How does one become a crotchety old man?

JustAsking

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I think the secret might be to develop the skill of not worrying about things you can't control before you get too old. This is especially true about those things you thought you needed to control for ego purposes.
 

SpeedoGuy

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My mother once told me that staying youthful in attitude, like staying supple in body, required regular specific effort. Optimism and happiness don't just happen, they need to be continually nurtured. Neglect of the soul, like neglect of the body, leads to hardening, inflexibility, brittleness.
 

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Were these guys crotchety young men?

Crotchety - meaning a cranky, ill-tempered, sour, and crusty person.

If they weren't always that way what made them so bitter. I'm trying my damndest to avoid that road to curmudgeonville but I can see it coming sometimes.

Help.

lol... I've have some degree of fun with this topic (having had the occassion of being called something similar).

But on a more serious note, I think the o.p. makes a rather keen observation at the git in that crotchetyness is not necessarily a franchise solely of those (of us) who might be defined as "old"... or of men in particular.

Seems to me (as evident in this forum alone) that there are plenty enough young men (and women) who might fit the bill as well. It just seems that it's more noticeable coming from someone older. Or maybe it's perceived differently in some way. Which leads me to my next point...

Crotchetyness, I think, is a relative term, defined by one's own opinion of the person in question and whether one agrees or disagrees with that person's outlook. If one agrees with another's point of view on a subject for example, that person seems less "crotchety". it's all a matter of perspective.

Take for example certain members and ex-members here (who shall go unnamed) who seem over time to have garnered a certain following and adulation for their "crotchetyness" not to metion their particular ability to pounce (with spew and venom) upon someone with whom they disagree .

Some seem to fairly delight in it. Is it because we agree with their position, because we find entertainment in their "drive by shittings" and in the way they lampoon their intended victim? Are they not crotchety? Or are they rather "astute", "opinionated", and "perspicacious" in their "wit"? Where does one begin and the other end?

Still, it's interesting reading, the theories of the "younglings" here on what makes one a "crotchety old man". Can't say any one is more valid than the other. But tell you what... come back in 25 years (another lifetime for some of you) then tell us about it. :tongue:
 

earllogjam

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I've had a goal all my life that I did not want to be a nasty, old fart when I got older. Well, it seems that I got my wish. At 56 1/2 as of today, I have to say that I'm a very positive, upbeat guy. I'm friendly, outgoing, and usually the first to smile when I make eye contact with people. I've been reasonably fanatical about what I eat since my early 20s. I'm physically active - just rode the Rosarito to Ensenada 50 mile bike ride last Saturday. I like current music as well as the older stuff. I have 2 friends that I've known for 25 - 30 years and all they want to do is sit around and drink beer and smoke pot. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude. A little partying is okay, but you have to balance it out with some serious exercise. When I meet other people my age I feel blessed to be me.

I find exercise make me less crotchety also. Make my feel mentally better when my body is feeling good too. Wonder if there is a body-mind link here, sdbg. It's funny when you picture these guys they always have a stilted walk, short steps, hunched over, frail, usually walking with a cane, and a frown on their faces. They certainly are not the picture of health. I never think of an athletic person as crotchety. Interesting.

We actually learned a little bit about this in Psychology class... as a person gets older, their crystallized learning grows, while their fluid learning decreases... which basically means, they are still capable of learning new concrete facts. But, they lose the ability (or the ability at least gets a lot slower) to make new decisions or to learn how to do things a new way. So, because learning new ideas takes so much time for them and is so difficult, they just base their thoughts and ideas and activities on previous behaviors and experiences from their life. It's actually a neurological thing that happens in their brains as neurons start dying. Kinda neat.

As I recall some of my least crotchety professors were from the psych department. But are you just saying old dogs can't learn new tricks in a nice way here Meg? Grrrrrrrr. I think I read somewhere that the best and most innovative ideas come out of 20 year olds and that is why the computer industry was built on this age group. Wonder if there is any credence to this.

Crotchetyness, I think, is a relative term, defined by one's own opinion of the person in question and whether one agrees or disagrees with that person's outlook. If one agrees with another's point of view on a subject for example, that person seems less "crotchety". it's all a matter of perspective.

