How good is your gaydar? Need advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_jeepguy2, Dec 9, 2009.

  1. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,048
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    Ok heres the deal, I bought a surf board that this dude had advertised on Craigslist. I drive over to the seller's apartment the other night to pick it up and the dude is late 20s and HOT.

    Anyway I pay him for the longboard and put it on the roof of my Jeep and we are standing in the stairwell of his building as I am about to leave and we get to chatting about surfing, where we went to college, work and stuff like that. While we are chatting he stretches a couple of times exposing his abs, and the waistband of his underwear showing above his jeans(white hanes briefs or boxerbriefs with gray waistband). He did this several times and I am pretty damn sure he had to have noticed me looking...because as soon as he stretched I realized that my eyes had drifted down to his stomach. LOL Some of the dude's mannerisims really made me think he could possibly be gay. While he was definately a masculine guy he cared a lot about his appearance.

    So we had chatted for a few minutes and he asks if I want to come up to his apartment and have a drink. At first I said no thanks, then we chatted a while longer and he asks me again "are you sure you don't want to come up and get a drink before you leave." By now I am thinking this dude has more in mind than having a drink with me, and he is HOT so I said sure. So we walk up to his apartment and he fixes me a drink and we stand there and chat in his kitchen.

    He tells me his roomate is a chick so I ask how it is having a female roomate since I have always roomed with guys and he said "way too much drama." He also said she is always bringing dudes over and wants him to leave so they can go at it. I asked him if he makes her leave when he brings girls back and he said, "Well that is not really an issue because there are no girls around here anyway, I meet most of my girls while I am on business travel." He had told me where he works and what he does and I doubt he travels much in that job. So apparently he does not have a gf and never gets laid...at least while he is at home. The whole time I thinking YEAH RIGHT this dude is soooo GAY! I was really expecting him to make a move, but he never did, not sure whether he was waiting for me to or not. Anyway we finally shook hands, I thanked him and left

    What do you guys think am I reading way too much into this? Was this dude just a really nice hot looking straight guy who had no interest in fooling around...or was this dude a closet case who was wanting to fool around and just couldn't get up the nerve to make a move because he thought I was a straight guy...or was he hoping I was going to make one? What do you dudes think? :confused:

    I still have the dude's email and phone numbers, and I told him we should meet up and go surfing together sometime next summer, and he said that would be cool and that he was going to add me to his address book. I would call him and see if he wants meet for coffee or a beer but since he lives damn near an hours drive from me that would be pretty obvious.
     
  2. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

    Joined:
    May 31, 2009
    Messages:
    305
    Likes Received:
    0
    To me, he appears to be self-contained, if ever this means anything at all, lol.

    Didn't he ask anything ABOUT YOU? Did he only talk about himself?

    My impression is that he is playing hard to get, or he wants you to go after him.

    Didn't you feel sort of ignored in his presence?

    Hmm, it is your choice, but I think I'd leave him alone.
     
  3. Rubenesque

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,708
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    You fancy him, right?

    And he lives far enough away that if he knocks you back you won't have to see him all over the place, right?

    So drop him an email telling him you've been thinking about him, ask if he'd like to go out for a drink sometime. Tell him you're sorry if you're way off the mark but that if you don't ask you don't get.

    What's the worse that will happen? He'll reply that he's not interested. At least you'll know and not just spend the next couple of weeks wondering!

    And even if he's straight, I'm sure he'd be flattered that you think he's hot. How many of us would be offended to know someone fancies us?
     
  4. D_hybabi

    D_hybabi New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2009
    Messages:
    221
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with what Rubenesque suggested, although I would not include the fact you've been thinking about him. If you do tell him this, make sure it's subtle like bring up a topic that you discussed with him earlier for instance. Introduce a conversational topic that you've already touched on.
     
