very good at one thing or just not good in general? Is there a constructive way to "coach" them?
 
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XAE14G

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Yes, you teach them. Not by saying what hey are doing wrong but by asking them to change thing because you like it better that way.
If it's a one night stand, you just have to ride it. If you are into a relationship, I think the best way to approach the issue is by talking. I have been told to do things differently and it helped a lot. I have also told the other person to do things differently. Communication is key in a relationship.
 

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it depends on the nature of the "bad"?
Respectfully I think you can coach purely spatial things like position, grip, and angle during the act and not have too much trouble..provided its mutually pleasurable, your partner will probably either learn to do so themselves or encourage you to initiate or guide them in future encounters.
If we're talking things like attitude, enthusiasm, willingness I think you need to ask yourself how invested you are in working with your partner to dive into their psyche and get some insight into their sexual process and how it feels for them and be willing to accept and embrace on a preliminary basis, any or no willingness on their part to alter their comfort level after the fact.
 

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If it's a casual one-night stand, chalk it up as a bad experience and let it go.. If it's someone you like or care about, offer understanding and encouragement. Last year, I was with a buddy who came too quickly. It was pretty certain he suffered from premature ejaculation and he was really embarrassed and upset about it. I just told him not to worry, it wasn't the end of the world, and since we had all afternoon, the problem would start going away the second or third time.
What I would never do is make fun of a dude because of the size of his cock or because he came too quickly, or a chick who was having trouble orgasming.
 

HungBtmVegas

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So I've always been kinda curious how people handle it when they're with someone who's not very experienced or skilled. I personally have never had the heart to tell someone when they're not very pleasurable. For instance one of my exes, bless his heart; best bottom ever, with an ass like a vice grip, but the poor guy sucked dick like a timid virgin. I never knew how he would take it if I told him, though, so I just tried to live with it.

How do you handle it when someone is not very good at one thing or just not good in general? Is there a constructive way to "coach" them?

I usually just take the driver's seat
 

Anton565

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Whenever he does get something right, be really loud and clear about it. Instructions are OK.

The flip it around. Do to him what you want him to do to you. Say, "this is one of my favorite things" then do it without giving him a chance to respond.

There's also the possibility that he's wired a bit differently so what does nothong for you could send lightning through his body.
 
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7053701

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Communicate. Encourage them to do the same. Reinforce the positive things they do. Don't be selfish. Don't make judgmental comments which make them feel bad and ruin their experience. Newbies? Let them explore. :)

Takes two to tango.:cool:
Exactly. When I first started having sex, I didn't know a damn thing. No one did. Fortunately for me, I was into dating men 10+ years older than me, so I had good teachers. Not one of them said anything negative about my lack of experience. They gently took charge, and set the example of what feels good. One guy I met in that period was a pro cocksucker, and I still follow his techniques to this day.
 
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deleted1025121

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I think people can always improve. So you coach them into what you like and what they can do to help you get off better. If its a one night stand..you can still kinda do that...but if you're not into them in any other way...chalk it up as a bad sex experience and move on.
 

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If someone had a bad technique or just doesn't do things in a way that you like, then teach them. Gently guide them in how you like it and what helps get you off. With a little patience, most things can be overcome. Someone doesn't fuck the way you like, then roll them over and teach them how to drive, or tell them to hold still while you show them how you like it. There are some things that you also have to have a passion for. I think when it comes to sucking cock, you have to put the effort into it or don't bother. My dick isn't made of glass, and it isn't going to shatter in your mouth. Don't be so delicate with it. If you're too rough, I'll let you know, otherwise, stick it down your throat and go to town on it. Need pointers, I'll be happy to tell you.

If none of that works, don't waste your time. You can always find another dick, without being a dick about it.
 
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keenobserver

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it depends on the nature of the "bad"?
Respectfully I think you can coach purely spatial things like position, grip, and angle during the act and not have too much trouble..provided its mutually pleasurable, your partner will probably either learn to do so themselves or encourage you to initiate or guide them in future encounters.
If we're talking things like attitude, enthusiasm, willingness I think you need to ask yourself how invested you are in working with your partner to dive into their psyche and get some insight into their sexual process and how it feels for them and be willing to accept and embrace on a preliminary basis, any or no willingness on their part to alter their comfort level after the fact.

Excellent reply. Really nails it down. Bravo.

When I am with someone who is not meeting expectations in bed for whatever reason, I remember my own horrible first time getting fucked. It was a nightmare and it was mainly a nightmare because I did not really know anything about it, and my one and done hook up, in a bath house was not aware of that or how to work with someone at a different level of experience.

Communication is the foundation of all great sex - being on the same page working toward a great experience. Sometimes we're lucky and 'it works out,' other times it improves as we go and sometimes it just sucks. That's why it is important to talk, ask questions, gently lead, 'have you tried it this way,' 'would you be willing to consider . . . ' - whatever.

First thing is to stop seeing working with a partner as 'dealing with someone.' We 'deal with someone' when the lawn guy missed a big spot, or the trash is not picked up on time. If you're seeing intimacy as something you have to 'deal with' then we have a problem from the start. Remember your goal is a great shared experience and working toward that goal is meant to be enjoyable and pleasurable for everyone. Be positive and pro-active- suggest positions, lubes, techniques about what is not working and ask questions about what has been a problem in the past. People carry baggage that hinder them. It may simply be shyness or it could be a deep sense of shame over something that happened with someone else. If you understand that and express support and willingness to make progress together you will eventually get a good result.
 

carlosttt

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Oh, tell them. Tactfull obviously, but it's something that will take you 5 min, but will be a huge help to the guy.
But you have to say it tactfully, or you know, telling what you really liked him to do.

Campsite rule and all of that. Had a guy tell me onde day, I was always a bit nervous but didn't know how much it was coming across, nor what I could do differently. I'm still grateful to that talk.
 

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If you understand that and express support and willingness to make progress together you will eventually get a good result.
This is the one and only caveat that I would push back upon. I think it's nice to think positively and hope that enough love support and working together we'll get a good result but this is where I think we as men need to start taking our cues from women for our overall benefit. We need to be willing to set boundaries and guide lines that allow for the fact that our partners may never get better and if that not getting better is a willing action on their part then it's 100% okay to dissolve that sexual relationship, because we do deserve a fulfilling sexual relationship even if our partner is unable or unwilling to provide that.
 

keenobserver

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This is the one and only caveat that I would push back upon. I think it's nice to think positively and hope that enough love support and working together we'll get a good result but this is where I think we as men need to start taking our cues from women for our overall benefit. We need to be willing to set boundaries and guide lines that allow for the fact that our partners may never get better and if that not getting better is a willing action on their part then it's 100% okay to dissolve that sexual relationship, because we do deserve a fulfilling sexual relationship even if our partner is unable or unwilling to provide that.

The desire to improve does have to be a shared goal and if it is not, then I think you are right that things may not really get better, and each person will have to weigh how important that is to continuing the relationship. Good point.
 
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I see being better or worse as whether or not someone has the ability to "sync" with it's partner/partners, sort of reading the room, leading/following when needed... everything else can be sorted easily if there's a sort of empathy or connection.

For me, a "Starfish" is the worst possible sexual partner, someone that just lays there, open arms and legs and literally does nothing and wants to do nothing at all, just take it in the most passive and lazy possible way.