How do you measure your success in life?

[JustAsking]

Earl,
What an interesting question. But it seems you have a few things mixed together here and it might help to separate them. I think there is a difference between success, contentment, happiness, and a meaningful life.

Next, I think we often look to external criteria for defining success or a meaningful life. This leads to lack of contentment and lack of happiness (which might not be the same thing). Using external criteria creates artificial goals which even when achieved do not necessarily lead to contentment or happiness.

For example, if one thought that the world expected great political success from you in order to judge you as "successful", then you might be driven to become President. There is no higher office in this country when it comes to political success. But notice that the office really confers no contentment, no happiness, and even worse, usually half the USA population thinks you are a schmuck.

However, it is really quite hard to extract the external criteria from your definition of success or meaningful life. One grows up with a constant bombardment of people and institutions urging you to higher achievement and evaluating your success in different ways. It makes it almost impossible to imagine being able to completely determine your own criteria, but that is precisely what is essential for attaining contentment or happiness.

Notice that there is a really wide range of what people use as success criteria. For example, consider the highly paid business executive striving to give his kids everything in life, and send them to really prestigious private schools and universities so they too can be successful in business.

Then consider the guy who sells his house and takes his family to the Sudan to volunteer in refugee camps as relief workers. Which guy is the more successful? Which guy has the more meaningful life? Which guy's family will find meaning? Which guy's kids will end up living meaningful lives?

The amazing thing is that with such a wide spectrum of criteria for judging success, the questions I just posed are hard to answer. It is difficult to point to either case an say that the guy's life is meaningful or not.

This has to mean that one's criteria for success or a meaningful life can be anything you want, so why not set up your own criteria that would lead to a happiness or contentment.

I have two talented sons, one who is going to graduate school and one who dropped out of college before he graduated. The dropout, however, has completely dropped off the grid and is creating an extremely interesting self-sufficient life for himself in the high desert in the Southwest. In their own way, each of them are becoming two of the most interesting people I know. At this point, I could not tell you which one of them will be more content or happy with his life.

What I do know is that any visions of what I wanted for them to be successful when they were young seem really unimaginative and almost cheesy compared to what each of them is doing with their lives.

Earl, how old are you? I would like to say that I didn't reach the point where I was content or happy until I was 50 or so. That is because it took me that long to jettison the baggage I had that was full of everyone else's expections of me in regard to success or a meaningful life.

I believe one can do this a lot earlier in life, however.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

You put your right foot in, you pull your right foot out, you put your right foot in, and you shake it all about.......

 

[Ethyl]

Having more disposable income makes life better, there is no question.

Maybe for you but i've been financially prosperous and financially destitute. My happiness was not dependent on either situation and that's how I measure my personal success.

I would like to say that I didn't reach the point where I was content or happy until I was 50 or so. That is because it took me that long to jettison the baggage I had that was full of everyone else's expections of me in regard to success or a meaningful life.

You beat me to it. :biggrin1: I also had to shed a lot of excess emotional weight later in life before contentment was possible. My expectations of myself were always greater than anyone could have of me so why worry about what others think about my choices in life?

I believe one can do this a lot earlier in life, however.

I concur. The sooner the better.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to forgive those who have hurt you. There are people who've been in the grave for years who still have a hold on somebody's life. You can't fly with all that baggage on your back.

Miss Bliss, I am sending no-strings one of those folding boards they use at stores. He can use it for the towels.

 

[Ethyl]

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to forgive those who have hurt you. There are people who've been in the grave for years who still have a hold on somebody's life. You can't fly with all that baggage on your back.

QFMFT.

Miss Bliss, I am sending no-strings one of those folding boards they use at stores. He can use it for the towels.

Thanks hootie. That should save him a few bruises. :biggrin1:

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Sings: "I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky..." Whoa these pain meds are good baby.

I went through a whole lot of hurt in my life. I've gone through a whole lot of healing. On those rare occasions I sing, I sing from a free soul that soars.

 

[2322]

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to forgive those who have hurt you. There are people who've been in the grave for years who still have a hold on somebody's life. You can't fly with all that baggage on your back.

How do you do this?

 

[Ethyl]

How do you do this?

Slowly, painstakingly, methodically, diligently. That's how I do it and I say "do" because i'm still doing it.

