How do you dump someone, without looking like a jerk?!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Red_Rebel, Jun 21, 2011.

  1. Red_Rebel

    Red_Rebel Active Member

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    This is not necessarily lpsg material but im having issues about telling someone im not interested.

    Im so used to letting people go by abruptly halting all forms of communications with them. But ive been seeing this guy for a bit and after having sex with him last night i just didnt feel all that into him. Im not about to try it again with him, its not like he's a car that i can just test run anytime i want. He is definitely falling hard, since he's only dated 3 guys.

    He's a real nice guy and as far as i've seen he's the sensitive sort. I like him (not in a bf sense), that's why i really dont wanna dump him like i do with the others. Any advice as to how i can approach this?
     
  2. B_doogie888

    B_doogie888 New Member

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    When it comes to ending relationships, sometimes you just have to be selfish.
     
  3. Red_Rebel

    Red_Rebel Active Member

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    Trust me, i'm good at that, but i just feel terrible with this one. He's younger and new at dating guys. I feel like im about to ruin it for him. :-(
     
  4. Charles Finn

    Gold Member

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    be his friend and mean it
    my friend Bill and I have been friends now 20 years he dumped me in the worst way and I just hurt him not on purpose but just be honest tell him friends or that you need more time either way be friends and friendly even if you do break up
     
  5. invisibleman

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    Well...you should tell him how you feel. You should tell him that you don't feel for him in the way serious lovers do. Be nice yet be honest. (And you will need to cut out the sex and the affection to let him know that you are for real. And you may have to kill the friendship for a while.)

     
  6. earllogjam

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    As you get older you get more calloused and less affected by rejection.

    The honest, quick and best way to do it is face to face and to simply say, "It's just not working out for me, there just aren't fireworks here for me."

    Let him say his peace and go your separate ways.
     
  7. Red_Rebel

    Red_Rebel Active Member

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    I really appreciate the replies. I really dont think falsifying a friendship with him will reduce the blow, if anything i might end up misleading him further.

    I did try telling him yesterday, and i told him to not think much of what i said when he got all teary eyed. I think ill do what earllogjam said. Now i just have to figure out a way to muster the courage to tell him this face to face.
     
  8. Stephenmass

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    And you want to make the break and not have a friendship after? If you make clear when you break with him (unless it's a LTR) that you do not want anything else beyond friendship because you think he is falling fast and you thought it better to be honest with him now instead of later to avoid hurt and rejection what is wrong with that? I'd also make it a point to not be alone with him even if you remain friends, that way there is no confusion.
     
  9. lafever

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    Nice guys always finish last, have you ever thought about helping him change his image?
    If you want him to go on with his life without you then it's time to help him become more like you.
    Once he's like you then he'll lose interest fast and you'll become a second thought to him.
    The real challenge is showing him that you two are better friends then lovers, explain in a loving manner that's why you feel compelled to help him. Because he's in puppy love he'll do whatever you tell him.
    The next challenge is to build his confidence enough so that when he's wanting affection from you and there's none to be found he gets impatient enough to go get it for himself elswhere, so that waiting for you is no longer an option for him but just a fadding thought.
    Before you know it he'll be with someone else and then you'll be wondering if you made a mistake by letting him go, but by then it'll be too late so make sure this is what you want.
     
    #9 lafever, Jun 22, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2011
  10. D_Ivana_Bhig-Dicke

    D_Ivana_Bhig-Dicke New Member

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    A sincerely worded heartfelt letter should suffice....

    "Hey baby. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population...... You."

    :wink:

    Ps. Rebel, you could dump me any day, as long as some breakup sex would be part of the ordeal. :D
     
    #10 D_Ivana_Bhig-Dicke, Jun 22, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2011
  11. Red_Rebel

    Red_Rebel Active Member

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    Lafever, that sounds like a lot of work and might end up counteractive.

    Lol@ryanp1984, why the heck wud i ever dump u!? ;-)
     
  12. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Once again maybe this is a attitude problem on your part. Do you respect this guy? If so, then give him as much energy and time that you would want if your roles were reversed.
     
  13. yhtang

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    I suppose no matter how you do it, at that moment, you will be the bad guy in the other party's eyes.

    You cannot make an omelette without breaking some eggs. But I would prefer the softer version if I were to be dumped.
     
  14. hsarge

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    Ask George Clooney!
     
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