How do you define your sexuality?

[Phil Ayesho]

My introduction to sexuality was thru a quasi-molestation by some older boys during my "tweens".

So, my first two years of sexual experience were with the same sex. My first 20 or so orgasms were with a dick in my ass and, usually, one in my mouth.

I use the term"quasi" because of the BIG SECRET that most folks don't speak about regarding this kind of molestation... that is, that a lot of molestations of adolescent boys occur over long periods of time (i.e. are not isolated events) that most victims are willing to travel to their molestors, and that their molestors do not 'threaten' them to keep them from telling... you don't tell for two reasons. 1 you don't want anyone to know and 2, you don't want it to stop.

I never really had any problem dealing with the fact that, to a large extent, it happened because I liked it. I liked everything about cock. But then, I had been "imprinted" with it. Unlike a lot of "willing" molestation victims... I accept my own culpability in what occured... and, really, I would not give up those formative experiences for anything.

I was almost shocked to find out, by the age of 15, that I was really far more attracted to girls. As much as i enjoyed sucking a cock, it was girls that I wanted to cuddle with and kiss and fall in love with.
I realized at some point that, for me, the guy thing was purely sexual in nature... just the animal pleasure...
Not that I could not fall in love with a guy... it just never happened...
Unlike men 'born gay'.. I did not have the built in wiring for attraction to men...

Still... there was that imprinting....

I had several other sexual experience with guys over the following years... as I predominantly dated girls.
And eventually married, at which point my gay experiences ended.

12 years later, As that marriage started to decay I had a couple MMF experiences, that included plenty of male male action, that were probably the most fun I have ever had, sexually...

But then I met another woman who was and has been the light of my life ever since... and I am all for her now.


Yet... there is still that early imprinting... I still fantasize about cock... I love gay porn every bit as much as straight porn...

however- if I never touch another guy again as long as I live i'm fine with it.

My early experiences made me a more tolerant and understanding person... enabled me to appreciate the homoerotic as well as the ordinary variety...made me an early advocate for gay rights.
It makes me, I think, A better lover to my woman.. and gives me compassion for a wider spectrum of human variety.
And it satisfied a curiosity that, otherwise, might tempt me had I known only women my whole life.

My research into history, particularly pre-christian history, and what I have learned of other men's experiences has drawn me to the conclusion that, for men to have sex with men, even starting from a very early age, is the most natural thing in the world.
To some degree, every guy likes sex, and every guy likes cock.

The very first time I felt a cock shoved into my mouth, it felt like my mouth was made to fit around it.

That's why I came back for more.

I prefer women... but I entirely understand homosexual attraction.

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

When I was a teenager, and even in my twenties, I tried to convince myself that I was straight. Later, in my mid to late twenties, I did my damndest to convince myself that I was bisexual. Somehow, I came to my senses in my thirties: I cut the crap, and accepted that I REALLY like men--everything about men: cocks (obviously), faces (esp. eyes and smiles), hands, feet, hairy bodies, the sounds of a male voice, the way men move, the shape of their butts, and so on and so forth.

Here's what kept me from embracing this reality when I was younger: I had bought into the notion that as long as I behaved like the typical "straight guy" in just about every situation (naturally, not pretentiously), even though I fantasized about (and was having sex with) men, I couldn't possibly be a true homosexual. In other words, I wanted to correlate certain so-called masculine traits I exhibited with being heterosexual or bisexual. I was fucking around with guys, but I wasn't effeminate, so I refused to classify myself as "homosexual."

Now that seems ridiculous to me. And I believe that until our society fully recognizes and accepts that your average, everyday guy-next-door might actually be attracted to other men, regardless of how he looks or behaves, a sizeable percentage of homosexual men will continue to hide their true sexuality and live two lives--and many will remain fully repressed behind a facade of heterosexuality simply because they don't want to feel rejected by those who make up the majority (and there are still so many who shun the notion of homosexuality--just think about the place where you work, or the couples you see at the park or beach or mall).

How unfortunate, really. And how unnecessary.

Bayonet,
this is an honest, well thought out, self reflective evaluation. Thanks for posting this.

