How do you feel right after sex?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Imported, Aug 2, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    Javierdude22: Hey

    I was wondering: how do all of you feel right after sex? Men and women. Maybe a weird question, as most would say: generally good  ;D, which would be logical.

    I've noticed though, that after every single sexual experience i've had, i feel like crap. Doesn't matter if it's with girls or guys, and sadly...also not if it's in a one night stand, or a relationship.

    And thats the thing, its starting to affect any relationship i've ever tried to build up. Júst before getting an orgasm i feel great, and excited and shit, but the second i come: kaboom...i just wanna get outta there. And of course, that makes me wanna quit the relationship and all.

    What/How do you guys feel, anyone had this problem?
     
  2. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    I usually feel damned grateful. :D

    Rarely, Javy, have I ever felt other than euphoric.

    Your pleasure is being lost due to something you feel you have no control over, which is entirely untrue. You really need to find out what it is that's causing you to punish yourself, or you may inadvertantly end up punishing your partner, too.

    Talk to someone who can help. Once you've put this demon aside you'll find sex to be what you'e always wanted it to be.
     
  3. B_Jeremy

    B_Jeremy New Member

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    Right after sex, I ususally feel like I want more sex! :D
     
  4. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    After sex with Dirk, I feel like the luckiest man on earth to have found such a loving partner. I feel like I just shared something more than a simple act of the flesh.

    Before the boyfriend, I had various one-night stands and quite a few more or less regular sex partners. Though I didn't feel the same sense of communion that I do with Dirk, the afterglow of sex was still a positive experience. I have never regarded sex as something 'dirty' or 'shameful'. Maybe attitude is the key.
     
  5. Imported

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    gigantikok: Actually, i totally know what you mean Javierdude. In fact, I've labeled it "guilty syndrome" from myself. It doesn't always happen, and usually it happens during masurbation (but sometimes during sex)... but i just feel completely turned off, appalled, and guilty. I don't know why that happens to some of us, maybe it's what society drilled into us about sex being bad (well, at least American society). Either way, i wish there was a way not to feel like that, but for me, the feeling usually passes after 5 or 10 minutes.
     
  6. jonb

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    Yeah, it's likely guilt.

    How do I feel? Amorous is the best word to describe it. No guilt; I mean, sex is sex.
     
  7. Imported

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    SpeedoGuy: J-dude:

    I've been through a variety of feelings. In my younger days I occasionally felt mixed emotions following one nighter flings or similarly short lived escapades. Usually I felt great, but not always. One thing was for sure: I always relished the build up and the act itself but following, there was sometimes an emptiness.

    SG
     
  8. Imported

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    wvu_kerq: I usually feel euphoric. ;D Most times I just wanna lay back and cuddle. So days I want to go again. It all depends on if I'm tired or sore or if it was "fucking" or "making love".
     
  9. Imported

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    sammygirly: If it's been done properly I'm usually pleasantly sleepy LoL.

    I think DMW has made a good point here Jav...take a look at how you view sex in general. What are your perceptions of the deed?
     
  10. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    [quote author=sammygirly link=board=relationships;num=1059820587;start=0#8 date=08/04/03 at 10:11:25]I think DMW has made a good point here Jav...take a look at how you view sex in general.  What are your perceptions of the deed?[/quote]

    Or more to the point, what do you perceive to be the purpose of sex. If your view is that sex is morally acceptable only within the context of marriage and/or is intended only for procreation, well then of course you're going to feel guilty. You have done something that violates your views. If you feel that sex is an acceptable expression of love and affection within a committed relationship, you would still feel guilty about casual sex, but could accept sex with a steady partner. That appears not to be the case. Javier, if you cannot reconcile sexual activity with your moral views, I respect that. But if that is the case, abstinence from sex is really the only way to be true to yourself. Otherwise the 'empty' feeling will remain.
     
  11. Imported

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    Javierdude22: Hey

    Thanx for the replies guys. First of all, i'm happy that i'm not the only one in this, although i realize very well it is not very....well....lets say healthy, as it is cripling any (from of) relationship i would like to have.

