How do you 'measure up' other men, in terms of them beng potential threats?

B_slimjimpencil

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and no i don't men penis size or in any sexual way. what criteria of another male would led you to believe that he may be a better 'catch' than you are. i'm sure the narcissistic ones will say nothing but unless you believe you are god's gift to women, you will realize that they are guys who girls flock to more than they do you



to be clearer for eg.
if you see two guys hitting on your gf, what would make you feel threatened?

for me if he is a generally good looking chap, or a lot more muscular than me, i tend to feel a bit threatened. makes me feel like he could potentially be competition especially if we were on a level playing field (that is, my gf being single and both of us dating her or trying to be with her simultaneously)
 

TDurden1979

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I wouldn't let it get to me, at least not enough to be insecure about it(our relationship).
She wouldn't even entertain the idea to begin with so it's really a non-issue for us.
Now, if said guy did it repeatedly after knowing she was happily involved I would see it as an insult to both her and myself. I'd probably follow him into the bathroom and drown him in the toilet. :p
He can't be a threat if he isn't breathing! J/K, or maybe not...
 

citr

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When I met my wife she was being chased by a bunch of guys that I should have felt "threatened" by. Wealthy trustfund babies, gregarious and extroverted, fit and muscular, probably good at golf or whatever, poised to go into careers like doctor lawyer etc. Meanwhile I was a pale fat slob. :smile:

Even for a while after we got together they didn't take me seriously and tried to subtly insult me in front of her, etc. However they saw her as a prize and couldn't really talk to her, just at her. I treated her like any other ordinary joe(lle) and those guys never really got why they were never even in the picture. They were impressive "on paper," but I was the one she wanted to stay up all night talking to. As a result I am married to the most amazing woman I have ever met, someone who I think is impossibly cute even on her cranky days. :tongue:


And really there's no point in feeling threatened, it's either going to work out or it won't, and you have no intrinsic right to anyone's affection or intimacy. Why would you want to "win" someone who really may have had more feelings for some other dude? Your relationship would be based on whatever charade you put on to "win" her. If it's you she wants, awesome. If not, then she wanted some other dude, awesome for her and awesome for him - you have no reason to be threatened by them making that connection. Nullifying that "threat" by going all alpha male and impressing her with fake crap is a lose-lose. A crap fake relationship for you, and a missed one for her.

As for two guys hitting on her? I wouldn't feel threatened mentally, as I know her and even if the two guys hitting on her are two Brad Pitt clones, our accumulated history together makes them irrelevant, even if she might find them sensually appealing. I might feel threated for her safety if they seemed like the types to not respect boundaries, but I think that's different.

And if we were single there's no reason to feel threatened because I'm not entitled to anything from her. They're not stealing anything from me. They're looking for a good match, just as I am. If she wants that dude then there's a high chance I wasn't the right match.

In my experience when a person is single and starts to think that the object of their affections "owes" them something - this can only turn out poorly. Many broken hearts, many feelings that some guy "stole" from you, a chance of even lashing out violenty. Entitlement hurts. Thinking you deserve anything from a person means that person controls you. Freedom is knowing you are owed nothing, and that everyone acts of their own accord.

Bizarrely, one of those suitors went and got married to her cousin before we even tied the knot. We both still find that extremely weird and desperate. Hiw free do you think he is? How happy can he be? He was so sure he "deserved" my wife that he shacked up with her cousin the instant it became apparent that it would never happen between my wife and him. How would you like to be that guy, so controlled by another person's independent decision that you do crazy shit like that? I'm sure they're reasonably happy together, and I think she (the cousin) always had a thing for him anyway, but I will never trust him around my wife like I would most anyone else in her family. That's a case where I wonder about her personal safety.
 

tbrguy

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When I met my wife she was being chased by a bunch of guys that I should have felt "threatened" by. Wealthy trustfund babies, gregarious and extroverted, fit and muscular, probably good at golf or whatever, poised to go into careers like doctor lawyer etc. Meanwhile I was a pale fat slob. :smile:

Even for a while after we got together they didn't take me seriously and tried to subtly insult me in front of her, etc. However they saw her as a prize and couldn't really talk to her, just at her. I treated her like any other ordinary joe(lle) and those guys never really got why they were never even in the picture. They were impressive "on paper," but I was the one she wanted to stay up all night talking to. As a result I am married to the most amazing woman I have ever met, someone who I think is impossibly cute even on her cranky days. :tongue:


And really there's no point in feeling threatened, it's either going to work out or it won't, and you have no intrinsic right to anyone's affection or intimacy. Why would you want to "win" someone who really may have had more feelings for some other dude? Your relationship would be based on whatever charade you put on to "win" her. If it's you she wants, awesome. If not, then she wanted some other dude, awesome for her and awesome for him - you have no reason to be threatened by them making that connection. Nullifying that "threat" by going all alpha male and impressing her with fake crap is a lose-lose. A crap fake relationship for you, and a missed one for her.

As for two guys hitting on her? I wouldn't feel threatened mentally, as I know her and even if the two guys hitting on her are two Brad Pitt clones, our accumulated history together makes them irrelevant, even if she might find them sensually appealing. I might feel threated for her safety if they seemed like the types to not respect boundaries, but I think that's different.

And if we were single there's no reason to feel threatened because I'm not entitled to anything from her. They're not stealing anything from me. They're looking for a good match, just as I am. If she wants that dude then there's a high chance I wasn't the right match.

In my experience when a person is single and starts to think that the object of their affections "owes" them something - this can only turn out poorly. Many broken hearts, many feelings that some guy "stole" from you, a chance of even lashing out violenty. Entitlement hurts. Thinking you deserve anything from a person means that person controls you. Freedom is knowing you are owed nothing, and that everyone acts of their own accord.

Bizarrely, one of those suitors went and got married to her cousin before we even tied the knot. We both still find that extremely weird and desperate. Hiw free do you think he is? How happy can he be? He was so sure he "deserved" my wife that he shacked up with her cousin the instant it became apparent that it would never happen between my wife and him. How would you like to be that guy, so controlled by another person's independent decision that you do crazy shit like that? I'm sure they're reasonably happy together, and I think she (the cousin) always had a thing for him anyway, but I will never trust him around my wife like I would most anyone else in her family. That's a case where I wonder about her personal safety.

I couldn't have put it better.

Obviously my story is not the same as the one above, but I concur wholeheartedly with the sentiments expressed.
 
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