How Does Knowing My Ex With Another Hurt Me?

[YoungHungMachine]

I was with my ex for 9 months and we were engaged. Shit happened (not going into it) and we ended up not working out. She has a 3 year old little girl, who I was helping raise as my own.
I had been with many women before her, she had only been with one man before me. She told me I was longer and thicker the him, and constantly pumped up my ego during sex.
After breaking up we tried to get back together. Several time we had sex again and made out until 2 weeks ago. Well it ended up not working.
During the break up time I had a single one night stand. And she met a man through online dating that she slept with and spent a few weekends with him. Well this hurt, because not only did I not keep her sexually, it was like... I could not please her as bf, not just as a sex partner.
You know what I mean.
Well we had sex after they did they thing, and she told me I was an inch longer nad he was a tad thicker. Well I have heard from here and others that girth is more important then length so I felt pretty down.
But she assured me she preferred length over girth, I get really hard and perfectly straight. Said how she felt like she was being stabbed deep and you know reassured me adn made me feel better about it.
Come find out later after last time I was down there. I helped her move as a friend even though we were not together and I knew we werent going to be. Well I made love to her again several times thoughout the weekend but she seemed to want me to finger her more then fuck her again.
Was this because the other guy was bigger? Or because our lack of relationship made sex harder for her to cope with emotionally, that fingers were somehow less then sex with penile penetration?
I found out from her this weekend something harsh. We had been talking on the phone thursday and she told me how great I was out of bed even, And talking about maybe getting back together and camping on my birthday (this saturday). Then for the next 2 days I could nto get ahold of her by calls or texts.
She had gone and seen this same guy again and camped in a tent with him.
I was also told by a mututal friend of mine that he gave her an orgasm, which previously only I had done, and that he was same length as me but thicker. Which she told a friend she enjoyed.

Frankly it boils down to several things. She told me she was not talking to thisguy at all, yet she still was. His dick is bigger then mine, so maybe she never enjoyed me at all? I love her still and another man is sleeping with her and she wants nothing to do to me

I want peopels fair opinions. But please do not flame me, Im in a fragile enough state right now. I had fucked other women before her, but never made love to her. I was going to marry this girl.
The day after she and I called it off 3 months ago I lost my job the day after. And had to move 3 hours away from her to be with family so I could support myself.
I feel used, I supported her the entire time we were together, she never had to pay for anything, I was happy at the time. I took care of her. She had bills from previous marriage she had to pay huge ones. But right after she finished paying them off I was broken up with. Maybe used me then? How about when I helped her move and next weekend she was with another man.
I'm very good at reading people, normally, did my love allow me to get played like a fool? Is she going to keep me dangling like this? I know its stupid but if she is ever going to call me again, I love her still and taht little girl, so Id be there. Setting myself up for another failure.
Maybe I'm a fool, sitting here writing this? I am not sure, I never loved someone and the good times outweight the bad. Its not so bad that shes gone I guess, maybe its cause somebody else has her its made worse?

Im afraid to open up again and Im horrible at meeting girls, Im extroverted completely but towards women I like and get attracted to Im awfully shy.

Please again do not insult me but be honest. It would be greatly appreciated.

 

[cannycrumpet]

cock size has nothing to do with it dont worry ( you say you lost your job )

has this other man got more money then you ? thats probably has more to do with it.

be happy shes gone she sounds like she was taking the piss and leading you on messing with your feelings.

she sounds like a heartless bitch id sleep alot better if I was you ?????????

 

[YoungHungMachine]

I cried when I wrote that thing out, and I dont cry... well ever. Shes only one to see me cry since I was 10 and broke my leg. And even reading what you put I actualyl got angry at you for saying those things. I lost the job the day after we broke up. Her new guy works as a shift manager of a fast food place, I was a construction worker, making twice what he does.

 

[cannycrumpet]

oh ok lol

do you think women are botherd about cock size though ? sounds to me like you have a complex as long as your average dont worry about it


and im sorry I called your ex girlfreind a heartless bitch shes not ok


















shes a slut ooooops sorry

 

[YoungHungMachine]

Yeah I am gonna make a thread about that too.

 

[MarkLondon]

I'd say it's more likely the shit that happened than a slight difference in cock size is the reason she's not with you now.

How long was she apart from her first guy before you two got together? Is she a serial monogamist? (Someone who moves straight from one relationship to the next.)

If she's young low-income mother she probably feels the need for security and protection at least as much as hot sex.

I'm sorry you're hurting and your life has been through so much upheaval. You sound like a good guy. I'm no expert on male/female relationships, but it's probably best not to sleep with her again unless you re-commit to eachother. Which leaves you to decide whether you can remain friends if that doesn't happen. I've stayed friends with most of my exes, but I don't ever sleep with them again once we've broken up.

 

[EnTaro]

It's not about cock size, discard that right away.

You've got a lot of questions, but I think the major one seems to be that you're in relationship limbo - that grey space that typically follows for a while after a difficult breakup. There's a lot of negotiation that goes on there, and you find yourself asking questions like: Did you "cheat" on one another? Do I have a right to be annoyed if she's seeing someone else? Is it alright to feel possessive? These questions scroll through the mind and they're all difficult to answer.

I agree with Mark's advice about not sleeping with her while you're negotiating your relationship. More generally, you need downtime and any dealings with her should be few, professional, and tempered. Just take a deep breath, in a sense. Once you're in a clearer state of mind you can really think about re-negotiating the relationship - both by introspecting and talking with her.

If you decide to be together, you can take it easy for a while. Start on a slow burn, maybe hold off from sex until you're both comfortable (even if you both want it). If you break up, break up entirely. Given your history it might be best to take a break from communication totally.

