How do you get over an ex?

[CygnusKnights]

What would you do to move on? I'm no longer in the relationship, but I sometimes forget that, and obsess over my ex.. We don't talk as much ( or communicate properly). I did say I'd like to still be friends and we( me and my ex) both know I'm not over him.

I have really deep trust-issue and low self-esteem problems as well. And well, exercising really didn't help( I'm still going to keep doing it though!). And going out with friends and hangin out a lot didn't help. What helped you guys get over this? He was my first and I know it's hard. We just ended on unfinished terms I'd call it. But I really do have mixed feelings for him. BUT! I want to get over it. What can I do?

I've tried losing contact with him, but that doesn't really fix anything, and I've attempted to stay busy, reading, tv, working out, going out, STAYING OUT. But at the end of the day, I still find time to think of him.

I've thought about pretending to move on and see other people, but that's not right. It's not nice to manipulate others, and I don't want to see him hurt either. I know there are others that express real genuine interest me.. but I just don't feel the same, and I do know they're nice people, but no..

I know I'm sorta obsessed over him. But... how do I get over it?! I truely do want to get over him.. but he really has not given me ANY FAULT to not like him at all. Besides the lack of communication and an addiction to games. Argh. I'm also rambling because this helps me... just get it out of my system. But I truely am asking for help too! Please no mean comments I don't think that'd help.

 

[CygnusKnights]

fuck my life. >_< he actually just spoke to me out of the blue. "Don't you hate it when you like a straight guy? FML." :| I'm pretty sure he knows I still like him. Is he trying to signal he's moved on and wants to make me get the message too? I suppose that could help... :\

 

[Stephenmass]

I don't fully understand your message but I'll give it a shot. The way to get over him is to get back out there and socialize, mix with others, date a bit etc. Dating doesn't mean much except good company hopefully, doesn't have to include sex especially if you say bye to your dates away from your home or theirs. There is nothing written in stone that says you have to forget him; your mind won't let you do that for a long time to come. You didn't say how long you had been with him, why you are so attached, who broke up with who, and why?

Did you love him? Did he love you? Does one of you or both of you still love the other but simply cannot get it to work? Your post is too vague.

 

[yhtang]

It took me a long while to get over my ex, but having a big group of friends help. You will get over it, but it just takes time.

 

[helgaleena]

Who ended it? Why? If it was him, then he had a reason. And that reason will not just go away.

Find a bunch of people who remind you of him and keep comparing them. That is one way to help yourself realize he's not that special, he is one of many other humans. And when you do that, you might come across somebody you like even more! Hey, it could happen.

 

[badgirl22]

I know it really just sucks but time is what it usually takes to get over an ex. If you were very much in love, you may still pine for him for years but you at least won't obsess over him every day. It's so painful to end a relationship even if you were ready to. Truly, go out and find things to do that you love. If your mind is engaged elsewhere it can't obsess. You will find the amount of time you think of him each day will just keep decreasing. One day you'll realize you haven't thought of him in a long time. Until that happens, you just have to go with that horrible gut wrenching feeling of misery. Best to NOT see him or try and be friends right away. Doesn't help keep your mind on other things.

Good luck to you. It sucks. I know.

 

[salthebb]

Badgirl22 is right. Time heals all wounds. But during that time, nothing hurts worse. Like her, I know all too well that deep loss. You feel like there is a huge hole in the center of your body, a deep pit of remorse and despair. Some days it is not so bad. Other days it seems like you are climbing a never ending hill. But as I started out, time will help heal this wound. If nothing else, over the last 10 months I have learned patience, humility and remorse. But you just keep putting one foot in front of the other my friend. That is the beauty of the human spirit, eventually, like Badgirl22 says, you will compartmentalize this pain and move on. As someone once told me, life is not like a movie, it is life.

 

[lilbear]

Time

 

[Daisy]

time, time and more time. Nothing helps but time. Meanwhile just realize that wanting what you can't have only makes you want it more. That doesn't help you right now but as long as you know you will get over it, you really have to just move on and let the time pass.

 

[Pauligan]

Like the others say, time, time, time, My divorce is fresh, the wounds are startiing to heal with a crusty scab over them now, and, each day, with people, it becomes easier.

 

[eyescream]

Avoid them at all cost. If you're having a hard time getting over them, surely you can't believe that being in friendly terms with them will help?

 

[lpsgnooby]

i understand your position, my boyfriend just left me two days before valentines day. reading these comments are helpful, and repetitive... everyone has been telling me that i just need to time to think. i just wish there was a way to just move on from all this pain and start living life again, as you do too. but hey, we need to grow don't we?

i especially appreciate salthebb's comment, and i can only recommend that you take you take his words to heart. it really is beautiful of the human spirit to be able to adapt and move on. just remember that you're a good person and there are more fish in the sea.

for the mean time, i can completely relate with you; i go out too and try to distract myself from him, but at the end of the day, i find myself still horribly upset and thinking about what i did wrong. as long as you don't get addicted to it, i would recommend sleeping pills. they help me not think about things and just fall asleep. just please please please, don't abuse them and be smart about it.

we can get through this!

