How Do You Know If A Guy Is A Top or A Bottom?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jason_els, Dec 8, 2008.

  1. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I'm really curious about this whole dynamic.

    It appears to me that most guys are exclusive to their favored position in sex and so that got me wondering how do you know what a guy's preference is when you're getting to know him as a prospective date? Are there clues or phrases or something that gay guys use to decode this sort of thing or do the two just attract each other like magic? Is incompatibility a deal breaker?
     
  2. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    hmm,

    I can only speak from my own experience. As I realized I was gay, and sex was new to me, it became all about experimentation. For me early on, I realized that I did not like to bottom. It Hurt. However there were times, when I really cared for the person I would bottom for them.

    Incompaltibility can be a deal breaker. Sure you can be creative and with gay men, I dont think is part of every sex routine. However for me myself, I like to date men that are bottoms. There is no way to tell until I get them in the bedroom, and someone decides to bend over, or I bend them over.
     
  3. D_skeaflea

    D_skeaflea New Member

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    I've heard that gay guys used to have certain codes to show they were top or bottom. I believe the "earring in right ear" thing was originally meant to show that you're bottom. I'm not sure, though.The only real to really know is to ask. It's more of a "which role are you in a relationship?" sort of question, so most gay guys won't get offended if you were to ask them "So, are you a top or a bottom?"

    Guys who are both tops, or both bottoms usually don't practice anal sex very often. Sometimes, one of them will grudgingly give/receive anal as a "labor of love" for their boyfriend, but a few guys told me that they HATE doing this, so it's usually not done very often at all. I've spoken to one couple who were both tops, and they only fucked 4 times in their entire 5 year relationship; They were happy 69ing and jerking each other off. I'd make a "different strokes" joke, but that'd be corny and wrong.
     
  4. chadstallion

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    i always prep just incase the other dude wants to top; normally, in making out and I;m laying on top of him, if he raises his legs up around my waist and starts moving his hips like hes being fucked - thats a pretty clear sign to me that I'm about to plow his ass.
     
  5. Corius

    Corius New Member

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    As one who has, in a long life, had very few male partners, all in long-term relationships, the question posed by the OP never arose. When my teen partner one day seemed unusually attentive in that area I urged him to "go for it" and with lots of lube and lots of patience all around his penis was finally firmly where I had wanted it to be--I recall the excitement of it and remember only fleeting discomfort but no pain. My enthusiastic "review" of our coupling left him with a strong desire to experience it all himself. This we managed with similar "good reviews" a few days later.

    I have always assumed that reciprocity is important in any man-with-man sex. Loving partners, it seems to me, are eager and willing to please their partners in the same way in which they themselves enjoy being pleased. But then I have never had or wanted to have sex except with a partner whom I truly loved.


     
  6. B_theOtherJJ

    B_theOtherJJ New Member

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    If he is stamped "this end up" then he's a bottom....
     
  7. D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse

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    I think "codes" were used by earlier generations, but it's cool now to just ask.

    However, my experience that a lot of guys are more versatile now.
     
  8. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    I think codes were used earlier, because earlier there was no intimate interaction -- reading the older, contemporary literature there were quick, anonymous encounters
     
  9. D_Trimbley Trousersprout

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    Asking the person is the best way to know... IMO
     
  10. D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse

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    Nick:

    Yeah, the last 5 years of internet has left no need for CODES! haha - Even bicurious (99%) straight guys are now quick to let you know if they are tops or bottoms, what size cock they prefer, cut or uncut, shaved or natural.

    Sex has no damned MYSTERY anymore!
     
  11. KIKEMAN29

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    Top/Bottom
    Shaved/trimmed
    6"-7"
    Cut/Uncut doesn't matter:wink:

    any other questions?
     
  12. lvsxy808

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    Based on my personal experience, I'd give you the following adage:

    When in doubt, assume he's a bottom. You're probably right.
     