    And you guys are right, it is very much my attitude towards it that sucks. I don't know yet if my current attitude towards sex will change if i were to be married or something. I get excited like any other average, or better even , healthy, guy my age. I do the deed with a lotta pleasure during it, maybe cause my body takes over at that point. I get all the pleasures, excitement, occasionally love, and happiness from it at that point. But the minute it is over, the sucky feeling come drifting in. It's weird...i dunno, we'll see how it all goes.
     
  12. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Post Coital Depression? There's a new one.

    Is it possible that the reason you feel emotionally down after such physical highs is because you aren't getting indications of satisfaction or happiness from your partner(s)?

    Or perhaps those indications are there in abundance but you are blocking them out?

    Whether it's guilt, low self esteem or just miscommunication, I hope you find the solution, Javy.
     
  13. Imported

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    throb919: Jav':

    The author Mary Renault described it as the "after sadness" and discusses it eloquently in the Alexander the Great trilogy (I'm guessing in the first book Fire From Heaven, but can't quite remember). For him (Alexander) through her, it was more a melancholy than a got-to-flee feeling. But hey--you're in good company, y'know...?
     
  14. Imported

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    jerkin4-10: Well, it depends on who it was with, and how it went. I mean even Randy Johnson doesnt bring his "A" game EVERY time. :-[ Being married but having a somewhat open relationship, the emotions can go from tenderness towards my partner and the wanting to get closer to them, cuddle and make sure their needs have been met. To where if ifs someone that Ive just 'banged', the afterwards can be uncomfortable. Knowing that more than likely this isnt going to be a steady thing 8). You just need to try to make sure your partner has gotten their 'cookies' as well.
     
  15. Imported

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    blo1988: Jav,
    Understand totally. Had the same kind of feeling in the past.
    Guilt can eliminate the intrinsic pleasure of virtually anything.
    Therapy helped me. Also moving away from family and other things that pushed unhealthy buttons helped.
    Took time.
    Great relief. It was great to finally understand what other people meant when they said that sex didn't have to be so complicated.
    Good luck.
     
  16. Imported

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    joe22xxx: Thanx for your honesty.

    For me it was all about fear. I was afraid that the woman I was having sex with wanted more from me than I could ever give.

    When I learned how to love my partner, then all that changed. I wasn't afraid of myself any more or my reactions to that person. It's called vulnerability.

    This may sound simplistic, but it did amazing things for my relationships.
     
  17. Imported

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    14x8thck: Javier: I think that if it is a one night stand that the rush and thrill of it is sometimes a lot easier than making love to somebody ! With a one night stand you are both ther for one reason. SEX ! Those orgasams are so different than if you sre with the one you love.

    Making love to somebody is an awsome experience and I always try to make sure that your partner is poleased before anything it really helps with the intamacy. If you can look at your partner in the eye and see pleasure on there face it is so rewarding once you have your own orgasm and if you can cum together maybe it will make you want to stay. Try to not jump up and force yourself to go again and just get lost in it. MAKE LOVE not just get off.

    STAY LOOSE,

    14x8 8)
     
  18. Imported

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    jackinman: Javier, do you at least have the slightest idea as to what may be causing this problem. I used feel a little guilty but it was because I always though that my performance wasn't good enough, even though my partners told me I was great. As someone mentioned in an earlier post, try and see if you can get some help especially if it's bothering you alot.
    I hope everything works out ok for you.
     
  19. Imported

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    Slingshot: From what I've heard, that tristful or melancholic feeling that washes over you after orgasm is a common phenomenon. I've certainly had it, and I concur with what everyone else is saying about how one's attitude affects whether one feels good or bad after intercourse. If the only reason you've had sex is for the physical pleasure, but apart from that it doesn't feel right, then you're going to feel remorse once the hormone surge subsides. Compare that to the euphoria that can ensue after making love... wow.

    Javier, apart from the sex itself, are you generally happy, or are there aspects of your life that are making you feel guilty, stressed, or sad? Maybe that would contribute.
     
  20. Imported

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    Trackers: Javier. I have felt that too, and I'm a girl. Infact after sex with my b/f I used to feel great. Nowadays I either don't feel anything or I feel like crap. So I know how you feel. You're not alone.
     
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