How do you make friends?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Gecko4lif, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. Gecko4lif

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    Messages:
    2,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pensacola , Fl
    Question is in the title.

    Every friend ive had thus far was either in high school or college with me

    Now that im no longer in those environments I realize I dont know how to make friends outside of them.


    How do you go about it?
     
  2. MickeyLee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    11,782
    Likes Received:
    1,788
    Location:
    neverhood
    umm i just talk to people.

    random moments when you can start a conversation without being all creepy mcweirdo. making friends has to be pretty easy, is not like i am a bucket of awesome. if plain odd can make friends, anyone can.
     
  3. josh20hung

    josh20hung Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2007
    Messages:
    747
    Likes Received:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    umm .. Ive met my two closest friends at work .. and Ive met tons of friends at bars .. or through other friends.
     
  4. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,430
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,485
    Location:
    United States
    Yeah, I just talk to people. The last few really good friends I made outside of work or school were made randomly. A woman sat next to, and on top of, me on the train. She was about three times as wide as the space she was wriggling into, and she actually hurt me. I was about to shove her to the floor and tell her off, but something held me back. I'm not sure what. When she turned so I could see her face, I could see in her face how badly she needed the seat, and I continued to bite my tongue, but she could tell I had been looking at her, so I felt the need t say. . . something. I searched for something true, but kind, and what came out of my mouth was, "I just LOVE your ski jacket. The color is perfect for you. Actually, it's perfect for me. I'm gonna steal it when you drop your guard." I chuckled so she'd know I was goofing off. She smiled, and looked relieved. I could tell she was embarrassed that she was squashing me, so I forced myself not to make anything of it, and we had a fantastic conversation. You may know about me that I don't usually get along with women, and I am reluctant to let one go if I find one who doesn't seem to hate me off the bat. We became instant friends. I found out that she'd once been a promising dancer, and was a dance instructor. I invited her to join me at my gym, and her eyes lit up. We were really tight until I moved to Boston, and we gradually lost touch.

    In Boston, I had a really hard time making friends. They call my former neighbors Massholes for a reason. The chefs I worked with were a lot older, and still unmarried, no romantic partner, no life-status things in common. Plus, I hated some of them. You can't just hold on to some; it doesn't work that way if they are all friends. When I'd meet amazing people, they turned out to be from out of town like I was, and they were already about to move. Once I got a dog, some girl from Jersey introduced herself to me, and she and her friends were the people I spent all of my time with in Boston until we all moved away.

    In Miami, I have gone through my limited network. I have only one really good friend here, and I hang out with her and her friends. We met through a co-worker of my husband's, and they met through a friend of a friend of a friend at a hockey game.

    I have some acquaintances from the beach. If they know I'm coming, they save me a good spot. If I get there early, I save them spots if I have enough sheets. We know each other's names, I think. First names only, no one ever says my name, but they do give me hugs and kisses, and I have their phone numbers. It's weird to me that no one ever says my name. If not for the fact that I know my name is in some of their phones, I would think they can't remember it. Maybe they can't pronounce it? Whatever. Not friends. Just people I know, which sometimes is good enough.

    There are some guys I met through my husband down here. I think of them as friends, but that needs time and the inevitable distance when we move to be proven.
     
  5. crescendo69

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2006
    Messages:
    8,142
    Likes Received:
    20
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Knoxville, TN
    Church, social groups (like clubs), gyms, pools, dance halls, etc. If you are not particularly religious, visit a Unitarian church, and check out any big church's groups. You have to work at it, though. In adulthood, friendship isn't as easily achieved or held onto. Try to ask someone out for coffee or lunch the next day or so, and find common interests.

    My Scrabble club, church, and local swimming pool have given me some friends, some closer than others. Occasionally an old buddy will surface that I haven't seen in awhile, due to neglect, distance, or unusual circumstances, and sometimes we can reconnect.

    It is a little different than school days due to work, spouses, and general lack of effort. Good luck.
     
  6. NEWREBA

    NEWREBA New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2008
    Messages:
    452
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Cali
    After reading some of your posts on here I can understand why people wouldn't want you for a friend. I personally think you have a negative attitude and are sarcastic and harsh in your responses to various threads and people. Just take a look at your recent posts and then maybe start by looking at yourself.
     
    #6 NEWREBA, Jun 10, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2011
  7. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    That is not one bit helpful or supportive. :mad:

    People need to determine for themselves if they want gecko for a friend, and the only way for that to happen is if they meet. Just engaging people in conversation wherever you may come across them is the foundation for any acquaintanceship, so that is the relevant advice. Value judgments come into play far later on in the process.
     
  8. D_William Fuckner

    D_William Fuckner New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2010
    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    1
    I try not to lol
     
  9. Gecko4lif

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    Messages:
    2,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pensacola , Fl
    Lol its ok helga

    @Newreba You really wouldnt understand until you met me. My personality is extremely hard to convey accurately when not in person. And Sarcasm is my first and second language :biggrin1:
     
  10. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    I met one of my best friends in a work situation. I tend to keep my personal life and private life separate. I belong to a few organizations that I have met some nice people at the events. Every so often I take a cooking class or something else that interests me and have met some people that we have pursed friendship.
    To tell you the truth I met my best friend because we were sitting next to each other on a flight from LA to Honolulu many years ago; there really is no recipe to making friends you just have to take a chance sometimes and give life a little shot of magic.
     
