How do you deal with unwanted sexual attention tactfully?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by earllogjam, Jul 30, 2011.

  1. earllogjam

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    This always makes me very uncomfortable especially with some women. Do you just look them in the eye and say, "NO WAY IN HELL AM I EVEN REMOTELY ATTRACTED TO YOU!"

    Does it make you uncomfortable even under friendly circumstances?
     
  2. NEWREBA

    NEWREBA New Member

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    Well women have to deal with guys coming on to us all the time so I understand your situation. I can see you're sensitive to hurting a woman's feelings so you don't want to speak your mind so bluntly. Most women are very tuned in to body language, so if you don't face her directly and look right into her eyes, she'll pick up on that and leave you alone. HOWEVER when girls get wasted/drunk, all the rules go out the window. I think you should maybe then tell the woman that you're gay. It's mostly true and leaves you a big out. Being mean to anyone who is attracted to you isn't really so cool because word will get around that you're a bitch! ;-)
     
  3. nudeyorker

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    Buy a wedding band. All you have to do is point to it and smile and shake your head no. No one gets their feelings hurt and the advances stop. (in most cases)
     
  4. Gecko4lif

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    Im not attracted to you. This is of course assuming they approach you aggressively. In any other case just ignore them.
     
  5. earllogjam

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    I've thought of this but I feel uncomfortable lying and it seems odd that I would slip on and off a wedding ring in front of people even discreetly.

    And some strangers or business acquaintances I don't feel comfortable just saying that I am gay.

    It makes me very uncomfortable getting hit on in most everyday settings. I don't want to come across as stuck up or unfriendly but that is usually how it ends up.
     
  6. nudeyorker

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    But the beauty of the ring is you don't have to lie. You just smile and point to the ring and shake your head no. At no point during this pantomime have you uttered a word. Then when you do speak you say, "Thank you for the compliment but no thank you."
    Furthermore if someone approaches you and asks if it is a wedding band and you say "Yes it is." You still have not lied.
     
    #6 nudeyorker, Jul 30, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2011
  7. MrToolhung

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    You have to be honest with the individual that is making the advances on you that you are not interested. If you are not willing to lie to them then be truthful. You could always start talking about something that will get them off the topic.
     
  8. Remington

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    Under most circumstances, I thank them if they've said any complements and just tell them that I'm not interested.

    And no, it doesn't make me uncomfortable to reject someone. If I'm not interested, then I'd rather just tell them than "avoid" them, lie, or possibly lead them on and cause possible drama.
     
    #8 Remington, Jul 30, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2011
  9. art

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    Say something like, "Thanks for the compliment, but I'm not interested." Be direct, be polite if they are.
     
  10. nudeyorker

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    This is likely the best advice so far... but with my plan he get to go jewelry shopping too!
     
  11. dolfette

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    bi've been seeking the answer to this question for years. i've just not been interested in getting involved with anyone for a very long time, so every advance is an unwanted advance. usually i just try to avoid the advances in the first place... avoiding eye contact, dressing down, etc. sometimes i just blank the person, which is rude but easiest from my point of view.
    's never worked for me. not once.
     
  12. nudeyorker

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    It worked like a charm for me when I was single. Now that I'm actually married I forget to put the ring on half the time. But now I can say "Sorry I'm spoken for!"
     
  13. pcghabsy

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    I think it is best to get to know the person well enough - it is unfair to just say "Not interested". Get to know them well enough to know the right way to say No. Some women will prefer a direct answer, while you have to be much more polite with others.

    Like everything else, every person reacts differently to a different action.
     
  14. dolfette

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    i'll put it down to my irresistible hawtness then :tongue:
     
  15. redbear52

    redbear52 New Member

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    Hasn't been a problem for the last 30 years. I just tell them I'm married (usually).
     
  16. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    most women see that I have wedding band on and that's the end. some will give you shit for being married and out drinking. and since I'm tall and most women think all tall guys are hung( in this case..true). I have heard, "I bet you got a big old dick." and then they are staring at your crotch. sometimes I'm a shower and sometimes not.

    if I can't get away from them, I'll go to the john or step out and have a smoke. (no smoking where I live). I have never said anything like, no way will I ever have sex with you or similiar. this just opens a can of worms.
     
  17. Bbucko

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    I usually use humor to defuse any unwanted sexual tension: it works.
     
  18. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    In public I normally go the whole "I'm flattered but no thanks" route but here where some of the approaches are just down right obnoxious "ignore" is norm...persistence normally earns their PM posted in the "PM" sticky in Women's Issues for all to scoff at.
     
  19. AlteredEgo

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    Me neither. And I really am married. To a giant. When he's not with me, sometimes even dudes who have seen him hit on me. Fucking weird.

    Anyway, if the person in question is being passive, I ignore them. If they actually speak to me, I smile, tell them I'm not available, and keep it moving. I leave the premises if possible, and if not, just that immediate area.
     
  20. earllogjam

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    That is what I usually do as I'm not gregarious or comfortable with strangers but it has the negative affect of being perceived as stuck up, or stand off-ish.

    And sometimes I'm just in a bad mood and don't want to deal with it.

    That is so devious, nudie. lol

    I've done this before but sometimes the person retorts with, "what are you talking about, I'm not interested in you." I think to save face. Being so frank, the other person always feels like a fool and I feel badly for being so blunt and tackless about it. You also cut off any possibility of platonic friendship by saying flat out "I'm not interested, sorry."

    Any good one line jokes to deflate sexual attention.
     
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