Take for example certain members and ex-members here (who shall go unnamed) who seem over time to have garnered a certain following and adulation for their "crotchetyness" not to metion their particular ability to pounce (with spew and venom) upon someone with whom they disagree .

Some seem to fairly delight in it. Is it because we agree with their position, because we find entertainment in their "drive by shittings" and in the way they lampoon their intended victim? Are they not crotchety? Or are they rather "astute", "opinionated", and "perspicacious" in their "wit"? Where does one begin and the other end?

Crotchetyness is a lifestyle not a mode of posting. It is your whole outlook on life and hope for the future that make you act sour to others. You don't discriminate on who receives your anger. The only reason you don't act crotchety is when you are forced not to. It is a natural state of being, kind of like Ebenezer Scrooge before the ghosts.
 

Whopper-lee

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Were these guys crotchety young men?

Crotchety - meaning a cranky, ill-tempered, sour, and crusty person.

If they weren't always that way what made them so bitter. I'm trying my damndest to avoid that road to curmudgeonville but I can see it coming sometimes.

Help.
*********************************************************
:biggrin1: They haven't found that damn fountain of youth yet:biggrin1:
I believe they suddenly realize that they can't rise for the occassion as much or as often when in youth. So they begain to make their mark(s) of
'cranky, ill-tempered, sour, crusty, peculiar whims and/or stubborn notions:mad:

As my sons tell me...esp the youngest of 23 yrs on the earth
"...take a chill-pill pops":biggrin1::biggrin1::cool:
If U feel & see it coming down the road, cross to to the other side of the road that's happier and more forfilling:wink: Don't be mad...be glad.
Be Safe, Be Careful, & Enjoy!:smile:
 

davidjh7

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In my case, I would say it is the failure of all my lifelong dreams and goals. My life isn;t actually all that bad--I have a good job, that is meaningful, and contributes to society (I like to believe so, anyway). I spend a lot of effort trying to help others, and give of myself whenever possible. I make a decent enough living that I can live comfortably, if not richly--I have enough to eat, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, a car to drive. I have family that love me, who I love, even if not all accept me. I don't get to see them much--it has been at least 10 years since we have all gotten together, and that song since I have gotten to see some of them. But we love each other.

I have had people who actually chose to be in relationships with me, several of them quite long term, so I know that it is possible to love and be loved, even if it is not perfect, and doesn't last.

I still hope, and believe that life can be better than it is. I still believe that people can be better than they are. I suspect most curmudgeons are motivated the same way---people who wanted or expected more from life than they got, and became bitter about it to a greater or lesser extent. I am the worst combination---an idealist and a realist. I think and believe and hope that the world should be better than it is, but I have never been any good at lying to myself about what I see.

Ultimately, how you view life is pure perception. I have known people who are beat up by life more than any human should be, and yet they are still happy, upbeat positive people. I have known others who have been given gifts of beauty, health, wealth, success, popularity, luck, and admiration and constant accolades--and they have been unhappy and totally miserable. We ALL actively choose how we feel, even if we don;t realize it. NOBODY can make you happy. NOBODY can make you miserable, either. They can contribute to either condition, but how you handle their influence dictates whether you are happy or unhappy.

If you are miserable, unless there is a chemical reason, you can choose, actively, and FORCE yourself to think positive thoughts. YOu don;t have to believe them at that time, but you have to FORCE yourself to think them. Eventually, you will literally wear new groves into your brain, that the neural patterns will fall in. You just have to wear them deeper than the old patterns. Everything in the universe, including thoughts, follows the path of least resistance. The key is exerting enough energy to force new patterns, which become the path of least resistance.
 

whatireallywant

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I find exercise make me less crotchety also. Make my feel mentally better when my body is feeling good too. Wonder if there is a body-mind link here, sdbg. It's funny when you picture these guys they always have a stilted walk, short steps, hunched over, frail, usually walking with a cane, and a frown on their faces. They certainly are not the picture of health. I never think of an athletic person as crotchety. Interesting.