I didn't notice any attraction to men until I entered high school. Previous to that, I was a typical competitive boy with other boys. But in HS gym, specifically shower room, I couldn't believe how all guys really are *not* the same! Suddenly, I no longer wanted to compete! I dated women exclusively until I was in my 30's. I went to a few gay bars and had a few "I wish I could forget" mm experiences in college. I have never seen a gay (or any!) bar I liked. There was a lot of fear and uncertainty persuing anything beyond bars. Fear of discovery, the stigma that if you take cock up the ass you may be less of a man, fear of disease, ah, and all the labels.

You can see from my other posts how the total number of men I have been with I can count on 2 hands. None of it really spectacular, mostly mechanical sex. Now, I am not actively looking but still miss the connection; same things you talk about liking in men. I'm at the point now where I wonder if a mm relationship is even possible with me and I'm not looking for a mf one either although I find women seem to be more outwardly friendly with me whereas most men will avoid my glance. I just don't want to play the dating games.

I liked how you talked about classifications. I tried doing the gay political stuff when I was younger but couldn't see myself as an activist. I don't remember really "fighting" any particular label. I just never felt comfortable in any. Because I don't really fit into any classification (str8, gay, bi), I looked at Androphilia as a possible way to "fit it" but I can't force myself to do other things that men traditionally do just so I can say I now belong to a group of men who call themselves Androphiles (not that there is anything wrong with that!) . I have a couple of real good friends, male and female, but I'm not too sociable otherwise. There is always something to do around your own home that makses for a damn good excuse.

I think that most of our society is coming around to accepting the fact that there can be exceptions to the "traditional" family but heterosexism will always be with us. It's just the way people are. It is what they identify with and what they are use to and it is easier to relate to others who also have a family with 2 1/2 kids.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

I love men but i will always be curious about being with a woman

90% straight - 10% gay (curious)

 

[hot-rod]

:arms: Ditto! Got to have a big juicy dick in my mouth, no pussy for me!

 

[Chick&2DicksUK]

Asexual - No way.

Heterosexual - No such creature.

Bi-Sexual - Not even sure what that means.

Homosexual - As repressed as the self-proclaimed Hetero.

Sexual - Yeah, that's the one.

 

[ballsaplenty2156]

Wow!! This is such a food for thought question. It's a question I've been going over in my head for several months now.
I'm 23. I've been playing both sides of the fence for a couple of years now. I truly enjoy pussy, have dated too many girls not to.
But the past few months have been very introspective for me. If I'm honest with myself, I LOVE sucking cock more than anything. It is such a total turn-on for me. It's like when I have a dude's cock in my mouth, NOTHING else seems to matter. I love to intense physicality of being sexual with another dude, hard body against hard body, not being afraid of hurting the other person during a wild sexual episode. I like the non-worry part of pregnancy with another guy, and the camaraderie, both before and after. For me sex with another guy is not so emotionally draining.
BUT, I can't see myself in a true homosexual relationship. I'm not effeminate at all. I'm not attracted to dudes who are. I love the smell of a woman and her soft curves, but not the whiny, demanding drama that comes with a woman.
I've even gone as far as to experiment with riding the "baloney pony" once. It was not as painful as I thought it would be, but immediately afterwards, I knew it was not something I wanted to do again, at least at this point in my life.
Being sexual with a good friend cost me that friendship; so I can't say the "gay" side of my life hasn't been completely drama-free.
I just feel so unsure of what's the best thing for me. I just broke off a relationship with a girl I'd been dating for over a year and a half, my parents were thinking she was going to be "the one". I don't want to live this double life anymore, but I'm a little more than confused as to where my real sexuality lies.

 

[_avg_]

Sorry for quoting myself here, but....

"I don't know why people have to make these things so complicated.

If you don't want to have sex with the opposite sex, you're gay.
If you don't want to have sex with the same sex, you're straight.
If you don't care which sex you have sex with, you're bi.

The percentages are likewise simple to caluclate: imagine the ideal man and woman, figure you get to pick your partner (and ONLY ONE AT A TIME) 100 times, and the number of times you chose each determines your percentage. Voila!"