  5. Rubenesque

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2006
    Messages:
    2,708
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    If he goes too subtle, though, he won't know if the guy is just meeting him for a drink as mates. Then he'll still be wondering if the guy is straight and likely to punch him if he makes a move! lol
     
  6. D_hybabi

    D_hybabi New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2009
    Messages:
    221
    Likes Received:
    0
    Subtle for the first email and then when he meets him again he can pick out more vibes.
     
  7. Roscoz

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,024
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Verified:
    Photo
    Man i got the same problem with a male friend of mine. Hes given me the come on so many times now but i just wont make the move. I dunno if hes being friendly or wants something more. Its confusing.
     
  8. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,048
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    Hey man, that was totally the case here. I was thinking if I make a move either I am gonna get laid...or I he is gonna punch me. I got the feeling from something he said that he was a conservative Republican...but that really doesn't mean anythign because I know lots of conservative Republicans who are closeted gay men.
     
  9. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    9,770
    Likes Received:
    42
    as always great comments from our diverse group -

    be happy and go for it; be miserable and wonder!!!
     
  10. ericbythebay

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2006
    Messages:
    304
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Verified:
    Photo
    Sounds like he was interested, but you confused things.

    You should have left your question about who he brings back ambiguous. Your line of questioning introduced the heterosexism into the conversation. He probably didn't know what to think after that.

    Call or email the guy and ask if he wants to hang out. Offer to go surfing, worst case you'll see him change in the parking lot.
     
  11. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,048
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    Yeah, a friend of mine who is a psychologist told me the same thing. It sux now because it is too damn cold to go surfing.
     
  12. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2008
    Messages:
    858
    Likes Received:
    0
    if it seemed like there were sex vibes, there probably were. he could have been picking up some from you as well.

    your story reminds me of the time i bought a bookcase from a guy years ago. he was moving out of his place. we were close to the same age. he talked to me much longer than the bookcase transaction required and it seemed strange that the conversation was beyond just the usual friendly small talk of a normal situation. i was getting nervous, finished up with the bookcase business, and left. never saw the guy again. i still think about that from time to time and wonder about it.
     
    #12 D_Rod Staffinbone, Dec 9, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2009
  13. BigDallasDick8x6

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2006
    Messages:
    4,012
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dallas TX (North Oak Cliff)
    The caring about his appearance could just mean he's a Metrosexual.

    The fact that he invited you -- TWICE -- to come in for a drink......now we're talkin!!!

    If he's "straight" (meaning considers himself str8 even though he fools around with guys sometimes) saying in an email that you've been thinking about him will turn him off. Too direct and too girly. If you want to get these guys you have to be a "dude." I would have asked him about his ab workout! I think that was your missed opportunity. He was definitely showing off for you. It's a disguised compliment without embarassing him -- the focus is on the workout, not a guy hitting on him. It's understood that you're impressed with the results. You could have held his ankles while he did crunches and eventually you'd be wrestling on the floor, shirtless and sweaty until you both popped boners. (A slight exaggeration but you get the idea.)

    Another ploy I've used is wander over to the stack of DVD's and look for porn. If there is, pick it up and ask if it's any good. He may play it for you. You know how that goes. If not, read the Fictitious Stories section and you'll find out. If there isn't any porn I ask why not? Sometimes they have it hidden in their bedroom. At which point again you ask if it's any good. Sometimes they bring it out and play it for you, and sometimes they take you in the bedroom to look it over. Either way you're one step closer to first base.

    All of that is hindsight. So what do you do now? Email him some interesting surfing article you found. Keep the lines of communication open. Are either of you in major cities? If so it will be easy to make excuses to visit him or invite him to visit you. If you're going to "go out" in his town email him and ask him if he wants to go clubbing. If he's already busy, tell him to let you know if he's coming to your town -- you enjoyed talking to him and you seem to have a lot in common and who doesn't want more friends?

    Google -- How to Seduce a Straight Jock in Ten Easy Steps and watch it on YouTube. Hysterical but also pretty damn accurate. You just have to do it all in a non-threatening and NON-CREEPY way.

