My wife is extremely multi-orgasmic, and cumming simultaneously is almost no problem for her. In fact the spasms of my ejaculating cock inside her is enough to drive her over the edge. I make it sound boring (it's not), but it's almost instinctive for her.
Another woman, a long, long time ago used to milk my cock differently. When she felt me start shooting inside her, I'd be completely still and plant myself deep inside her. Then, she'd take charge of the rhythm. I'd be there screaming my lungs off and she'd push me all the way in her, squeeze her PC muscles hard, pull my cock almost completely out, release her kegel, shove me back in, squeeze, drag me almost completely out, release, shove, squeeze, pull. That was heavenly.
Another ex did the whole gasping/shaking can't breathe thing, but only when I went in too deep. It was more like an "Omigod, too intense, don't do that" reaction. I wouldn't be colliding into anything, she just preferred it not be that deep.