How do you know if someone is gay??

[RobinSF]

My favorite T-shirt from the 80's, "I'm Not Gay, But My Boyfriend Is".

Gaydar. Sometimes you can just tell, and sometimes you are totally off. One learns the hard way not to fully trust it or assume.

 

[B_josiah852]

You are right.

An hour? Hell, you might sign up for 5 weeks of 1 hour training sessions at the gym with me, and you'd probably still be confused. Will admit that those of us that are bi- and closeted often go out of our way to send out confusing signals. Call us dishonest if you will, but feel that the best way to avoid missed opportunities is too keep pressing us on the issue....maybe after the 6th or 7th denial, we'll come clean as long as it's our dirty little secret.

 

[jorpollew]

This is my second post on this thread, and I find that there is a lot of well-intentioned humor and advice presented here. However, we are clueless (or at least I am) to some basic information that effects how the OP, Sportymike, will decide what to do. And it is often our life surroundings that predict (or dictate) how we handle certain situations.

For instance, for those of you that live in large major cities, the options of where to date (and with whom) can be varied and numerous. But for people that live in small rural towns, options and opportunities are quite limited. The nearest Starbucks or ballpark could be a 2-hr drive! Also, people in large cities are afforded a certain degree of anonymity that small towners do not get. Small towners know what you did with whom, when and where. So, without certain basic details about Sportymike's situation, it's difficult to advise him appropriately.

Also, none of us "out & proud" gays should presume that Sportymike's situation is as our own. Rather, we should reflect on the time when our lives hung darkly in our own closets. There was a time when I didn't live in the trendy gayborhood or know the double-meanings of gaydar, cruise, twink or trick. And there was a time that I was deathly afraid to walk into a gay club or bookstore, and to even buy condoms, fleet and KY at the local drug store. I was afraid of who may see me, what they would think and whom they would tell. That same paranoia that we so blithely joke about today was, back then, real fear; the kind of fear that makes your heart race and hands shake uncontrollably.

Yes, many of us out gays have been there and done all of that! So, the way I approach Sportymike's OP is: What advice would have been most helpful for me as I was coming out? It's much like the Rod Stewart song from that car commercial a few years ago: "I wish - that - I knew what I know now -- when I was younger!"

Who can relate? When were we ever that young, scared and naive?

 

[jorpollew]

Definitely one of the bests responses/posts to this type of question that I've read on LPSG! Bravo. I'd listen to more of what this guy has to say than anybody else who's responded so far, including myself, because time & circumstance have shown that I have zero clue when it comes to this stuff. :tongue:

Wow...thanks for such a big compliment!! It's appreciated.

 

[B_Nick4444]

Who can relate? When were we ever that young, scared and naive?

dang! nothing that intense ... in this latest episode, am basically concerned about not knowing what I'm going through ... about possibly doing something stupid and inappropriate ... would like to have the guy in my life as a casual acquaintance, straight friend, or hot sex partner ... whatever is possible, and don't want to muck it up

I don't recall ever going through what you describe!

 

[jorpollew]

dang! nothing that intense ... in this latest episode, am basically concerned about not knowing what I'm going through ... about possibly doing something stupid and inappropriate ... would like to have the guy in my life as a casual acquaintance, straight friend, or hot sex partner ... whatever is possible, and don't want to muck it up

I don't recall ever going through what you describe!

I hear exactly what you're saying, too. But when we put life expriences on a continuum line, there will be varying degrees of intensity. It's all so subjective, and really based on each person's point of reference.

For instance, it is very easy for me to walk over and introduce myself to a stranger. Yet, someone else may find that to be an intensely difficult thing to do. It's a situation that we all can relate to, however, where it is placed on our personal "intensity meter" will vary.

And I can certainly relate to "doing something stupid or inappropriate" and not wanting to "muck it up". What do I ask him? When and how should I say it? How will he reply? And should I anticipate his response with several different pre-rehearsed answers? "If he says...., then I'll say...." A with anything in life, it takes time to finely tune our skills.

I don't know how old you are, but I'm 47. And I think that anyone who is mid 30's and younger--gay or str8-- has had a vastly different experience with knowledge and acceptance of gay culture than as I did growing up.

 

[MovingForward]

This is my second post on this thread, and I find that there is a lot of well-intentioned humor and advice presented here. However, we are clueless (or at least I am) to some basic information that effects how the OP, Sportymike, will decide what to do. And it is often our life surroundings that predict (or dictate) how we handle certain situations.