    Keep us posted!
     
  14. B_jeepguy2

    B_jeepguy2 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    1,048
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    East Coast
    The vibes could have just been my hornyness, not sure.

    We definately chatted a LOT longer than the surfboard transaction took. I mean we talked about everything surfing, college, work, cars, etc, etc. He seemed like an awesome dude.

    He asked me about one of the surfboards I own and and I actually sent him some pics of it, as well as some information I had told him I would email. I also told him I enjoyed chatting with him. He just sent me a reply back saying thanks for the info, and hope you enjoy the board.

    I dunno what to think, maybe he is just a really friendly guy, but I did think inviting me up for a drink...twice was odd if he didn't have something else in mind.
     
    #14 B_jeepguy2, Dec 9, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2009
  15. CUBE

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2005
    Messages:
    7,331
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,180
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The OC
    Well, I think you should drop him a line. He may just want a friend ya know and nothing wrong with that. I would email him and see how a little conversation goes between you on line. I would tell him you enjoyed meeting him and would like to meet up for a drink but you want to make sure he is comfortable with who you are. This has been my experience with most male friends I get to know. I tell them about my life and that I understand if they are not comfortable with this but that I respect people and just want things to be honest. Now he can move on, know you as a friend, or fuck you mouth...
     
  16. captain garbonzo

    captain garbonzo New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    Messages:
    287
    Likes Received:
    1
    If the dude's not gay then he's totally playing you. Pu it this way: it wouldn't be your fault if you went for it and he said he was straight. I'm not gay but I used to get hit on quite a bit in subtle and not so subtle ways in my 20s by dudes.
     
  17. BigDallasDick8x6

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2006
    Messages:
    4,012
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    163
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dallas TX (North Oak Cliff)
    Why would he play him? Is it possible for a str8 guy to be a cocktease??
     
  18. trigun81

    trigun81 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York, NY
    Let me chime in from the straight guy perspective of things. I can tell you that if a gay man came on to me or seemed to show interest in me, I would be flattered, I wouldnt punch the guy out. This is assuming that he doesnt insist on the matter once I've said no, in which case I would get a little ticked off. By all means, I think you should at least try, you never know. From what you've said, it sure sounds like he was sending you signals, but that can always be misinterpreted. But still, what have you got to lose?
     
  19. rangisrovus19

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2005
    Messages:
    373
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    134
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Norman (OK, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    In one instance, in a college class with just about twenty people in it, I sat near the back of the class but for some reason I kept getting vibes from a black athlete who sat near the front. I only say the back of him majority of the time. The other times when I could glimpse of him were just briefly - seconds, sometimes when I entered class and he was already there. But I still had no reason to believe this guy was gay, but these vibes were hitting hard.

    Some time after the term, I found him on a gay personals website, then there was a rumor that some guy did gay porn in one of the fraternities (only knew because of my affiliation with the Greek system). Lo and behold it was him! Point Proven!

    I believe gaydar exists because thought patterns from the brain are sent out in waves at different frequencies, hence, some truth to vibes. If someone senses a little gay in someone, I totally believe there truth to it considering the way our thought patterns work.
     
  20. craig_uk

    craig_uk Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2006
    Messages:
    210
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    You don't think it might be based on thousands of subtle, often unconscious, but visible actions?

    Body language, looks, thousands of subtle hand movements and facial expressions, etc. The sort of things we are not necessarily conscious of but allow everyone, gay or straight, to quickly assess a situation. There may even be the release of pheromones as well as deliberate more conscious signalling. A gay man may be more able to pick up on certain signals.

    The OP's problem is that whilst he is sure there was some interest he wasn't certain. We are all aware of people giving mixed signals. Some of them could be unconscious give away about an otherwise hidden desire. The problem is whether they will actually want to act on the desire.

    I'd suggest that the OP should get to know the guy better - they like each other and if sex comes along then that's a bonus.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted