How do you guys/girls cope with a breakup?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BeaverLickinGood, Jul 10, 2010.

  1. BeaverLickinGood

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    I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years and 2 months. We were madly in love, I thought we would stay together until marriage (we planned to get married after i finished college). We had far more "ups" than we did "downs". Sex with her was amazing (I was the first guy to get her to truly orgasm, squirting included). Now looking back it started near our 2 year anniversary, we had less sex than we normally would. She started becoming distant which was not like her at all, and after I came back from a 3 day trip to San Diego for family purposes, she decided to break up.

    I am absolutely devastated. It's been a week since we've been broken up, each and every day my depression is amplifying. I am getting desperate, i tried talking to her but to no avail, she doesn't return my text messages. I'm tired of being depressed. my last resort to finally be happy is to return to drug-use (MDMA) after being completely sober (absolutely nothing, not even alcohol or cigarettes) for years. I need your guy's help. Please!
     
  2. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Do NOT go the drug use route! Please don't.

    IMO the only things that can help you heal after a break up are time and sex with new people. And I know a lot of people wouldn't agree with the second one.

    It's painful now but it will get better. Really. Don't try to talk to her because it will only make you feel worse. Give yourself time to grieve and it will get better eventually.
     
  3. BeaverLickinGood

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    Why are some women so evil?
     
  4. D_Morockthornton Longwilliam

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    Man, we've all been there.It is painful at the beginning, but it gets better over time.... trust me.I was married for 3 years when we decided to end it.That wasn't easy and the ending of my subsequent year long relationship multiplied my pain.

    I turned to alcohol when suddenly one day I decided that this wasn't the way to go.Life is too damn short and there are lots of fish in the proverbial sea of life.The key is to take some time for yourself and discover yourself again, then go and fall in love again....it may seem impossible to you right now, but trust me;when you fall in love again,your ex will become a fond memory to you.

    In my own life, I can look back with fondness and a smile at "all the girls I've loved before" and my "soulmates" and the ones I "couldn't live without".....trust me...you can and you will.:)

    A few short months ago I met a princess who has given me everything I was missing in life.Will it last forever?? Who knows..but I know that I am enjoying everyday with her and taking nothing for granted!:)

    God bless!
     
    #4 D_Morockthornton Longwilliam, Jul 10, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2010
  5. DV8

    DV8
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    Yeah, guy- pretty much what he said. 2 years and 2 months is a long time, so I definitely apologize for what you're going through. Typically in these situations I advise that you take some time for you. Feel sad, cry if you need to- let out the negative. There are emotions you must come to terms with. It's not like you can just say "Fuck this, I'm going to be happy now and life is swell!" No, you've experienced a lost- your life is now without her- something very unfamiliar to you. Accept that pain, and like I said- cry if you need to- do it until you don't want to shed another tear.

    Once that's passed, begin the healing. For 2 years and 2 months, you've been half of a whole. Now, you must embrace building yourself back up to a whole. During the time you were with her, you grew into the man you are today, leaving behind the man you were 2 and 1/4 years ago. Accept, love, appreciate, and admire the person you are today- because as much as you love her, you must love yourself even more now. Normally, in situations like this, I recommend going to a video store or to a library, get a movie or a book you believe you'd really enjoy. This allows you to spend quality time with yourself, escape your own world, and see similarities and the differences between you and the main character. You can often recognize things about yourself you didn't know. Then, try hanging out with some friends- and get to know them again. You could have always been someone's best friend, and at the same time, forget what it's like to just be "one of the guys". You're healing in your own image- because now it's not about what "we" liked to do, but about what "YOU" like to do.

    In this process, you must remember the good times you had- there's no denying that they ever existed. And as strange as this is going to sound- allow yourself to dislike her for the pain that she's caused you- she's no longer your perfect little angel, and things will never be what they were. And when you're ready to be set free completely, forgive her (don't forget, but forgive)- not for her, but for you. You don't even have to tell her that you forgive her (more than likely, since she's not woman enough to give you the closure you deserve, she's probably going to wonder what the hell you're talking about). But set yourself free the pain and the hurt, believe that tomorrow is always going to be even better than today, and move forward with your life.

    And think of it this way- after you heal, you can feel sorry for her- because you're going to be a better man. A better man she may never get to experience again.

    I gotta say- you sound like you were a great boyfriend, and very focused. Don't let this harden your heart. Stay a good person. I hope this helps, and best of luck, kiddo.

    Dante'
     
  6. mephistopheles

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    I recently broke up with my fiance of 4 years.

    I'm sure my relationship was different than yours, or maybe you're just looking at it differently.

    Anyway, after the break up I started hanging out with my friends and family more, I find it's easier to get over this stuff if you're not by yourself all of the time. I started smoking weed; not as a means of coping; rather as a hobby, like swimming or biking, I think.

    Also, I thought about our relationship and all of the things that made it good and bad. In the end I realized I was never in love with her, that she just suited me and was convenient.

    We met and became friends, and since I had never really been friends with a girl I thought it was something it wasn't.

    At first I was devastated, but ever since day 3 I have been living my life to the fullest and enjoying life more than I ever have before.

    I hang out with my friends and family, we smoke weed and hang out/watch movies/go fishing and I have sex with some of my special friends.

    Don't think about it as an end to a relationship, think of it as a new start for you. You now have the chance to redefine yourself and focus on you.

    It's harder to do that in a relationship.

    About drugs though. My parents smoke weed and always have, it's a family thing, no one drives or hurts anyone else; it's just a way to calm down and relax.

