How honest are you about your feelings with those closest to you?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_Hickboy, Nov 9, 2011.

?

How honest are you about your feelings with those closest to you?

  1. I tell them everything, and am an open book

    17 vote(s)
    23.0%
  2. I try to be honest, but I think about the relationship before I open up. .

    12 vote(s)
    16.2%
  3. Sometimes I share, sometimes I hold back

    23 vote(s)
    31.1%
  4. I am somewhat guarded, and wait until the other person asks to say what's bothering me.

    2 vote(s)
    2.7%
  5. I only share good news.

    4 vote(s)
    5.4%
  6. Nothing. It's difficult for me. I keep it all to myself and must be asked before I open up.

    16 vote(s)
    21.6%
  1. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    I try to be mindful of what I tell others, but err to the side of sharing more than is strictly necessarily, if I err at all.

    This poll is not public. Nobody else will see what you have chosen.

    It is also very unscientific, and I have probably missed some reasonable options. Feel free to add your comments.
     
    #1 B_Hickboy, Nov 9, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2011
  2. petite

    petite New Member

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    A thought provoking poll. With those who are actually closest to me, I am an open book. It's what I want most, to be able to be truthful. I want people I can trust to keep my secrets and whom I can count on and who will love everything about me, all my freckles and scars, physical and metaphorical. However, past experiences have made me very guarded because my trust has been violated, so I have rarely experienced that level of closeness with other people.
     
  3. monel

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    I chose the last option "Nothing". This is probably an over statement but the closest choice. I am very guarded, even with those closest to me. Experience has caused me to not to trust how anything I might share may be used. I'm not sure if that's a flaw in me or those with whom I become close. Actually, either way I guess it is a flaw in me.
     
  4. thadjock

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    100% wide open book. not just with close friends either, if i'm thinking it, i'm saying it.

    it's a great friend filter, the ones that i hang out with are similar and value being honest and up front with everythng and aren't shy about saying what they really feel. people who are painfully shy or reserved or deceitful/duplicitous in any way get spun out of our group pretty quick.

    i'm sure i'ts because i grew up surrounded by people who didn't hold back, and me, my bros and dad have always been tighter than tight.

    another advantage of never having any "secrets" from one friend or another is that there's no possiblity anyone could ever betray your confidence. it's simple living, always the best!
     
  5. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Interesting. When someone asks you what's going on, do you respond readily, hesitate, or outright resist telling them? When you do tell them, do you tend to disclose all, tell only what you feel is necessary, or do you have an urge to be dishonest with them?
     
  6. thadjock

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    so when u were a kid growing up was your fam like that too? or did u feel you couldn't trust even them?
     
  7. monel

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    Not dishonest. If asked "what's going on" I generally say something to the effect of "not much". Such a practically innocuous question, I think most people who ask it only do so in place of "hello". People rarely ask me the question "what is wrong" and I am not the type to volunteer such. If I were asked, I would likely deflect.

    Thadjock, interesting question. I don't really have an answer. I recollect genetally feeling as though my feelings were of no consequence - which probably wasn't the case. I'm sure later experiences have effected how I subsequently related to my family.

    As an interesting - maybe - aside, I almost deleted my previous post as soon as I posted it. It caused me some discomfort. But I left it because of the anonymity. Nothing I have written would I ever share with anyone I know.

    Hickboy, you should stick to telling people to "fuck off" :smile:
     
    #7 monel, Nov 9, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2011
  8. Gecko4lif

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    Im honest when I feel like talking. But I never feel like talking so meh.
     
  9. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    :hug:
     
  10. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Pretty much an open book unless I've had negative experiences with someone, then I learn from my mistakes.
     
  11. monel

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    Go raibh maith agat.
     
  12. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Not at all.
     
  13. LaFemme

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    I'm mostly an open book, but still very protective of relationships. I don't just spew emotions without consideration. I think carefully about how I share my feelings, and evaluate how they will affect those people I love. Some feelings I may not share if I think that sharing them will only make me feel better and will only hurt the relationship. I try to be kind to the people I care about the most.
     
