How do you forgive someone who has broken a promise too you..

[Eboomo]

People that say its no big deal.......they are the same people who break promises. I say DROP his ass and if he values your friendship at all he will come to you. If he doesn't then you know where he stood all along.

I had the exact same thing happen to me on several occasions and the first time or two I was weak and forgave them....guess what... they did it again. I am 100 percent on your side when you say

"i was raised that one decision does break a man"

Just my 2cents.

 

[Man4menu]

"Forgiveness is freeing to your soul. Hate wishes to take from you the peace and the love you feel for others and most importantly, yourself. Don't give HATE or those who subscribe to it the ability to diminish the love in your heart and the peace within your soul."


Always try to find it in your heart to forgive someone, I know it’s hard and sometimes when we think back on what has happened makes it more difficult to forgive but if we can forgive just one person and really mean it in your heart You’ll uplift your spirit that much closer to your spiritual being and you’ll feel much better in life, you can move forward.

Forgiving someone is not saying that the other person is right for doing what they have done, you are forgiving so that you can move forward in with your life because it was holding you back from taking that extra step to move forward.
Once you have done that you’ll understand and realize that forgiving someone can uplift your sprit your soul and would do it again and again until all the people who've you have forgiven are no longer holding you back from where your mind, body and spirit needs to be.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

One thing my mom always taught me... is that sometimes you have to look past a persons actions and look at their intentions. Did he intend on hurting you? Was he trying to be inconsiderate? I highly doubt it. You guys wouldn't have been friends for eight years if he were that type of person. You need to let him know exactly how it made you feel, get it off your chest. But trust that his intentions weren't bad.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

A little hint, place yourself in the other person hsi point of view. He probably promised that other friend something too and he proabaly rarely see that friend and you a lot more. I know it's hard, have difficulties with it too sometimes, but try to see things also from his point of view and don't focus everything on you.

 

[invisibleman]

Yesterday, my best friend for the past 8 years broke a promise to me to stay the night, I've been going thru alot of crap and didn't want to stay alone again..and long story short he ended up ditching me for a old friend that came to town...It not even the fact that he didnt stay the night or that he ditched me that hurts so bad, its the fact that he broke his promise...I was raised that a man's promise is his word and a man will never break his word to a person that means something to him..my father broke a promise to me 10 years ago and i still haven't forgiven him..This guy means the world to me, i want to forgive him, but i just can't seem to find a way, the trust is gone.. :frown1:
Any advice? Please no harsh words...uppy_dog_eyes:

Ooh...I know what you mean. I was taught the same thing by my parents.

I have met a lot of men and women who have broken their promises to me. If they break a promise that I depended on them to follow through on...I leave those peeps alone. And if they want any future assistance from me...(I will give them what Viggo gave Demi at 8:20--8:35 in this clip of GI JANE)

 

[SirWill]

Did your friend come to you and say hey my friend from out of town is here w/o notice? Did he he sit you down and ask you if it would be ok? To me a promise can be "un-made" w/o being broken if the person is honest and says hey new circumstances have come up - and explains them to you before the promise is broken. It was a simple promise, it was not like your life depended on it or caused some negative circumstances to occur, I hope. It is not enough to break the friendship. But maybe something to jibe him with when the time is right.
A mans promise is his word BUT it is not good to make a man regret he made a promise, otherwise it seeds animosity and regret.
And as was already mentioned the anger you have with your dad should be gotten over. Do not focus it on another just because he or she reminds you of your dad. That is not fair to them.

 

[D_Tina_Ciao]

I won't preach at you, but for *your* peace of mind and mental well-being, it's best not to hang on to disappointment. I know it's hard - I've had SO many promises to me broken, but try to keep your heart open - for *your* sake. You can't heal if you keep bad feelings bottled up and never let them go. From 68 years of living.

