How do you know if you really have feelings for someone?

Niiko8

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I know the question is a bit vague but that's the best I can come up with right now.
Long story short, girl in my uni class, we've known eachother and got along great for the last 2 years but I'm not sure whether I like her or I'm doing the whole flirt and date thing just for the chase only to find out that I don't actually have any feelings for her at all.

So I come to you guys in search for answers because I can't figure out how to go about this :frown1:
 

socalfreak

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Do you notice when she's * not* around?
Do you smile automatically when you see her?
When you talk to her, are you hearing what she's saying?.. or are you too busy fantasizing about getting her naked ?
It's not that hard to figure out, man.
 

Niiko8

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Your question is very vague and confusing. What do you want from her?

A relationship, I thought that much was obvious. Sorry if it wasn't

Do you notice when she's * not* around?
Do you smile automatically when you see her?
When you talk to her, are you hearing what she's saying?.. or are you too busy fantasizing about getting her naked ?
It's not that hard to figure out, man.

1. I notice when she's not around. Even in class she'll be the first one I notice missing.
2. Yeah I do, she makes me laugh and all that jazz but so does my best friend
3. I hear what she says and haven't really given much thought to my fantasized sex life.

The problem I'm having is that I've pretty much given the same answer before on at least 1 other girl and then after a while I realize that I don't actually like her the way I thought I did.

If you have to question whether you have feelings for someone or not the answer is clear. You do not.

I disagree with this entirely. Not questioning anything is just a road to disaster. Questioning whether or not I have feelings and want to start a relationship with someone doesn't mean I don't have feelings, that's just a cynical and defeatist way to look at things.
 

Wrat

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This may be a question about whether you are mature enough to care for someone as a person rather than as a target for your own sexuality. Over time it will begin to occur to you that the people you know become the people you admire for various other reasons than their sexual presence. You will also come to understand the part you play in their lives other than being a casual relationship. Then you will begin to understand the true value of them as a person, and you will value them as a person. Once that happens you will be well on your way to discovering your own feelings and how to sort them out from your hormonal urge to chase.
This might take a while. Be patient.
 

Guill

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Try to imaging how you would feel if she weren't in your life at all? Is there anyone else you would be interested in flirting/chasing? Then you could tell if you were just as happy chasing that other person you probably don't have feelings for the girl but if you keep coming back to here it is probably more than that.
 

rbkwp

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Maybe its when the seeming rejection continues on and on
Maybe also if you seem to be getting nowhere, its time for a very heart to heart with that person, and decide if its time to let go ..
 

Niiko8

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Thanks for the input. I think Guill and Baldy are right and hopefully with that in mind I won't do something I'll later regret.
 

tbrguy

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Well were you with her over Christmas?

If not - did you miss her, find yourself thinking about her and finding excuses to call her?

If yes, then you probably are well on the way.

If non of the above apply, and you had perfectly good Christmas without her, and things were just the same when you saw her again in the New Year, then maybe not.
 

crushinonted

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Try going on a couple of dates with her before you start thinking about feelings. Developing "feelings" before actually getting to know someone is just a recipe for disaster.
 

twoton

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I know the question is a bit vague but that's the best I can come up with right now.
Long story short, girl in my uni class, we've known eachother and got along great for the last 2 years but I'm not sure whether I like her or I'm doing the whole flirt and date thing just for the chase only to find out that I don't actually have any feelings for her at all.

So I come to you guys in search for answers because I can't figure out how to go about this :frown1:

Have you been out on an actual date? Or is this a classroom-only fling? A date is not a marriage proposal. Ask her out and see what happens.

That being said, based on the women I know, if a guy waits for 2 years to decide whether or not he likes her, she's long ago given up on him.
 

Niiko8

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Have you been out on an actual date? Or is this a classroom-only fling? A date is not a marriage proposal. Ask her out and see what happens.

That being said, based on the women I know, if a guy waits for 2 years to decide whether or not he likes her, she's long ago given up on him.

Nah we've been out on actual dates and all that jazz. We've known each other for 2 years but it's just been a steady thing of goofing around and flirting that's become a little more serious in the last couple of months. Its just happened naturally and gradually, but I don't want to be in a position where we end up together and one day I think to myself "Actually, no, I don't like this girl the way I thought I did".
Maybe I'm thinking too much?