    Alcohol is the worst think a person can do after a relationship.
    Alcohol usually makes everything seem worse than it really is, especially when you start sobering up and get anxious.

    Just relax and live life as you see fit. Now that you're free from your relationship no one can tell you what you can and can't do. (Except the Gov't.)

    Cheers. :biggrin1:
     
  7. Bbucko

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    I'm in the middle/end of something which, while in no way comparable with your experience, has left me deeply humiliated and deeply hurt. When the truth was revealed regarding the object of my affection, I was quite literally sick to my stomach and spent hours puking until exhaustion and a Valium I'd squirreled away for just such an occasion allowed me to sleep for over 16 hours. Though feeling weak and dehydrated, I no longer feel the need to vomit and am drinking lots of water and black tea.

    The last time something similar occurred, I got an especially nasty case of the shingles, which spread from my right wrist down to the tips of my thumb, middle and forefinger.

    I do not react well to break-ups, obviously :frown1:
     
  8. HiddenLacey

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    Th beginning is always hard. That's the time when some of us tend to wonder what we did wrong. Eventually you'll see that the two of you were simply not meant to be together.

    The only advice that I can give you is what I would do. Which is fill my time with the things I did not have time for while in the relantionship. Working out helps me. When my body is exhausted I eventually fall asleep no matter if my mind is racing. Hanging out with other people, going to new places will would be benefical to me.

    However, calling and texting the other person is not a good idea. It is hard to begin healing when you still focus on that person. Now is a good time to focus on you. If you feel miserable, lay on your bed cry it out, take a shower and go do something fun. Even if you don't feel like doing it. It helps :)

    One day you will look back and this will be a fading memory. Though you may not think so now, there are millions of wonderful people out there. One of them will be even more amazing than this one and just for you :)

    Oh yes, and drugs and alcohol do not help any situation. Just don't go there. Your better than that. Be strong!
     
    #8 HiddenLacey, Jul 10, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 10, 2010
  9. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    I started hanging out with my own friends and family more, went on a raod trip, took up backpacking.

    Of course only time heals, but coping by reconnecting with people you may have distanced from when you had someone that took most of your attention helps.

    That and it is dishonest to the next person you meet if you are still hung up on an ex. Your girl dumped you, no matter what, even if you two magically got back together, would things ever be the same anyways. It's a lost cause. You gotta man up and move on.
     
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Seriously dude, the OP has said he had issues with drugs in the past and you tell him to smoke some weed - WTF?!?!?

    Some of your other advice was great but you don't tell someone who has been staying away from drugs to go do some drugs, you just don't.
     
  11. Cila

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    I broke up with my bf 3 weeks ago; we were together for 3.5 years.
    The first thing I did was to remember I am my own person and not he or our relationship defined who I was. Once realizing that, it's easier for me to accept that he is no longer in my life and move on (all be it very slowly). As you're aware, there is pain and the hurting but you are your own person.
    She has made her decision so I'd advise on not chasing her. I know it hurts but you're going to find other women who will be much better for you in the long run. Don't allow someone else to turn you into a monster (as in don't even go near the chemical escape); you're far too strong for that; and you've got waaaay too much going for you to flush all your efforts for the past few years down the drain.
    It's ok to be down for a little while, but don't let yourself wallow in it. Acknowledge the depression, accept it as a VERY temporary measure and come back to yourself.
    And I agree with New End, things won't be the same if you got back together.
     
  12. dolfette

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    buy new shoes.
     
  13. DV8

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    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, shoe shopping.
     
  14. dolfette

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    you know it works :cool:
     
  15. idesofmarch

    idesofmarch New Member

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    Time heels. I know it's a cliché, but it's true, and it's the only way
     
  16. DV8

    DV8
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    You said "Heels"- you were obviously thinking of shoe shopping too. Mmmmmmm, shoe shopping.
     
  17. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    Nobody has ever ended a relationship with me so it's not all that difficult to cope with for me.

    One thing though...i wouldnt advise anyone to turn to drugs and sleeping around.....neither are good for you.VERY unfair to get involved with somebody else when you are still messed over the last relationship/partner.

    I definately wouldnt text/ring/get in contact with her.Why prolong the agony for yourself? If she still wanted to be with you then she'd ring you etc.
     
  18. thecalling

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    If you can find MDMA... take it... you'll have BALL!!! If only china kept producing the chemicals to make it :)
     
  19. vlls

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    honestly, with the way she's behaving... it's time to move on. Nobody needs to deal with inconsistent, illogical behavior like that. Whenever a girl does that to me I just let her go and move on, even if I want her. And the drugs won't make you happy bud... you know this... they will make ur life harder and more miserable... You're strong enough to deal with this and you have every ability to do so just like everybody else. Good luck :)

     
  20. iluvbigheads

    iluvbigheads New Member

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    ...well It's not like he tells us if he drinks a 5th a day or what here or a shot, I mean, we don't know if he is a real booze hound or what here. Anyhow, that being said, I guess a joint or a drink, and I mean a drink or two, given what seems like a genuine and serious dilemma would seem like a harmless and very short term way to relieve one's mind for a night. The same could be said of going out and sleeping around or even shopping and charging the card up. hmmm everything seems to have a consequence. So if I were you, I would go enroll in some school course to better myself and who even knows, maybe your next fling or romance is sitting right next to you in school. Knowing me, I'd be definitely getting to know my classmates haha. hell I'd even have the professor at my home for dinner. I'd make him such good steak and salad. Would you like another drink dear? haha. real real nice like. haha
     
    #20 iluvbigheads, Jul 27, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2010
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