  14. willow78

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    I chose the "Nothing....." option. I'm in my 30s but my family still don't know I'm gay. I don't know if I'll ever tell them - I have issues with the whole 'coming out' concept, but that rant is for another time.....

    Anyway, the "Nothing....." comes from experience. I was a painfully shy child (and adult) so meeting other children/adults was/is a terrifying experience. I've always hated asking for help because I worry that it shows weakness and someone will take advantage of it.

    Then on top of that, I have my sexuality issues - I've had to be very guarded with my thoughts and feelings and opinions ever since I was a teenager (maybe even earlier). Even if it has absolutely nothing to do with sex or sexuality, I hold back out of worry that if I let someone know one feeling, they will figure out another, then another, then another, etc.

    That's why posting on here can be so difficult sometimes - I am not used to expressing and explaining myself so openly. It makes me uncomfortable so I end up just posting terrible jokes instead.

    Plus my ancestry is very British - we don't do that whole 'sharing feelings' crap. We keep it all in until it gives us high-blood-pressure and a fatal stroke.

    But TBH, I think it's really a trick question because if you can't feel you can be honest with someone, then maybe they are not really closest to you.
     
  15. thadjock

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    I can't imagine feeling this closed off, and how hard it makes everyday life. there's no reason for you to fear any retribution for anything you post here on this site, i'm sure you'd find 10 people coming to your defense for every idiot who might slight you.

    I think it must be rooted in early childhood with trust with family. I grew up in a single parent household but my dad was brilliant in setting the ground rules, which were basically that family always has your back, so i've always had the advantage of knowing that i have a crew to support me no matter what i do or think or say. I always felt 100% free to be myself and express any opinion, we don't always agree with each other but always respect and support each other.

    i've never understood the concept of "coming out" either, i dont' think it's necessary, in my case i was always open about who i was interested in and my family has always known and we discuss it like anything else. always been a non issue, and having at least one other brother similarly bent helps too,
     
  16. LaFemme

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    First of all, your jokes aren't terrible.

    Second, sharing isn't a weakness. Sharing your fears and feelings gives people an opportunity to become close to you. And you deserve that! You are one of my favourite people here and it makes me sad that you are closed off and don't let others see what a wonderful person you are.

    Opening yourself up does mean that you can get hurt or rejected; but if you don't open up, you'll never find the love and acceptance that you deserve. And again, you deserve that. *hugs*
     
  17. monel

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    Most genuinely Funny member on the site. And "smart" funny at that.
     
  18. helgaleena

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    I am as open as the person allows me to be. I spend rather a lot of energy monitoring how much that is, in each person's case.

    For me this is a side effect of the way I was nurtured. My parents were raised Lutheran and became 'beatniks' -- how much they did out of reaction to rule-breaking for its own sake left their children a bit at sea when it came to guessing when the larger culture found 'sharing' appropriate. Sauna culture nudity in the bath house is one thing, and being naked around the house the rest of the time is another.

    And yes, I am using visual disclosure as an analogy for verbal or written disclosure.
     
  19. latinluva

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    I find it better to lay it out on the table before a single kiss occurs. Sometimes they trip and never hear from them again. Sometimes they trip, and we become great friends and sometimes they think it's hot and we date for a while. This in regard to my sexuality of course. But anything else is revealed as soon as someone asks.
     
  20. nicenycdick

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    I chose the last option. I am extremely self-reflective and I always think before I speak. I'd like to think that it was the years spent in law that made me this way, but it could just as likely be that it is that part of my personality that made me a good lawyer.

    I almost never offer to share bad feelings...I have always felt that they were mine to deal with. When asked, I would usually respond with something innocuous and subtlely change the subject. I've spent years overcoming that belief...I have come to understand that it robs those who you hold close of the opportunity to share how you are and what you are going through. And although I now feel much more comfortable sharing my feelings with those close to me, I still rarely volunteer how I feel.
     
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