I *am* a believer and will pray for you. Best wishes on opening your heart so you can be healed. :>)

 

[HairyTXdude]

Did your friend come to you and say hey my friend from out of town is here w/o notice? Did he he sit you down and ask you if it would be ok? To me a promise can be "un-made" w/o being broken if the person is honest and says hey new circumstances have come up - and explains them to you before the promise is broken. It was a simple promise, it was not like your life depended on it or caused some negative circumstances to occur, I hope. It is not enough to break the friendship. But maybe something to jibe him with when the time is right.
A mans promise is his word BUT it is not good to make a man regret he made a promise, otherwise it seeds animosity and regret.
And as was already mentioned the anger you have with your dad should be gotten over. Do not focus it on another just because he or she reminds you of your dad. That is not fair to them.

No, he did not sit down with me like that or anything he was suppose to meet me at 4 so when 530 came around and he wasn't here I messaged him "u alive? lol" he texts back 30 minutes later "srry, out having snowcones with____" I said "ok" Cause shes his friend and everything and she means alot to him... So last night i talked to him for like 5 hours trying to work this out...So apparently he thought my "Ok" meant i was mad at him, for what ever freakin reason, and that meant i didnt want him to come over...So I caved, even thought i still think he's to blame, I said i was sorry and asked If he could forgive me for this, he told me "No" "only god should be doing forgiving" WHAT THE FUCK!? I FUCKING HATE RELIGION! now I really Don't think there is a way I can get past this if he can't forgive me! :17::17::17::17:

I won't preach at you, but for *your* peace of mind and mental well-being, it's best not to hang on to disappointment. I know it's hard - I've had SO many promises to me broken, but try to keep your heart open - for *your* sake. You can't heal if you keep bad feelings bottled up and never let them go. From 68 years of living.

I *am* a believer and will pray for you. Best wishes on opening your heart so you can be healed. :>)

Ok so you sound religious, explain this crap to me and dont you dare say "I NEED TO FIND GOD" or anything along those lines! I was actually feeling pretty happy till his freakin holyness was brought into our fight! Now i just feel like dying!

 

[DiscoBoy]

No, he did not sit down with me like that or anything he was suppose to meet me at 4 so when 530 came around and he wasn't here I messaged him "u alive? lol" he texts back 30 minutes later "srry, out having snowcones with____" I said "ok" Cause shes his friend and everything and she means alot to him... So last night i talked to him for like 5 hours trying to work this out...So apparently he thought my "Ok" meant i was mad at him, for what ever freakin reason, and that meant i didnt want him to come over...

Well, that partially explains why he didn't show up. I guess he didn't feel as obligated to keep his promise because you seemingly called the whole thing off.

So I caved, even thought i still think he's to blame, I said i was sorry and asked If he could forgive me for this, he told me "No" "only god should be doing forgiving" WHAT THE FUCK!? I FUCKING HATE RELIGION! now I really Don't think there is a way I can get past this if he can't forgive me! :17::17::17::17:

What exactly did you apologize for? There was a misunderstanding, so no one in this case, no one is in the wrong. Well, he still could've let you know that he wouldn't be showing up on time [that is, if he planned on showing up at all]. And ignore that "God forgiving" nonsense. He just means it's not his place nor does he possess the "right" to forgive, not that he's holding some kind of grudge against you.

Ok so you sound religious, explain this crap to me and dont you dare say "I NEED TO FIND GOD" or anything along those lines! I was actually feeling pretty happy till his freakin holyness was brought into our fight! Now i just feel like dying!

Although she does sound and is religious, that doesn't necessarily mean what she wrote was religious. It's sound advice and you should take heed of it. She basically means that you should let all you grudges go (the hate you feel toward your father), and should start learning to love and forgive those who have wronged you. And try not to bash her for her beliefs, she isn't forcing them on you.

You're making a huge deal out of nothing. I don't think he's feeling any disdain toward you, so get over it!

 

[Himura]

my god you are dramatic...

just calm down... forgive the guy... people make mistakes some times... it's not like he stole your credit card

 

[blackbottom2]

Give him a break and get off his case, it might be the way that your constantly whingeing and whining thats made him decide not to return to his girl

we all make mistakes but we have to learn from them and get on with life, I guess he is a fast learner and i understand that not all of us are,

But the sad thing is that some of us dont want to learn and are quite happy wallowing in the cesspit of a miserable existence we create and nurture for ourselves

 

[Captain Elephant]

I can think of only two reasons a promise is broken:
1. It wasn't ever meant to be kept.
2. Extenuating circumstances prevailed.

