How Do You Stop Being Envious Of Straight Men?

1

1498312

Guest
An acquaintance of mine is having a baby with his girlfriend. Everyone is happy for them but I feel intense jealous rage. He’s had a easier life than me. He was born into a loving family, had a lot of friends and had success, a loving girlfriend, and soon a child. I feel strange. I should be happy, but I’m not. I feel bad for myself cus I didn’t have any of those things and will never have a child. It’s painful.
 

marriedasian

Legendary Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Posts
1,578
Media
1
Likes
2,021
Points
343
Location
Wisconsin (United States)
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
sounds to me like u r playing the victim here. i worry that your jealousy may one day turn into envy and that is a dangerous path to walk.

i would encourage u to stop comparing ur life to others and begin to self-reflect and see what you can do to change your life so that one day you may be able to get those things that you want. i would also implore you to dig deeper and try to find out why you what those "things" in your life and if u would truly find peace and joy should you attain those things.

sure, people who are born into better situations have an upper hand in life however it doesn't give you permission to despise them or even being to hate them. technically it wasn't even their fault, it was their parents whom made a good life (through honest or dishonest means) to allow children to be brought into this world with an advantage (it's called life).

my advice: get over it and move on... re-evaluate yourself, set some goals, and go work for what you want!
 
1

1498312

Guest
sounds to me like u r playing the victim here. i worry that your jealousy may one day turn into envy and that is a dangerous path to walk.

i would encourage u to stop comparing ur life to others and begin to self-reflect and see what you can do to change your life so that one day you may be able to get those things that you want. i would also implore you to dig deeper and try to find out why you what those "things" in your life and if u would truly find peace and joy should you attain those things.

sure, people who are born into better situations have an upper hand in life however it doesn't give you permission to despise them or even being to hate them. technically it wasn't even their fault, it was their parents whom made a good life (through honest or dishonest means) to allow children to be brought into this world with an advantage (it's called life).

my advice: get over it and move on... re-evaluate yourself, set some goals, and go work for what you want!

I’ve already reached envy. I grew up in poverty. Didn’t have a lot of money and lived in a contaminated environment. There was mold growing out of the wall and ceiling. I remember being sick a lot.

People would always flaunt their wealth in my face. They would do it on purpose. Everyone could afford the best toys, games, clothes, cars and buy whatever they wanted. I couldn’t. All I could do was watch in envy and anger as they enjoyed the finer things in life. I always had to work to the bone in order to earn my money.they didn’t. They were handed the silver spoon and were able to enjoy their lives. How do you expect me not to be envious of straight men?
 
  • Like
Reactions: bigbull29
6

693987

Guest
You don't have to contribute genetic material to have a family. There's adoption. As for being envious of others, there are always going to be people who have it better, who are better at things than you, etc. It's on you how you handle that, it isn't the problem for other people.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MisterB and englad

marriedasian

Legendary Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Posts
1,578
Media
1
Likes
2,021
Points
343
Location
Wisconsin (United States)
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
I’ve already reached envy. I grew up in poverty. Didn’t have a lot of money and lived in a contaminated environment. There was mold growing out of the wall and ceiling. I remember being sick a lot.

People would always flaunt their wealth in my face. They would do it on purpose. Everyone could afford the best toys, games, clothes, cars and buy whatever they wanted. I couldn’t. All I could do was watch in envy and anger as they enjoyed the finer things in life. I always had to work to the bone in order to earn my money.they didn’t. They were handed the silver spoon and were able to enjoy their lives. How do you expect me not to be envious of straight men?

again, lose the victim mentality. my parents immigrated here when i was 1 and i know what i means to grow up in poverty. imagine 2 parents with 5 kids coming to a new country with zero english for communication and working their way up from nothing... i know what it means to be poor and have nothing, plus to see others have so much with little effort.

you can start to change if you want to. otherwise continue to exist in that dark place of yours and you will only feed the darkness until one day you will be lost forever in there and never find your way out. you had enough courage to reach out of that darkness and ask for help on here so we're giving it to you. now you have a choice...
 