:]

 

[finsuptx]

Time. Keep busy. Of course you're still going to find time to think about the ex, but the less time, the better. Eventually, time heals all wounds. It may feel time is standing still while ur hurting, but act as if you have faith... and faith will find you. In other words, fake til u make it. Give it time.

 

[deleted3782]

I'm the last person to give advice to you...because I often end up with the same exact feelings. It does take time and I have found no easy way out of it. Someone once told me the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else...but - like you - I can't just start liking someone new for the sake of liking someone else.

If you are the kind of person that falls pretty deeply for someone, then at least you know that and can be careful the next time. In the greater scheme of things, maybe its a nice thing if you fall deeply...because there are a lot of people in the world who have very shallow feelings and can't fall deeply for anyone or anything. Given the alternative, perhaps you have the better end of the deal.

Just let more time pass...like badgirl suggests. Who knows, maybe this is part of a grander plan to make you single and available when the perfect person comes along!?!

 

[killerb]

#1, you MUST let him go...sure, he's already gone, but YOU have to let go...

what you had is gone...and trying to remain friends will only prolong your agony...

if you truly want to get over him, cut all contact with him...maybe not forever, but at least until you begin to heal...

 

[D_Kyle Sconge]

perhaps I am the last person to talk about getting over someone, but when me and my ex parted idid what my best friend suggested an helped out at a hospice. Seeing other people who were in a much worse position than myself, and seeing their posative attitude to life, even though most of them knew they would probably be dead in just a few short years really did help.
As most of the posts repeat time. hope this has been of some help.

 

[Uslidenme]

I'm going to go against the grain and say first quit trying to get over him. If you can accept that love is never wasted even if it doesn't turn out the way you would have liked it to. And if you know the difference between loving someone and being in need or needy. If you genuinely loved someone you gave that person a gift and you also in your small way made the world a better place.
Now you have to examine your feelings and try to figure out that part of why you are hurting is the fear that you won't be loved again or that you are unlovable. If the other person had decided that they are not that into you there is nothing you can do directly to change that.
But what you can do is say hey wait a minute I gave that person something genuine and I don't have to beat myself up about that. What I felt for that person is a good thing and if I'm not the one for this person I wish that person the best anyway because I do love and care for that person. Then wish the same for yourself. How you feel about yourself has consequences that most of us don't think about. If you don't feel that you are good enough you are going to project that in the universe and attract people into your life that will affirm that message back to you as a self fulfilling prophesy

So instead of mourning what you think you have lost get clear about who you want to be with whoever shows up in your life that you want to be a keeper. If you aren't that yet then use the time to become that person. Putting time into you with the conscious idea of learning to make yourself if not happy then content will reap dividends when you come across that person or persons that think you are just fascinating.
You don't have to loose your ex just recognize that like energy love can change forms but it doesn't really ever end.
After hope and faith have passed away love will remain.
I was in a relationship where things just got horrible but I loved that person as hard as I could. But they didn't want what I wanted and after 7 years I said ok I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of wanting to jump out of a window because of the way you make me feel.
And I'm tired of wanting to take you out the window with me. It hurt a lot because I had given more then I thought possible to the relationship and to see it fail was unbearable.
But I decided I had to let go but I also had to give up the resentment as well.
Go forward three years and I lived in another state and had a serious medical situation develop.
Imagine my immense surprise when I woke up one day in ICU to see my ex walk in.
The very last person I expected to see and it turns out one of the people I most wanted to see. I learned that we were still connected.. not in the way I perhaps wanted but that I wasn't wrong to have loved.
So stop trying to beat yourself up about having feelings. Create a closet in your heart and put all that stuff you carry for that person in that closet. Shut the door and live your life WELL. Your creating that closet will make your heart larger and you will be able to Love Again instead of being bitter and having your heart shrink because you are afraid to love again.

 

[nylonguy]

It is simple have her sue you for everything you now have or will ever have in life. Trust me it will work for sure!

 

[lopo2000]

Just like how I was with my first (though the relationship wasn't really sexual), but I was very obsessed with the guy and it took me years to get over him, even now whenever I see him, the feelings rushed back in life.

So, my point is, we can't really forget because there is a reminder, big or small, of him and that is what we should get rid of. I like how Betty (in Ugly Betty, first episode, season 2) tried to get over her ex, by burying all his stuffs. And yes, it sounded kinda extreme but at least it gives more space for her to think of other things and do other stuffs.

This will be VERY hard when you first do it, but persistence will pay off, and time will heal. You can never say enough about how powerful time is in healing all wounds. The first week, you will sob over him, sometimes you'll regret that you got rid of his reminders, but it'll get easier the second week and so on.

All the best...

 

[txquis]

My mistake was not believing that time would heal it, since it surely does.
I should have made myself much busier. Work and time fixes so much.