 

[slcnewlife64]

I think I measure my success for the amount of peace I have inside of me. I grew up in a country where being gay was a real sin. I fought with my feelings for so many years that I feel like numb now. Being catholic adds up more guilt to my existence. I think religion uses guilt to keep you in track, and that’s what it did. Years later I lost my parents and with nobody else but my fear I moved to this country. Now, I have nothing, just my peace and that gives me everything to start over and recover at my 44 years old. I have been in the eye of the storm more times that I care to count. I have lived through a dark childhood, I have seen negative numbers in my bank account, and I have seen the loss of both my parents to name a few. I made it through to the other side because I never gave up, and I decided to change how I felt about it all. You can live your life in fear or in love. If you choose fear (like I did for years) it becomes a life-changing. I’m healthy and I don’t really know how many years I have left or ahead. But I just want to make sure to have peace on my heart always and get back at it if I think that I’m loosing that path.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

How do you do this?

You have to work hard at it Jason_els. Almost every person alive is a broken human. Often times, they're manipulated by evil to wound us. Sometimes, they were wounded themselves. In my family, the wounding goes back for generations.

Being kind and loving to others that are wounded, has helped me heal. By giving the forgiveness, compassion, and love, my own pain flowed out of my heart.

 

[unique_exposure]

Slowly, painstakingly, methodically, diligently. That's how I do it and I say "do" because i'm still doing it.

Shedding a resentment allows 'you' to gain back the energy originally lost to it ("fragmenting"). Forgiveness is a creative/ fusion act, so you get the energy you spent back as well. This is something I do every day and rarely speak of because of its importance; it can be tremendously freeing to know that you are capable of it.

Doing your best at life earns you more life.

 

[Wyldgusechaz]

Maybe for you but i've been financially prosperous and financially destitute. My happiness was not dependent on either situation and that's how I measure my personal success.


You beat me to it. :biggrin1: I also had to shed a lot of excess emotional weight later in life before contentment was possible. My expectations of myself were always greater than anyone could have of me so why worry about what others think about my choices in life?

I concur. The sooner the better.

I am near certain that you have posted that you aren't paid enough for your work. Somewhat contradictory.

Let me re phrase it in a way that is less confrontational, which is my normal way of being a pest.

If you are happy at earning $50000/year, you will likely be happier earning $100000/ year all things equal. There is sort of a basic foundation of happiness/success IMO that one needs to fulfill. Keep adding money to that mix and you will likely being more happy as long as you don't have to kill yourself to get it. Now there is the rub.

Looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs :Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ,

we can say that money equates to safety, his second level. As we move up the scale money is less and less an issue but it ASSUMES that we have the *safety* we need to get to the higher levels.

How long can one remain destitute and still feel successful? In the short term I believe its possible but I wonder for say years at a time? Destitute.

I can say this: a group I know has in some way quantified how much money one needs in America to feel safe and free. Based on your own personal situation the bottom number is about $300000. Really. At that level you are no longer constrained by economy in your *safety* decisions. The phrase used is *complete economic freedom.* That seems to be the general threshold of which if you start adding more to it, it really is *safety* overkill.

I believe I have read more couple fight over money than anything else including sex. Why? Not enough? Too much? I am likely in the top 1% of earners in America and I can say money can buy you some degree of happiness but what it does unequivocally is allow you to NEVER sweat the small stuff. And that is such a relief. Gas prices for me are insignificant and I know they are becoming a huge burden for most of us. Thats the safety issue. I could go back to living a much smaller life but I must say having a lot of disposable income creates that huge safety net that allows one to live a big life.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

I am near certain that you have posted that you aren't paid enough for your work. Somewhat contradictory.

Let me re phrase it in a way that is less confrontational, which is my normal way of being a pest.

If you are happy at earning $50000/year, you will likely be happier earning $100000/ year all things equal. There is sort of a basic foundation of happiness/success IMO that one needs to fulfill. Keep adding money to that mix and you will likely being more happy as long as you don't have to kill yourself to get it. Now there is the rub.

Looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs :Maslow's hierarchy of needs - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ,

we can say that money equates to safety, his second level. As we move up the scale money is less and less an issue but it ASSUMES that we have the *safety* we need to get to the higher levels.

How long can one remain destitute and still feel successful? In the short term I believe its possible but I wonder for say years at a time? Destitute.

I can say this: a group I know has in some way quantified how much money one needs in America to feel safe and free. Based on your own personal situation the bottom number is about $300000. Really. At that level you are no longer constrained by economy in your *safety* decisions. The phrase used is *complete economic freedom.* That seems to be the general threshold of which if you start adding more to it, it really is *safety* overkill.

I believe I have read more couple fight over money than anything else including sex. Why? Not enough? Too much? I am likely in the top 1% of earners in America and I can say money can buy you some degree of happiness but what it does unequivocally is allow you to NEVER sweat the small stuff. And that is such a relief. Gas prices for me are insignificant and I know they are becoming a huge burden for most of us. Thats the safety issue. I could go back to living a much smaller life but I must say having a lot of disposable income creates that huge safety net that allows one to live a big life.

