How Do You Jerk Off?

Why a melon? Did someone suggest it to you or were you just shopping one day, saw a melon and thought "Oooh well hello sexy, you are coming home with me tonight!"
Did you both have a cigarette after?
I'm not tacking the mick just never seen fruit as sexy. Just wondering about the thought process and how this came about.
What does 'tacking the mick" mean? Making fun of the dude?
If you've ever read Philip Roth's novel "Portnoy's complaint," you'll know that there's a scene where he "violates" a piece of liver be bought at the butchers, then brought it home: it was around his cock at 3:30, and around his fork at 5:30 "the greatest sign I ever committed: I fucked my own dinner." Hilarious.
 
I do it at the PC a lot so I am sitting in my computer chair. Most of the time I just reach down inside my boxer briefs and start rubbing it. When I grip around the tip and upper shaft, that usually makes me cum quicker while I watch videos of hot sex. The cum lands inside my boxer briefs and allows for easier cleanup.
 
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What does 'tacking the mick" mean? Making fun of the dude?
If you've ever read Philip Roth's novel "Portnoy's complaint," you'll know that there's a scene where he "violates" a piece of liver be bought at the butchers, then brought it home: it was around his cock at 3:30, and around his fork at 5:30 "the greatest sign I ever committed: I fucked my own dinner." Hilarious.
Yes "Taking the mick, Micky or taking the Michael" does indeed mean making fun of the guy but as I said I am not taking the mick simply pointing out that sticking your cock into food is downright bloody weird and wholly unhygienic.
No I have not read the novel you mentioned but judging by the excerpt you posted, I am glad I haven't.
 
Oh man I've tried ALL KINDS of different ways over my 64 years! Using MANY kinds of different things. As a kid I used to rub myself off with these fuzzy, soft slippers. I've used all kinds of soft fabrics, I've used balogna, sucked off with a vacuum cleaner hose, fleshlights, those inflatable water wing things that you buy for kid's arms, different vibrators on the shaft feel SUPER awesome! Jerked while have some anal play using fingers, plugs, prostate massager or dildos. That REALLY increases your orgasms big time! As young teens a few of us guys used to have jerk off sessions. We'd sit or stand around and jerk off together. Alas that was a very long time ago.
 
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At the gym. Usually in the steam room with other gay bi or curious guys. Often start myself and let someone else finish me. Sometimes in the gym showers across from another hot dude who is jerking too. Something about the post workout pump gets me so horny. Love seeing and being seen. Can’t remember the last time I jerked off outside the gym.
 
Oh man I've tried ALL KINDS of different ways over my 64 years! Using MANY kinds of different things. As a kid I used to rub myself off with these fuzzy, soft slippers. I've used all kinds of soft fabrics, I've used balogna, sucked off with a vacuum cleaner hose, fleshlights, those inflatable water wing things that you buy for kid's arms, different vibrators on the shaft feel SUPER awesome! Jerked while have some anal play using fingers, plugs, prostate massager or dildos. That REALLY increases your orgasms big time! As young teens a few of us guys used to have jerk off sessions. We'd sit or stand around and jerk off together. Alas that was a very long time ago.
I thought I was the only guy who experimented with tube vacuum hoses back in the day, but I saw an episode of "Archer" (voiced by the same guy that does Bob in "Bob's Burgers") and it was clear in two episodes that Archer had tried these same "experiments."
 
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50% of my wank sessions, I rest on my side in bed, bend my legs, push my dick between my thighs so that it can be squeezed if I press my thighs together. Every once in a while I press my dick again between my legs - for example if it slips out of the squeeze - or massage my dick slightly additionally.

When I near orgasm, I either take my dick in my hands and let the cum fly on my bed (while wanking with my hand). Or I continue squeezing my dick with my thighs so that the cum spurts and runs down between my legs onto the mattress. It is such a great feeling when the cum runs down the thigh and you know that you are making a mess in bed :).

I think I know what I will do in a few minutes...

P.S. The other 50% is just typical wanking with my right hand. Laying down, sitting, standing etc.
 
Isn't there a famous poem about this by Eliz. Barrett Browning?

How do I jack off? Let me count the ways:
I strip down to my briefs and stroke and moan
And rub until my cock is fully grown
Altering the contact and the pace....

Anyone else wanna finish this literary masturbate... I mean MasterPIECE
 
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I am naked from the belt during masturbation so that I can see the penis clearly.

Occasionally masturbate in front of a shaving mirror. There I can see my penis nicely enlarged. It is nice that I shaved the area around the penis. It is stimulating for me when I see my foreskin slide over the glans. I can also change the perspective and thus observe the penis from a completely different perspective. Of course, I also took a lot of pictures of my penis. Looking at these pictures excites me a lot. That's why I use the pictures and videos for masturbation.:)
 

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I'm 76 years old and masturbate since my 9th year regularly d. H. Every day. That's 67 years. During this time I masturbated about 27 686 times. Even now I masturbate on average 1 times a week. I can not say that it is still fun to wear.
Since I am 55 years old, I notice that the sensitivity of the glans (glans) wears off.
Each organ responds to stress.
Examples:
Hands are chafing through heavy work.
Soles become thicker and less sensitive by running without shoes.
The glans (glans) becomes less sensitive by pruning because the skin gets thicker.
Frequent masturbation also makes the glans less sensitive.
And of course, the penis adapts (but only in the growth phase 9-18 years) to the masturbation hand. This means the penis will turn to the right in the right hand and to the left in the left hand. At that time I covered the penis with my whole fist and pushed the foreskin all the way back and forth. I can say that from experience, because over the years my penis has adapted perfectly to the masturbation hand.
Can anyone confirm these observations? :)
 

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