 

[B_andyo]

no attraction to males.. no exception... thats 100% straight

 

[Chick&2DicksUK]

no attraction to males.. no exception... thats 100% straight

Oh, the innocence of youth (just jossing) :biggrin1:

 

[mvansd]

I'm 100% straight, but enjoy the chance to be completely open about things offered by this site.

Mainstream society might slap the gay tag on anyone curious about other guy's size or their own in comparison, but I think it is normal and healthy.

Showing of my own or seeing cocks is hardly going to turn me gay. I'm still only interested in sex with women.

That is such a perfect answer! This is exactly what I like about this site too, and I wish more straight guys could accept compliments from other guys without having it be a gay thing. When I compliment your dick, it's just that, a compliment... not a threat.

And by the way... you have a very nice cock! :smile:

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

I truly enjoy pussy, have dated too many girls not to. I LOVE sucking cock more than anything. It is such a total turn-on for me. It's like when I have a dude's cock in my mouth, NOTHING else seems to matter. I love to intense physicality of being sexual with another dude, hard body against hard body, not being afraid of hurting the other person during a wild sexual episode. I like the non-worry part of pregnancy with another guy, and the camaraderie, both before and after. For me sex with another guy is not so emotionally draining.
BUT, I can't see myself in a true homosexual relationship. I'm not effeminate at all. I'm not attracted to dudes who are. I love the smell of a woman and her soft curves, but not the whiny, demanding drama that comes with a woman.
I've even gone as far as to experiment with riding the "baloney pony" once. It was not as painful as I thought it would be, but immediately afterwards, I knew it was not something I wanted to do again, at least at this point in my life.
Being sexual with a good friend cost me that friendship; so I can't say the "gay" side of my life hasn't been completely drama-free.but I'm a little more than confused as to where my real sexuality lies.

ballsaplenty,
mmmmmmmm, seems to me that, although you say you like pussy, you talk mostly about the advantages of being with a man although, you seem to be also struggling with a bit of homophobia (ala the "effeminate" comment). I can say that because the NEWSFLASH is that there are both gay **and** straight men who may be perceived as "effeminate." This, in and of itself, however, is something that you will need to deal with within your own psyche and how you perceive your own self image. It may or may not be part of how you perceive your parents' expectations of you. You may at some point have to realize that what you want is most important and not what they want.

All that being said, and despite the fact that some think labels are assigned based solely upon what gender with which one chooses to share physical intimacy, our capacity to enjoy sex need not be tied to such a narrow definition. In fact, most people fall somewhere along the line of continuum *between* heterosexuality and homosexuality whether some people care to admit it or not. Sex researchers have known this for decades. A man can have intercourse with his wife every day of his life, have kids, grand kids, and great grand kids, and never admit to the fantasy he lives dreaming about sex with other men while he is fucking his wife. Get the point? And there are all other kinds of possible variations. We need only read the news to know that there are many men who are "on the down low."

Then, there are people like me who lately feels like the only satisfying relationship I can have is with *both* a man and a woman, in a dedicated 3-way. Why limit yourself to just a man or a woman when there are advantages to each? See, there are all kinds of possibilities.

Reading your post, however, looks to me like you are heavily leaning toward men with your ballsaplenty. :biggrin1:

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Asexual - No way.

Heterosexual - No such creature.

Bi-Sexual - Not even sure what that means.

Homosexual - As repressed as the self-proclaimed Hetero.

Sexual - Yeah, that's the one.

very well put!

 

[B_bjlover]

I have a thought...why doesnt' this site offer only 100% gay and 100% hetero galleries...totally separate....not 50/50 or 60/40..
you can be 100% hetero and still be sexually open but, I prefer 100% straight guys...a little confused w/people who say they are 50/50..maybe it just the wrong quantification of the propensity to be non-hetero...just my thoughts and opinions - you know what they say about that .

 

[Principessa]

For me, it was pretty easy. I am sexually attracted to men, I am not sexually attracted to women. I love women, I just have no sexual attraction.