  • Like
Reactions: AG08 and Sklar
1

1498312

Guest
again, lose the victim mentality. my parents immigrated here when i was 1 and i know what i means to grow up in poverty. imagine 2 parents with 5 kids coming to a new country with zero english for communication and working their way up from nothing... i know what it means to be poor and have nothing, plus to see others have so much with little effort.

you can start to change if you want to. otherwise continue to exist in that dark place of yours and you will only feed the darkness until one day you will be lost forever in there and never find your way out. you had enough courage to reach out of that darkness and ask for help on here so we're giving it to you. now you have a choice...

I don’t have to imagine. Your story is the same as mine. Two immigrant parents who didn’t speak english. Grew up poor. I was their interpreter. Always under constant stress.
 

CUBE

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 28, 2005
Posts
8,542
Media
13
Likes
7,668
Points
433
Location
The OC
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I think your feelings are not uncommon. I mean, come on, they do have it easier. But you can have all of this too including a child. You ate more special then you know as you have likely had a more thoughtful and introspective life. Be happy for your buddy and find your sexy loving path.
 

Uniballer

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
Posts
331
Media
302
Likes
4,121
Points
463
Location
Columbus, Ohio, United States of America
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Dude, I understand how you feel. I am straight married with 1 kid. I would not give up my wife or kid for anything. I have a different problem than you.
I was 22 y/o and a police officer. Someone took exception to me, a while police officer and came out for a fight. I ended up with a broken neck. That was 1991. I have been going to at lease 1 doctor visit a week since. I want 1 day without pain. I have taken 3 different narcotic pain relievers and 1 narcotic injection in the past 4 hours.
I am 50 and totally disabled. I can walk and do things. Narcotics make getting hard almost impossible and I love sex.
Here is the worst I drag around every day. The guy who got my car was shot in the head 10 days before Christmas. He was not tall, I am. That same shot would have hit my vest and only caused me to get pissed and kill the guy myself, a friend of mine put 4 bullets in the POS before he hit the ground.
I wake up in pain everyday but if not for my broken neck I likely would have been shot maybe killed.
I don’t like the hand I was given but I am playing it. I know there others who have it worse but I love sex, have for years but my drugs I have taken already today are going to make life in bed tonight difficult but I am gunna try to satisfy my wife and myself. At least I am looking down at the grass not up at it.
Good luck. Try to find something positive. Go help at a VA hospital they need help and you will see pissed off dudes who want to die all the way to majorly fucked up guys who want to live. Come hang with me, I am just happy I can drive to the barn and talk with the horses, they listen well.
 

Stratavos

Superior Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Posts
1,074
Media
41
Likes
2,756
Points
183
Location
Ontario (Canada)
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
... but you can have a child, adoption is still parenting, same with the foster system.

Having a heart to heart with that friend, and hearing about their insecurities will likely temper down that envy.
 
  • Like
Reactions: notN2pussy

Infernal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Posts
3,565
Media
7
Likes
5,139
Points
593
Age
54
Location
Phoenix, Arizona, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
"If you can be grateful, you can be happy. Whatever you’ve got, not longing for more. Not tripping over the past and wishing things could be different. Being right here and right now, and being grateful. Finding what is good in the now is the key to happiness." - Beth Hart
 
2

223790

Guest
I don’t understand the straight part. Are you gay and jealous that you can’t procreate with a woman?

Something to keep in mind is to not just look at where another person is, but what it took them to get there. I am very successful today (more than I ever thought I would be), but it took a fuckload of hard work, sacrifice and extreme poverty to get to where I am today. Nothing was ever given to me either, but I reached a point in my life where I realized I was too young to hate my life so much, and that I and I alone had to do something to change it, so I did. It wasn’t easy, but the end result was more than worth it. I had friends who had everything handed to them early in life, and they are a fucking mess today because of it. They have no pride or character, and they can’t deal with the real world because they didn’t learn the necessary skills to deal with life and the endless shit that comes along with it. I learned those skills early on because had to. I had no one to fall back on. I’m sure people look at me now and think I was handed everything when nothing could be further from the truth. I’ve been so poor before that I didn’t know where my next meal was coming from.