I've found this to be the case. During the times of worst depression in my life, the way I found out of it, every time, was by doing some physical activity. One time it was by taking karate lessons. Another time it was by becoming a competitive speed walker. Now I am in another of those "bad times" (due to my financial problems), and am trying to increase my physical activity now too but can no longer afford karate lessons OR the races I was doing as a competitive speed walker (and they don't have those here anyway... Indianapolis had lots of them, but San Antonio doesn't appear to have many, if any.) I try to do free hikes with some of the clubs I'm in, but often they will post hiking events that are above my level of athletic ability at this time, and I would be a straggler.

I don't think I would be "crotchety" in my old age, unless these financial problems continue and eat away at me until there's nothing left. But my attitude about many things is more, for the lack of a better term, "youthful". I've always said that I would not become one of the older people who is stuck on the music of their youth, for example. Now granted, I don't listen to most of the Top 40 stuff now, but I didn't like most of the Top 40 stuff as a younger person, either. I always liked (then and now) the more "indie" stuff better, although I'm not an indie snob (I like some Top 40...then and now).
 

Principessa

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A good question for the recently departed curmudgeon who named a website after himself.
He was the first one I thought of when I saw the word crotchety :biggrin1:

Maybe that's the problem. I have never done drugs or been drunk. I've never had sex either. (Unless masturbation counts). Maybe I should go to the liquor store, the local "house of ill repute" (that's probably the only way), and the local drug dealer. Maybe that WOULD help. Think I should try that???
No, I don't. I think you should see a therapist and get some meds. Do I think anti-depressants will get you laid and solve all your problems? No, but I'd bet my Frye boots you have a chemical imbalance which has not allowed you to be happy for quite a while. It's clear to me and many others that you are suffereing from a severe case of major depression.


Please get help viking1! Your posts have become increasingly maudlin and you have been sounding parasuicidal.

Check Out:
NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness-The Nation's Voice on Mental Illness-Formerly National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
National Institute for Mental Health
Emotions Anonymous
 

viking1

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No, I don't. I think you should see a therapist and get some meds. Do I think anti-depressants will get you laid and solve all your problems? No, but I'd bet my Frye boots you have a chemical imbalance which has not allowed you to be happy for quite a while. It's clear to me and many others that you are suffereing from a severe case of major depression.

I was being sarcastic. I know booze, drugs, and sex won't improve one's life.
If I thought it would have I'd have tried it years ago.

I don't think I've ever been happy, but the older we get the worse everything gets.
 

earllogjam

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Ultimately, how you view life is pure perception. I have known people who are beat up by life more than any human should be, and yet they are still happy, upbeat positive people. I have known others who have been given gifts of beauty, health, wealth, success, popularity, luck, and admiration and constant accolades--and they have been unhappy and totally miserable. We ALL actively choose how we feel, even if we don;t realize it. NOBODY can make you happy. NOBODY can make you miserable, either. They can contribute to either condition, but how you handle their influence dictates whether you are happy or unhappy.

If you are miserable, unless there is a chemical reason, you can choose, actively, and FORCE yourself to think positive thoughts. YOu don;t have to believe them at that time, but you have to FORCE yourself to think them. Eventually, you will literally wear new groves into your brain, that the neural patterns will fall in. You just have to wear them deeper than the old patterns. Everything in the universe, including thoughts, follows the path of least resistance. The key is exerting enough energy to force new patterns, which become the path of least resistance.

davidjh7,

You always give the most wonderful advice.

I think sometimes people or things can make you miserable and that misery is a signal to you to get the hell out of an unhealthy place. I'm not sure if this is what you meant but I think altering reality by decieving yourself by forcing oneself to feel a certain way is worse than feeling miserable. I've been there and it just eats away at your soul, simply because you ultimately cannot bullshit yourself and be happy. Misery is an honest feeling. You need that honesty with yourself as a foundation for any lasting change, IMO.

I was being sarcastic. I know booze, drugs, and sex won't improve one's life.
If I thought it would have I'd have tried it years ago.

I don't think I've ever been happy, but the older we get the worse everything gets.

Sex definitely will improve your life! Trust me on this one Viking. You just really need to experience some regular transcendent mind blowing sex to find out for yourself.
 

b.c.

