I have promiscuous eyes.
[...]
My husband also has promiscuous eyes. We often talk together about guys we find attractive. And we don't always agree.
I personally don't feel offended if Masked tells me he finds someone attractive. As long as he isn't jumping into bed with that guy, or trying to develop a romantic-type emotional relationship, I don't have anything to worry about. I can't speak for Masked, but he has never complained to me about me finding people attractive.
[...]
*hugs* to both you and CG.
When I first met my most recent ex, one of the very first things we agreed on was to be open with each other about finding someone sexy, interesting or attractive. We'd both been in previous relationships with people who shared the opinion of the OP and found that the tension was at best an annoyance and at worst a constraint on our thoughts. Of all the stresses that eventually led me to end that relationship after almost ten years, fidelity wasn't one at all.
In fact, one of his favorite (and better) lines was: "I don't care what makes you hungry as long as you eat at home" :wink:
On the other hand, I've always been someone who insists that specific words carry very specific meanings, which is why I have a rather extensive vocabulary. And there are some words someone else may find innocuous but which I find irritating, and make it a point to say so when I'm beginning a new relationship.
Take the word
normal, for instance: I loathe it and rarely if ever use it as an adjective (though I will occasionally use the adverb
normally).
Normal implies that there is a universal consensus regarding what's correct and decent (but this is rarely if ever the case); it's a highly judgemental word that is usually used to express one's disdain or disapproval of anyone or anything that falls out of some imaginary line. Instead of
normal, my preferred word is
standard, which is judgement-neutral. But I've always been a non-conformist and prefer to judge things myself, based on experience and observation.
Another word I dislike is
nice: I find it to be the lowest common denominator of compliments. It's a flaccid, lazy word and its use annoys me. If the best thing someone can say about someone or something is that s/he/it is
nice, then don't bother at all.
Sweet,
kind,
attractive,
friendly,
comfortable, etc are not just more illuminating in general but point specifically to what element you're attempting to compliment.
So, though I disagree that there's anything inherently disrespectful about a partner referring to someone else as
attractive from my perspective, if AlphaMale does, then he needs to make it clear to CG63, who then has the option of either agreeing (and stopping use of the word) or negotiate a meaning that no longer results in AM's feeling disrespected. Relationships are, after all, built around compromise, respect and consensus.