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How Do You Wipe Your Ass?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by scarymovie3, May 27, 2019.

  1. scarymovie3

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    Folks, this is a serious question, i've been struggling with this for a long time. everytime i poop i ought to take a shower after or i will feel like i stink to poo, no matter how much toilet paper i use my ass stinks,
    first i take a few squares of TP and wipe my ass first time, then i fold it in half and wipe again, i then get some more TP and repeat, and repeat, after the third time it comes out almost clean, then i grap a wet wipe, it comes out way dirty agai and if i keep repeating the same procedure with wet wipes it will never come out clean, sometimes i clean with 3 or 4 wet wipes and then some dry TP and go back to my business, but if i sweat a bit it will stink real bad, i've asked my wife and she says she does not smell it but I DO.
    No matter how many times i wipe my crack theres still SHIT in my asshole, no matter how hard i push with a single finger to reach inside with the wet wipe it wont help, im desperated, what do you guys do??
    the only way to properly clean and dont smell my own ass is to take a shower.

    This is serious, not a joke.
     
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  2. MickeyLee

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    Ummm, your solution might be dietary.

    Fiber is your friend. :)

    Maybe hair removal solutions would be something to look into?
     
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  3. Squirrel1

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    Also wet wipes are very hard on municipal sewage systems, even the ones that say flushable.
     
  4. scarymovie3

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    i do shave around the ass as hair + shit + tp is disgusting, i don't trow wet wipes on the toilet, only tp.
     
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  5. Squirrel1

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    I knew of a guy from Egypt that would always shower after taking a crap. I think it was some sort cultural thing to wash after.
     
  6. scarymovie3

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    in some cultures they still wipe their ass with their left hand and dont use TP. i know that Saudi Arabia is one of them. but they just wash their hands afterwards and go back to their business.
     
  7. 693987

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    I'm going to echo what @MickeyLee said. Maybe increase your fiber intake.
     
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  8. twoton

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    Go to your nearest supermarket and buy a container of Metamucil. Take a dose every morning. Seriously. I had had problems with cramping, discomfort, diarrhea, etc. and had gone to a couple different doctors over a period of years. The cure that worked: Metamucil. The doc said, "We're not sure exactly why, but it has a calming effect."
    I guarantee within a couple days you'll see a difference. My guess is that your problem is probably dietary. Might be sensitive to wheat, etc. Try the Metamucil. But not the sugar free one. Get the regular orange flavor.
     
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  9. vince

    vince Legendary Member

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    omg
    Order a bidet attachment for your toilet from some online seller. less than 50usd. and it just snaps in more or less.
    Dry wipe, turn on the water and let it burble up there and then pat dry with TP. do it as many times as needed. It's very refreshing. if it's real nasty down there you may want to get in with some soap and water. Don't forget was your hands. dry wiping only is kinda not good.
     
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  10. ytownman

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    OMG! I can't believe I'm going to share this!!

    The same thing happens to me! I thought I was crazy!

    Every time I take a shit at home, I want to jump in the shower to wash my ass. If I am at work, or out in public, no matter how much I wipe, all I can smell is my ass afterwards!

    I have tried everything, standing and spreading to wipe--to try to make sure I can get complete access, wet paper towels and then toilet paper to dry with, wet-wipes; no matter what I do, all I can smell is ass after I take a shit!! I don't think anyone else can smell it, but it drives me completely crazy!!

    I am a vegetarian so fiber intake is not an issue for me.

    I have heard that some cultures use a "lota", that is a pot of water to wash their ass with when they are done having a shit. This is the "left hand", "right hand" thing; the left hand is for performing ignoble deeds, and the right hand is for noble deeds. You scrub your ass with water and your left hand when you are done pooping, then wash your hands really, really well at the sink. Most everything else is done with the right hand, like eating, shaking hands, giving or taking things from another person.

    Sorry, I don't mean to offend any lefties out there, this is just information I have found in my quest to smell fresh after a shit.

    I have tried the lota solution, and it does help, but I’d rather just jump in the shower after a poo if possible. The lota (or a bottle of water, or a paper cup of water) is much better than just toilet paper if I am at work, or out and about.

    I am thinking about a Luxe bidet attachment for the home toilet that sprays your pucker after shit, it connects to the tank water supply. It seems like it would be a chilly spritz to the manhole, but it would be better than wiping with toilet paper and walking around afterwards smelling my ass!

    Does anyone have experience with the lota, or the Luxe bidet or similar under the rim sprayers?

    How do you stay fresh?

    (GOOGLE the words: LOTA WASH to get more info, there are also some good YouTube vids that explain what it is)
     
  11. muslbud7

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    Just been through the ringer with tests, colonoscopy, fodmap diet stuff. Same symptoms. I'll give it a go haha
     
  12. palakaorion

    palakaorion Legendary Member

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    Diet, bidet, moist wipes, all good suggestions.

    I start with dry bath tissue, then finish with a moist wipe, or if I'm home and the timing is convenient, a shower.

    Some people are anal-retentive enough that they poop on a schedule. This would allow you to do your business right before your shower.

    I carry a couple single-wrapped moist wipes (Dude Wipes) for when I need to drop the kids at the pool when I'm away from home. I always fold them up, stick em back in the wrapper, and toss them in the trash rather than flush them. Most toilets won't withstand flushing wipes.
     
  13. Squirrel1

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  14. 2180301

    2180301 Guest

    My goodness! One would think that one's parents would have taught proper toilet hygiene at an early age.
    Miss Manners always prefers a bidet. It reaches all the nooks and crannies and leaves one feeling quite refreshed.
    MM
     
  15. 1345864

    1345864 Guest

    I also shave there as well, for the same reason, and I have since puberty. Bidets aren't terribly common in the west, although I think they probably should be.
     
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  16. 1916191

    1916191 Guest

    All answers covered increased fiber works wonders,bidets are amazing my personal favorite,TP-BABY WIPES-TP runner up .Have a small bin next to toilet for baby wipes,use bin liners empty bin regularly obviously.
     
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  17. rbkwp

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    was taught queens english ie pommie

    arse is human anatomy
    ass is an animal

    bemuses that some countries refer to ass as ...

    [​IMG]


    This is serious, not a joke.
    Click to expand...

    OMG! I can't believe I'm going to share this!!

    yeah
    geuss moist wipes be ideal/better,cheaper than a bidet
    chux cloths if you want to avoid possible chemical contamination

    lets not forget
    some have a fasination with the arse..
     
  18. superbot

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    It's called OCD,deal with it.
     
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