How Do You Really Become Friends With Other Gay Guys?

chriswatson

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I moved to London 4 years ago and I have struggled to make friends. I never had any gay friends in my native country and was hoping I'd make some here!

However, I did notice that a lot of gay guys apparently have standards when it comes to friendship. By having standards, I mean the same standards they have for hookups: if you're not hot and fit they won't even talk to you...

Although I could kinda understand that mentality when it comes to hookups, I do not get it when it comes to finding friends? Many times I've met guys whom I told I was just looking for friends to go out with and they said they were looking for the same, but then they ended up not ''being interested''.

I also notice on Instagram that (most) gay guys seem to only have friends who look exactly like them...

Is it just me or do you guys find the same?
 

malakos

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I don't know that the current conditions will readily support your making Gay male friends who are "not in your league", so to speak.

Then again, I think you should question why you want to make friends with Gay males in particular. Sure, there is the notion of being able to share certain unique life experiences. But I've found that there's often the ulterior motive of fishing for sex partners, whether acknowledged or not.

My view on the matter is that if you're really looking just for friends, there isn't a significant reason to be looking specifically among other Gay men. Friendships are formed on the basis of shared interests that occur among people of all orientations. All being Gay offers is a sharing of sexuality, which doesn't serve as a solid foundation for platonic friendships.
 

Brodie888

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You don't have straight guys being friends simply for being straight. As stated above, your best bet is to pick an interest first then filter for gay mens group with that interest second.

Perhaps the other route is to simply make friends. Then those friends will probably know some gay person and assume you will be compatible like putting two rabbits together.
 

SpeedThePlow

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I don't think gay guys do necessarily pick (just) friends who they might want to hook up with. I have loads of friends who I have nothing in common sexually, except we are gay. That said, it's also quite common for casual sex it at least a high level of flirtiness to be part of the mix. Bit not always: I flirt for sure but I don't have sex with friends.

If you are having trouble meeting people as friends, best to do all the things you ever would do to make friends: get out plenty, find places with people who share interests. Keep an open mind about people. Be a good friend: available, in contact, sympathetic, open, all those things. Remember that friendship is never a one way street.

Don't expect to make many platonic friends from hookup situations like Grindr etc. If you are in a meat market you will be judged as meat. Look for situations where the "common factor" is not just sex, but something else.
 
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deleted1074483

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as others have said, more through shared interests rather than just chatting to someone in a bar. If you're in London there are huge numbers of clubs, the London Gay Mens Choir is brilliant and very friendly, you don't have to sing but can help back stage etc for example, or there are a few gay soccer and rugby clubs around, dance clubs etc. If you go on to Gaytimes events i'm sure you'd find many examples, or just google 'gay.....whatever you're into......group'

it is doable moving to a new area i promise you.
 

Trekrider

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I gave up looking for gay friends on the internet years ago. Unless you've got the right look, are the right age, and are into the same thing sexually, you won't get far - even if just looking more for friendship rather than just sex. Since getting involved with the nudist scene at nude beaches and a nude hiking group, I've never met so many guys.
 
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deleted6209261

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I moved to London 4 years ago and I have struggled to make friends. I never had any gay friends in my native country and was hoping I'd make some here!

However, I did notice that a lot of gay guys apparently have standards when it comes to friendship. By having standards, I mean the same standards they have for hookups: if you're not hot and fit they won't even talk to you...

Although I could kinda understand that mentality when it comes to hookups, I do not get it when it comes to finding friends? Many times I've met guys whom I told I was just looking for friends to go out with and they said they were looking for the same, but then they ended up not ''being interested''.

I also notice on Instagram that (most) gay guys seem to only have friends who look exactly like them...

Is it just me or do you guys find the same?

Making GENUINE gay friends in London is one of the biggest struggles I’ve experienced. In the early days of mobile apps it was a lot easier and thankfully I have those genuine friends in my life still. However, nowadays you have fake guys pretending they want ‘friends and fun’ but only if you play X role in the sheets or look a certain way (like you said with your Instagram comment).

Like some of the others have mentioned, there are certain social groups you can find on Meetup site where there are groups for certain interests. I’m part of a few Gaymers groups and lgbt hiking groups. Unfortunately, you WILL notice a lot of cliqueyness but there are always the odd few who’re more open and welcoming.
 
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