How Do You Really Know a Guy is Gay?

Discussion in 'Underwear, Clothing, and Appearance Issues' started by swing_low, Jan 9, 2009.

  1. swing_low

    swing_low Member

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    I feel a little funny asking this, especially since I've been openly gay for the past 7 years (since age 14), but... how do you know if a guy is gay? I don't mean the obvious, typical gay guy, but just a regular guy you might meet at work or in the supermarket or something. There's this guy at my job that I have a thing for, and he is always really nice to me (he's actually one of my supervisors). I do know that he is single. But how do I know if he's just gay-friendly, or if his kindness toward me should be taken as a signal that he's interested in being more than just a friend? I guess my gaydar is broken, so I need your help!
     
  2. mdlindqu

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    Ask him if he wants to go have a drink after work and see where things go. However, if he is your sup. he may not want to go down that path. There have been some very hot guys I wouldn't have minded rubbin one out with, but avaoided the situation as I was their sup.
     
  3. slurper_la

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    what's an obvious, typical gay guy?
     
  4. nudeyorker

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    Some people are just nice and friendly. In terms of getting involved with one of your supervisors at work; I would say it's not the best idea.
     
  5. BigD_2

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    Agreed - be VERY careful around any co-workers with this issue, especially your boss. Suggest a better approach to this particular guy is to wait until one of you doesn't work there anymore, THEN approach him. Dating and/or sex with co-workers gets very messy very often.

    In general how to tell if a guy is gay? Well, I find a combination of factors usually works. 'Dar is often good enough - yours is really broken? Obviously, single is a clue, the older he is and still single, even more of a clue. This may sound odd but I find shoes to be very helpful. If the guy has nice shoes, or nicely maintained shoes, I think that tends toward gay, especially when coupled with hair that is neatly spiked or well looked after. You could be mildly stalker-ish and see if his car has any interesting bumper stickers - rainbows, HRC, etc. Do you know if he lives in the "gayborhood", that is, the gay section of your city? Does he go to a predominantly gay gym? What does he do for fun when he's not in work?

    Now none of these things by themselves means something particularly, right, there are plenty of straight guys who own nice shoes, or spike their hair, or even go to the symphony or live in a "traditionally" gay area. But taken all together you can get a picture.

    Of course, the only way to really know is to ask him. Good luck.
     
  6. Rocky14441

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    Tom Criuse?
     
  7. swing_low

    swing_low Member

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    You know what the stereotype is for gay men. Flamboyant, feminine, overly well-groomed, overly fashionable, etc. I know all gay guys are not like that, but if you see someone with these qualities, you assume right away... he's gay. Right?
     
  8. catman

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    Try the secret handshake...


    oh wait, that went out in 1958
     
  9. Joseph

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    There is NO way to tell someone is gay, just like one can't tell someone is hung by looks or behavior.

    Best way is to ask someone .... I do know it's a bit uncomfortable, but I'm not necessary speaking of OPENLY asking. Just don't be shy!
     
  10. D_season 5

    D_season 5 Account Disabled

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    You sound really young..like about 21 or 22...
    here is advice you should consider for the rest of your working career..

    NEVER...NEVER EVER...DATE ANYONE IN YOUR OFFICE, BUSINESS, CO WORKER, SUPERVISOR, OR THE ANYONE IN THE MAIL ROOM...
    THIS HOLDS FOR ANY SEX M OR F...AND HOLDS TRUE FOR ANY CAREER EVEN IF YOUR IN PORN.
    THE OLD ADAGE...DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT...SORT OF SUMS IT UP

    if this guy is gay...he should know better...and if he isn't..then your gonna look like an idiot...and SEXUAL HARASSMENT complaints will for sure start flying...if for no other reason...think of sexual harassment as the only reason you don't date anyone where u work...
     
  11. swing_low

    swing_low Member

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    You're right, dating co-workers/bosses does have a bad reputation. But I tend to be a pretty private person, especially at work. No one really knows anything about my love life or living situation or anything personal because I know how quick gossip spreads at my job. And I have had a relationship with a co-worker before, and no one knew for a long time. He was very private too. We didn't act like a couple til we were off the clock. So, I agree that romances in the workplace are risky, but they are possible.
     
  12. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    How do you know: Just ask him
     
  13. Sirius Black

    Sirius Black New Member

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    If he tries to put his penis in you, then you'll know he's gay, or at least gay tolerent.
     
  14. swing_low

    swing_low Member

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    Interesting... I would like to see how someone could cry sexual harrassment if there wasn't anything sexual going on til we were outside of the job. I'm sure we wouldn't be getting it on in the lunchroom or something, lol.
     
  15. swing_low

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    But I can't just ask him cuz he really doesn't show any signs of being gay. He looks straight, he talks straight. I never hear him talking about girls though, and he's always super nice to me... like he doesn't want me to work too hard. Those are the only clues. If I asked him, he might say "Why would you think that?" And I would feel so stupid. But I know it's not impossible cuz there have been dozens of guys that I really REALLY thought were 100% straight, and I was wrong.
     
  16. Rocky14441

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    This is one of the things I love and hate about being gay. I love it because it adds an extra layer of tension and excitement to every encounter with a guy I'm attracted to.
    I hate it because 50/50, 40/60, 37.5/62.5 % straight/gay guys can often have a huge charge over you even thinking they are gay.
    One of my solutions is to be out. Out everywhere, out all the time. If I'm out to the world, then those guys struggling with their sexual identities, or too scared to be out themselves, have opportunity to make the first move.
    I've had friends who are straight to the world, but after months of knowing me, finnally come out.
    Being out all the time is a strain, and I've paid a price for it, in lost friendships, homophobic conservative christian nut job bosses just looking for an excuse to fire me, family who don't want to even look at me, etc, etc.
    But the blessings are huge. All of my neices and nephews have "the coolest Uncle in the world", and a change to make a difference in this generation.

    But that wasn't your question. You asked how you can tell if someone is gay, and the answer is, unless they tell you point bank, you can't. Cool shoes and spiked hair, marital status or lack of a girlfriend, the colected works of Patsy Cline and Barbra Streisand, or any of the million other indicators are useless, because we live in a society that tells boys from a very young age that being gay is risky business. Go to Craigslist on any given day and find the posts for "MWM looking for bi guy for hookup", and all the other ways men tell themselves they are not "really" gay.

    Just asking someone out on a date is scary and exciting all by itself (at least for me!), It is a real challenge to have to wade through all the bullshit jsut to get to that point.

    Oh, and that bit about "an obvious, typical gay guy"? I was that guy for about ten minutes after I came out to myself, because I thought that's what I was supposed to look like. Yuck! Now I have gay friends who acuse me of being "straight acting". Just because I dress like a lesbian, without the spiked hair and cool shoes.
     
  17. Rocky14441

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    It's good to set boundaries, but 40% of all relationships begin in the workplace. What are you gonna' do?
     
  18. B_theOtherJJ

    B_theOtherJJ New Member

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    If his Tiara is held on with bobby-pins, he is REALLY gay....
     
  19. chadstallion

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    how do you really.....

    easy. when, in the midst of me fucking him, he whispers in my ear..."dude, I love you".
     
  20. uncutblond34

    uncutblond34 Member

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    Does he throw the door open and do an Ethel Merman impression singing "Everythings Coming Up Roses " when he comes to work ? If he does, chances are.......LOL

    ( I can say that, I'm a proud gay man... ;) )
     
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