  13. Beanie

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    i think there is nothing wrong with asking, its always worked out great for me :)
     
  14. crescendo69

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    I'm a middle.
     
  15. art

    art
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    Both on-line, and in person, the topic always comes up in conversation, along with cut/uncut, how big, and what do you like to do? Communication is a GOOD thing.

    I once had a guy in a bar tell me my ass was neither a bottom nor a top butt...and I told him he'd have to take me home if he wanted to find out if that was true. He took me home.
     
  16. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    sad, but true!
     
  17. Steinweg9

    Steinweg9 New Member

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    Here's a really good way to tell: Ask him. And it's best if you say it this way? "Are you a top or a bottom?" I would be SO relieved if a TopMan asked me that, I would say, "I'm a bottom. You?" And if he said, "Top," I would know we were a possibility. I would never, ever top, and I want a man who would never bottom. And if he ever did, I don't want to know. No flipper for me. Men think I am a top because I run everything everywhere I go, but my lifelong dream has been to find my TopMan, a guy I can cook and clean for, and wait on him hand and foot to care for him. That's what I have always wanted. I may have found him, but he's in a worn-out straight marriage. Wish me luck. There is no magic, and incompatibility in this wise is a deal breaker, absolutely.
     
  18. FRE

    FRE
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    The assumption that gay men are either a top or a bottom is relatively new, historically speaking. I am old enough to know.

    In the early 70s, the "Advocate" included the personals section with every issue. Guys looking for partners stated explicitly what they wanted. Oral was called French (abbreviated F), anal was called Greek (abbreviated G). Active was A, passive was P. The common designations were FA, FP, GA, GP, and V (for veristal). In scanning the personals, it was clear that GA and GP were much less common than FA and FP. There was also more flexibility, such as FA / FP.

    The change in how gay men expect to have sex appears to have occurred in the late 70s and early 80s, after which anal sex became much more common and it even became assumed that anal was the ONLY way that gay men had sex. An unfortunate consequence of the change was (and remains) the AIDS epidemic. Anal sex is the most efficient means of transferring HIV from one partner to another; the risk is so high that it has been estimated that if the "top" is HIV+ and the "bottom" is HIV- and no protection is used, the probability that the "bottom" will become HIV+ may even exceed 50%!! Experts believe that HIV infection from oral sex is uncommon, although possible (although other STDs can easily be spread via oral sex). Anal sex is a much more efficient way to transmit HIV than vaginal sex.

    The anti-AIDS establishment promulgates messages based on the assumption that the ONLY way gay men have sex is anal. Those messages probably influence young gay men to believe that they have to have anal sex. It would be better if the anti-AIDS establishment changed their messages to make it clear that there are less risky techniques for having sex.

    Had it not been for the shift from oral sex to anal sex, the AIDS epidemic would be only a fraction of the problem that it is now. Attempts to change the way that gay men have sex are usually met with disbelief that change is possible. Those of us who don't want anything to do with anal sex are treated as eccentric and are often called immature or other names. There is definitely discrimination.

    In my view, anal sex is so dangerous that, although condoms do considerably reduce the risk of HIV transmission, even a small risk of condom failure still results in an unacceptably high risk if someone who is HIV- often has sex with someone who is HIV+ or of unknown HIV status. In case of exposure to HIV, the likelihood of its taking hold can be greatly reduced by taking anti-retroviral medications for 30 days, provided that the therapy begins very quickly. So, in case of exposure, it would be a good idea to go onto medication within hours, which could be difficult to do. I have no idea what would happen if, because of condom failure, someone presented himself at an emergency room to get anti-retroviral medications.
     
    #18 FRE, Dec 11, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2008
  19. D_skeaflea

    D_skeaflea New Member

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    And then he took a look at it, you told him that it's, in fact, a bottom butt and then he took you back to the bar.

    What a nice guy he was. I would have felt awful if he would have taken advantage of you.
     
  20. WellHung83

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    Flip a coin ;)
     
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