If this were true, why do so many monied people suffer from depression, alcoholism, and drug addiction? Having enough with peace of mind is far greater a life than too much with no peace. It just becomes another chain Jacob Marley.

 

[Wyldgusechaz]

If this were true, why do so many monied people suffer from depression, alcoholism, and drug addiction? Having enough with peace of mind is far greater a life than too much with no peace. It just becomes another chain Jacob Marley.

I wonder how many of those people started off happy and money made them miserable? If you truly became a miser like Scrooge, then of course, money for you was a bad thing, but how often does that happen?

Now money can become a burden, if you make it so. (Its a burden I am happy to take off anyone's shoulders LOL). Certainly there is a balance and rhythm to life and any one thing out of balance can be destructive. Never fall in love with money, but see it as a tool for fun.

Remember the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is just a tool. If you are building a big life, its just another hammer in the toolbox you create.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Remember the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is just a tool. If you are building a big life, its just another hammer in the toolbox you create.

That is not what the Bible says. It says the love of money is the root of all sorts of evils. People will do all kinds of things to get money.

Evidently money is a huge priority for you. I used to be in a high paying job, suffered health damage from it, and almost died. Now, I don't even make half what I used to make but I am happier. I have learned to be content with what I have now.

 

[Ethyl]

I am near certain that you have posted that you aren't paid enough for your work. Somewhat contradictory.

Not at all. I never said I lived an unhappy life. I'm now doing what I love. The money will follow.

If you are happy at earning $50000/year, you will likely be happier earning $100000/ year all things equal. There is sort of a basic foundation of happiness/success IMO that one needs to fulfill. Keep adding money to that mix and you will likely being more happy as long as you don't have to kill yourself to get it. Now there is the rub.

What if they're not equal? What about the people who sell their souls for money and become almost unrecognizable afterwards? They may tell themselves they're happier but they often make themselves miserable. Look at lottery winners who blow millions and find themselves penniless after a few years. Wealthy people commit suicide, heinous crimes, and do other terrible things to themselves and others as well as poor people. Money does not create a barrier for more unhappiness. It does create more opportunities and resources. That's all it can do. I've personally done both without money and so have others. Necessity being the mother of invention and all that.

How long can one remain destitute and still feel successful? In the short term I believe its possible but I wonder for say years at a time? Destitute.

You aren't asking enough questions or the right ones. Why are they destitute? Is it a temporary state or circumstances out of someone's control. Are we talking about someone who's forced into bankruptcy because their business partner shafted them or a cyclone victim from Myanmar who is homeless and has little hope for recovery? A victim of emotional/physical abuse from parents/spouse who feels they somehow deserved the inflicted pain and have zero confidence or someone who's lost their house in a blaze? Some people have the ability to jump the hurdles in life; some don't, some are struggling to jump over. There are many things that determine one's financial future. The ability to conquer life's internal battles is something money can't buy.

I believe I have read more couple fight over money than anything else including sex. Why? Not enough? Too much? I am likely in the top 1% of earners in America and I can say money can buy you some degree of happiness but what it does unequivocally is allow you to NEVER sweat the small stuff.

Tell that to Paul McCartney.

And that is such a relief. Gas prices for me are insignificant and I know they are becoming a huge burden for most of us. Thats the safety issue. I could go back to living a much smaller life but I must say having a lot of disposable income creates that huge safety net that allows one to live a big life.

I find it kinda sad that you can't stretch your imagination wide enough to see why some people aren't rich but have full, exciting, wonderful lives and wouldn't trade what they have for anything - even more money.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

No amount of money on earth can fill the heart like love. To be loved for yourself alone and nothing you have or can give to someone else is beyond measure. A man gave me a long lasting hug a few weeks ago. He just stood there and held on for a good while. It was totally platonic, and I haven't found any money that give a feeling like that.

 

[rbkwp]

--ACCEPTANCE--
​

of yourself .. the GOOD you do (revel in the Contentment)
the possible BAD you do (accept the Consequences Gracefully)

of others .. treat and respect them .. as above
ALL else is Sundry to Life'
enz

 

[BIGBULL29]

Money makes us comfortable, but not happy. I'm not even going to go any further on that statement as we all know that it doesn't (I'm not naturally materialistic like most Americans, so it's easier for me not to fall prey to the lie:biggrin1.

Happiness is a laughing fit: one is caught up completely in the moment with no thoughts of the minute before or the minute that it is to come. Then, the mind finds itself in its truest state, void of the ego "I".

I'm going to burn incense and meditate in a little while. :wink:

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

Doris Duke was worth over 1 Billion dollars, and was one of the most lonely people on earth. She was denied love in life.