I know lots of people that constantly pull the pity card. It changes nothing in their life, and they end up intensely bitter driving friends and family away from them. We’ve all had shitty breaks in life. It’s how you deal with it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: manplezrks
1

1498312

Guest
"If you can be grateful, you can be happy. Whatever you’ve got, not longing for more. Not tripping over the past and wishing things could be different. Being right here and right now, and being grateful. Finding what is good in the now is the key to happiness." - Beth Hart
I don’t see it that way.
 
1

1498312

Guest
Dude, I understand how you feel. I am straight married with 1 kid. I would not give up my wife or kid for anything. I have a different problem than you.
I was 22 y/o and a police officer. Someone took exception to me, a while police officer and came out for a fight. I ended up with a broken neck. That was 1991. I have been going to at lease 1 doctor visit a week since. I want 1 day without pain. I have taken 3 different narcotic pain relievers and 1 narcotic injection in the past 4 hours.
I am 50 and totally disabled. I can walk and do things. Narcotics make getting hard almost impossible and I love sex.
Here is the worst I drag around every day. The guy who got my car was shot in the head 10 days before Christmas. He was not tall, I am. That same shot would have hit my vest and only caused me to get pissed and kill the guy myself, a friend of mine put 4 bullets in the POS before he hit the ground.
I wake up in pain everyday but if not for my broken neck I likely would have been shot maybe killed.
I don’t like the hand I was given but I am playing it. I know there others who have it worse but I love sex, have for years but my drugs I have taken already today are going to make life in bed tonight difficult but I am gunna try to satisfy my wife and myself. At least I am looking down at the grass not up at it.
Good luck. Try to find something positive. Go help at a VA hospital they need help and you will see pissed off dudes who want to die all the way to majorly fucked up guys who want to live. Come hang with me, I am just happy I can drive to the barn and talk with the horses, they listen well.
You had a nice life prior to this and a nice start. It doesn’t sound like you had to be stressed all the time. I never had a moment of peace.
 

bigbull29

Worshipped Member
Joined
Apr 24, 2006
Posts
7,577
Media
52
Likes
14,087
Points
343
Location
State College (Pennsylvania, United States)
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Male
An acquaintance of mine is having a baby with his girlfriend. Everyone is happy for them but I feel intense jealous rage. He’s had a easier life than me. He was born into a loving family, had a lot of friends and had success, a loving girlfriend, and soon a child. I feel strange. I should be happy, but I’m not. I feel bad for myself cus I didn’t have any of those things and will never have a child. It’s painful.

You are allowed to feel this way; in fact, many people feel this way. You are just more honest and have come to terms with your real feelings.

That said, other people's lives are far, far from perfect. While it seems that your friend's life is perfect, you really haven't a clue what is going on internally. The monkey mind that makes us all suffer is present in 99.9% of all people.

Yes, you have had many struggles in your life. There are those who have had even worse struggles than you around the world. But all people suffer or will suffer in life - period.

You cannot eradicate jealously or control your feelings. Just learn somehow not to be a slave to your negative emotions, or any emotion, for that matter.

I offer you sympathy and clarity of mind. Look past the illusion. See reality with a clear mind.
 

bigbull29

Worshipped Member
Joined
Apr 24, 2006
Posts
7,577
Media
52
Likes
14,087
Points
343
Location
State College (Pennsylvania, United States)
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Male
You had a nice life prior to this and a nice start. It doesn’t sound like you had to be stressed all the time. I never had a moment of peace.

Listen, a lot of people on here are not going to show you loving compassion. They're going to tell you to stop being a victim because that is the cultural norm response. These people have their own problems and sadness, and so they are too self-absorbed to feel real compassion.

The problem, again, is that you cannot tell your mind to stop being a victim. You can only learn to separate yourself from your thoughts. That's the only way things will improve in your life. You are not poverty, you are not bad housing, you are not what mean people have said to you, you are not low self-esteem , you are not jealousy, you are not a sexual orientation....

Sir, you truly ARE that space between your thoughts.

Peace