How do you know if a guy is interested in you?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by freecmax, Dec 30, 2010.

  1. freecmax

    freecmax New Member

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    How can you tell a guy is interested in you? I'm a 24 year old bisexual male, but have never experienced anything with a man. I've had sex with several women, but never with a man. My friends don't know that I am bisexual. They are all straight, so I guess I don't want to tell them because I'm afraid they will look at me differently. I meet a friend of a close friend a couple of years ago. He's a great looking guy with a great body; never felt anything for him until about three months ago, when he started hanging out with us again. He has movie star looks, but has a lot of issues, especially with his father. He has admitted to me before that he feels very insecure about himself. He drinks almost every night. About three months ago, after going to a club he asked me if he could stay over because he didn't want to deal with his parents and because he was drunk. That night changed many things; he started looking at me differently, like constantly staring and smiling at me. He was hugging me the whole night and even kissing my cheek. He would put his head on my shoulder and keep it there for a while. We started going to bars and clubs every weekend, he would pick up numbers from girls and make out with them every night. Girls go up to him a lot. Then, he would ask if he could stay over just to chill. Same thing, hugging, constantly staring and smiling at me, constantly touching my hands, started picking me up, and saying that I smelled really good for a guy. Sometimes, when we are at a club, I notice that he's staring at me, especially when I'm talking to a girl. As a matter of fact, he tends to try to make conversation whenever I'm having a couple of drinks with females. Once, I was making out with this girl at the club, afterwards, he came up to me, looked upset, and told me that I could go with her if I wanted to. I just pushed him away and told him to stopped acting weird. Our friends have questioned his sexuality since they were in middle school, and tell him just to come out of the closet. He denies being gay, and I have noticed that he acts insecure and uncomfortable around gay men. He has told me before that he feels uncomfortable around them. Sometimes, when he gets too close to me, I push him away, and he replies by saying that nobody in the room is a homosexual. I guess I push him away because I'm afraid of what can happen. About two weekends ago, before he took off from my place with some friends, he told me that him and I needed to talk alone. Haven't seen him since that night. But now, I think about him almost every day. Don't know how to feel about this, since I have never felt like this for a guy. I'm not sure what his sexual orientation is, because I know that he has had sex with women. One of my friends, female, had sex with him one night. Don't know how to feel, just very confused.


    There were times when I tried to avoid him, but he would come up and talk to me. He was constantly staring at me and trying to get me drunk. A friend asked him once if he liked me and why he was always trying to get me drunk. His reply was that I was more fun and loud when drunk. I'm just very confused. [​IMG]


    I haven't heard or spoken to this person in a little more than a week. I think about this person almost all the time now. But, I'm afraid to take that step forward. Afraid of how he will react. He was raised in a conservative Christian home, so he speaks really negative about homosexuality. Many of his friends feel that he reacts this way because he doesn't want to admit it to himself. Our friends tend to make fun of him and tell him just to admit it. About a month ago, he was drunk, a friend grabbed a camcorder and taped him as he asked him questions. They asked him if he was gay. His reply was that he had experimented with men and drugs before but that he wasn't gay. They laughed at him and still make fun of him today. Don't know whether to believe that, since he tends to say random things when drunk. I remember smacking him across the face once because of something I don't remember. The next night, he asked me if it was weird that after I smacked him he went home and masturbated to the thought of me smacking him. Days later, when I told him he made me feel uncomfortable by saying that he said it was a lie that he usually says stupid things when drunk. I don't know, I'm just very confused because I have never felt this way for a guy.

    It's been about a little more than two weeks since I last saw him and I still keep thinking about him. It's a very weird situation because I have never felt like this for a guy, I've felt this way for females before but never a guy. I really don't know how I will feel the next time I see him. The last time I saw him, I really didn't talk to him because I was talking to this girl I met at the bar. Afterwards, we all hung out at a friends house, and I got really drunk, so really didn't talk to him. I think I just wanted to avoid him, so that I could forget and not think about it like I have for the past couple of months. I do remember that the following day, a friend told me how drunk I was, and that I kept on cursing that guy. Now I'm afraid that when I'm drunk, I might say how I feel, which scares me. Just really confused right now, don't know how to feel about the whole thing. The last time we actually talked, was the weekend before I last saw him. Everyone was drunk and passed out, except me and him. We were drunk and listening to music. My friend that was asleep on the couch, told me the next day that he would keep on waking up because of the music. He told me he would hear this guy tell me to go with him outside because no one would hear us talk there. We would go outside and talk, then come back inside. Don't remember what the conversation was about though. My friend told me that he got up a couple of times, and that he would push this guy away from me, because he was right on my face when I was asleep. My friend warned me to be careful with him; he doesn't know how I feel about this guy. Just really confused.

    Sorry for posting everything, I just don't have anyone that I could talk to about this, without them looking at me weird. Thanks a lot for listening.
     
  2. rd62624

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    talk to him and see what he has to say.
     
  3. freecmax

    freecmax New Member

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    Thank you so much for your reply.

    I'm going to try to talk to him when I see him again; but I'm also thinking about just moving on.
     
  4. rayray

    rayray Active Member

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    Before anymore heartache and vibes and confusion you are receiving from just the one guy,take the plunge without him, go out to a gay bar and be around others and try to meet new people,people who you know are their for a man.I understand where you are coming from. Check it out,feel the scene out and if you have to go a few times to get more comfortable with the surroundings do it and go slow. You might start to understand how men work. I hope this helps you.
     
  5. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

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    I think this guy is a self loathing closet case who is totally into you but can't handle the fact that he is falling for another guy. He wants so have sex with you but can't bring himself to admit he is gay or bi because he comes from a conservative background, probably has some religious hangups, and a lot of internalized homophobia. This is why he talks negatively about homosexuals and is not comfortable around gay men.

    Both of you dudes sound like you have an alcohol problem...or soon will if you get drunk as much as you say and you are so drunk that you don't rememeber shit that happened. That is a sure sign of an alcoholic.

    Definately talk to him alone and see what he has to say. You might need to assure him that anything he shares with you will stay just between you and him.
     
    #5 B_jeepguy2, Jan 1, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2011
  6. freecmax

    freecmax New Member

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    Thank you for the replies.

    It's been a while since I last saw or heard from him, going on a month already. The first couple of weeks were really tough, I was depressed and thought about him all the time. These last couple of days I've felt a little better. I have decided to move on, so hopefully things will get better. It was just really hard.

    Rayray, I think I'm going to take your advice, check places out, and see how I feel about it.

    Jeepguy2, I wish I could talk to him, but every time the topic comes up, he gets defensive and takes it as an insult. There have been times when I ask him straight out if he is gay, that's its okay if he is, and he replies by saying Fuck NO!, what the hell is the matter with you.

    If he is or isn't, I don't think he will ever accept it. Sometimes, I don't know whether his actions are that of flirting or just bromance.
     
  7. killerb

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    Jeepguy2 is exactly right...
     
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