The first is self-explanatory.

The second can take many manifestations. I promised a group I would play for a good friend's wedding reception. My step-daughter alerted me that that is the same night as her awards ceremony. Two promises made in good faith. The ceremony was indeed scheduled for an earlier evening but moved due to conflicts. Now I have a conflict and I'm out one promise.

Hate religion? Methinks thou dost protest too much. I'm probably the most areligious person I know, but I'm not anti-religion. Just don't have a use for it. I am however, spiritual, and there's a healthy difference.
There's got to be something deeper than meeting an old friend. Was the old friend suicidal? Had he made a promise to see him when he got back in town? Lots of stuff here.

 

[HairyTXdude]

if he had made a previous promise that would be a diff story, he didnt even know she was in town tho...and no she is not suicidal again if she was thats a different story....
and yes im antireligion, people say and do illogical things under religion

I can think of only two reasons a promise is broken:
1. It wasn't ever meant to be kept.
2. Extenuating circumstances prevailed.

The first is self-explanatory.

The second can take many manifestations. I promised a group I would play for a good friend's wedding reception. My step-daughter alerted me that that is the same night as her awards ceremony. Two promises made in good faith. The ceremony was indeed scheduled for an earlier evening but moved due to conflicts. Now I have a conflict and I'm out one promise.

Hate religion? Methinks thou dost protest too much. I'm probably the most areligious person I know, but I'm not anti-religion. Just don't have a use for it. I am however, spiritual, and there's a healthy difference.
There's got to be something deeper than meeting an old friend. Was the old friend suicidal? Had he made a promise to see him when he got back in town? Lots of stuff here.

 

[kurios]

You have had some of the most relevant and appropriate advice I have seen in a long time on LPSG.
Not sure you really want to listen though and that is too bad.
I do think that if you don't let this one go and balance it against the times promises have been kept you are not going to be the one ending this relationship but your friend will. Is this what you want?

 

[D_EdgarAllenPooh]

Foregivness is a gift that you give yourself. It allows you to move on with life & happiness without regret.

Keeping this person as a friend or abandoning that relationship in its entirety or changing the dynamics of that relationship is a decision seperate from foregivness

Bottom line advice that i would give my own kids , I have 3 ages 20,18, and 10 forgive him for what he has done for your own sanity , Then make a decision about the relationship that you can live with for the rest of your life. If you choose to keep the guy as a friend know that he may seriously dissapoint you again, If you abandon the relationship all together there may be a time in your life that you need him and he will no longer be there.

Foregivness is a gift you give yourself from the heart it does not need to be spoken to another person nor acknowleged by another person , Its one of those things in life that JUST IS

 

[B_Nick8]

You seem far more emotional about this than the initial situation might have warranted and it feels as though there is additional subtext of some kind going on here. You say your buddy isn't a particularly emotional even sensitive person. Perhaps he senses this and because he doesn't deal with these things easily, it's making him back away.

I think, perhaps justifiably, you have an abandonment thing going on because of the way your father treated you. Clearly other people have lied to you in your life but this particular lie, coming from a friend whom you would give your life for, has hurt you incredibly deeply. I have a feeling you said some pretty heavy things to him in that five hour conversation and possibly over-communicated the depth of your emotions. These things happen and there are people who can't deal with that kind of thing. It might be a good idea to try to reassure him in a calmer moment that it's cool, you're cool, and you've got things in a better perspective.

There are a lot of life lessons here and the responses you're getting are pointing them out. Holding onto anger is counterproductive. Everyone makes mistakes. Communication is key. The one thing I want to punch up is that no one is ever going to be your be all and end all. No one person is ever going to meet all the needs in your life. Moreover, everyone has certain limits in what and how they can give to one another and cannot be faulted for that. The more you broaden your horizons, the happier and more fulfilled a person you will become.

 

[HairyTXdude]

Thank you so much everyone