For instance, for those of you that live in large major cities, the options of where to date (and with whom) can be varied and numerous. But for people that live in small rural towns, options and opportunities are quite limited. The nearest Starbucks or ballpark could be a 2-hr drive! Also, people in large cities are afforded a certain degree of anonymity that small towners do not get. Small towners know what you did with whom, when and where. So, without certain basic details about Sportymike's situation, it's difficult to advise him appropriately.

Also, none of us "out & proud" gays should presume that Sportymike's situation is as our own. Rather, we should reflect on the time when our lives hung darkly in our own closets. There was a time when I didn't live in the trendy gayborhood or know the double-meanings of gaydar, cruise, twink or trick. And there was a time that I was deathly afraid to walk into a gay club or bookstore, and to even buy condoms, fleet and KY at the local drug store. I was afraid of who may see me, what they would think and whom they would tell. That same paranoia that we so blithely joke about today was, back then, real fear; the kind of fear that makes your heart race and hands shake uncontrollably.

Yes, many of us out gays have been there and done all of that! So, the way I approach Sportymike's OP is: What advice would have been most helpful for me as I was coming out? It's much like the Rod Stewart song from that car commercial a few years ago: "I wish - that - I knew what I know now -- when I was younger!"

Who can relate? When were we ever that young, scared and naive?

Oh yes, I live in san francisco most of my life. I was so scared someone would see me in the castro, I would take the bus and would never get off at the castro stop, but I would go 1 mile further and then walk back.

 

[D_Aston Asstonne]

If the guy has his dick up your ass, chances are he's gay. :biggrin:

my thought exactly!:wink:

 

[Supersized]

If he looks at your eyes and then your crotch like he wants to get caught looking than he wants you to know he is gay.

 

[artyhungman]

Also feel that sometimes, eye contact is a dead give away. There have been a number of times when I've been waiting at an elevator and a guy will look at me, walk on by and then come back, look me directly in the eyes and ask "Are you going down?" If you're on the top floor of a building, that's really a no brainer and my first impulse is to laugh. However, if you both get on, you're alone, and he fumbles for words to make small talk, it's generally more than a hint.

Don;t think the eye contact thing works here in Italy. Guys look at each other all the time [ includingstrangers for a long time - and look up and down], smile, say hi [to complete strangers], touch each other [including stangers], hug and they aren;t gay. Well at least I don't think they are.

My gaydar works fine in the UK [most of the time]- there are of course some not sures - but here in Italy no chance of working it out.

So if any Italians have some advice it would be welcome!

 

[SandraSmithCarver]

okay,, but if your a woman daiting a guy, the first time you are talking about sex and he asks if your "top or bottom" doesnt pay any attention to your breasts, and doesnt like going down on women,, but can still work the moves, very well,,,im thinkin hes kinda Gay, or at least Bi,, am i right???

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Dont they all wear t-shirts saying I am Gay

 

[B_ajaxgayguy7]

I think its safe to assume a guy is gay if you walk into the woods and the guy with bent over with both holes being filled at one time.

 

[auncut10in]

Don;t think the eye contact thing works here in Italy. Guys look at each other all the time [ includingstrangers for a long time - and look up and down], smile, say hi [to complete strangers], touch each other [including stangers], hug and they aren;t gay. Well at least I don't think they are.

My gaydar works fine in the UK [most of the time]- there are of course some not sures - but here in Italy no chance of working it out.

So if any Italians have some advice it would be welcome!

Having spent most of the summer in Italy, I have to agree with you. I was confused the whole time I was there. On top of that, they all dress so nice. It ureally makes things difficult for a gay guy.

 

[Sportymike]

''''
okay,, but if your a woman daiting a guy, the first time you are talking about sex and he asks if your "top or bottom" doesnt pay any attention to your breasts, and doesnt like going down on women,, but can still work the moves, very well,,,im thinkin hes kinda Gay, or at least Bi,, am i right???''''

Sandra, I agree with the first two, but the going down on a woman bit, not so much, cos alot of straight men dnt like goin down on women!!

 

[BobLeeSwagger]

David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like the movie Maid in Manhattan.
Cal: You know how I know you're gay?
David: How?
Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says "I love it when balls are in my face."
Cal: That's gay?

—From The Forty-Year-Old Virgin

Had to be seen too:


YouTube - You Know How I Know You're Gay

YouTube - 40 Year Old Virgin Outtake

 

[lovesmen]

There are signs. I wouldn't try this but if your giving him a BJ and you rub his butthole by accident * ahem on purpose dur* and he doesn't proceed to slap you but wants to let you in. That could mean something. Almost no straight men want something up thier ass. So yea, that outta help. Also, you could ask him if he was ever attracted to men or if he has been with one. It's good to know this before you have sex with him.

 

[B_Nick4444]

It's good to know this before you have sex with him.

on the other hand, there's something about that element of surprise ...