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In my case, I would say it is the failure of all my lifelong dreams and goals. My life isn;t actually all that bad--I have a good job, that is meaningful, and contributes to society (I like to believe so, anyway). I spend a lot of effort trying to help others, and give of myself whenever possible. I make a decent enough living that I can live comfortably, if not richly--I have enough to eat, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, a car to drive. I have family that love me, who I love, even if not all accept me. I don't get to see them much--it has been at least 10 years since we have all gotten together, and that song since I have gotten to see some of them. But we love each other.

I have had people who actually chose to be in relationships with me, several of them quite long term, so I know that it is possible to love and be loved, even if it is not perfect, and doesn't last.

I still hope, and believe that life can be better than it is. I still believe that people can be better than they are. I suspect most curmudgeons are motivated the same way---people who wanted or expected more from life than they got, and became bitter about it to a greater or lesser extent. I am the worst combination---an idealist and a realist. I think and believe and hope that the world should be better than it is, but I have never been any good at lying to myself about what I see.

Ultimately, how you view life is pure perception. I have known people who are beat up by life more than any human should be, and yet they are still happy, upbeat positive people. I have known others who have been given gifts of beauty, health, wealth, success, popularity, luck, and admiration and constant accolades--and they have been unhappy and totally miserable. We ALL actively choose how we feel, even if we don;t realize it. NOBODY can make you happy. NOBODY can make you miserable, either. They can contribute to either condition, but how you handle their influence dictates whether you are happy or unhappy.

If you are miserable, unless there is a chemical reason, you can choose, actively, and FORCE yourself to think positive thoughts. YOu don;t have to believe them at that time, but you have to FORCE yourself to think them. Eventually, you will literally wear new groves into your brain, that the neural patterns will fall in. You just have to wear them deeper than the old patterns. Everything in the universe, including thoughts, follows the path of least resistance. The key is exerting enough energy to force new patterns, which become the path of least resistance.

Good observations (as usual) David. But as for failure of livelong dreams and goals, I don't think it's even that for me. We all, when young, have dreams and goals. Where we end up in relation to those aspirations is a basis for determining whether one has "failed". In my case I feel I've been blessed in more ways than I deserve and for every "dream" (however absurd) that wasn't accomplished there has been another success beyond my wildest dreams. So it's none that.

My own "crotchetyness" comes from a reaction to (as stated in an earlier response) bullshit...pure and simple. I don't think a pessimist could be crotchety. A pessimist would expect the worst of everyone and everything, and therefore when it comes about there'd be no surprise.

I think it's us poor "blokes" who keep on expecting better of everyone who end up getting disappointed time and time again. Those of us who wonder "Why does this shit have to be this way? Why didn't they just do this, or that?" Maybe we just expect too much, as you said so well in your response. You'd think we'd learn.

Now it seems to me that one can either accept things as they are, smile thru them and say nothing, or work toward change. Of course there are positive ways to do this, but sometimes one has to just call a spade a spade... mix it up a bit. Sometimes one must stand out there on that old battlefield with rusted sword and dented armour.

In my own way, I'm out there...but at least I'm smiling.
 

B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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Were these guys crotchety young men?

Crotchety - meaning a cranky, ill-tempered, sour, and crusty person.

If they weren't always that way what made them so bitter. I'm trying my damndest to avoid that road to curmudgeonville but I can see it coming sometimes.

Help.

I feel that I'm well on my way sometimes.

I used to be very nice when I was a teenager, I still am sometimes. When I was seven or eight years old I remember my mother lamenting that I was too young to be a cynic, so maybe I've always carried the crotchety gene.
 

Ethyl

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I feel that I'm well on my way sometimes.

I used to be very nice when I was a teenager, I still am sometimes. When I was seven or eight years old I remember my mother lamenting that I was too young to be a cynic, so maybe I've always carried the crotchety gene.

You were the kid sitting on the porch, shaking his fist and yelling "get off my lawn?" :biggrin1:
 

davidjh7

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No, but I always had a very dry, sarcastic, sometimes biting wit. Even when I was seven.

The curse of the most intelligent. Few very intelligent people are REALLY happy. Like you pointed out earlier, on another thread--thinking too much ultimately leads to despair in some form. Sometimes you have to stop thinking about shit. But the most intelligent CAN'T stop thinking. I suspect your brains are your source, rather than true crotchety-ness.
 