OMG! :yikes: DC_DEEP you're a gay man! :tongue:​

 

[B_Monster]

To the point, thanks.

Sorry for quoting myself here, but....

"I don't know why people have to make these things so complicated.

If you don't want to have sex with the opposite sex, you're gay.
If you don't want to have sex with the same sex, you're straight.
If you don't care which sex you have sex with, you're bi.

The percentages are likewise simple to caluclate: imagine the ideal man and woman, figure you get to pick your partner (and ONLY ONE AT A TIME) 100 times, and the number of times you chose each determines your percentage. Voila!"

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Sorry for quoting myself here, but....

"I don't know why people have to make these things so complicated.

If you don't want to have sex with the opposite sex, you're gay.
If you don't want to have sex with the same sex, you're straight.
If you don't care which sex you have sex with, you're bi.

The percentages are likewise simple to caluclate: imagine the ideal man and woman, figure you get to pick your partner (and ONLY ONE AT A TIME) 100 times, and the number of times you chose each determines your percentage. Voila!"

Bet you believe there is only two genders too eh?

 

[B_Jennuine73]

I've been thinking hard on this question myself lately. I have always classified myself as bi.
When I was younger (teen) I was more attracted to females than males. Being from a small town, "lesbian" sex never happened. I played doctor with a few girls when I was really young but that was it.

When I left my small town for the big city, I had a few sexual experiences with women and I enjoyed them immensely. At the time, there was always a man there and he was just an annoyance and distraction for me. I would have classified myself as 80% gay.
I met my husband and knew he was the PERSON for me. If he was a female, I would have married, just as I married him being male.

This past year, my attraction for females decreased drastically. I do not understand this. A couple of weeks ago I was with a woman in a D/s situation and enjoyed myself completely. Yet, a few weeks before that I was with a woman and wasn't satisfied at all.

It seems lately I am all about the cock. I don't know if that will change or not. I just go with the flow and my percentages, I'm sure, will constantly be flowing, moving with an invisible and perplexing tide.

 

[_avg_]

Bet you believe there is only two genders too eh?

I don't even know what "gender" is; I'm not convinved it's anything more than a short-hand way of saying "non-physical characteristics of anatomical males/females [predominantly accepted as normal by their society]."

I took the question to be asking "how do you define your sexual orientation." Sexual orientation, then, is very simply a matter of anatomy (except in the case of hermaphrodites).

But "sexual orientation" does not mean "sexual identity," which I see as indistiguishable from "gender identity." Lumping gender identity into sexual orientation is creating distinctions without a difference, as I see it. A dress-wearing, manicure-getting, Glamour-reading, fem-y male is just as much a homosexual as the assless-chaps-wearing, techno-dancing, hairy-backed, manly-man if, at the end of the day when the pants come off, they have anatomies to match their sex partners. (edit -- yes, these are caracitures of popular stereo-types to illustrate different gender identies within the sexes...not that I need to add the disclaimer...)

 

[elf]

I'd like to be bisexual since it seems more logical to find people attractive regardless of their ..ahem...anatomy. But I've only ever fallen in love with guys and don't get sexually excited by women.

 

[midlifebear]

Not to sound flippant, but you know . . . I've been mulling over this topic since I last posted. I even made a pros/cons lists for why I like/dislike the mens and like/dislike the womens.

Women are nice. I like 'em. But I've noticed that (and I'm not being sexist, this is for real) I like the smell of men better than I like smell of women. Women have slightly acidic metabolisms that go well with things like the fragrances of flowers and warm spices (nutmeg, for example). Men are generally on the other side of the PH scale, somewhat alkaline, and my nose just seems to "go that way." Men's bodies do well when splashed with citrus and woodsy scents such as cedar and sage. Plus, the mens have got penises. I like penises. They are low maintenance. And there's a bunch of wimmin out there who seem to agree with me on that man smell thing. So, even though I put down 60% gay and 40% straight, I'm pretty much an old flaming queen with the occasional queer taste for the wimmins. I also like the wimmin's tendency to have more florid verbal skills, too. Them mens can be pretty taciturn at times.

Nope, I'm liking the mens with their penises and all.