Flirting has always eluded me. Apparently I'm terrible at it. This happened first when I was a teen in school. Girls would wear lockets with chains and I'd help them readjust the chain so the clasp was on the back. My friends took me aside one day and told me to stop it because it made the girls uneasy. I don't know how to flirt at all. I've never done it with men as I've never been in an environment where something that open could occur without possible risks and my gaydar tells me as much as tin cans and string. The few times I made attempts following that rebuke from my friends, the objects of my flirtation have brushed me off. Now I've come across the How many inches thread and I see it's full of guys flirting with each other! It's been my experience that people don't flirt with me either and whether that's because of my personality or my looks or, as I suspect, both, I don't know. A few weeks ago I was at an intensive at a gay-only retreat center and my first night there I noticed how many people knew each other already. They were talking like old friends, flirting all over the place, and fooling around with each other after the end of the day's activities. The following day I talked to some of the other guys about it, asking them at breakfast how they all knew each other. They didn't. They had all met at this place for the first time the day we all arrived. One of my demons in the back of my head is now fairly shouting at me that the reason I wasn't part of any of this through the whole weekend was that I was defective; I'm ugly, hung like a churchmouse (which everybody knew since it was a nude workshop), and somehow I just repel people. No matter how good I feel about myself, I just don't have whatever charisma it is that attracts people. Now I'd like to believe that particular demon is wrong, but I need to know what I can do to become someone who people find attractive enough to flirt with and receive flirtation from. I feel like I'm learning a foreign language here but that's OK. I'm willing to work to make it happen. Any thoughts appreciated and yes, this is something I'm going over with my shrink but I thought I'd ask here to get some perspectives. Thank you.