How Do You Tell Your Gf You're Bi

420mlt

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I have been exploring a bit and would consider myself bi even tough I've never been with a man. What is the best way to tell my gf?
 
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Bull9in

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I'm not bi, but I think for the purposes of this question, my perspective might help. If not, well, just disregard it!

Well, the only reason to tell her is if you intend on having sex with guys while you're in a relationship with her. If not, does it matter? If so, are you worried she would be more upset that you are attracted to men, or that you are going to have sex outside your relationship?

Bottom line is, there is no other way to tell her than to just tell her. One of my best friends decided many years into his marriage that he was bi - he kinda figured it out when he kept meeting with guys on the downlow and eventually contracted HIV. At that point, he told his wife. Two things here - he was so in denial about what he was doing that he never actually practiced safe sex; and he probably never would have told his wife he was cheating, except he now has an incurable disease that he couldn't hide from her.

My point is - have integrity, don't attempt to manipulate or control the situation. If you feel like you must tell your truth, then that is what you must do - simply, and from a place of inner strength and compassion for yourself and for her. That's kinda always the case, actually, for any personal truth, BTW.

Good luck. Remember that you might lose her over this - but if so, then she's not the one for you anyway.
 

thongboy

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It was easy for me, since Cindy is bi too. That means we can be open with each other. I've wrecked a couple of previous relationships by telling them I was bi. The second chick was an awesome fuck, but she said she just couldn't cope with the idea that I was fucking other dudes too. We're still friendly, but there's no more sex. I really believe that being honest with a partner is the way to go. Keeping secrets can cause a lot of damage in the long run
 
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danimal32

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No one knows your girlfriend better than you do. You could tell her and she could say, "cool, can you quickly find someone for this evening and I wanna watch?" or she could say, "get that fuck outta my life and don't ever contact me or any of my friends and family again." Or she could land somewhere in the middle. Think long and hard, (no pun intended) before having this conversation, because the dynamics of your relationship could quickly change, for the better or worse, after you mention this topic to her. Keep us posted.
 

420mlt

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Thanks all for you great replies. You hit all the points. My main concern is that she would take it badly. She already knows that I don't mind anal play but I don't know what will happen if I go further.

I'm not bi, but I think for the purposes of this question, my perspective might help. If not, well, just disregard it!

Well, the only reason to tell her is if you intend on having sex with guys while you're in a relationship with her. If not, does it matter? If so, are you worried she would be more upset that you are attracted to men, or that you are going to have sex outside your relationship?

Bottom line is, there is no other way to tell her than to just tell her. One of my best friends decided many years into his marriage that he was bi - he kinda figured it out when he kept meeting with guys on the downlow and eventually contracted HIV. At that point, he told his wife. Two things here - he was so in denial about what he was doing that he never actually practiced safe sex; and he probably never would have told his wife he was cheating, except he now has an incurable disease that he couldn't hide from her.

My point is - have integrity, don't attempt to manipulate or control the situation. If you feel like you must tell your truth, then that is what you must do - simply, and from a place of inner strength and compassion for yourself and for her. That's kinda always the case, actually, for any personal truth, BTW.

Good luck. Remember that you might lose her over this - but if so, then she's not the one for you anyway.
 

Bull9in

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Thanks all for you great replies. You hit all the points. My main concern is that she would take it badly. She already knows that I don't mind anal play but I don't know what will happen if I go further.
She might... But it won't change who you are, any more than you can change who she is. If she has a problem, then you are incompatible on a fundamental level. And you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with somebody who you're not completely ccompatible with.
 
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I've never had a great response. Sometimes a neutral reaction but never anything like "Great! So am I, and I was hoping you are too." A few times I've been told I'm disgusting. I'm in a long term relationship and she prefers to be in denial.

I think your GF has already told you how she feels in some ways. Has she bi experimented herself? Does she make homophobic comments or is she generally open-minded? Is she something like a religious conservative? Has she been to a gay bar with friends for drinks, or a Pride Parade? Those are solid clues. Mostly, just come out and tell her if you think she's cool.
 

Blackrod45

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Don't. You're not active with guys? She doesn't need to know same way you don't need to know if she finds women attractive.
I agree..if you havent actually done anything sexual with a guy why bring up something that can potentially ruin your relationship?? Its just like a guy in a hetro relationship telling his partner, he likes the look of another girl or finds her attractive
( which we men do at times) and then it all goes pear shaped!!

We are allowed to admire and be attracted to and even watch porn and have a wank to a screen..... do we have to tell our wives and girlfriends everything?? Dont cross the bridge before you even get to it....only causes damage. If on the other hand it gets sexual.. you may wanna indicate something.

Thing is, these ladies know anyway! They just dont wanna hear you say it. They feel they need to react if its said
 

wirenoris

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I agree..if you havent actually done anything sexual with a guy why bring up something that can potentially ruin your relationship?? Its just like a guy in a hetro relationship telling his partner, he likes the look of another girl or finds her attractive
( which we men do at times) and then it all goes pear shaped!!

We are allowed to admire and be attracted to and even watch porn and have a wank to a screen..... do we have to tell our wives and girlfriends everything?? Dont cross the bridge before you even get to it....only causes damage. If on the other hand it gets sexual.. you may wanna indicate something.

Thing is, these ladies know anyway! They just dont wanna hear you say it. They feel they need to react if its said
May be, just maybe, I want to be who I am? If she doesn't loves me, or belives that I'm gonna cheat on here, thats not because I'm bi, is because she unable to trust me and understand me.
 

Oralgami15

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I have a close friend who married a woman who was very attractive, worldly and known to be sexually adventurous. Early in their relationship he asked her if she had ever been with any women. She said that she never had any experiences with other women and he suspected that she was holding back on the truth. To encourage her to be more forthcoming, he told her that he had some same sex experiences when he was younger. She was appalled but got over it sufficiently to accept his marriage proposal. They married and fought like cats and dogs and a little after a year he concluded that the marriage would never work out and he told her he wanted out. They both were from two prominent families, well known in our town - and she told everyone she could find about his past history with men in lurid detail. He was apparently very much a top (and she mentioned that he preferred anal over vaginal sex in their relationship).

Long story short, it's been quite a few years - and he is now in a long term marriage with a more suitable woman - and people still talk about him "going both ways". Be careful who you tell if you don't want it to get out.