  11. HiddenLacey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2010
    Messages:
    5,470
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    249
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    somewhere
    Most of my friends I've know for ages or I've worked with them at some point. I would suggest a social setting that involves some type of activety you enjoy. Meeting people who enjoy the same things is a good start.
     
  12. MickeyLee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    11,782
    Likes Received:
    1,788
    Location:
    neverhood
    the yarn shop. bonus: yarn friend let you fondle their stash.
    the comic book shop.
    DVD shack.

    nerds are always friendly to tribe.

    i met my best friend in a museum. we were ejected for misguided chicanery. he is my brovah from another muvah
     
  13. exwhyzee

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2005
    Messages:
    4,578
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
  14. PornForPatric

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Messages:
    2,656
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    224
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Houston (TX, US)
    I shape them from clay, breathe life into them and then ask the Greek and Roman Gods to bestow blessings upon them. :tongue:

    I think the main thing is not to sit at home saying "I have no friends". You think strangers are going to just come to your door and try to get to know you? Ugh! That drives me nuts to hear.

    Join a club, a group, church, knitting circle, drum circle...whatever interests you. Then, just talk to people. You're going to end up with some friends and a wide circle of acquaintances. There are many people at my local coffee shop I chat with and I've met one or two friends there.

    That's my two bits.
     
    #14 PornForPatric, Jun 11, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2011
  15. Gecko4lif

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    Messages:
    2,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pensacola , Fl
    Oh no I have ton of friends. Im just kinda concerned that they all come from the same source and im using that as a crutch. Kinda lacks diversity in that respect
     
  16. luka82

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    5,182
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    somewhere
    Meeting friends of friends is a good way.
     
  17. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    2,874
    Likes Received:
    42
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta GA
    First, I have to say that my "best" friends have been my friends from HS and Uni. They're still out there even though we're all thousands of miles apart. When we're all in town, we get together and have a blast.

    Living in Prague for the last 16 years has been a real test. I don't have any real friends per se. I know people, I go out with people, we're "friendly" but to say we're friends is an understatement. I don't have anyone with whom I can really sit and talk. I don't have anyone with whom to discuss problems. Czechs are very closed and hard to get to know and definitely hard to be friends with. My English speaking friends are all now leaving for one reason or another. Another came into A LOT of money and has turned into someone I don't want to be around. I have work related acquaintances but not friends. It's sad really and one reason why I'm considering going back to the US. I was there for a month and people were SO much more friendly. I don't know if it's fake and that it won't help on the friendship/relationship efforts but being here in Prague isn't fun anymore and I feel the need to move on.
     
  18. rbkwp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    29,264
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,918
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Auckland (AUK, NZ)
    SMILE .. of course wont work on sites like lpsg hahha
    but find a Constant Smile when around people & a joke if appropriate, gets the opposite going with a response no worries.
    Captivates and often stuns some folk, you can almost read a 'strange .. wtf is he smiling at me for' from some.
    You soon learn to distinguish which way theyre likely to respond, hah
    Take it from there if a friendship is going to develop it sure will.
    Then again if hes Str and thinks your .... stand by for a whack? ha
    enz
    Case in point
    Used to stand in support of many youngsters in the District Court
    In our Judicary a Female Judge who had a everlasting permanent & genuine Smile, treated those who appeared before her fairly with her reassuring presence for those who chose to see her as such
    Unfortunately a young Polynesian took to her with a Machette in her own court of all places, one day
    She was never the same again, often walked past my facility. and we talked.
    differing levels but able to humble herself, spend time with lessors.
    SAD how life deals its blows.

    and i enjoy your posts gecko, seen many and have no problems at all with any.
    Sweet & refreshing, just to counter that negative post. ha
     
  19. LaFemme

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2010
    Messages:
    8,736
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3,850
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Canada
    Verified:
    Photo
    I make friends easily in real life. In general, people tend to think they are closer to me than they actually are, although my real besties truly know they are in the inner circle.

    I actually run a seminar on building relationships (part of my profession is working with people and trusting relationships is a key part of success). Some of those elements help in making friends.

    A person has to be open to making friends. Be open to people, be approachable, make eye contact and be friendly. You never know where you might meet a new friend. Be interested in what people have to say. Be curious. I think one of the reasons I make so many friends is that I am genuinely interested in what people have to say - I am curious about them and what makes them tick. I am rarely bored by anybody. I strike up conversations in a queue at the grocery store, browsing books, Starbucks - pretty much anywhere. I've met some fascinating people, made some interesting friends and just passed some time.
     
  20. Gecko4lif

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2010
    Messages:
    2,294
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    26
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pensacola , Fl
    Oh god lol

    Thats gonna be a tough one. Gonna have to practice in the mirror :biggrin1:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted