How Do You Want A Committed Partner To Express Attraction?

batnballs67

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Jul 10, 2011
Posts
405
Media
20
Likes
4,969
Points
523
Location
Blacksburg (Virginia, United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
There is a lot in that piece that gives some ideas, but it will be individual to the couple. For me, some flirting when not in the bedroom would send a message. Cuddling up against your other half or taking hold of his hand with a smile would also say that they want to be with you in a non-sexual way. In bed, some reciprocation to touch, or even escalation in intensity of touch, could send a message that his advance was welcome. I guess every guy would have his own wish-list, but any indications that THE RELATIONSHIP, aside from everything else they engage in together (house, kids, jobs, parents), is worth putting some energy into would send a message that he is desired.
 

Sagittarius84

Legendary Member
Joined
May 16, 2018
Posts
2,108
Media
0
Likes
2,201
Points
158
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Action, via either enthusiastic reciprocation and/or initiation, and independent of any non catastrophic circumstances. After the honeymoon period I think a lot of men that bother to think about it, start paying attention to the context in which their partner gets sexual with them, and starts to perceive a pattern wherein sex is a tool, a bargaining chip, a weapon, or some behavior modifier ; many things other than an expression of actual desire. Where we sex as the refuge, the safe space it doesn't seem acceptable to want it until we provide a refuge and safe space first and even then lord help us if we think that entitles us to sex.
 

cofrader

Superior Member
Joined
May 2, 2006
Posts
1,601
Media
3
Likes
2,527
Points
368
Location
Earth(mostly)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Ran across this
Busting the Myth of Male Sexuality—the Need to Be Desired

And wonder exactly how women can convey attraction in a way that works.
First real question in a while, not exactly how to answer it.
Mith? The stereotypes sill apply I have to make it happen most of the time, it’s refreshing when my wife starts it but it been years to that.
I guess anything will work with the right tone, not too subtle or it could go under the radar.
I guess it could variate from person to person worse, with the lies are sold to us one could expect compliments about cock car hair muscles might is not as appealing for all.
For me the right touch does the trick, if it’s good and mean it say it.
My sister used to tell me I was beautiful but since I was unsuccessful with woman I asume it was her duty, on relations if she stays and it’s happy I asume attraction.
 

Sagittarius84

Legendary Member
Joined
May 16, 2018
Posts
2,108
Media
0
Likes
2,201
Points
158
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
I also dont think enough can be said about consistency and regularity. I get womens moods may vary more and may affect what manner of attraction they put forth at any given time, but that doesnt prevent you from coming off as sexually and affectionately fickle.
 

socalfreak

Superior Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2012
Posts
3,651
Media
107
Likes
6,128
Points
233
Location
Atlanta (Georgia, United States)
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
There's a ton of stuff my girl does..
From the simple/subtle to the aggressive/obvious..
The smile when I catch her looking at me (or body part)... Holding my hand.. Initiating holding my hand.... Primal growls when she sees what I'm wearing that day... Hugging in public... Hugging at home... Grabbing my ass at the gym... Grabbing my ass at home... The random "fuck, you're hot!"... Seeing the smirk on her face from across the room, when I know she's talking to her friends about me... Social media comments....
Too many to list them all
 
  • Like
Reactions: mark.der.typ

Frozen Heart

Cherished Member
Joined
Sep 27, 2020
Posts
251
Media
0
Likes
436
Points
83
Location
Brazil
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Ran across this
Busting the Myth of Male Sexuality—the Need to Be Desired

And wonder exactly how women can convey attraction in a way that works.
Uhumm I like feeling desired. For me it is enough if my partner actually tries to take the initiative to spoil me a little bit. Nothing to fancy. I just like to know my partner still cares enough about our relationship to surprise me now and then. The gesture is more important than the content itself.
 

Mike hung

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 21, 2015
Posts
1,312
Media
21
Likes
4,376
Points
233
Location
Truro
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
My wife's attentive and tells me she loves me often, that aside I can see it in her eyes that it's genuine which is more than enough for me. I don't get hung up on insecurities like that I know we're good without her going out her way to show it, it's all about give, take and how you click.
 
D

deleted116951

Guest
someone will come along and complain that they want more than words.

Not to disregard some men who might need more than words. I guess that's the danger of wide generalizations but I would say the majority of men are fairly verbally driven. That said if a woman took my hand while walking or nuzzled in close while sitting on the couch I'm not so clueless as to not take that as a sign.

Thinking about it perhaps I should revise my previous statement, to me, the plain straight forwardness of a woman saying she's interested is a turn on for me. I guess the clarity of the attracting rather than having to guess subtle clues is what I like.
 

Scarletbegonia

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 2, 2013
Posts
8,324
Media
26
Likes
23,654
Points
508
Location
Purgatory (Maine, United States)
Sexuality
Asexual
Gender
Female
Not to disregard some men who might need more than words. I guess that's the danger of wide generalizations but I would say the majority of men are fairly verbally driven. That said if a woman took my hand while walking or nuzzled in close while sitting on the couch I'm not so clueless as to not take that as a sign.

Thinking about it perhaps I should revise my previous statement, to me, the plain straight forwardness of a woman saying she's interested is a turn on for me. I guess the clarity of the attracting rather than having to guess subtle clues is what I like.

Subtle is, I think, something people work out. As said, my ex was into it. We were together 14 years. That “notice the change in breath” level subtlety, if needed.

My comment was more on the dead bedroom bemoaners who will say, “she says she loves me but doesn’t do anything.” (I use that language because the majority of complainers who place blame on the partner are men. Women tend to voice that they think they need to change. Bring on the hair color, lingerie, new diet and exercise routines)
 
  • Like
Reactions: deleted116951

Scarletbegonia

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 2, 2013
Posts
8,324
Media
26
Likes
23,654
Points
508
Location
Purgatory (Maine, United States)
Sexuality
Asexual
Gender
Female
Uhumm I like feeling desired. For me it is enough if my partner actually tries to take the initiative to spoil me a little bit. Nothing to fancy. I just like to know my partner still cares enough about our relationship to surprise me now and then. The gesture is more important than the content itself.

In and out of the bedroom?

In my family, the one I made, we have a habit of “virtual gifts.”
It started as a lack of money habit, and has melded well with Spawn and I going minimal with possessions.
Let’s say I’m at a national park with a gift shop. I like going through to see what they see as useful or related books and such, plus I need a head space shift coming back.
I make it a point to get one of the “kids” (up to 30) a holiday gift while I’m there, as a way to contribute to the parks system. They are on my 2021 support shirt list, too, but the odd book, stuffed toy, etc helps, too.
Now my “kid” is 29, and doesn’t need clutter.
So unless something is fantastically useful and just under the too cheesy line, I’ll take a photo, send it with a thinking of you message.
I do it with those rocks/leaves/flowers one would be tempted to pick up on a hike, too. Leave no Trace matters!

A gift is always more about consideration, not an object.
The gift of, say, a car is more about seeing someone’s need or desire for a car than the car itself. (Not that I’d turn down something that got me out of payments, oh, no. But I don’t run in such circles)


(And yes, Spawn has a bottle opener from Rocky Mountain National Park, and a cup form Pike’s Peak, his paternal uncle’s fave mountain. He grew up in Colorado, summering at dad’s. Both items are useful yet also on display.)
 
D

deleted1547822

Guest
It's going to vary by man. A starting point would be answering the question along the lines of Gary Chapman's "Love Language" construct.

Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts

What does the particular man find value in? That's really what the article points out. One group of respondents wanted the woman to initiate sex. Another wanted not to be thought of as "just a penis".