Mem

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. I don't think a pessimist could be crotchety. A pessimist would expect the worst of everyone and everything, and therefore when it comes about there'd be no surprise.
.

I think the old and crotchety are pessimistic and have always been. I think an optimist is less likely to become old and crotchety. I think miserable young people grow up to be miserable old people.
 

Gisella

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We actually learned a little bit about this in Psychology class... as a person gets older, their crystallized learning grows, while their fluid learning decreases... which basically means, they are still capable of learning new concrete facts. But, they lose the ability (or the ability at least gets a lot slower) to make new decisions or to learn how to do things a new way. So, because learning new ideas takes so much time for them and is so difficult, they just base their thoughts and ideas and activities on previous behaviors and experiences from their life. It's actually a neurological thing that happens in their brains as neurons start dying. Kinda neat.

Wow that is very neat! Thank you fr sharing TattooedMamaMeg!

I dont even have patience as getting older to sit in a chair to learn things...but interesting things as above I may had, only if is short and fast and very objective with short cuts in plain commom language no jargons or rethorics too.

Bitterness results from the "agony of defeat" in life. Those who cannot see the bright side of life, the good in any person, hope for the future.

Having been through my own school of hard knocks, I know how easy it is to allow pessimism to fester until it becomes a way of life. Learning to accept the rough areas in life, the heartbreak, frustration and anger made the good times all the more precious to me. Unfortunately some people choose to see that the difficult times made the good ones less so. I refuse to do that; it cheapens every potentially good experience and would make me the curmudgeon i've insisted I would never become

Life is hard but it is also full of beauty. Appreciating both is key to survival in my book.

Yeh MB, we suffer ad have life struggles but we do not allowed we get pessimist and negative for life, it does poison the soul...as we dont have control of others actions..but we have control of our own actions and choice to stand up again as we go to process of healings, because it does take process for sure. Many times we can get stuck in some stages of it but we need to reckon that we are just stucked not burried there forever and ever...its waste of life and precious time for sure.

And we must take responsability to our lives as stop blaming others actions towards us and play movies in our heads over and over etc yep, people are just mess up at least we must try be little messed up as not to mess others much?:redface:

I think the secret might be to develop the skill of not worrying about things you can't control before you get too old. This is especially true about those things you thought you needed to control for ego purposes.

Yeh Bingo JustAsking! We become much "happy" when we just understand that we can not control others and most things..is very stressful living this way as trying to..waste of time, heartbrakes and builds up ressentment mountain and keep acumulating more ...

Humm..we must take control of our life in full and stop makes excuses in what we can control as our thinking and expectations maybe high..and just improve ourselves or even making a whole new life for ourselves and really move on in whatever things we hold on to that have not been working for a long time etc....we hostage peoples stuff into our minds and we end up poison ourselves behaving like that...the hostages we may blame had move on and we got stucked inside same old mode processing things, really. We must make peace with them inside and trully let go and let go many times offenses and hurts of others or even our own offenses and shortcomings and high expectations of ourselves.

Perfectionists are hard to please people. How many crotchet old persons are perfectionists? Or perfectionists have nothing to do with it?
 

Love-it

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Perfectionists are hard to please people. How many crotchet old persons are perfectionists? Or perfectionists have nothing to do with it?

None of the "Crotchety" old men and women that I have met are perfectionists, they are just angry individuals who feel they have been cheated in life. My gut feeling is that they have never experienced the most basic of human needs, love.
 

b.c.

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I think the old and crotchety are pessimistic and have always been. I think an optimist is less likely to become old and crotchety. I think miserable young people grow up to be miserable old people.

None of the "Crotchety" old men and women that I have met are perfectionists, they are just angry individuals who feel they have been cheated in life. My gut feeling is that they have never experienced the most basic of human needs, love.


(laa de da...) well, if you say so. You're entitled... so I guess my crotchetyness then must come from something else, because I'd can hardly be described as miserable (by any stretch) and I certainly wasn't when "younger". Nor am I exactly bereft of "love".

I guess, if truth be known, I just like being that way sometimes. My way of dealing with bullshit. Far better to "pitch a bitch" every now and then than to keep it all in, methinks. Keeps em on their toes. :tongue: