how do you spare an average-sized guy's feelings when he asks for the truth?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by voyeuristic, Nov 28, 2008.

  1. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Is honesty always the best policy? I don't necessarily go out of my way to tell guys that I'm a size queen off the bat, but it usually comes out in the wash eventually. If I have a marked preference for huge cocks but am willing to date people who don't have them if they're otherwise awesome and I'm attracted to them, should I go out of my way to hide my proclivities? I've found that guys have really different reactions when they inevitably find out. One was really secure and wasn't threatened by it at all, because he was confident that everything else he had to offer could more than compensate for his average-sized dick. Others will make it a point to frequently reference my tendencies (and not because they're turned on by them, as a cuckhold might be!) It's hard because even if I'm with an average guy, most of my fantasies revolve around group sex, and when I'm describing them it always involves hung guys.
     
    #1 voyeuristic, Nov 28, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2008
  2. BigDallasDick8x6

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    Yes, honesty is always the best policy. (With the caveat that there is no need to be needlessly cruel.) How you accomplish that will need to vary with each personality you deal with.
     
  3. B_rfj

    B_rfj New Member

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    voyeuristic

    I haven't been yet with a woman who I would describe as a "size queen".

    But then again, all women I had sex with really enjoyed the size of my unit, specially when it comes to oral sex.

    I think most men are very sensitive to the matter of penis size. So telling a man something like "your dick isn't as big as I like" could hurt his self-steem.

    What do you think?.
     
  4. CALAMBO

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    SIZE MATTERS...men know this or we would not ask, now that being said, how small are we talking here...sure a pencil dick cannot be lied to, but if you are a kind person that enjoyed the sex, he was/is a gentlemen...WTF...LIE TO HIM...he knows the real truth...a bit of kindness hurts no one...you are a hottie, trade places for a few minutes...SEE what i mean...now if he was a lousy lover/mean person...kick him to the curb...
     
  5. D_Brecock Evileye

    D_Brecock Evileye New Member

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    You can tell him he isnt the biggest you have seen, but for the love of god. Dont tell him he is small, or worse to small. This is a huge emotional thing for a guy. So much of our ego is tied to it. Some guys are more secure than others.
     
  6. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    I'm thinking of it in terms of guys I've been with who were generally into big tits but who liked me anyway for whatever reason...I'm the kind of girl who tends to ask for the truth even when it hurts, and if someone doesn't give it to me I push them until they do, so this often puts guys in the uncomfortable position of telling me something that may be hard for me to hear. My breasts (which I personally love by the way!) are very small, so the chances of me sleeping with someone who prioritizes a large rack are next-to-nil, but I've definitely dated guys who reluctantly admitted when pressed that all other things being equal, they would have preferred that my breasts be bigger...and I've got to say that it made me feel extremely self-conscious to the point that I could never fully relax w/them sexually. I don't want to put a guy in the same position, but by the same token...it would be a lie to say that I wasn't going to wish his cock was bigger. I guess it comes down to the fact that some people are able to accept that they're not going to be anyone's absolute ideal, and others are going to struggle more with this fact.
     
    #6 voyeuristic, Nov 28, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2008
  7. HyperHulk

    HyperHulk New Member

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    What do you gain by telling the guy?

    Whether you tell him or not, you will still have your fantasies. Does your fantasies mean that you will want to pursue a bigger cock or can you be satisfied with an average one as long as you can keep your fantasies?

    If you can be satisfied with an average cock, then I don't see the point in telling him while maintaining your mental fantasy land. Certainly he can't make the fantasy a reality unless it involves getting a bigger dildo he uses on you.

    So if you can be happy with average and there is nothing he can do to make your fantasy a reality, what's the point in telling him?

    If though you can't be satisfied by average in the long run then the only purpose in telling him is to signal that the relationship has a limited life span. That may cause him to end it sooner or create situations where you will want to end it sooner.
     
  8. D_Relentless Original

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    I agree ^, also if it does not need to be mentioned, then don't.
     
  9. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Hulk - you are assuming that the relationship would be a monogamous one. I don't have monogamous relationships and never have...so it's not so much a matter of an average-sized dick OR a bigger one...in fact I may have both at different points without ending the relationship. As far as the fantasies go, I was referring not to the ones I masturbate to privately, but to verbally sharing fantasies with my lovers, which is one of the ways I get off...

    As far as "if it doesn't need to be mentioned", I think there is a difference between not volunteering the information and lying outright. I am not going to say "By the way, I wish your dick was bigger" - but if someone asks me, and many have, I'd have a hard time lying.
     
  10. MickeyLee

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    is he asking out right for a comparison? if not there is simply no reason to have subject come up.

    sharing your sexual fantasies is all well and good, but these are your fantasies. if you know something will cause him upset skip over that bit of frontal lobe porn.

    i can't say how i would handle someone asking me about the endowments of my previous partners. the question its self comes off as leading or down right inappropriate.
    i still would do my best to handle his ego with care.

    or i would just side step the issue with a blowjob. lets him know i like his cock, lets him know i am happy with the sex, gives me time to think up a nice reply. and, well, it's just not polite to talk with your mouth full.

    how often to men just out of the blue ask for cock by cock size show down? not asking to be pill i'm just curious.
     
  11. D_Bemeslay Bugthorpe Boobtube III

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    I think you answered your own question in your second or third post when you said when men make comments about your breast it makes you in secure.

    But in more depth I don't understand a lot of your question. You've said you've never wanted to be in a monogamous relationship right? So the question for you is does this man know this and is he okay with it? That would be the most important question to answer.

    To build on this you must think he is okay in the sack if you still want to be with him so does it really matter that he has an average cock?

    I'm about 6.5 inches, and I know where I stand. I sometimes ask partners what they think of it or if they are happy with it like I do about sex because its important. If they aren't happy with it then that creates a problem. I also sometimes get into details about old sexual partners if the woman chooses to share. There's nothing wrong with learning where you stack up, especially because I have found with most partners that although many men were bigger the sex just wasnt good. He may actually feel better to hear that he is very good in bed and hear he is average rather than just be confused.

    Food for thought.
     
  12. meerin

    meerin New Member

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    Unless he's asking for a specific number of inches you prefer, just say "I love your cock".
     
  13. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    DD - yeah, knowing that a guy prefers big tits would make me feel less comfortable with him (different than insecure across the board - I like my breasts, but I may not feel as great about sharing them with a specific individual if I know they're not enthusiastic about them), but I'm the type of person who still likes to know. I may even choose not to date him if it seems like a big issue (with one partner it was an obvious preoccupation; with others it was a slight but negligible preference), but I still prefer knowing. Perhaps it's a bit masochistic but it's how I roll - I've been known to ask questions that call for brutal honesty across the board.

    As far as the monogamy bit - yes, all of my partners have known exactly what my deal is. I'm not sneaking around; everything is above the table. I don't really need to go into more than that on this post (I have on "open relationship" threads) because it's not really relevant to the subject here. (For the record I'm referring to a theoretical guy comprised of past, present, and future partners at this point, not a specific individual.)

    Mickey - yeah, some guys totally ask. I don't think it's leading or inappropriate; they have every right to know if they want to, though they have to be prepared to hear something they won't like. The fact of the matter is that I love most cock, but I love big cock more. Even if I'm in love with someone, and even if he's a fucking ace lover, if he's under 8 inches (and, hell, even if he's over) I'm going to wish his dick was bigger - that said, when it's rammed down my throat, I'll probably be too occupied to dwell on it too much.
     
  14. larrynkd

    larrynkd Member

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    I would think guys know how their cocks measure up. It's not difficult to actually measure your own penis. My penis isn't huge, and I'm not going to look for rejection by asking if my penis is the biggest one you ever saw. I fuck pretty good, and don't care to even ask for affirmation "Honey, was I the best fuck you ever had?" You know. She (or he) already knows the answer, and let it alone.

    And, Voyeuristic, you are one smart lady!
     
  15. BS76

    BS76 Active Member

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    Tell him you want to try bringing toys into the bedroom and you've been fantasizing about something you saw online. It'll soften the blow and since he'll be the one in control of it, by extension it'll be him. Then and only then, when he's made that association in his mind that you should tell him you really enjoyed that with him and wouldn't mind doing it more often. You can frame as though HE IS THE ONE making you a size queen FOR HIM! See where I'm going with this?
     
  16. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    BS - uh, that would work if dildos did anything at all for me, but they don't...
     
  17. BS76

    BS76 Active Member

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    Really? I don't imagine it being much different from the real thing, especially with someone else driving so to speak.

    Out of curiosity could you describe the differences?
     
  18. Mr_Cumalot

    Mr_Cumalot New Member

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    Now this topic has me worried again! Despite my size my girlfriend sticks to the fact i am her biggest and best. She orgasmed once so strongly that she was hitting me. How you have me wondering if she is a size queen or something. She only ever tells me about previous lovers with small cocks - is that secretly because she thinks mine is average and she thinks this will make me feel better, or because she genuinely thinks im big and she she can be comfortable telling me about the small guys? The only two she said were quite big she has instantly stated 'but you are bigger'. One of them was a casual fuck she was going back to for years even tho he didnt treat her nice and didnt do oral.
     
  19. iwishiwasbigger

    iwishiwasbigger New Member

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    voyeur, i'll love your small breasts forever
     
  20. Drifterwood

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    If size is an absolute deal to you then you shouldn't involve guys who don't have it.

    If it isn't an absolute thing, then what is the issue? Did you both enjoy the sex? Then what is the significance of your big ass or his average cock? or whatever.
     
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