 

[EL_Duderino]

this site really messes up a lot of peoples outlook on life. cock size is not the most important thing in a relationship and really its not even close to it. Like biggie said, there will always be another N***** with a bigger dick. Don't focus on it, it's not worth the time.

 

[Incocknito]

"She told me I was longer and thicker than him." is not the stuff that lasting relationships are made of.

It seems like the basis of your relationship was mostly physical. That's fun but the novelty wears off after a while.

And even if it wasn't and you had some sort of deep emotional connection, obviously it wasn't enough for her (or for you).

A tip is to make yourself happy before you try and make anyone else happy. Even if you got back with this girl, nothing would change because you as a person have not changed.

You need to keep a perspective on things.

She is one girl. There are millions of others. Girls who don't have kids, girls who won't cheat on you, girls who will love your cock and even girls who will tell you you are the biggest (and mean it), if you're into that sort of thing.

 

[YoungHungMachine]

Thank you everyone, she is the one who does not want anymore cotnact with me and i feel very jealous even knowing she might be with someone. I know its childish hurt and I should just move on intellectually I can understand that, but emotionally I dont grasp it in reality I guess.
I appreciate everyones help, because she and I broke up and got back together thing so often It feels like Ive had 5 broken hearts over teh same woman.

People here can be very helpful
Thank You

 

[139189]

You're way to hung up on the cock size thing. People will be bigger, deal with it.

What you guys had wasn't true love anyway, sorry to break it to you but if it didn't work out it didn't work out. Move on, and enjoy life

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Thank you everyone, she is the one who does not want anymore cotnact with me and i feel very jealous even knowing she might be with someone. I know its childish hurt and I should just move on intellectually I can understand that, but emotionally I dont grasp it in reality I guess.
I appreciate everyones help, because she and I broke up and got back together thing so often It feels like Ive had 5 broken hearts over teh same woman.

People here can be very helpful
Thank You

Not to be the amateur psychologist here but to put it really simply, being angry and jealous is a way of giving yourself some power in the situation. It's a common response in guys. Most men have a hard time feeling hurt for any period of time, so we start to feel anger as a way to get power over our emotions and thoughts. You can read about it in most books about male behavior: anger is empowering hurt. If you begin to understand the hurt and feel it, then the quicker you can get over it and her and move on. I understand the pain. All the best to you.

 

[Drifterwood]

You're 19, go and fuck everything that moves.

 

[B_Bonky]

Well we had sex after they did they thing, and she told me I was an inch longer nad he was a tad thicker.

How in the world would this topic ever be brought up? If some broad I'm dating were to start comparing me with another dude to my face, I'd be out of there faster than a speeding bullet.

 

[Jovial]

I feel sorry for the 3 year old girl. She is going to be shaped my her mother as a role model. Seeing her jump from guy to guy isn't very good. I don't think you should have even met the child until you were actually married.

It sounds like you want to be the knight in shining armor that's come to the rescue. Where is the guy who she had the child with and why isn't he paying the child support bills? Would she have been with you for 9 months if you weren't paying her bills?

I think the whole situation is very sad. She still wants to play around and date other guys, but now she has a child. There's just too much drama there.

You're too young to get involved with all that drama. Go date more and when you are ready, then you can settle down and have a family.

 

[Ed69]

I feel sorry for the 3 year old girl. She is going to be shaped my her mother as a role model. Seeing her jump from guy to guy isn't very good. I don't think you should have even met the child until you were actually married.

It sounds like you want to be the knight in shining armor that's come to the rescue. Where is the guy who she had the child with and why isn't he paying the child support bills? Would she have been with you for 9 months if you weren't paying her bills?

I think the whole situation is very sad. She still wants to play around and date other guys, but now she has a child. There's just too much drama there.

You're too young to get involved with all that drama. Go date more and when you are ready, then you can settle down and have a family.

So you are in favor of shocking the child at the last moment?Ass wipe!If not please explaine this.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Am I the only one who is amazed that he is was together with her for 9 months and already engaged an that at the age of 19, or better 18! That is early!

And man, go further with your life, it's a dick, nothing more, nothing less, stop focusing on the measurements of it and just use it. Come on!

 

[Jovial]

So you are in favor of shocking the child at the last moment?Ass wipe!If not please explaine this.

I'm saying it's bad for the child to see her mother bringing home multiple guys over a period of time. The child doesn't know who to call daddy. She'll think one guy is her daddy, then another guy shows up and now he's supposed to be the new daddy. And is the biological father also showing up every once in a while? It's just bad for the child.

I think at minimum it should be very serious before the new guy meets the child, and there shouldn't be any kissing and stuff in front of the child until it's certain that they will get married and make it permanent.

...and how did you know my ass was dirty? :redface:

 

[B_Bonky]

It sounds like you want to be the knight in shining armor that's come to the rescue.

Always a bad idea, IMHO.

 

[formygirlfriend]

I feel your pain partner, I'm going through the same thing right now. My girl and I broke up about 2 months ago. We were hanging out about 2 weeks ago alot...going running, going to eat, watching movies at my house cuddling and dry humping. 3 days later I come to find out shes actually been going out with this new guy for the past week. It broke me man...like, why would she be doing all this stuff with me leading me on to feel like we might be able to make this work if she was already going out with another guy?

SO yeah, thats my story man. I know for sure the guy is bigger than I am, considering that I am on the smaller end myself. I know they fuck, but I know her better than he ever will...and I'm happy being able to walk away knowing that EMOTIONALLY, this guy wont ever be able to satisfy her the way I did. If you feel like you had that connection with your girl, then walk away man. I didnt call her for a week and sure enough she started calling me, I ignored her, she called more. Get out of the house, try to eliminate any time you have by yourself becuase thats when you start to think about shit man...i dont know what more to say...just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents.

"Smile now, cry later"